By Anonymous - 28/7/2020 14:01

No excuse

Today, I missed my chance to see my mum for the last time because my son is such a selfish druggie, he couldn’t be bothered to stay sober long enough to pass on the message from the hospital that she was deteriorating fast, and likely only had a few hours left. FML
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  Marcella1016  |  29

It is a disease. No one says “I will become an addict.” It starts off with poor choices, usually when you are young, and develops into something nefarious and inescapable before you know it.

For a teen, it could be smoking weed, a friend offers you ecstasy at a party, you try it and have a great time, next time they offer you coke, you try it and like it, etc. Some people handle that party lifestyle fine and grow out of it. Others fall down a rabbit hole where things get worse and worse.

Another example is the working woman or man who sits down with a glass of wine every night to unwind from work and let go of the stress. It becomes a coping mechanism. Then it becomes two glasses, then it becomes drinking to oblivion, and before it you’re looking forward to it and can’t stop. At first you deny you have a problem - I can stop when I want - then it gets progressively worse and you realize you are a slave to it. You WANT to stop, but you CANT. Your mind and body have become used to this substance to cope with life, and it is incredibly difficult to stop. It’s always just one more or I CANT stop I don’t know how else to deal with stress any more etc.

I completely understand the stress of dealing with your family, but try to have some empathy and realize that people don’t choose this life on purpose. Try going to some Al-Anon meetings (for relatives who have been impacted by people with an addiction). Or try reading some online resources.

NOTHING is that simple or black and white in the real world.

  Marcella1016  |  29

PS - It’s also hereditary. Some people have a genetic predisposition toward addiction. The many “druggies” on both sides of your family points to that. It’s not a criticism of your family; it just is what it is. Count yourself lucky that you dodged that bullet and have the privilege of judging others who did not.

  Marcella1016  |  29

PS - OP I’m very sorry this happened to you, and for your loss. Whether it’s a choice or a disease, what your son did is something that can never be undone, and I wish you many condolences as you grieve.

  soniles  |  3

It is a choice. As earlier mentioned, addiction itself is not a choice. But all the decisions before addiction are. You know it's bad for you but it'll make you feel better for a while. We choose to accept the offer of drugs, if that's how it starts. You choose to buy them from someone. You choose to not find a long-term fix to your issues.

  nemcali  |  33

It seems that when the hospital called, he’s the one who answered and got the message but did not pass it on. Where is this need of finding faults coming from?

By  DarkAngelsBlade  |  23

I understand your pain. While not the same I had a similar experience with my grandmother, the doctors were unable to reach anyone for 30 minutes while I was sitting in the visitors lounge waiting to see her. If those that had been called weren’t selfish asswipes, she may have not been at such a disadvantage when she got worse.

By  Sady_Ct  |  36

So, why would the hospital call your son and not you? I mean you are the child ie next of kin, your son is not? I would be looking into that.

By  kendonmcb  |  17

Technically you did see her for the last time, just one occasion earlier than it could have been.
While addiction is considered a disease I also believe everyone makes his own luck, it always is a choice to take drugs or not. Offer you POS son help, if he refuses kick him out and break the contact.

  Marcella1016  |  29

I have to agree with this. People need to hit a bottom before they seek help and you may need to kick him out and push him to realize he needs to get help and do something about his problem.

I’m so sorry this happened to you :(

By  Stacey’s mom  |  7

You sound like an enabler who needs to shift the blame. If your son is a druggie why is he in your house?

And for those saying addiction is a not a choice, and it’s a disease... addiction was a choice. Drugs are a choice. Not one person you meet can sit here and say they don’t know what heroin or meth will do. We can google what it does and the course it takes. And the hereditary comment, sure... but what about those people who come from families who are crackheads and grow up to NOT TO do crack. You know right from wrong when you CHOOSE to do drugs. Diseases are something you can’t control. Cancer. Tumors. Autoimmune deficiencies. Doing drugs is not one of those.