Today, I had an argument with my wife. I told her to get back in the kitchen. How does she respond? By doing what I told her to do, and returning to hit me with a frying pan. FML
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Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I got in an argument with my wife. I told her that I feel like she immediately disagrees with anything I say. She immediately disagreed and said she never does that. FML
Today, after an argument, my wife goes out to cook her curly fries in our airfryer. The thing beeps after 15 minutes; my wife goes out and announces, "Oh that's great." "What's up babes?" says I. "I put the fries in the wrong compartment. It's all your fault, you wound me up earlier." she says. FML
Today, my wife is giving me the silent treatment and has locked herself in the bedroom, all because I politely asked her to put the dishcloth away when she was done with it. FML
Today, my husband and I got into an argument. I tried to assault him with a laptop. He yelled, "Don't hit me with the computer." My apartment neighbor yelled through the wall, "Do what you gotta do, girl." FML
Today, I got home and my wife asked me why I hadn’t taken the bin out or cleaned the living room. I asked her why she hadn’t done it since she got fired 6 months ago for laziness and since then has sat on her ass watching daytime TV instead of job searching. She threw a mug at my face. FML
Today, my wife picked a fight with a guy twice my size, then expected me to “man up and teach the bitch a lesson.” I’m not insane so I of course refused to fight, then she locked me out of the house for embarrassing her in front of her sisters. I want a frisking divorce. FML
Today, I asked my wife for a kiss. She snarled, "I'm your WIFE, just fucking kiss me! You don't have to ask!" Later, I went in for a kiss and she slapped me, then yelled that it was my fault for "getting in her face." FML
Today, my girlfriend snapped at me for being lazy and incompetent, and declared that if I was going to behave like a child, she would be treating me like one. This includes safety-proofing the house, talking to me like a 3-year-old and slapping me with a wooden spoon when I do something wrong. FML
Today, as soon as I got home, my husband said he was hungry and that I needed to cook. I flipped my shit and yelled at him for a good half hour. Later, he pulled out his phone and showed me videos of me doing the exact thing to him, asking him to do things the second he walked in the door. FML
Today, my wife stabbed my hand with a fork, making it bleed. I'd only tried to take some fries from her plate. FML
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Top comments
influenza54 1
Tooo bad it wasn't an iron skillet. LOL he deserves it
IdolChatter 0
Yeah, his command was an act of genius & worked out so well didn't it. He's lucky she didn't come back with a butcher's knife.
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Comments (394)
morgan020 0
hahahahaha I love your wife!! that's freaking awesome!! I've hit my husband upside the head with wooden spoons but never a frying pan. I think I need to improve my assault skills on my husband to keep up with her.
moonlight_daze 8
Two words: domestic abuse.
Bright_Lights 14
I ashamed to come from NSW with people like you around. Sexist git.
CFR 0
Ha....I faved this. Dude, I know you were probably angry, but saying shit like that and NOT expecting a reaction from your equally angry wife is just plain stupid.
skyeyez9 25
Look at the countries who keep their woman oppressed. They are third world countries and shitholes where human rights violations are atrocious. Go spend a year in afghanistan, Iran, Iraq, or africa and then come back and tell us your opinion of the countries where woman "are kept in the kitchen." All the sexes are constantly separated and the parties you attend will be "sausage fests" cause women are forbidden to mingle with non male relatives.
tipsy337 0
you did right by tellin that bitch to go back in the kitchen but u forgot to slap her first
DaytimeAura 1
I really hope that was meant to be sarcastic.
coffee_addict7 0
It makes me sad how many people here have no sense of humor. And it scares me how many of them think assaulting someone is an acceptable response to an offensive remark.
Sludge3 17
Thank you that's exactly what I was thinking, op shouldn't have said that but assaulting him was not an appropriate response
idontgiveone 0
well done doucheface. the next time i hope she sets the house on fire with a kitchen stove while your sleeping as well.
chellinha93 0
I LOVE UR WIFE....!!!! YSDI( you sooooooo deserved it!)
Roshan 0
I made an account just to tell you this: YDI, you chauvinistic ********.