Today, I had to listen to a girl who just came back from the bathroom, talk about the "gigantic massive dump" she took, and even held her hands up to show the size. FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, as I was about to enter a public restroom, a man walked out and said, "You may want to hold your nose in there. I just took the biggest dump of my life." It was the ladies' restroom. FML
Today, I was using the restroom at school. What I thought was going to be just peeing turned into a humongous fart that echoed in the toilet bowl. Already embarrassed, I opened the door to leave. Two girls, who obviously heard, were giggling and saying, “It’s always the fat bitches.” FML
Today, I was talking to a guy on the phone. I told him I'd be right back. I thought I'd put him on mute. Turns out he heard everything as I took the biggest dump I've ever taken. We haven't talked since. FML
Today, I was talking to this girl who I thought was really nice. We were having an amazing conversation, and as we stared deeply in one another's eyes, she asked me, "Has anyone ever seen you take a shit?" She then began telling me the story of when someone watched her. FML
Today, I really had to take a shit. My coworker had gone on lunch break and I was alone in the shop. There were no customers, so to the can I went. Cue a long series of loud wet farts and splashes, followed by the flush. I emerged to see the horrified face of some old lady and her grandson who'd heard everything. FML
Today, I had some pretty bad stomach pain, so I went to the bathroom. After a few minutes, two girls walked in, taking stalls next to me. That's when my farts began to get very large and explosive. Not only did they break into laughter, they waited for me to come out. FML
Today, my mom decided to infodump on me as I came home needing to take a shit. She wouldn't stop talking and calling me back when I tried to walk off. I couldn't get a word in, and she was ignoring my gestures. She's now calling me disrespectful because I finally ran off and dropped a loud one in the toilet. FML
Today, I took a massive dump at work and clogged the industrial toilet. Since I used the unisex one at the end of the hall, I watched my super hot coworker walk in after me. And then she ran out immediately. Everyone had seen me walk out before her. FML
Today, at work I was sitting on the toilet and a coworker came in and yelled, “That sounded like a big one!” and wouldn't leave until I left came out of the stall. FML
Today, on the train, a cute girl gave me her number. After maybe half an hour, she went to her seat and I went to the toilet for a quick but loud and painful dump. I opened the door and saw her outside getting bitch-slapped by the smell. FML
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Top comments
maskedman 9
Do I hear wedding bells?
XDNurse 0
isn't she precious.
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Comments (148)
perdix 31
Was there corn? Did she just tease you by only giving you the length, or did she give you the complete report by adding turdal diameter? I hope she whipped out a protractor and described the end taper angle. Congratulate her if she had a flawless victory.
Domonator 16
Flawless comment, Perdix
joeinthedark 18
What's the problem here? I tend to agree with #39. She's not shy about things and that's not a bad thing. And maybe now you guys can compete to see how can have the biggest dump. It'll be a new type of bonding experience for you!
Compass 0
This reminds me of the time I shat a brick (not literally, you retards that don't understand). Painful as **** and took forever. If I was gay, my gape would have helped. Might have felt good, too.
krivedko 0
haha I dump THA-A-A-A-A-T MUCH! LOL
Hobo_stickfigure 0
lol come on that's just plain funny. nobody these days looks on the funny side.
Sirin_fml 47
Well, that's a little immature.
beepelati 5
Ahahah, exactly what i thought. i actually do talk about my period sometimes, but defenitly NOT about poop.
Sirin_fml 47
Do you have something more you want to say, Apfluxx?
Domonator 16
I'm just pooped from having to listen to people dumping on me about the shape, size, consistency, and contents of their anal excretions. It's been a shitty day, so quit loafing around, sitting on your bar stools, and talking to me about this crap.
xundria 5
^ win.
yourlifesfucked 0
double win cuz domo looks like a walking turd
Ohlookabird 0
yes, like it or not, girls poo too. ;)
wickett55 2
The OP is a girl. I think she knows girls poop. ;-)