Today, I had to go to the police station to pick up my 42 year-old dad. Why? He was caught stealing candy. FML

Sneaky

Today, I caught a customer using his fat to shoplift gum out of a store. FML

Help yourself

Today my boss went digging through my drawer, took a pack of gum, and told me I got him the wrong flavor. He kept it anyway. FML

Dumbass

Today, my son is an idiot, but I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt by giving him a job as a cashier in one of my stores. Within half an hour, I was sent security footage from that store's manager showing my son on his phone, ignoring customers, picking his nose, and stealing money from the till. FML

Today, I got caught stealing lollies. I am 25. FML

Today, I got stopped for shoplifting at a department store. They took me back to the security room and showed me the tapes. I was taking my own designer lipgloss that I had bought a month before out of my purse. FML

Kinda sus

Today, at the grocery store, the cops grabbed, cuffed, and hauled me to the station after the clerk called on me. I was with my 11 year-old niece, and she secretly tried to buy a pregnancy test. Despite saying it was for her aunt (my wife) who asked her to buy it for her without me knowing, they didn't believe her. FML

Today, I had to go down to the county police department to bail out my kids who thought it would be a good idea to try mugging an ice cream truck driver. FML

The Child Catcher

Today, I had to chase down and tackle a boy (around 11 or 12) at my workplace after I caught him snatching someone's wallet and trying to quickly sneak out with it. Now everyone thinks I have something against children, even after I returned the stranger's wallet and explained that the little brat is a thief. FML

Help!

Today, I went to the store, but after I'd selected my items, I saw that I'd forgotten my wallet. When I tried to explain to the cashier, he thought that I was trying to steal and called the cops. My roommate had to come to the store to save me. FML