Today, I had the pleasure of driving in central London for the first time, to recover my drunk husband from his own brilliance, puking on the feet of Winston Churchill's statue in Parliament Square. At 4 am. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I attempted to make a good impression amongst new coworkers by volunteering to be the designated driver at my work party. What did that get me? A backseat full of puke and some idiot too drunk to remember where he lived. FML
Today, I wound up cleaning vomit out of the window track of my car at midnight, in the nicest dress I own, after my husband got completely wasted at his office Christmas party. FML
Today, I started my job as a driving instructor. My first client showed up piss drunk. FML
Today, there were reports of a drunk and disorderly male, and I arrived at the scene only to discover a drunk guy having explosive diarrhoea in a photo booth. He turned to me and shouted "God save the Queen!" It's then that I remembered it was my job to do something about it. FML
Today, I went out drinking with my friends. Being safe as we were a little intoxicated, we took a taxi back. The cab driver was also drunk. FML
Today, I was designated driver for my friends. This entailed standing around in the cold for 3 hours, not drinking, dealing with drunk people, and oh yeah, I almost forgot, cleaning up vomit from my hair, my clothes, and my new car. FML
Today, my wife got drunk and stopped for a pee against the wheel of a parked police car, with three coppers and a dog inside it. FML
Today, I decided to be the sober housemate for the first time in a while. I drove my drunk friends to the bar and back, even buying them pizza before they passed out in the living room. I got repaid by catching my wasted housemate in my room, peeing all over my floor, bed, and nightstand. FML
Today, I watched a drunk guy getting thrown out of a bar, then get tased on the sidewalk outside. He was our designated driver. FML
Today, my husband drank way too much white wine at a wedding and projectile vomited all over me and my car while I was driving. We were 5 miles from home and I have emetophobia (the fear of vomit/vomiting). FML
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Top comments
DooleyFTW 17
Old Winston is well used to drunk idiots on and around his statue I'm sure!
robbilee 14
Did you enjoy the sites?
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Comments (73)
Sputnikspak 13
Should've let him sleep it off in the streets. Maybe waking up in a gutter would do him some good! Seriously who gets that shitfaced past college age? Once you're married you stay home and drink wine.
150493x 29
Why should people who are past college age and married stay at home? That's ridiculous. My mum and dad, who are married, were out this weekend. You are allowed to enjoy yourself past college age you know.
raphanne_fml 33
Not mentioning that letting her husband sleep in the streets of London could be dangerous.
RedPillSucks 31
Getting shitfaced drunk is not the same as enjoying yourself.
150493x 29
I never said that it was. Some people do go out with the intention of getting shitfaced and somehow find it fun but I was referring to the fact that people who are past college age and are married can still enjoy themselves.
raphanne_fml 33
#50 Don't worry, I think RedPillSucks was replying to Sputnikspak.
Teyros 24
There's a first for everything! Sorry it had to be your husband being drunk as-well :p
cttwtr 10
At least it was before rush hour started!!
weepedrovski 11
Well that just makes me vomit with mirth.
itskaybytheway 10
isn't it beautiful?
Altar_fml 2
It's Sir Winston Churchill and not Winston Churchill.
mbuck87 19
This is the internet; nobody cares
hazzbot 7
Best user name!!!
outoftown 26
Seconded!
Epikouros 31
Churchill said: "I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me." I'm not sure your husband can claim the same.
worldclassrager 39
Good thing it was early take him to the hotel...he'll pass out leave a now and enjoy the city it was supposed to be enjoyed...
EmmaMK 35
You should of suggested that he goes to Euston and waits outside with the other cold drunks until the trains start.