Today, I had an argument with my wife. I told her to get back in the kitchen. How does she respond? By doing what I told her to do, and returning to hit me with a frying pan. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I got in an argument with my wife. I told her that I feel like she immediately disagrees with anything I say. She immediately disagreed and said she never does that. FML
Today, after an argument, my wife goes out to cook her curly fries in our airfryer. The thing beeps after 15 minutes; my wife goes out and announces, "Oh that's great." "What's up babes?" says I. "I put the fries in the wrong compartment. It's all your fault, you wound me up earlier." she says. FML
Today, my wife is giving me the silent treatment and has locked herself in the bedroom, all because I politely asked her to put the dishcloth away when she was done with it. FML
Today, my husband and I got into an argument. I tried to assault him with a laptop. He yelled, "Don't hit me with the computer." My apartment neighbor yelled through the wall, "Do what you gotta do, girl." FML
Today, I got home and my wife asked me why I hadn’t taken the bin out or cleaned the living room. I asked her why she hadn’t done it since she got fired 6 months ago for laziness and since then has sat on her ass watching daytime TV instead of job searching. She threw a mug at my face. FML
Today, my wife picked a fight with a guy twice my size, then expected me to “man up and teach the bitch a lesson.” I’m not insane so I of course refused to fight, then she locked me out of the house for embarrassing her in front of her sisters. I want a frisking divorce. FML
Today, I asked my wife for a kiss. She snarled, "I'm your WIFE, just fucking kiss me! You don't have to ask!" Later, I went in for a kiss and she slapped me, then yelled that it was my fault for "getting in her face." FML
Today, my girlfriend snapped at me for being lazy and incompetent, and declared that if I was going to behave like a child, she would be treating me like one. This includes safety-proofing the house, talking to me like a 3-year-old and slapping me with a wooden spoon when I do something wrong. FML
Today, as soon as I got home, my husband said he was hungry and that I needed to cook. I flipped my shit and yelled at him for a good half hour. Later, he pulled out his phone and showed me videos of me doing the exact thing to him, asking him to do things the second he walked in the door. FML
Today, my wife stabbed my hand with a fork, making it bleed. I'd only tried to take some fries from her plate. FML
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Top comments
influenza54 1
Tooo bad it wasn't an iron skillet. LOL he deserves it
IdolChatter 0
Yeah, his command was an act of genius & worked out so well didn't it. He's lucky she didn't come back with a butcher's knife.
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Comments (394)
DynamicDave 11
I love it! you're seriously my idol for that. And also for your username. Also, I have a sexist joke to contribute: How do you turn a dishwasher into a snowplow? Give her a shovel!
toink 0
OP, you're a horrible person. I would say one of your parents was a female dingo, but insulting dingos is something I never do.
UnitedNinjas 0
Agreed!
luke_dawg2 0
you ****** deserve that you shovenist bitch! (and i'm a dude)
kukopia 0
He didn't say anything about shoven her
arques 0
I enjoy a good sexist joke as much as the next person and it was definitely worth it but even you know you deserved it.
mmfgk 0
YDI for being a sexist prick.
calikola 0
Chauvinism FAIL.
marquisrs 0
ur officially her bitch
AndreaHatesYou1 0
You 100% deserved it you sexist ****. Hopefully next time she just dumps boiling water on your lap instead.
Chowi_fml 0
Woah now, that's kind of cruel, don't you think?
growingupnextmon 3
Hrrm Im getting the feeling its that time of month?
Sprinter136 2
Yes, because women can only get angry when they're in PMS, and then its highly unacceptable, because they should be using that energy making sandwiches instead; however, men can be assholes anytime they please. /sarcasm
Chowi_fml 0
Feminists unite!
sandwichbait 0
For some reason, I'm thinking of Tyler Perry's Madea's Family Reunion, and the grits incident. But that wouldn't really fit here.
soulonfire928 0
I'm a chick, but if I'd been told to get back in the kitchen, I would've started laughing my ass off. I was cracking up when I read the OP said that. And then laughed even harder to find out she smacked him with a frying pan. Hilarity all around.
kitkatkelly 0
Ditto! Because I'd never date someone who would seriously mean that. Much hilarity.