Miscellaneous: Today, I heard a noise outside in the middle of the night, so...

By Gassy - 21/09/2015 14:45 - Australia - Rydalmere

Today, I heard a noise outside in the middle of the night, so I went out for a look. I'm also pregnant and can't stop farting. I get 2 steps outside and accidentally let a huge one rip, then, from the shadows I hear "Oh my god!" and then running in the opposite direction. I farted away a prowler. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 359

You deserved it 3 276

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Same thing different taste

Hear this?

By soundslikeadumbcommentersituation - 11/07/2014 20:34 - Canada - Brampton

Today, while in my backyard, I had some insane gastric distress. I let out a fart so powerful that it made me yelp in pain, and left my asshole numb. A second later, I heard a cough come from over my neighbor's fence. I had to quietly limp back into my house in shame. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 839

You deserved it 6 930

Gas giant

By morgan - 09/04/2021 23:00

Today, while laying in bed, I let out a huge fart. I then heard my roommate yell from outside my room, "Did you think you were alone?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 774

You deserved it 284

By Anonymous - 26/01/2019 11:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, in my sleep I let out a couple of farts. Normally this wouldn't be a big deal, but on this night I had slept in my mom's room. She came to check in on me and violently woke me up because she thought I pooped in the bed. Now my entire family knows I fart in my sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 114

You deserved it 384

Threat Neutralized

By Anonymous - 23/07/2018 18:36 - United States - Fort Worth

Today, I farted so loudly in my sleep that it woke myself, my husband, and our cat. The cat let me know he was startled by clawing and biting the perceived threat, my bum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 308

You deserved it 729

By theydidsmellitthough - 08/02/2013 21:59 - Israel - Netanya

Today, I was playing Slender, when I caught a glimpse of the Slenderman. I jumped in my chair, letting rip a huge fart in the process. Nobody heard it, but only because my shrieks of terror drowned out the sound. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 190

You deserved it 9 397

By Anonymous - 17/07/2015 17:14 - United States - West Palm Beach

Today, I felt some serious gas building up while at the supermarket. I tried to quietly fart it out, only to end up sharting myself. I had to frantically waddle out of the store as discreetly as possible as several people in the vicinity freaked out and tried to locate the source of the smell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 572

You deserved it 4 359

Mambo number 6

By n/a - 25/11/2009 07:36 - United States

Today, I was working at a children's play centre, and my stomach was twisting and turning. Thinking no one was around, I let out a small fart, only to turn and see a little girl running to her mom, yelling, "Mommy! Mommy! That lady just farted and it sounded like daddy!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 122

You deserved it 27 536

Surprise!

By Anonymous - 12/10/2022 02:00

Today, at nine months pregnant, I stopped at a truckstop to use the restroom. I opened an unlocked stall door and stood face to face with a woman bent over wiping. She let out a scream so blood-curdlingly loud, that I wet myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 863

You deserved it 118

Single shot

By irulan - 14/01/2020 03:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I farted so loudly in bed and I woke up my husband. Startled, he thought that someone was entered in our room and fired a shot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 535

You deserved it 596

Ouch!

By P0wned - 29/09/2009 21:21 - France

Today, in the middle of the night, I was punched in the face by my frightened girlfriend, who had just been awoken by her own fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 961

You deserved it 5 269

chuchusheep 19

Monday 21 September 2015 22:33

this is, hands down, the best FML i have ever read. so awesome.

randomname98 22

Monday 21 September 2015 22:32

At least you have a built in defense system!

Comments

Goodtimes26 7

Tuesday 22 September 2015 20:16

I would be super proud of that scaring people with farts sounds awesome

crsyldy 19

Tuesday 22 September 2015 20:22

Pregnancy for the win!!!

kiyash 14

Tuesday 22 September 2015 20:32

Think of it as an anti-prowler repellent, OP.

kassia_1011 21

Tuesday 22 September 2015 21:23

This is honestly the best thing I have ever read! My first ever favourited FML cuz it's that amazing!!!!

kizzlynn 9

Tuesday 22 September 2015 21:26

that's awesome though! not an fml! :)

Nissi 17

Tuesday 22 September 2015 21:56

XD Oh my gosh. Heehee.

bellakideaux 12

Tuesday 22 September 2015 23:01

Perfect!

XtremeHeat 14

Tuesday 22 September 2015 23:34

The best superhero ever...

snarkytruth 37

Wednesday 23 September 2015 2:48

There will be no Dingo stealing that baby.

BrotherPhil 35

Wednesday 23 September 2015 3:19

Nicely done!

Keywords

OCD Health Relatable Mental health Work Awkward Friends Vacation Boredom Music Transportation Annoying Jewelry Love AITA Embarrassing Cars Family Babysitter Kids Parents Miscellaneous Death Thief Money Food Birthday Farts Gross Underwear

The Top

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I agree, your life sucks 499

You deserved it 119

Today, I had to spend at least 30 minutes, at 3 in the morning, shooting BBs at a mateless whip-poor-will to scare it off so I could sleep. It was making noise in a tree right outside my window. I feel for you my dude, but you're doing the equivalent of drunk texting an ex and crying into your beer. FML

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The Top

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I agree, your life sucks 27 848

You deserved it 1 767

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I agree, your life sucks 41 347

You deserved it 19 773

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I agree, your life sucks 1 144

You deserved it 101

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I agree, your life sucks 46 114

You deserved it 4 041

Today, for some reason entirely beyond my knowledge, Siri referred to me as "Sugartits". FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 166

You deserved it 3 425