Kids: Today, I got my long hair cut in a short pixie cut. When my five... - FML

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I got my long hair cut in a short pixie cut. When my five year old daughter saw me she laughed and proclaimed 'You look just like a man!'. That afternoon I got a concerned call from the school. My daughter has told everyone 'mummy has gone away, I now have two daddies!' FML

I agree, your life sucks

73124

You deserved it

8239

Tweet

Share

Triage

Who's that?

You can't win sometimes

By Yay..... - Canada

Today, my friends thought it would be a good idea to make fun of a homeless man. I didn't fancy making fun of the less fortunate, so I stayed a bit back. Still, the homeless man didn't think it would matter to throw a rock at me after my buddies ran away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28566

You deserved it

14467

Tweet

Share

By :/ - Australia - North Lakes

Today, I talked to my high school sweetheart after 12 years. He confessed that he's been single ever since we broke up, never got over me, and that to this day he loves me dearly. I'm a married mother of two. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21850

You deserved it

2556

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada - Montr?al

Today, my 19 year old brother called me a moron and told me to go read a book, after I corrected him when he said girls don't have colons. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24598

You deserved it

2172

Tweet

Share

By lalararara - United States

Today, I got a 95 on my term project. To congratulate me, my boyfriend said we're having sex tonight. I only get laid if I get good grades. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29861

You deserved it

6738

Tweet

Share

By Anon - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I really haven't been feeling well. Even thought I felt like complete shit, my friends dragged me out to a club. When I got there, I ran into the bathroom and started simultaneously shitting and puking. If I stopped one, the other got worse. I was stuck there for an hour and a half. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14111

You deserved it

1670

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Observation

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Right as I was really getting into it, he pauses, frowns, and says, "I think I see the pee hole." FML

I agree, your life sucks

97524

You deserved it

7958

Tweet

Share

By poorlyparented - United States - San Antonio

Today, my coworker decided to give me "the talk". I'm 21 and not a virgin, yet most of what she said was new to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32053

You deserved it

5665

Tweet

Share

By goodmorning - United States - Nashville

Today, I was eating a bowl of cereal and noticed something float to the top. On closer inspection, it turned out to be a mouse turd. I had already eaten half the bowl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40614

You deserved it

4429

Tweet

Share

By Angrymom

Today, my teenage son informed me that when he’s too lazy to walk to the bathroom, he uses the kitchen sink as a toilet. I use that sink every day to wash vegetables for my family's dinner. He doesn't see a problem with this. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3023

You deserved it

311

Tweet

Share

By Ibrowtheedge

Today, I shaved off half of my right eyebrow by accident. It still looks better than my left eyebrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2306

You deserved it

447

Tweet

Share

By elo - France

Today, I woke up beside a disgusting guy I didn't know. He told me he was the best friend of the handsome guy I was hitting on yesterday evening. I can't remember at which point I got mislead into bringing the wrong one home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7882

You deserved it

32273

Tweet

Share

By waiterrrrrrrrr - United States

Today, I was working my shift at a fancy restaurant and it had been a really hard day. My parents came in to have dinner and surprise me. After paying, they left a note saying they would see me at home. It also said "By the way, no tip, because you stink at serving." FML

I agree, your life sucks

45731

You deserved it

6955

Tweet

Share

By Dontwaketheneighbors - United States - Santee

Today, I found out my new girlfriend is a screamer. This would normally turn me on, except she sounds like she's being murdered with a rusty fork. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40578

You deserved it

4545

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - United States

Today, I went to write "Happy Bday, I Love You" on my girlfriend's car windows to surprise her when she woke up. I was the one who got the surprise when I saw her, in her backseat, having sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

80668

You deserved it

3692

Tweet

Share

By alf - France

Today, I kissed the girl I love for the first time. Her reaction? She vomited. FML

I agree, your life sucks

74771

You deserved it

7240

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - South Salem

Today, I tried to propose to my girlfriend, but I was so nervous that I had a panic attack, fainted and split my head open. My girlfriend then fainted at the sight of the blood. An onlooker had to call an ambulance for both of us. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41184

