Today, I heard my surgeon mutter to a nurse how easy it would be to kill me on the operating table and make it look like an accident. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my surgeon was talking to me about my upcoming heart bypass operation. I was extremely nervous from the start, but he somehow managed to keep saying things like "death", "fatalities", "high-risk", and "never wake up" throughout. FML
Today, my surgeon was giving me the lowdown of what was going to happen on the operating table. I was anxious enough without him saying stuff like "cut you open", "quite a bit of blood" and "it's all quite risky." That's all I remember before fainting. My wife won't stop mocking me for it. FML
Today, while chatting with my in-laws, I told them about my upcoming spinal surgery. Soon after, when I went to get us some drinks, I overheard them murmuring about how many surgeries I've already had, how I'm a drain on the healthcare system, and how I should ideally just die. FML
Today, I was operating on a young girl, when she began to awaken during the surgery. We quickly put her back under, of course, but now I'm terrified that she'll remember my profuse cursing and get me in the shit with my curmudgeonly killjoy of a boss. FML
Today, I started to come to during dental surgery. I clearly heard someone behind me say "Shit! Get this fucker back under!" then another person mentioning they'd have to kill me to avoid "another lawsuit", followed by laughter and the blackness of sleep. FML
Today, while my orthodontist was working on my teeth, she made the comment, "Wow! It looks like a murder scene in there!" FML
Today, I asked my surgeon if I would be having a general or local anesthetic at my upcoming operation. He replied, "General, of course! It's gonna be a slaughterhouse in there!" FML
Today, while at the hospital recovering from surgery, I overheard my doctor tell one of the nurses I'm so fat I could start a grease fire if left near an open flame. They thought I was still unconscious. I wasn't. FML
Today, I went to the dentist to get a tooth worked on. I got tongue-tied and instead of asking if they could anesthetize me, I accidentally asked if they could euthanize me. FML
Today, I was taken to the hospital after I fell down the stairs. The physician who saw me bit his lip and said he would have to amputate my foot, and I fainted in terror. One of the nurses later told me to "learn to take a damn joke." FML
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Top comments
Everyday_Galaxy 14
In medical school he worried about passing as a surgeon, but he made the cut. That was bad.
DocBastard 38
To answer your question: NO. IT WASN'T ME. (but I've totally said almost this exact thing)
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Comments (119)
SgtAssCheeks 21
let's be real here; he's not entirely wrong. But he wasn't saying that to you in a threatening way, from the perspective you give us, at least I hope.... If it"s making you too uncomfortable, get a new doctor, but for the hard work this guy has come up to to be a doctor, "accidentally" killing your patient is an insult to the entire medical scene. Cheer up, he'll fix you up good with the best of his abilities.
buckdharma 37
I hope the operation is to remove your wrenched funny bone and your doctor's name is Milton Bradley.
tman1985 9
"Water on the knee?"
suri23 11
Woah!
jonahwalzer 12
You should tell him how easy it is to call the cops and get a new doctor:)
Jennaflamingo 14
Time to get a new doctor!
ladystate 22
That's comforting.
alycion 38
And I thought mine was bad for saying a nerve biopsy wouldn't hurt him at all. And oh yea, I would feel a lot of pain. Lol he overheard me say to my mom right before he came into the room for the consult that I bet this wouldn't be comfortable.
awilliams44 9
Maybe he has a really creepy screwed up sense of humour.?
conqueror57 11
I'm going to guess that you're one of THOSE patients. You know, the kind the whole hospital staff kind of hopes dies on the table.
Ksweety_fml 27
What kinda doctor would say that?... crazy.