Work: Today, I have to defend my client in court. The defense that...

By Anonymous - 23/05/2013 01:57 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I have to defend my client in court. The defense that my client wants me to use is, "It's not a robbery if you have swag" and then goes on saying, "The judge is bound to let me go after he sees my swag." FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 356

You deserved it 4 761

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Same thing different taste

By zl5 - 04/07/2014 23:17 - New Zealand - Masterton

Today, the deranged idiot that I am defending in court went completely nuts and told the judge that I am the guy who planned the whole armed robbery that he is on trial for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 114

You deserved it 4 843

By Anonymous - 17/03/2016 15:34 - United States - Pomona

Today, in court, my client ran his mouth at the judge, cursing him out and then trying to lecture him on "freedom of speech" when he was found in contempt. I don't know what it is with these nutjobs, but I wish I'd never become a public defender. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 196

You deserved it 2 571

Contempt

By Anonymous - 04/03/2016 21:59 - United States - Richmond

Today, as a public defender, my client was actually innocent for once. I intended to utterly destroy the prosecution's case and demonstrate his good character. That plan went straight to hell when he showed up heavily intoxicated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 421

You deserved it 1 583

By mustanggt - 10/07/2012 15:39 - United States - La Porte

Today, I was in traffic court trying to get out of a ticket. The judge called my defense "complete, unadulterated bullshit." FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 849

You deserved it 31 204

By apav - 11/06/2009 11:52 - Australia

Today, I had my first appearance in a court as an attorney. I called the prosecution the prostitution. FML

I agree, your life sucks 85 889

You deserved it 24 406

By Anonymous - 04/12/2013 21:15 - Sweden - Uppsala

Today, I just about managed to convince the judge to overlook my client's emotional outbursts in the courtroom, promising that he'd be on his best behavior from now on. An hour later, he screamed "FUCK YOU!" at the judge for telling him to quiet down. I hate my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 519

You deserved it 4 237

Fake news

By Anonymous - 18/07/2014 20:04 - Cura?ao

Today, I read a book by a former client who did time for fraud. She swears she's innocent, and blames everyone for her "ordeal": the police, court, judge, and me, her own attorney. She conveniently forgot to mention her two full confessions, one of which was given before the judge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 332

You deserved it 3 456

Bad boys bad boys

By Tom - 17/08/2011 18:27 - United States

Today, I went to court expecting to walk out a free man. Turns out my misdemeanor offense couldn't compare to the crime I committed when I walked into the court house with a switchblade tucked into my shoe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 439

You deserved it 108 466

By chieftain - 09/05/2012 19:34 - Norway - T?nsberg

Today, I am defending a client on trial for perjury. She is a sweet girl and the first person I've loved in years, but she keeps doing everything she can to make herself look guilty in front of the jury. Now I'm having a daily crisis of conscience in the middle of the courtroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 249

You deserved it 5 693

By Dreamer - 03/07/2012 06:22 - United States - Castro Valley

Today, I'm going to court to give an eyewitness account of a robbery. Unfortunately, I had a wacky dream last night concerning the robbery, and no longer have any idea of what actually happened in real life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 665

You deserved it 3 819

Sir_ND_Pity 35

Thursday 23 May 2013 9:52

I say let him try it. He'll see how far his swag will take him. Life lessons.

BananaDildo 1

Thursday 23 May 2013 9:52

McDonalds is now accepting graduates from Swag University. Maybe he'll get in.

Comments

interesting33 36

Thursday 23 May 2013 14:25

Is this another way of saying he wants to plead no contest?

doogy15 11

Thursday 23 May 2013 14:31

Can't fix stupid.

CrissyyyS2 22

Thursday 23 May 2013 15:00

Judge: How do you plead? Lawyer: My client pleads not guilty. Judge: Reason? Lawyer: Swag. Judge: Excuse me? Lawyer: My client has swag, therefore it's not a robbery. Everyone in the room: Da fuq looks on their faces. I would love to be there just so I can laugh at the reason. I'll be the one to laugh so hard, they'll have to escort me out of the room.

avapaige1234 19

Thursday 23 May 2013 15:04

SWAG = Secretly We Are Gay

wtfwhyfml 12

Thursday 23 May 2013 15:11

... I'm not even sure how people get this moronic. It's just too bad he's going to miss the irony of all but admitting his own guilt via his asinine defence.

Ziggy122 15

Thursday 23 May 2013 15:12

Is your client Justin Bieber, by any chance?

Zebediabolical 39

Thursday 23 May 2013 15:24

Did he threaten to sue you because you expect to get paid?

Draugen 16

Thursday 23 May 2013 15:43

Considering that "swag" actually means "stolen goods"....

Zebediabolical 39

Thursday 23 May 2013 20:48

Or 'Stuff We All Get' in relation to the promotional items/gift bags and freebies at business conventions.

chrisp87 11

Thursday 23 May 2013 15:57

Apparently your client is a complete moron who lacks any knowledge on what swag actually is. Perhaps he doesn't know swag is a curtain drape or as some people refer to SWAG- Secretly We Are Gay either way FYI OP.