Today, I had to go to a big dinner with my insane relatives. Highlights of conversation included my sister telling us about the "country of Iowa", my dad accusing me of faking my chronic fatigue syndrome, and my grandpa claiming that Nelson Mandela is the Antichrist. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I went to visit my senile grandma, since she's ill and nobody else in the family visits her. I ended up having to sit through a long rant about the Illuminati, black people, and how we'd have a cure for the common cold already if it weren't for "those god damned foreigners". FML
Today, I took my boyfriend to a family dinner. It went well, until my dad got drunk and started telling everyone about how "midgets" are assholes and are ruining America. FML
Today, my family’s usual Sunday dinner turned into a shouting match over politics. My uncle called me a “brainwashed socialist,” my cousin accused me of being a “capitalist pig,” and my grandma just sat there eating pie, which made me want to call her a "fence-sitting centrist", which is when I realized that maybe we shouldn't ever talk about politics again. FML
Today, I got sick of my mother-in-law telling me everything I do brings shame to the family, so I meanly asked if her other son spending three months in prison was shameful or if he was already forgiven. It turned out that he told her he'd spent three months touring Brazil. Cue massive family screaming match. FML
Today, at a family dinner, I found the courage to tell my husband's parents about my schizophrenia. They exchanged weird looks and then there was an uncomfortable silence. Then my father-in-law finally says, "Christ. The grandkids won't come out all nutty, right?" FML
Today, I got dragged along to a family dinner. Some idiot invited my douchebag vegan uncle, who spent half the night making condescending remarks and lecturing us on how disgusting it was to have steak on offer at the table. A fistfight eventually erupted, and the cops were called. FML
Today, I brought my girlfriend over to her first dinner with my family. My gramps spent the entire dinner telling my girlfriend how the Illuminati are plotting to take over the world and use microchips to control everyone. So much for being taken seriously now. FML
Today, my Trump-supporting father and DeSantis-supporting uncle got in a huge political argument. They eventually made up, and spent the evening mercilessly mocking their Bernie-loving relative, AKA me. FML
Today, I went to visit my grandparents, as my grandmother may not have long left. When my stepfather wasn't grilling my visibly uncomfortable grandad about Bible passages, my mother was trauma-dumping about how hard her life has been, and how awful her marriage to my father was. They're his parents. FML
Today, I went to a family dinner. My grandma wasted no time calling me a slut for not wearing a dress, my dad called my police officer boyfriend a "fucking pig", and then he told my mother to "put a cock in it" when she defended me. No wonder I hardly ever visit these people. FML
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Top comments
toalysium 15
I read it and thought, "Please don't let this be in the US..." Pleasantly surprised.
hghrider123456 9
In the country of Iowa, Nelson Mandela is the antichrist
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Comments (65)
swedeNix 13
Sounds as we're related or something
edanielleh 21
It is okay, my family still thinks tattoos are signs of the devil!
JubileeBee 31
For a second, I thought you were having dinner with my family.
FMLMajor104 5
Iowa produces enough food to feed a whole country.
Tr1NiTY9229 2
You all know Nelson Mandela was in prison and was released a changed man and became president, but do anyone of you know WHY he was in prison? He was a murderer. A terrorist. I know what your thinking... He changed and nobody should be judged by your past... Id like to see how you would feel if Saddam Hussein was in prison, changed, and became president of the U.S. and everyone just forgot about his past around the world...
Fesyna 4
Sounds like a pretty interesting dinner convo to me!
Jeffy91 28
I know several families crazier than that. One of my friend's grandpa ended up having his hand cut off accidentally by a skill saw, he had his severed limb stuffed, put on a plague, and hung it up in their family room above the mantel. Trust me.... consider yourself lucky. O_o