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By soon to be divorced - / Thursday 24 October 2013 20:06 / United States
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Dude, I'm glad you're educated in psychology. That's very cool, and it's great to have knowledge. But one thing even I've learned about social interaction (and trust me, I've never really had any actual 'friends' so I don't know much) is that the two key things are CONTEXT and KNOWING YOUR AUDIENCE. That interesting stuff about psychology is better suited to posting in a community that is dedicated to that sort of thing - here, people just find it annoying. I completely sympathize with your desire to share your knowledge - I can barely go a day without telling people about my animals and listing tons of facts about them. I know I'm going to get tons of thumbs down for making this comment long and detailed, so bring it on.

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Sorry 42, but cheating is cheating. It doesn't matter if someone planned to cheat or not, if you're willing to hurt your significant other like that, then you don't deserve to be in a relationship.

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I agree with 42. It is one thing to hold these black and white ideals, but when it happens, you have to decide if your marriage is worth some gray and forgiveness. For me, I wanted to work on my marriage, despite having previously felt that if he cheated once, I was gone.

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If the FML was a man confessing to his wife about cheating, then everyone would be saying "divorce his ass right now" and "don't bother with him". True story, the FML community very biased these days.

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54, I agree. She completely broke the trust in the marriage. It doesn't matter if she planned it or not, she still did it. How do you trust your spouse if they cheat so easily? I think I might actually be more worried if my spouse cheated on me impulsively than if they entered into a flirtation with someone else that eventually led to sex. Personally, I feel that if my spouse cheated just because they were horny and someone was available, there's a chance that they've done it before, or will do it again. A flirtation leading to an affair takes some commitment, random hookups with the plumber take none at all.

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its up to the OP what happens to the marriage. I've seen couples that have worked through it when one cheated and other couples haven't. Personally my ex cheating was juzt the end of a long line of horrible behavour and I decided I had enough. I hope the OP does what's best for him.

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ok, sorry to sound patronizing but a word to all these 16-23yo commenters saying that a one off with a plumber should end a marriage... Trust me, when you've been married and committed to someone for many years things get a lot more complicated. And you're wrong 67, a spouse gradually falling in love with someone else is FAR more lethal for a marriage than this. I'd say the instant confession is a good sign - at least she's honest and where there's honesty you might be able to rebuild trust. OP I don't know how long you've been married but think hard and maybe see a counsellor.

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Watch out everyone, Mr. Big Shot 32 year old here to lay down the fucking law. Sorry sir, next time us youngsters should ask for permission before giving our opinions, right?

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151, I disagree. That much impulsiveness shows a lack of commitment, and I'd be extremely converned that it had previously happened and the guilt became to much so my SO had confessed to just this one indescretion, or that they might do it again. We'll just have to agree to disagree.

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Also, I know that to you, you probably wouldn't consider it "many years," but I've been with my boyfriend for 4 years, and I'd personally feel much more worried if he cheated impuslively rather than flirtation leading to cheating over a period of time.

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To be honest. humans aren't monogomous creatures. most people have and will cheat in any long term relationship, wether emotionally or sexually. the fact that she confessed outright instead of hiding it means that she felt so much guilt over the situation that there may be hope for the marraige. Cheating shouldn't be the initial cause, the inability to be hnest and upfront and show remorse, that should be the reason to divorce. Shit happens.

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did you ever see the vow? I'm not a huge fan of chick flicks but. one quote really stuck with me. "i chose to stay with him because of all the things he's done right, not the one thing he's done wrong"

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221, I believe that this comment is unwarranted. I too believe that a relationship is worth saving. Whether two people have been together for 4 days or 40 years. If both parties want a relationship to work then it will. Any underlying issues need to be dealt with, no holds barred. I hope that you find a silver lining in this black storm cloud.

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Plus, the "tearful confession" is a crock. If she was really sorry for what she'd done, she'd have shut up about it. "Confessing" is usually a passive-aggressive strategy to cause your partner more pain (letting them know picked someone else over them), while forcing them to forgive you because "you're sooooooo sorry"…at least until the next time.

