Today, I have to defend my client in court. The defense that my client wants me to use is, "It's not a robbery if you have swag" and then goes on saying, "The judge is bound to let me go after he sees my swag." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, the deranged idiot that I am defending in court went completely nuts and told the judge that I am the guy who planned the whole armed robbery that he is on trial for. FML
Today, in court, my client ran his mouth at the judge, cursing him out and then trying to lecture him on "freedom of speech" when he was found in contempt. I don't know what it is with these nutjobs, but I wish I'd never become a public defender. FML
Today, as a public defender, my client was actually innocent for once. I intended to utterly destroy the prosecution's case and demonstrate his good character. That plan went straight to hell when he showed up heavily intoxicated. FML
Today, I was in traffic court trying to get out of a ticket. The judge called my defense "complete, unadulterated bullshit." FML
Today, I had my first appearance in a court as an attorney. I called the prosecution the prostitution. FML
Today, I just about managed to convince the judge to overlook my client's emotional outbursts in the courtroom, promising that he'd be on his best behavior from now on. An hour later, he screamed "FUCK YOU!" at the judge for telling him to quiet down. I hate my job. FML
Today, I read a book by a former client who did time for fraud. She swears she's innocent, and blames everyone for her "ordeal": the police, court, judge, and me, her own attorney. She conveniently forgot to mention her two full confessions, one of which was given before the judge. FML
Today, I went to court expecting to walk out a free man. Turns out my misdemeanor offense couldn't compare to the crime I committed when I walked into the court house with a switchblade tucked into my shoe. FML
Today, I am defending a client on trial for perjury. She is a sweet girl and the first person I've loved in years, but she keeps doing everything she can to make herself look guilty in front of the jury. Now I'm having a daily crisis of conscience in the middle of the courtroom. FML
Today, I'm going to court to give an eyewitness account of a robbery. Unfortunately, I had a wacky dream last night concerning the robbery, and no longer have any idea of what actually happened in real life. FML
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Top comments
Sir_ND_Pity 35
I say let him try it. He'll see how far his swag will take him. Life lessons.
BananaDildo 1
McDonalds is now accepting graduates from Swag University. Maybe he'll get in.
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Comments (205)
interesting33 37
Is this another way of saying he wants to plead no contest?
doogy15 11
Can't fix stupid.
CrissyyyS2 22
Judge: How do you plead? Lawyer: My client pleads not guilty. Judge: Reason? Lawyer: Swag. Judge: Excuse me? Lawyer: My client has swag, therefore it's not a robbery. Everyone in the room: Da fuq looks on their faces. I would love to be there just so I can laugh at the reason. I'll be the one to laugh so hard, they'll have to escort me out of the room.
avapaige1234 19
SWAG = Secretly We Are Gay
wtfwhyfml 12
... I'm not even sure how people get this moronic. It's just too bad he's going to miss the irony of all but admitting his own guilt via his asinine defence.
Ziggy122 15
Is your client Justin Bieber, by any chance?
Zebediabolical 45
Did he threaten to sue you because you expect to get paid?
Draugen 16
Considering that "swag" actually means "stolen goods"....
Zebediabolical 45
Or 'Stuff We All Get' in relation to the promotional items/gift bags and freebies at business conventions.
chrisp87 11
Apparently your client is a complete moron who lacks any knowledge on what swag actually is. Perhaps he doesn't know swag is a curtain drape or as some people refer to SWAG- Secretly We Are Gay either way FYI OP.
stewpididiot 11
It sounds like 'Diminished Capacity' might be a better defense. They usually don't put retards in jail.