Work: Today, I have to defend my client in court. The defense that...

By Anonymous - 23/05/2013 01:57 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I have to defend my client in court. The defense that my client wants me to use is, "It's not a robbery if you have swag" and then goes on saying, "The judge is bound to let me go after he sees my swag." FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 357

You deserved it 4 761

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Same thing different taste

By zl5 - 04/07/2014 23:17 - New Zealand - Masterton

Today, the deranged idiot that I am defending in court went completely nuts and told the judge that I am the guy who planned the whole armed robbery that he is on trial for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 114

You deserved it 4 843

By Anonymous - 17/03/2016 15:34 - United States - Pomona

Today, in court, my client ran his mouth at the judge, cursing him out and then trying to lecture him on "freedom of speech" when he was found in contempt. I don't know what it is with these nutjobs, but I wish I'd never become a public defender. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 196

You deserved it 2 572

Contempt

By Anonymous - 04/03/2016 21:59 - United States - Richmond

Today, as a public defender, my client was actually innocent for once. I intended to utterly destroy the prosecution's case and demonstrate his good character. That plan went straight to hell when he showed up heavily intoxicated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 422

You deserved it 1 583

By mustanggt - 10/07/2012 15:39 - United States - La Porte

Today, I was in traffic court trying to get out of a ticket. The judge called my defense "complete, unadulterated bullshit." FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 850

You deserved it 31 204

By apav - 11/06/2009 11:52 - Australia

Today, I had my first appearance in a court as an attorney. I called the prosecution the prostitution. FML

I agree, your life sucks 85 891

You deserved it 24 406

By Anonymous - 04/12/2013 21:15 - Sweden - Uppsala

Today, I just about managed to convince the judge to overlook my client's emotional outbursts in the courtroom, promising that he'd be on his best behavior from now on. An hour later, he screamed "FUCK YOU!" at the judge for telling him to quiet down. I hate my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 522

You deserved it 4 237

Fake news

By Anonymous - 18/07/2014 20:04 - Cura?ao

Today, I read a book by a former client who did time for fraud. She swears she's innocent, and blames everyone for her "ordeal": the police, court, judge, and me, her own attorney. She conveniently forgot to mention her two full confessions, one of which was given before the judge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 332

You deserved it 3 457

Bad boys bad boys

By Tom - 17/08/2011 18:27 - United States

Today, I went to court expecting to walk out a free man. Turns out my misdemeanor offense couldn't compare to the crime I committed when I walked into the court house with a switchblade tucked into my shoe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 439

You deserved it 108 467

By chieftain - 09/05/2012 19:34 - Norway - T?nsberg

Today, I am defending a client on trial for perjury. She is a sweet girl and the first person I've loved in years, but she keeps doing everything she can to make herself look guilty in front of the jury. Now I'm having a daily crisis of conscience in the middle of the courtroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 250

You deserved it 5 694

By Dreamer - 03/07/2012 06:22 - United States - Castro Valley

Today, I'm going to court to give an eyewitness account of a robbery. Unfortunately, I had a wacky dream last night concerning the robbery, and no longer have any idea of what actually happened in real life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 665

You deserved it 3 819

Sir_ND_Pity 35

Thursday 23 May 2013 9:52

I say let him try it. He'll see how far his swag will take him. Life lessons.

BananaDildo 1

Thursday 23 May 2013 9:52

McDonalds is now accepting graduates from Swag University. Maybe he'll get in.

Comments

jordzy 8

Wednesday 1 January 2014 9:36

Do you own a shotgun?

mybrotherisevil 7

Saturday 11 January 2014 0:31

well, this case is clearly one-sided. FYL.

winchestergal 4

Thursday 3 July 2014 18:16

You were defending Justin Bieber, weren't you?

niome_fml 9

Thursday 14 August 2014 8:18

That's stupid... which court would allow that?

thes7274473 19

Wednesday 1 October 2014 4:13

This crushed my faith in humanity.

Elfkid21 19

Tuesday 21 October 2014 21:42

that idiot is doing time..!!!

jokersmile13 10

Friday 17 July 2015 3:11

You're the defence attorney for Justin Bieber???

Enchiladattack 11

Monday 27 July 2015 7:09

Time to quit.

Shadow9876 19

Friday 1 April 2016 17:02

Is your client Justin Bieber?

SpectreZ 9

Thursday 19 May 2016 8:44

Please let him use that as a defence. Life lessons will be learnt.

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Today, after waiting two weeks for an email with my online textbook access code, it still hadn't arrived in time for my quiz tomorrow, so I ended up spending most of my money on the expensive physical copy. Not long after I got back home, the email finally arrived. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 204

You deserved it 5 035

Today, I came back from school camp and really had to go to the toilet. I ran to the nearest one, which was by the principal's office. After I finished, I tried to flush the button. Turns out the water was turned off so it wouldn't flush. I bolted. The principal is now stuck with my unwanted present. FML

I agree, your life sucks 852

You deserved it 161

The Top

Today, I somehow have both crippling depression and a fear of death. Please end me, but don't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 717

You deserved it 120

Today, one of my students tried to bribe me $200 to change his grade. When I said no and told him he was lucky I didn't report him, he went to the dean and told him I offered to change his grade for money. I'm now suspended and under investigation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 722

You deserved it 3 420

Today, I caught my boyfriend watching Andrew Tate videos and agreeing with everything he was saying. I shared my opinion that Tate is a disgusting human, and my boyfriend said that of course I’d try to suppress the truth like a typical woman. Ladies, I think my boyfriend is broken beyond repair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 059

You deserved it 689

Today, I thought it would be funny to sneak up behind my cat and scare it with a loud "boo!" The cat responded by jumping up, and running across my apartment, which would have been fine, except for the fact she left a trail of liquid shit everywhere she went. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 054

You deserved it 104 311

Today, my Tinder date seemed annoyed that my offer of dinner at my house really was an offer of dinner, not easy sex. Apparently, acting like a real woman with a mind and feelings, as opposed to a hole for his penis to temporarily inhabit, completely ruined his night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 829

You deserved it 451

Today, I received my best compliment of the year so far when an ER doctor commented positively on the clarity of my urine sample. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 744

You deserved it 2 370

Same thing different taste

Contempt

Fake news

Bad boys bad boys

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