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I am 17 and my opinion has been stated to be worthless by someone in this thread because of my lack of life experience. I will state my opinion regardless because I know myself well enough to know that no matter what age I am, I will still feel the same way. If I was cheated on by someone that I loved with all my soul it would destroy everything. I would still love that person but not in the same way I did before. If I left him I wouldn't be able to leave the thought of him betraying me for the rest of my life, because I will always love him. And if I stayed it would never be the same and I couldn't possibly let it go. I don't even want to think about that happening honestly. I don't even flirt with guys now because I would feel guilty for giving them false expectations. I can't imagine how someone could cheat on someone they care about or love. I hate how we excuse it by saying it is human nature and we are animals because that is bull shit. Does anyone have any honor?

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There are a lot of plumbers that are self employed so I doubt it would really matter. Or I can also picture the guy pleading with his employer "Come on, boss! She wanted it! And I got paid to do both jobs! If her husband was taking care of his wife. . . Blah blah blah" (Unfortunately-- It's a different world out there for some)

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Yeah, I thought about the possibility that this guy is his own boss. In that case, OP can report him to the BBB, and post scathing reviews about him in every outlet possible. In business, one's name is everything. OP can still ruin him.

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Pssh... This guy could quit his day job and become a porn star. I mean damn, he created the scene by himself now all he needs is cameras. He could start up shop right now. He'll be rich by the end of the year. I see it now.. "Plumbing Your Wife" or "Phat Assed Plumber Sluts". Seriously though, fuck your wife OP. Kick that bitch to the curb. I hope you take all her shit in the divorce. Good luck, pal, you have my condolences..

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Well those people are assholes and who cares what assholes think? In the end, ideally, this guy will be out of a job and OP will be rid of a cheating wife. This OP will come out on top...ideally. When my ex husband cheated on me, I felt no shame telling everyone I knew what an adulterous asshole he was, and when the divorce was finalized, I felt like a winner.

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104, There was pain in the beginning of the process, but by the time the divorce was finalized after four months, I was just glad to have cut all ties with him. But the fact that we'd only been together for 3 years (including our 1 year marriage) and the fact that the entire relationship had been a thinly veiled living Hell made things easier. I imagine it would have been much more difficult if we'd been together for decades or if the majority if the relationship had been pleasant. Likewise, things may be difficult for OP now, and it may take him much more than just a few months to get over it, but eventually he'll just be glad to be rid of her and will feel much better about the whole situation.

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My wife and I have been married for sixteen years. We have six kids. I don't know OP's situation, but I would be hard pressed to just walk away from my marriage. I would have to give my wife a second chance, but our lives would be a living hell for a while. When I was younger, maybe I could have left. But not now.

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dislike. I hate things like this, because what if she told him she was divorced? not married. husband passed away. this guy could literally have no clue. I know it's more than likely not that, but. I've been the "other girl" completely by accident, and I put him in his damn place when I found out.

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How do we know the plumber knew she was married? Even if he did know, maybe he wasn't thinking of it at the time. From my point of view, she's the one who is really responsible for her own faithfulness.

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Guys, OP said "I" called a plumber. He's a man. The plumber arrived and there was a woman at the house. My guess is that OP gave his own name when he called, so even if the plumber isn't the one who took the call personally, the plumber would have to be a complete moron not to put two and two together. Unless there's some other unusual circumstance, I'd say it's more likely than not this guy knew he was messing with a married woman. And in any case, that's pretty unprofessional behavior.

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Or assure her you'll feel just as sorry the first time you screw another woman, with the implication that you'll be doing that as soon as you find someone you're sufficiently attracted to.

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I'm curious if this was a revenge thing. Did she want to "tearfully confess" and hurt her husband. I've heard that there's usually a particular marriage issue that makes a woman cheat. Then again, maybe she just has really poor impulse control.

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A tearful confession on the day it happened would make me think it was the first time. Women tend to dismiss relationship problems in order to keep the peace until it becomes too late. I'm sad for both of them.

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This probably wasn't her first time since she was able to let herself go to someone she literally just met so quickly. She could have a problem and it may be hard for her to control. Her confessing is guilt built up, but may also be a cry for help. Sorry OP

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112- check out her photoshoot with terry (Jackson or Robinson???...something like that) But I was thinking the exact same thing #7 OP can't live in reality. At least not the same one as I do.

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No way! Keep her around. Put her in charge of your "finances". She can exchange services for services and you'll never have to pay a plumber or mechanic again! ;) Of course you'd also NEVER be able to sleep with her again.

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