Intimacy: Today, I had my first steamy wet dream. It contained the Power...

By disturbedgd - South Africa - Durban

Today, I had my first steamy wet dream. It contained the Power Rangers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5050

You deserved it

1053

Favorite

Intimacy

There's no helping some people

Fight Club Penguin

Facts over feelings

By Andrew Williams - 11/12/2020 14:01

When nature calls

Today, as I was walking to go look at Christmas lights in my neighborhood, I really had to go number two. I called my dad to come and pick me up. I couldn’t hold it in much longer, so I took a crap in the sewer in the street. FML

I agree, your life sucks

655

You deserved it

301

Favorite

By efff my life. - Canada

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me while I was driving her to a surprise party where I was going to propose. FML

I agree, your life sucks

73008

You deserved it

4279

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Southampton

Today, my dad was teasing me, saying a guy would have to be blind to go on a date with me. I then introduced him to my new, visually impaired boyfriend. He hasn't stopped laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

59045

You deserved it

7038

Favorite

By kam3221 - United States

Today, I got in the shower, washed my hair and shaved because I wanted to look great for a big date. I got out, brushed and dried my hair and spent an hour putting it up in the perfect hairstyle. Running late, I quickly put on my new dress, looked down and realized i had only shaved one leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23833

You deserved it

54167

Favorite

By badmom

Today, I was told that I was a terrible mother, I was ruining my daughter’s life and that I was raising her to be promiscuous. Why? Because I'd painted my 2-year-old’s fingernails. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4525

You deserved it

612

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, working at a daycare centre, when packing up the kids' beds after sleep time, I slipped and landed in a puddle. Of urine. I had no spare pants. I had to wear them for the rest of my shift. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27009

You deserved it

3264

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my wife and I had a huge fight. I was getting ready to go to sleep on the couch when she came downstairs and grabbed a very large metal spoon. I'm afraid to go to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26884

You deserved it

4227

Favorite

By toad - Canada

Today, I found my daughter on Facebook after years of looking for her after the divorce. It turns out it was my ex pretending to be my daughter so she could track me down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53077

You deserved it

6128

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, on my Facebook, the stripper my ex husband cheated on me with showed up in the "People You May Know" box. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47671

You deserved it

4291

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada - Burlington

Today, I went to a hockey game. While warm-ups were happening, my favourite player pointed at me and tossed me a puck. It bounced off my hand into another girl's, who was a fan of the other team. She refused to give it back, then walked away and said, "I can't wait to sell this on eBay." FML

I agree, your life sucks

24958

You deserved it

2405

Favorite

By wat - United States - Santa Ana

Today, I went to visit my overly-posh mother for the first time in many years. Upon arrival, she kicked me out because my outfit did not follow the same color-scheme as her decor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47597

You deserved it

3260

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia - Chatswood

Today, my husband rejected sleeping with me because he wants to "save his energy" for building his custom car. Apparently, I'm a "distraction." FML

I agree, your life sucks

48022

You deserved it

6354

Favorite

By Scarred - United States

Today, while riding in the car with my friends, we stopped at a red light. To our left, a very obese, middle aged man slowly unbuttoned his shirt and spread it out. He then stared at us while massaging his nipples with his thumb and index fingers for the duration of the red light. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50882

You deserved it

5635

Favorite

By Gasman - New Zealand

Today, I was sitting in the doctor's waiting room and thought that I was alone. I let rip 2 massive farts before realising there was a very short woman behind the computer screen at the desk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3456

You deserved it

3042

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Lake Forest

Today, I showed my daughter video footage from a security camera that showed her using her employee key to enter the store I own, disarming the alarm, and stealing several very valuable items. Her defense? That someone had "photoshopped" the video. We'll see how that goes down in court. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31172

You deserved it

2875

Favorite

By Ackno

Today, I was having sex with my husband when the pores on his forehead triggered my trypophobia. We had to stop before I had a panic attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5936

You deserved it

1698

Favorite

By Boyufd

Paaaaaaarty!

Today, it's my birthday. I'd planned an outside party in my backyard, and I'd invited all of my friends. Only 2 of them showed up. It also rained today, even though it wasn't supposed to. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1635

You deserved it

163

Favorite

By Stinky and Single - United States

Today, I was sitting in a secluded corner of a coffee shop and felt extremely gassy. Thinking I'd be safe, I let out a pretty nasty smelling fart. Next thing I know, a cute guy is approaching me and asked my name, but all it took was for him to inhale once and he bolted. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24678

You deserved it

6627

Favorite

By Charlotte - United States

Today, I arrived at work at 8, and business was abnormally slow, but we assumed it would pick up. Few hours later, we had not had a single customer. As I walk out of the restaurant, I realize the open sign has been off all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11090

You deserved it

38926

Favorite

By anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I've become so accustomed to finding my sister drunk or otherwise passed out in the same spot in the living room that every time I go in there, I instinctively lift my feet higher as though to step over her, even when she's not there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22396

You deserved it

1676

Favorite

By breakinphones - United States

Today, I threw my brand new iPhone 4 in the air whilst laying on my bed. It came down, went through my fingers, landed on my balls, then broke on the concrete floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11614

You deserved it

81560

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I finally felt better after having the flu for two weeks. I decided to do some much-needed cleaning that I hadn't been able to do while sick. I tripped over my rug and broke my ankle. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4372

You deserved it

378

Favorite

By lonely - United States

Today, I went over to my boyfriend's house. After asking him what was wrong due to his weird attitude, he responded with, "This isn't working; I'm in love with my sister." FML