You deserved it

4113

Tweet

Share

By Laserbeaver - United States - Milton

Today, I finally handed my girlfriend a portrait of her. I'm not the best drawer, but I spent weeks on it and I thought it turned out pretty good. When she looked at it, she asked what kind of dog was it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46753

You deserved it

5499

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went on a blind date that my best friend had set up for me. When I arrived, I introduced myself and we sat at the table. After we ordered our food, he asked the waiter for some crayons and a kid's menu, and colored for the half hour before our food came. He didn't talk to me at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33409

You deserved it

3999

Tweet

Share

By szinna - United States

Today, in an effort to seduce my husband, I laid in bed caressing myself. He walked in, looked at me, and said, "Is the ground beef in the freezer still good?" When I answered yes, he turned and walked out of the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57935

You deserved it

6752

Tweet

Share

By Brinty - Australia

Today, I found out that whenever a mistake is made at my work, my boss assumes that it was me, unless indicated otherwise, but he has never said anything to me about it because of my 'learning disorder'. I don't have a learning disorder. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32413

You deserved it

2655

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - United States

Today, my husband and I got married. The only thing that is different so far is that he now thinks that it's okay to shit with the door open. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37916

You deserved it

8695

Tweet

Share

By musicmaniac13 - France

Today, I performed in my school's choir concert. The girl next to me started to pass out, and I grabbed her so she wouldn't hit her head. After we were done performing and the curtains closed, my choir teacher dragged me off stage and said I was getting an F for "creating a distraction". FML

I agree, your life sucks

43581

You deserved it

3345

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were about to have sex for the first time. We are both virgins. After we kissed and I took down my pants, she screamed and said "That THING is going to break me." We never did it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49922

You deserved it

6985

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, on my way back from a family trip, my fiancé informed me via text that he'd been cheating on me for years and that he'd moved out of our house and left the state. He blocked me before I could respond. We were together for 7 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6421

You deserved it

324

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I found out the reason my boyfriend dumped me was because his parents don't like the fact that I go to a prestigious university. However, they're completely accepting of the drunken slob who's dating their daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38580

You deserved it

3734

Tweet

Share

By justin bieber's nutsack - United Kingdom

Today, I took my girlfriend home to introduce her to my parents. As we arrived, my grandpa was leaving the bathroom. He looked over at my girlfriend with a worried expression and said "Never take a shit in this place! Feels like I wiped my arsehole with sandpaper." FML

I agree, your life sucks

28931

You deserved it

2748

Tweet

Share

By k - United States

Today, my ex-boyfriend came over. After I finished pouring my heart out to him about how much I missed him, and how much I loved him, he looks at me and asks "So are we gonna do it, or what?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

45170

You deserved it

11525

Tweet

Share

By he's mine - United Kingdom - Harpenden

Today, I found my sister's wedding book. Inside it was a list of potential grooms; she'd written down all of my ex-boyfriends. And my fiancé. We're getting married in three weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26818

You deserved it

1862

Tweet

Share

By Not Worth a Lunch - United States - Durham

Today, my boss told me they were letting me go because they "could no longer afford to pay me." Never mind the catered lunch they had the day before, which cost more than a week's worth of my salary. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34478

You deserved it

2490

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, the girl that I have been trying to get with for over a year told me she was drunk and just gave her first blowjob to some guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32478

You deserved it

4731

Tweet

Share

By beleria - United States

Today, I went grocery shopping. As I was leaning in to pick up some produce, someone viciously slapped me on the butt. I whirled around and nobody was anywhere in sight. Now I'm starting to worry that I'm losing my mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27153

You deserved it

2874

Tweet

Share

By notacatperson - United Kingdom

Today, I was informed that due to my cat being aggressive and attacking the postman several times, my mail would no longer be delivered to my address. I don't own a cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40966

You deserved it

2771

Tweet

Share

By LiLGeek - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were looking for our bubblegum flavored "numbing" lotion to have some morning fun. We couldnt find it anywhere. After about 10 minutes, my little nephew comes from my room crying and drool coming out of his mouth. He smelt like bubblegum, his mouth and tongue were all numb. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36478

You deserved it

9114

Tweet

Share

By loser - United States

Today, my fiancée broke up with me. Via a myspace message. While we were in the same apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks

367483

You deserved it

32590

Tweet

Share

By sunny_funny - Cyprus - