Today, I had a swollen knee, and was slowly limping to the toilet. All of a sudden, my mom ran past me, beating me to it. As she closed the door, she said, "AT LEAST I CAN RUN!" FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my mother called me urgently from the kitchen. Thinking she was hurt, I ran to her as fast as possible. She threw a wet cloth at my head and ran away, laughing her face off. FML
Today, I came home from a knee surgery. I asked my mother to get me a glass of water. She replied, "You can get it, you're not crippled. Oh wait, yeah you are!" and laughed hysterically. FML
Today, I desperately needed to pee, but my mom was in the bathroom taking a shower, so I waited patiently until she finished. Just as I was about to go in, my half-naked dad rushed ahead, said "Going somewhere, son?" and shut the door on me. FML
Today, I slipped and fell down the stairs, landing hard on my knee. Through my screams of agony, my mom accused me of exaggerating the pain, and said I was just being an attention seeker, before finally taking me to hospital. I was told my leg was broken. She refused to apologize. FML
Today, I fell down the stairs. My mom came running from the other room because she thought it was the dog. She rolled her eyes and walked away when she saw it was me. FML
Today, as I was walking home, I saw an ambulance pull into my driveway with its sirens blaring. Thinking it could be for my sick father, I started frantically sprinting. I managed to trip on my pant-leg, twisting my ankle in the process. They were just turning around in my driveway. FML
Today, I had debilitating stomach cramps and told my mom, but she said she was too tired to take me to the ER. I had appendicitis. Thanks Mom. FML
Today, I went on a run. Going a decent pace, I passed a woman walking her dog. I joked, "C'mon! Keep up!" Thirty feet later I stepped in mud, rolled my ankle and fell. The woman walked by as I lay in agony, and told me to keep up. FML
Today, I broke my toe and screamed, "Fuck!" My mom heard and yelled at me for swearing, while I laid on the floor in pain. FML
Today, I walked across my kitchen to go get my mom a blanket after she shoveled snow. I slipped and caught the kitchen chair with my side, landed on the floor and almost fracturing my knee cap. She then told me she wasn't cold. FML
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Top comments
kateheartswaffle 0
She sounds..nice?
Samberriee 9
Go for her Achilles next time, dawg.
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Comments (184)
kateheartswaffle 0
She sounds..nice?
EatnBeef 7
Early bird gets the worm.
Danny0522 8
Break her leg, then wait for the perfect moment and do the same thing
VaGino432 0
more like total ******* bitch. kick that door down and exclaim, "Atleast I can kick a door down bitch!"
EatnBeef 7
But in this case early bird gets to take a shit.
AssassinsCRB 0
10 he cant sadly he has a swollen knee if you didnt read this also he would hurt his knee more if he stood on it alone and kicked thats the whole point of limping
BrickWalls 2
#10 his knee is swollen please explain how that would work?
Danny0522 8
I meant when it healed
BrickWalls 2
That was the worst fail I've ever seen.
tjv3 10
Well when you gotta go you gotta go
HubbaBubba259_fml 0
That's why you get a cane; at least then you can trip people like her!
CanWeMicrowaveIt 11
He used to be able to run..... Then he took a arrow to the knee...... Please don't kill me...
zombiegold 23
That guy's mom suffers from Chronic Bitch Disorder (CBD).
Randuhh_17 4
Tell her that's okay, you're happy for her... Because she's getting pretty old, and you don't think she'll be able to in a couple of years.
MichellinMan 20
15- tape worms?
PvtParts417 15
You look..hot?
McDonaldsworker 4
lol I used to be a great archer able to shoot an arrow into a persons knee at 500 yards...and then I found out the painful way that I was not the only person who liked to shoot other people in the knees with arrows
McDonaldsworker 4
In response to #65's comment
VaGino432 0
naw see people are misinterpreting my meaning. I've been kicked directly against the bend of my knee in an intense ass sparring bout. I was still able to drop a back hook kick across his dome and lay him out. point is, pain is psychological. besides, I didn't realize op was female until after I ran my keyboard.
lebronesque73091 12
Sounds like that one moment ruined your entire life.
aceman1992 9
10 are you slow? Or full blown retarded?
Awsumuzzie 12
Awe I lost the game... 104 is a way better troll than I am.
kittenvks 11
I'm gonna go with slow... Very very slow.
GoW_Chick 14
104- you've lost me, can someone please help me find my way out of the alternate dumbass dimension, I really don't want to stay here too long..
poy2x 0
He can barely walk, what makes you think he can kick?
slushybox 9
79- I've also heard its untreatable, such a shame really
VaGino432 0
alright well I'm sorry you faggots live blindly in this world with as much self discipline as an impulsive 14 year old with ADHD. nothing I've stated previously has been in accurate, harvest your mind and maybe do a little research before you doubt the capabilities of the human body.
zombiegold 23
Did you know that one out of every 12 women sufer from CBD? That means that at every party, wedding, or club, there are bitches everywhere.
allard 14
She obviously Kneeded to use the bathroom..
gress269 4
What happened, arrow to the knee? God I hate those jokes.
