Today, I had an argument with my wife. I told her to get back in the kitchen. How does she respond? By doing what I told her to do, and returning to hit me with a frying pan. FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I got in an argument with my wife. I told her that I feel like she immediately disagrees with anything I say. She immediately disagreed and said she never does that. FML
Today, after an argument, my wife goes out to cook her curly fries in our airfryer. The thing beeps after 15 minutes; my wife goes out and announces, "Oh that's great." "What's up babes?" says I. "I put the fries in the wrong compartment. It's all your fault, you wound me up earlier." she says. FML
Today, my wife is giving me the silent treatment and has locked herself in the bedroom, all because I politely asked her to put the dishcloth away when she was done with it. FML
Today, my husband and I got into an argument. I tried to assault him with a laptop. He yelled, "Don't hit me with the computer." My apartment neighbor yelled through the wall, "Do what you gotta do, girl." FML
Today, I got home and my wife asked me why I hadn’t taken the bin out or cleaned the living room. I asked her why she hadn’t done it since she got fired 6 months ago for laziness and since then has sat on her ass watching daytime TV instead of job searching. She threw a mug at my face. FML
Today, my wife picked a fight with a guy twice my size, then expected me to “man up and teach the bitch a lesson.” I’m not insane so I of course refused to fight, then she locked me out of the house for embarrassing her in front of her sisters. I want a frisking divorce. FML
Today, I asked my wife for a kiss. She snarled, "I'm your WIFE, just fucking kiss me! You don't have to ask!" Later, I went in for a kiss and she slapped me, then yelled that it was my fault for "getting in her face." FML
Today, my girlfriend snapped at me for being lazy and incompetent, and declared that if I was going to behave like a child, she would be treating me like one. This includes safety-proofing the house, talking to me like a 3-year-old and slapping me with a wooden spoon when I do something wrong. FML
Today, as soon as I got home, my husband said he was hungry and that I needed to cook. I flipped my shit and yelled at him for a good half hour. Later, he pulled out his phone and showed me videos of me doing the exact thing to him, asking him to do things the second he walked in the door. FML
Today, my wife stabbed my hand with a fork, making it bleed. I'd only tried to take some fries from her plate. FML
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Top comments
influenza54 1
Tooo bad it wasn't an iron skillet. LOL he deserves it
IdolChatter 0
Yeah, his command was an act of genius & worked out so well didn't it. He's lucky she didn't come back with a butcher's knife.
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Comments (394)
growingupnextmon 3
Well we dont necessarily know the context but it does sound pretty bad. But seriously OP you have balls and you are a champion, not many guys risk that type of stuff anymore and obviously for good reason looking at the results.
influenza54 1
Tooo bad it wasn't an iron skillet. LOL he deserves it
marz88 0
Oh good other people actually read that I thought it was just me
jdannyl 0
(just to help the debate along) He only said that because that's where she should be, making him a sandwich. Unless of course it was time for her to do the ironing.
jmcow 0
#18 ftw!
glitchead 0
one would think, but strangely, not yet
buddymask1 0
so i'm assuming you don't have a girlfriend? wife? didn't think so..
99MDC 0
Love it. Make me food, dammit.
TheKitsune 0
See, that usually ends the fight for my boyfriend and myself. Since once he says that we're laughing too hard to continue angrily. It's funny. Make her not be lame.
iwadasn 33
I'm glad gender discrimination amuses you. It's things like this that set back equality movements.
Brave_Sir_Robin 4
I like how things panned out for you, OP. Since we're on the subject of sexism and sexist jokes... Q - What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? A - Nothing. You already told her twice. Q - What do you do if your woman's watch breaks? A - Nothing. There's a clock on the stove. Q - Where should a wife go after checking out of a wife beating rehab center? A - To the kitchen if she knows what's good for her.
sublime93 0
Lmfao! Those are great
Brave_Sir_Robin 4
@mercy - what you just said became relevant to my interests. I am, of course, talking about the fist names and not the fact that you want to get married and have "hideous, three headed mutant spawn." Obligatory - "I know what you're asking yourself and the answer is yes. I have a nick name for my penis. Its called the Octagon, but I also nick named my testes - my left one is James Westfall and my right one is Doctor Kenneth Noisewater. You ladies play your cards right you just might get to meet the whole gang."
growingupnextmon 3
They never heard of "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me" either that or they didnt get the concept.
thatoneguyinca 0
Why is the area above a womans hip called a waist? Because you could easily fit another pair of **** there and, I think the main reason women don't wear watches (all together) is because there's a clock on the stove, not because it broke :-) sexism rocks
megangubler 3
You. Are. A. Dick. **** you
lneely 0
ydi, but still awesome. :D
jw90 18
haha damn! don't piss her of again..
laughing_zebra 0
Did she at least make you a sammich?
Jagger117 0
Jesus your cool, Obama, go to he'll. or at least get the he'll out of the whitehouse. as for you Peter panface, you are a sexist mongrel who examplifies why this wourl sucks, men aren't any better than women, and I think you ought to try making your own damn sammich! betcha forgot how? oh and to clarify, I'm a male. so you can't say I'm just some butthurt chick. (that previous sentance does not reflect my views or opinions)
growingupnextmon 3
#32 do you have friends by chance? Like male friends...
mike1921 0
"Jesus your cool, Obama, go to he'll. or at least get the he'll out of the whitehouse. " Republican? :P Also, removed that ******* apostrophe from the word "hell" , seriously. "you are a sexist mongrel who examplifies why this wourl sucks, men aren't any better than women, and I think you ought to try making your own damn sammich! betcha forgot how?" Did he really seem like that much of an idiot? Where he doesn't know how to make a sandwich?