I agree, your life sucks

71604

You deserved it

4507

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I let my boyfriend sleep over at my house for the first time. Upon arriving, he tossed his stuff on the floor and said "I gotta take a piss, where's your shower?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

29535

You deserved it

4141

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Tucson

Today, I bought some beef jerky. As I put the first piece in my mouth, I thought to myself, "Wow, this is tough enough to break a tooth." It was. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26932

You deserved it

3523

Favorite

By brrrr that's cold! - United States

Today, I finally felt well enough to take an actual shower after having surgery on my back. It took five minutes to stand up, ten minutes to get to the shower, and another ten minutes to get in. The pilot light went out in less than five minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27625

You deserved it

2392

Favorite

By Stevski - Australia - Port Macquarie

Today, after moving in with a couple of vegan zoologists a few weeks ago, I discover that they don't believe that we have the right to kill cockroaches, and will not allow me to do so. The house is infested, and it's spread to my bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29157

You deserved it

3991

Favorite

By greattt - United States

Today, I went to get my school picture taken, when the photographer looked at me, saying, "You look like you need a mirror." FML

I agree, your life sucks

30104

You deserved it

3838

Favorite

By jenabp - United States

Today, while changing my clothes, my 3 year old daughter informed me that I looked like a zebra. Noticing my shocked face, she tried comforting me by telling me I was a pretty zebra because I was a purple zebra. She was talking about my stretch marks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35733

You deserved it

4593

Favorite

By feartheend511 - United States

Today, while my friends were over, my mom took too many of her pills and walked around the house nude. She then bit me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43059

You deserved it

3642

Favorite

By dontgivemechecks

The customer is sometimes devious

Today, I found out that I accidentally returned a customer her $147 check she had written out to pay for her groceries and receive cash back. The lady got free groceries and money, and I'm now losing my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1190

You deserved it

623

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, someone put dog turds underneath all the decorative reindeers' butts in my front yard. The chief suspect is my curmudgeonly, holidays-hating fuckball of a neighbor. Last week he repositioned them in very suggestive poses. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26146

You deserved it

5831

Favorite

By lame-o-prof - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I was marking exams. I then had to explain to many of the students that (a) pigs are not aquatic animals and (b) sharks do not have lungs. These are university students. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47106

You deserved it

4060

Favorite

By outsmartedbykids - United States - Lake Mills

Today, I was at a buffet with my kids and husband. As my boys got up to get more food, I told them they'd better come back with something green on their plate. They both came back with mint ice cream and got a high-five from my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51563

You deserved it

30777

Favorite

By Ben - United States - Louisville

Today, I found out that if someone flushes a toilet the same time I'm starting the washing machine, my house will flood. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45157

You deserved it

2841

Favorite

By marcymoo - Australia - Perth

Today, I woke to find my laptop and printer covered in what smells like pee. My boyfriend then confessed to me that he occasionally "sleep-pees". It's like sleepwalking, but where he urinates on random objects. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35850

You deserved it

2831

Favorite

By klutz - United States

Today, I wore out the highest heels I had but was nervous about falling because I am such a klutz. I got through the night without any injuries, so I changed into the sneakers I had brought with me to walk home. I tripped right outside my house in my sneakers and broke my ankle. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57409

You deserved it

6041

Favorite

By Maddie - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend uses me for two things. 1) My food. 2) My sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56825

You deserved it

5612

Favorite

By those_allergies - United States - Bend

Today, I was eating a mystery flavored candy and I had an allergic reaction. Not only did I have to go to the hospital because my throat swelled up, but I still don't know what I'm allergic to. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52207

You deserved it

4304

Favorite

By :/ - Australia - North Lakes

Today, I talked to my high school sweetheart after 12 years. He confessed that he's been single ever since we broke up, never got over me, and that to this day he loves me dearly. I'm a married mother of two. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21859

You deserved it

2557

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Jatok | 17

#7433436 - Monday 3 April 2017 20:04

I mean, Pink Ranger is pretty hot.

By MikuandKaito | 24

#7433442 - Monday 3 April 2017 20:17

I kind of want to ask about the details, but at the same time I really /don't/ want to know.

COMMENTS

By Jatok | 17

#7433436 - Monday 3 April 2017 20:04

I mean, Pink Ranger is pretty hot.

By RockPrincess26 | 16

#7433439 - Monday 3 April 2017 20:07

Haha! Loser!

tj4234 | 35

#7433580 - Tuesday 4 April 2017 1:05

Bit rich coming from someone with the name "Rockprincess"...

By MikuandKaito | 24

#7433442 - Monday 3 April 2017 20:17

I kind of want to ask about the details, but at the same time I really /don't/ want to know.

By Razell | 13

#7433464 - Monday 3 April 2017 21:11

... any one in particular, or all of them?

/questions that really don't need an answer.

By IamComrade | 16

#7433492 - Monday 3 April 2017 21:52

I had that dream 20 years ago.

By flamingarrow59 | 21

#7433500 - Monday 3 April 2017 22:12

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

By Anju182 | 3

#7433501 - Monday 3 April 2017 22:14

my very first sexy dream a long time ago involved Jessie and James from pokemon

By PenguinBitch | 43

#7433502 - Monday 3 April 2017 22:14

It's morphin time ;)

By Riles Breshers | 1

#7433516 - Monday 3 April 2017 22:32

yowza

By Druu | 53

#7433520 - Monday 3 April 2017 22:48

<Breathlessly> It's morphin' time!
Geeze it's huge. WE NEED MEGAZORD!