Today, I had to explain to my friend why it's inappropriate to conduct a phone conversation while simultaneously eating a bagel, listening to music, and taking a shit. FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I was so bored at a dinner party that I went to the bathroom to play games on my phone. One of my co-workers came in, so I rushed into a stall, but forgot to turn my phone's sound off. She heard it and said, "It's OK, music helps me shit too" and started blasting her music and grunting. FML
Today, while at a rest stop, I heard a woman in the stall next to me answer her phone and say to the other person, "Oh nothing just pooping and shit." FML
Today, while on the phone with my boyfriend, I really needed to poop. Badly. He was in the middle of telling a story, so I figured I could get away with muting the phone while on the toilet. Halfway through, he suddenly went silent. I forgot to mute the phone. FML
Today, I was talking to a guy on the phone. I told him I'd be right back. I thought I'd put him on mute. Turns out he heard everything as I took the biggest dump I've ever taken. We haven't talked since. FML
Today, my phone rang just seconds after I left a conference meeting to go use the restroom. It wouldn't have been a problem, except it seems one of my friends thought it would be funny to change my ringtone to a woman having an orgasm. FML
Today, my friend was confiding all her problems to me over Skype. I pressed the mute button so I could let out a fart, forgetting I'd already muted it earlier. I broke several minutes of my own silence with a devastating wet one. Now she won't talk to me. FML
Today, I went to take a shit and found my boss shaving in the toilet. While in the cubicle, he asked me about my work and the conversation lasted 15 minutes. I stayed in there even though I'd finished shitting after 5 minutes, during which 3 people heard my progress report while shitting next to me. FML
Today, my boss overheard me singing, "I need a shit, I need a shit" on my way to the bathroom. FML
Today, I was having a mass lecture, for 3 classes combined, all microphones muted. I wanted to go to the toilet, so I connected my headphones, and I did my job massively while listening to the teacher. Suddenly, the teacher said, "Oh, close your mic for the love of god." 85 students heard me taking a shit. FML
Today, my stomach growled so loudly in class that my professor told us to make sure our phones were silenced. FML
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Top comments
DocBastard 40
That IS inappropriate! He could also be composing an opera, checking his stocks, clipping his toenails, and masturbating at the same time! What a colossal waste of time.
marleyvk 0
Why's that so bad? I do it all the time. It's called multi-tasking.
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Comments (106)
maybaybe 0
Get a new friend.
nkor1337 1
let's pork
LolYouGotOwned 0
someone sounds like an abusive bitch...
MunChiChi 0
iTake ***** On Da Phne All Da Time. But Eatting &Nd ********...Is Supa Gross!!
mrahhhhh 21
People, that statement is why relatives shouldn't breed.
Cass3m0 0
44 is correct.
iluvfmls456 0
I agree. That's just rude not to mention gross
fiveonefiveoh 0
rude to who?? like the person on the other end is experiencing the situation??
Stupidpeopleanno 5
There is NOTHING wrong with eating a bagel, listening to music, and taking a shit at the same time as talking on the phone. If you think otherwise you've got problems!
UpsidedownKayak 9
The people with that opinion are the minority, why is that? Could it be that you are wrong? I think so.
JManHobbs 0
Why is it gross? I mean anyone who gets shit on their hands while on the toilet (perhaps you guys do) probably shouldn't be eating while ******** but those of us who manage to remain clean shouldn't be deprived of the experience. Also, as long as you aren't in the habit of making a lot of noise while ******** (again, maybe you two do) then being on the phone shouldn't be a problem either.
WhoaIsMeImSoWhoa 1
it's called multitasking. your friend is just good at it.
Lalala1996 0
Why the heck would he be eating while on the toilet? That's pretty messed up.
snafu63 0
that's called multitasking. get over it.
Orieo56 0
ur friend seems like hes pretty damn awesome to me