Today, I heard a knock on my door and, thinking it was my student adviser, opened it. I was greeted by a drunk girl, who pushed her way into my dorm room, informed me that she lived here last year, and then told me that she lost her virginity in my bed. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I was sleeping in my room when I awoke to an unfamiliar female voice in my apartment, followed by a thud. I walked out to find a drunk girl I've never met collapsed in my doorway. After puking all over the place, she had me call her father, who picked her up 10 minutes later. FML
Today, I was finally about to hook up with the girl I’ve been crushing on forever. My piss-drunk roommate burst through my door butt ass naked and yelled, “Party time, bitches!” Now she thinks I’m some perv that tried to rope her into a three-way. I tried to explain and apologize, but she's blocked me. FML
Today, I brought a girl home from the bar. After sleeping together, she drunkenly stumbles to the bathroom to wash up. On her way back, she accidentally walks into my parents' room, turns on the lights and asks where her clothes are before figuring it out. FML
Today, a girl invited me over to her dorm room at 3 AM. For some reason, I thought it would be a good idea to respond to e-mails just before. She said she was tired and then went to bed. I'm a fucking idiot. FML
Today, I knocked on the door of my friend’s apartment to surprise her. It opened, and an angry stranger shouted, “Who are you?” at me. I then realized I was on the wrong floor of the building. My friend still doesn’t know I almost barged in on her neighbor, because I'm too embarrassed to tell her. FML
Today, I came home and heard a noise in the bathroom. I figured it was my girlfriend, so I went over and as the door closed, I told her not to close the door as I've seen her beautiful body before. Turns out it was our roommate. FML
Today, I locked myself out of my dorm room. I walked across campus, shoe-less and in nothing but my bathrobe, to find someone who could let me back in. Turns out I hadn't even shut the door properly and so it never actually locked. I can still hear the guy laughing at me. FML
Today, I came home and heard a noise in the bathroom. I figured it was my girlfriend, so I went over and as the door closed, I told her not to close it because I'd seen her beautiful body before. Turns out it was our roommate. FML
Today, I was woken up by my drunk girlfriend calling me and saying how much she loves me. She then stopped to tell the guy she was in bed with to be quiet because I might hear him. FML
Today, a friend of mine got a bit drunk, but said she was fine and didn't feel drunk at all. I took her keys anyway and said she could sleep on my bed, while I slept on the floor next to the bed. I was rudely woken up in the middle of the night to her rolling over and vomiting on my face. FML
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Top comments
evilbrent 0
oh no oh no!!!!!!!!!!!!1 you just found out that people have sex at college!!!!!!!!1 disaster!!!!!!!!!!!!!11
thequickredofox 0
It's a dorm bed - did you really think it wouldn't glow like a lighthouse under a black light! YDI for being naive.
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Comments (101)
omgyoukilledkeny 0
if u have a problem wit it then wash the sheets dumbass
Damarys 0
not sheets. college students provide their own sheets. the OP would have to change her whole mattress.
captainmaharet 1
Was she hot?
maddog_fml 0
Next time she does that again, grab her by the hair and smash her face against the door. No one will believe her what happend because she was drunk. That will learn her to stay away.
bexox 0
That will learn her?
iwadasn 33
LOL. Those are the most caveman-esque three sentences I've ever seen.
depotst 0
bahahahaha
IJK_3 0
She came in drunk and told you she lost her virginity in your bed. Sounds to me like she was trying to find it
kbaker90 0
Hey, my glasses aren't that big. And I usually take them off, so as not to break them. It's easy to see what's going on when you're that close to a person. Yes, nerds have sex all the time. ALL. THE. TIME.
meeskee2 0
You should have banged her out...she was primed and ready son! nothing will ever be as easy as that ever again....oh wait your in college, she'll be back.
iwadasn 33
Um...the OP is a girl.
another_guy 0
AND?!
Brave_Sir_Robin 4
Can it be RAEP time nao?! Seriously, if you're a guy writing this, I demand you turn in your man card. This is not an FML by far and the OP is responsible for the death of Billy Mays you horrible, horrible human being!
allmidnighteyes 11
I thought that was cocaine? AND IF YOU ORDER OXY(CODONE) CLEAN IN THE NEXT MINUTE, WE'LL THROW IN FOUR FREE BUMPS OF COCAINE (A $19.99 VALUE) COMPLETE WITH A HOOKER'S ASS TO DO THEM OFF OF FOR ABSOLUTELY FREE! MAKES YOUR NOSE WHITER MAKES YOUR NIGHT BRIGHTER
iwadasn 33
Again, it was a girl. Seriously, can you people not read or what?
summersong89 0
LOL welcome to college sweety :) this stuff happens. it could've been worse.
elanor003_fml 0
herm...was she still looking for it? XD