Today, I woke up late for work. I rushed everything, ate a quick meal and was thirsty as hell. I saw a 2-liter Coca Cola bottle, so I poured a huge glass filled with ice and ran out the door. While driving, I took a huge gulp of nice, cold thick cooking oil. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was running late for my morning gym class. I grabbed a near-empty drink bottle on my way out, intending to fill it up at the gym. Mid-workout, I reached for my bottle and took a big mouthful as I headed over to fill it up. To my great surprise, it was not water but straight vodka. FML
Today, I was craving a cold Coke, so I grabbed one from the freezer where I had put it to chill quickly. As soon as I opened it, the can exploded all over me and the kitchen. I spent the next hour cleaning sticky residue off the floor, surrounding furniture, and even the ceiling. FML
Today, I was running late for work and grabbed what I thought was my Stanley mug of coffee. Halfway to work, I took a big swig only to realize I had grabbed my son’s thermos of chicken noodle soup, which I then spat out. My car now smells like a deli, and I'm still uncaffeinated. FML
Today, while working in my shop, I was mopping the floor. A customer saw what I was doing, grabbed a bottle of Coca-Cola from the shelf, and poured it all over the floor where I had just finished mopping. FML
Today, I woke up late for work. In my rush to make a quick cup of coffee, I forgot to put a mug under the machine. I came back a few minutes later to a kitchen counter flooded with coffee and had to clean it up, making me even later. To top it off, I was out of coffee. FML
Today, I blacked out at work, on my lunch break outside in the rain, and woke up on the ground wet a minute or two later to everyone freaking out, all because I chugged my drink too fast. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night because I was thirsty. In my groggy state, I grabbed the first bottle of liquid I could find, opened it, and took a sip. It was nail polish remover. FML
Today, I was in a rush to get to work and decided to multitask by making my coffee while brushing my teeth. Halfway through, I absentmindedly poured mouthwash into my coffee mug and took a big gulp. I spent the rest of the morning trying to get the taste of minty coffee out of my mouth. FML
Today, I went to take a drink from my water bottle while sitting in a quiet office with 5 coworkers. I squeezed too hard, sending a jet of water straight into my nose. My coworkers now think I need a sippy cup. FML
Today, I woke up to find myself drenched in piss after a long night of drinking. I immediately sprang into action, tossing my bedding in the washer and hopping into the shower. Running late for work, I threw on a nice dress and got into my car. Guess who also peed in the drivers seat? FML
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Top comments
ajh1800 25
You didn't notice something wrong when there wasn't the sound of carbonation when you opened it? Or the way it poured into the glass? Or the distinct odor of previously used cooking oil? Or the weird reaction the ice had with it? If the cooking oil was so dark that it looked like coke, it should have been thrown out. It's gross that someone would think about reusing oil that looked like that. 🤢
Jeremy Strang 7
This is the most weirdly fake FML I've ever seen. I'm just imagining your thoughts while pouring. "Huh. Pepsi's running a little slow today. Not sure when they added bacon bits to the formula".
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Comments (8)
ajh1800 25
You didn't notice something wrong when there wasn't the sound of carbonation when you opened it? Or the way it poured into the glass? Or the distinct odor of previously used cooking oil? Or the weird reaction the ice had with it? If the cooking oil was so dark that it looked like coke, it should have been thrown out. It's gross that someone would think about reusing oil that looked like that. 🤢
Jeremy Strang 7
This is the most weirdly fake FML I've ever seen. I'm just imagining your thoughts while pouring. "Huh. Pepsi's running a little slow today. Not sure when they added bacon bits to the formula".
RichardPencil 32
Cooking oils are about 50 times as viscous as soda, so how drunk or high were you that you didn't notice how incredibly slowly your "Coca-Cola" poured?
tounces7 28
Right because it wouldn't be obvious right away that the "Coke" was pouring extremely slow and with a rather odd color.
Charlie Given 28
it's called being oblivious to your surroundings you need to teach yourself to be more observational otherwise eventually this will cause you to get yourself killed, because what if that had been used motor oil or tar& turpentine blend you would have poisoned yourself just from it going in your mouth😵🤢☠️🙄
mekiswrite 21
Did it satisfy your thirst?
EricW 4
how could you even consider Coca-Cola for breakfast? you definitely deserved it
jlc82 14
if your cooking oil is the color of coke then something is definitely wrong