Health: Today, I had an upset stomach. I decided to quickly take out...

By TheCerealKiller - 07/08/2012 09:19 - United States - Northridge

Today, I had an upset stomach. I decided to quickly take out the trash before heading to the bathroom. As I opened the trash can lid, a raccoon jumped out. I learned the literal meaning of being scared shitless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 303

You deserved it 2 711

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 18/09/2010 06:31 - United States

Today, I was bringing the garbage cans inside and noticed one felt a little heavy. I opened it, only to find a raccoon. A very angry raccoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 446

You deserved it 2 928

By Anonymous - 10/11/2010 01:31 - United States

Today, there was an animal rummaging around in my trashcan, so I kicked the trashcan to see what it was. The fox then chased me for three blocks to find out what I was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 985

You deserved it 30 586

By Anonymous - 09/05/2009 03:03 - United States

Today, I woke up and went into the bathroom and noticed a dark mass in the toilet. Thinking someone took a dump and didn't flush, I approached the toilet ready to dispose of it. That's when I noticed its whiskers and ears. It was a rat, and it was alive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 921

You deserved it 3 564

Darwin smiled

By Ihateracoons - 06/09/2022 06:30

Today, I saw a raccoon family on my front porch. There were 3 little babies. Wanting to keep one as a pet, I scooped up one of the babies. The mother raccoon turned around, made a bizarre roaring, hissing sound, and attacked me. I’m currently in the ER covered in grass and scratches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 156

You deserved it 5 207

Ratatouille

By Anonymous - 16/10/2020 08:02

Today, after my house almost got broken into last week, when I heard some noises in the kitchen I went to investigate. I saw a huge rat run across my floor, and nearly peed myself thinking it was an intruder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 994

You deserved it 162

Poot

By dumblonde76 - 14/09/2021 07:00 - United States - Jackson

Today, I had a rumble in my tummy whilst picking up groceries. I tried to let out a little poot, but ended up shitting in my pants. I had to leave without the groceries. FML

I agree, your life sucks 888

You deserved it 365

By dire-rear - 16/01/2010 20:19 - Singapore

Today, I was stuck on the toilet with a huge stomachache after eating bad food the day before. I got up to flush when I noticed that there was a cockroach struggling feebly in the pile of crap. I'll never know if it got there before or after I crapped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 085

You deserved it 3 651

By scaredscreenless - 16/08/2011 19:27 - United States

Today, I was on my back patio talking with my husband. It got dark outside, and I saw something shuffling in the back yard. I freaked out so bad that I went to run inside, only to fly face-first into the screen door. Turns out the shuffling was a baby rabbit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 690

You deserved it 27 350

Goodbye Rémy…

By Tough guy - 04/09/2021 23:00

Today, I was laying in bed when my sister came running in, scared. I took my bat and went into the kitchen where the suspicious noise was coming from. It was a rat, right in the middle of the floor. I jumped on the counter and shrieked, just as my girlfriend walked in, who then actually dealt with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 389

You deserved it 807

Splat!

By Anonymous - 11/05/2020 14:00

Today, I have a case of diarrhea. How did I find out? I got startled by my dog jumping up to greet me, and I shat all over the kitchen floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 543

You deserved it 207

Icyghost17 10

Tuesday 7 August 2012 16:11

I'm sure the raccoon felt the same way.

rikitsumiatsu 11

Tuesday 7 August 2012 16:13

he was waiting for the perfect moment to get you

Comments

TheyCallMeDamien 17

Tuesday 7 August 2012 22:10

It happens.

klx125cross 9

Tuesday 7 August 2012 22:59

Uh..... GROSS! haha

worldclassrager 39

Tuesday 7 August 2012 23:12

racoons have their "masks" when found they freak out and do the same to finds them...

skizza_fml 3

Wednesday 8 August 2012 0:17

This reminds me of Peter griffin, watch yourself, OP

Taurus_ChicKa 36

Wednesday 8 August 2012 0:22

"It's in the raccoon wounds!" :D

linderr 6

Wednesday 8 August 2012 1:24

The raccoon scared the shit out of you.

br0ccoli 14

Wednesday 8 August 2012 2:58

Hilarity! The spirit of Pocahontas must be laughing like a mofo.

83babynique 7

Wednesday 8 August 2012 4:53

Doesn't being scared shitless mean you can't poop? So you pooped or didnt poop?

23musiclover 3

Wednesday 8 August 2012 4:53

Well shit happens... But too bad OP

ebfbruh 0

Wednesday 8 August 2012 5:10

Look on the bright side... U saved 10 minutes by not going to the bathroom

Keywords

Video games Gamers Annoying Cute Kids Birthday Money Weird Awkward Love Health Relatable Abuse Scams Social Media School Education Parents Anger issues Teenagers Family Relationship advice Capitalism Miscellaneous Public freakouts Mental health Grieving Music Geek Poopoo peepee

The Top

Today, I was stuck with a coworker all morning while she had the "front farts." I moved to a different area after lunch, only to have another coworker start talking loudly about her boyfriend's skin tags, and how he likes to have her bite them off. I'm so disgusted but afraid to report it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 460

You deserved it 86

Today, my wife and I got frisky in the living room, completely forgetting we recently gave our adult daughter access to our home security cameras for safety reasons. The cameras didn’t see anything but she now keeps making fun of my orgasm noises, which apparently she found hilarious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 127

You deserved it 434

The Top

Today, my wife tried to refill the windshield wiper fluid on her own. However, she poured it where the oil goes. Now the car is having major issues. Last week I lost my job, and I have no idea how much this is going to cost to fix. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 238

You deserved it 3 632

Today, as an introduction to the history of China, I asked my APA World History class to write a 500 word essay on a historical Chinese person. Out of a class of 18, five of them were about Mulan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 032

You deserved it 5 034

Today, while interviewing for a job, I was greeted by the interviewer with a handshake and a greeting of, "Hello Victoria, my name is Bill." I responded with, "Hello. My name is Bill." I think it's safe to assume I didn't get the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 394

You deserved it 441

Today, I was staying at my boyfriend's house while he was at work, and put on his pants to make some tea. As I took my hot tea and laptop upstairs, the pants slowly started to fall down. I had to keep climbing with my pants around my knees, and shuffle awkwardly past my boyfriend's father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 888

You deserved it 8 669

Today, I was at the airport walking around, killing time. There was a man about twenty years older than me who kept on eyeballing me, and it really wasn't flattering. I get on the plane and guess who I get to sit next to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 771

You deserved it 146

Today, I tried to hang up a light and, in my clumsiness, got shocked. My dad started screaming at me for yelling out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 255

You deserved it 222