PhoenixDark1313 2
****.... You beat me to it
ciscmowe 5
Take a piss outside the washroom door, that way she'll step into it while coming out.. HA
rttr 18
Funniest. Comment. Ever. xD
Samberriee 9
Go for her Achilles next time, dawg.
Exeggcute 5
Mom got the moves
sndvex 0
like jagger
NickyK 25
I was off my left foot for anything besides walking when I hurt my achilles once. Just ow.
MichellinMan 20
I got bit by a snake on my Achilles tendon, hurt like a mother ******.
ThecomingofTan 9
Some homeless man tried to bite down on my Achilles tendon once because I wouldn't give him any money. Long story short, I ****** him.
jonriise18 3
96 - pls tell me u forgot to write "up" at the end of that last sentence. If not, I DEF wanna hear the "long story" part.
ThecomingofTan 9
No, I would never beat up the homeless. I'm not an asshole. Plus, where else am I going to get sex so cheap? I'm tired of paying 500 dollars for some ***** in Guatemala.
superguppy19 3
Not to be mean but yo dawg I heard we heard u like knees so we put knees in your knees
beebananaz88 0
Guatemala L O L...
superpoptart 24
Can someone tell me what 124 was trying to say?
slushybox 9
96- should've made an fml post about it :) haha
ceilingfans 1
Should have tripped her.
AlaskanEskimo34 0
With what? OP's knee is swollen. That would hurt like a bitch!
CareFace 16
Closelined her instead, then?
Jakesterk96 8
You heard her wrong, she actually said, "SORRY, I HAVE THE RUNS!".
smarie98 1
Or punched her. Hey, your hand's ok so why not?
cruxx 0
61 I would hope OP had another leg...
ceilingfans 1
118, op has two options with the tripping. 1) She sticks out her injured leg(ouch) 2) she sticks out her good leg, while standing on her bad leg(also ouch) Unless, of course, you're suggesting OP has 3 legs.
CareFace 16
That suggestion is correct. She has 3 legs. Like an octopus, just she is missing the tentacles and doesn't live in water, so... nothing like an octopus. More like a person with 3 legs, out to get her mum.
harrywestt 0
haha lol oh the irony
CeruleanThree 8
Am I the only one not getting the irony?
pancakerocks 1
Do i dare say it?
DayAndNite 8
No this isn't ironic at all
ant1078 7
Only ironic thing here is using the word irony without knowing the meaning of irony! ZING!!
KingDingALing 9
You can't say "ZING" to your own joke. That's just...sad. When will people learn this...
ImInYourFACEbook 8
I hate when people say you can't laugh or in this case 'zing' your own jokes! Why would you tell a joke if you didn't find it funny yourself?
MichellinMan 20
I honestly don't think they're funny, but I don't bitch about the jokes.
GoW_Chick 14
I think people have to show on here they were making a joke, because apparently a lot of people don't understand humor, according to what I've seen on FML, and take it to seriously, it's sad really if you think about it.
GLaDOSv1_09 19
The person with a swollen knee can't move quickly, and the person with functioning knees can. What part of that isn't an incongruity between expectations and reality? Oh, right, all of it.
ant1078 7
#63...at first I thought ur pic was of a dog skiing, but then I realized he was just cleaning up the dirt I swept off my shoulders....ZING??!
datguyuno 5
You keep saying that word. I do not think you know what it means.
fiblydinkerton 0
You know you could have made if you hadn't taken an arrow to the knee.
boundbytheanimus 9
I used to be an adventurer like you
AlaskaKid95 7
Stop it! Arrow to the knee jokes aren't funny.
Deeznutzhairy 7
43 I used to think that, but then I took an arrow to the knee
AlaskaKid95 7
**** you 48. -.-
HetaliaFreak 10
55- I used to **** you, then I took some sense of humor to the brain.
StopDropNRoll 11
Ok I've been wondering this for like the last few weeks I've gotten on the app. But where is the arrow to the knee reference coming from? Thanks
CeruleanThree 8
69- Skyrim.
ceilingfans 1
I wish I could 69 skyrim...
AlaskaKid95 7
64 they used to be funny.
choloman 0
hahah first time I read those jokes online they were great. skyrim is baws
imabong 7
skyrimnretard
GoW_Chick 14
Well she does have you there, but that was kind of a rude thing to do.
TheDrifter 23
Sometimes you've gotta run when you've got the runs. Sorry about your luck op.
shrimp1234 4
Hop on one foot
Batmen_fml 2
Have you recently taken an arrow to the knee?
alexup24 13
they will find you...
Furrywhiplash 14
Well then, may Sithis guide them.
Arxikist 3
Can she fall as fast as she can run?