Today, I had the pleasure of driving in central London for the first time, to recover my drunk husband from his own brilliance, puking on the feet of Winston Churchill's statue in Parliament Square. At 4 am. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I attempted to make a good impression amongst new coworkers by volunteering to be the designated driver at my work party. What did that get me? A backseat full of puke and some idiot too drunk to remember where he lived. FML
Today, I wound up cleaning vomit out of the window track of my car at midnight, in the nicest dress I own, after my husband got completely wasted at his office Christmas party. FML
Today, I started my job as a driving instructor. My first client showed up piss drunk. FML
Today, there were reports of a drunk and disorderly male, and I arrived at the scene only to discover a drunk guy having explosive diarrhoea in a photo booth. He turned to me and shouted "God save the Queen!" It's then that I remembered it was my job to do something about it. FML
Today, I went out drinking with my friends. Being safe as we were a little intoxicated, we took a taxi back. The cab driver was also drunk. FML
Today, I was designated driver for my friends. This entailed standing around in the cold for 3 hours, not drinking, dealing with drunk people, and oh yeah, I almost forgot, cleaning up vomit from my hair, my clothes, and my new car. FML
Today, my wife got drunk and stopped for a pee against the wheel of a parked police car, with three coppers and a dog inside it. FML
Today, I decided to be the sober housemate for the first time in a while. I drove my drunk friends to the bar and back, even buying them pizza before they passed out in the living room. I got repaid by catching my wasted housemate in my room, peeing all over my floor, bed, and nightstand. FML
Today, I watched a drunk guy getting thrown out of a bar, then get tased on the sidewalk outside. He was our designated driver. FML
Today, my husband drank way too much white wine at a wedding and projectile vomited all over me and my car while I was driving. We were 5 miles from home and I have emetophobia (the fear of vomit/vomiting). FML
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Top comments
DooleyFTW 17
Old Winston is well used to drunk idiots on and around his statue I'm sure!
robbilee 14
Did you enjoy the sites?
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Comments (73)
tranced_ 45
you could've married the right guy! or he must be very hot..
lowshadows 21
anyone read this with a British accent?
byron17 26
there are many accents in the UK....which one?!?! (Say Northern Irish!)
Doctorbones 3
How very British of him...
biglow223 6
I want to puke there!
byron17 26
If you say that as in a "I wanna go to London!" way. That's fine. But if you are dissing Churchill, woah, I'll get the boys (UVF) on you!
liaRawr 9
I wouldn't of picked him up **** that I'd tell him to wait for the train it's his own fault
incoherentrmblr 21
Jolly good...
incoherentrmblr 21
...and Winston Churchill is rolling around in his grave...