Today, I had to share a car with my dad and stepmother. My stepmother managed to get hammered at lunch and spent the hour-long car trip drunkenly mistaking the heating controls for the radio. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had to be the designated driver for my mom and aunt. While driving them home, my aunt threw up on the car floor and my mom peed her pants, leaving a puddle in the seat. It was my car. FML
Today, I accidentally crashed my mom's car into my dad's car. FML
Today, I illicitly borrowed my dad's car to go to the store, but crashed into my mom's car as she and dad were returning from my grandma's house. Both cars are totalled, my mom is in hospital with a broken collarbone, and I realised dads really can make steam come out their ears if they’re really mad. FML
Today, barely 2 hours into a 5 hour car ride home, my mom accidentally let slip that she's been cheating on my dad. I had to sit with the bitch in a diner for ages while my dad bawled his eyes out alone in the car. FML
Today, due to bad weather, my dad let me take his car to drive to my apartment 3 hours away. I only realized when I got there that my keys were still sitting on my parents' kitchen counter. FML
Today, I had to pick up and drive home a couple of drunk bitches. Unfortunately, one of these drunk bitches was my mother. FML
Today, I had to drive my drunk parents home from a party. They leaned out the window and barked at everyone we passed all the way home. FML
Today, I had to listen to my mom give a detailed description of her date last night to her friends via speakerphone... while I was trapped in the car with her. When I pointed out that I was still in the back seat, she scoffed and told me, "I have a sex life, deal with it." FML
Today, I took my grandmother for a spin in my new car. Apparently, she had no idea that seat-warmers exist and that hers was turned on, because fifteen minutes into the ride she started shouting, "My ass is on fire!" causing me to swerve into a pole. FML
Today, my dad got extremely drunk, so I took away his car keys and left on foot. When I came back, I saw that he had broken down my door. Now my dad is mad at me for not giving him the keys when he was drunk, and I'm door-less. FML
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Top comments
chahacha599 0
In the back she goes
tylersign 11
"Why is it getting louder when it's getting hotter...?!?!? I don't understand technology these days." I'd record that. YouTube gold.
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Comments (57)
DocBastard 40
You should've encouraged her to drink more so she would pass the **** out.
FYLDeep 26
You must never have had a drunk person vomit all over the inside of your vehicle before.
DocBastard 40
Correct. I try not to allow the heavily intoxicated in my car. It still has that "new car smell", and I don't want that compromised.
FYLDeep 26
I'm guessing that a trauma surgeon probably has a slightly nicer car than a poor college student like me as well.
flockz 20
what is this "new car smell" you speak of? the only car smell that i've smelled is a mixture of tequila and cat piss in my car from Juan's Auto down the street.
DocBastard 40
Well, if that combination is new for you, then you have that new car smell too. I have mine upholstered with unicorn fur with solid platinum trim.
flockz 20
bastard!! i can't afford unicorn fur. my car is upholstered with intertwined goose pubes. it's the best i could get!
silentbutfunny 0
Man you guys sound like you know what your talking about when it comes to smells. Can you work your magic on humans? Funky smelling humans out there... Unicorn fur ftw
kaykay20 0
At least she didn't mistake the channel changer knob for the volume. Rather deal with being too hot or too cold then deaf.
polkadot3155 6
your lucky... she could have crashed it.. and died.
polkadot3155 6
nevermind I didn't see the part about your dad being along. ha
IAMYOURPINEAPPLE 9
The argument that follows would be pretty heated.
bizarre_ftw 22
She's a double D and blonde and your dad is loaded isn't (s)he?
Dracoboxer357 36
Lmao! Makes me also wonder...:)
stephanieeDawnx 0
I though all dads were a he? O.o
upyourzlolz 11
You thought wrong.
ninjuh_wingman 29
Must have been some interesting music playing.
bigsnasty 6
Role down the window!
rallets 23
then row your boat
beebananaz88 0
Its getting hot in here so take off all your clothes!
Ash0 6
must have been pretty toasty in there
GoW_Chick 15
Maybe she got drunk because of what she found out at the family barbeque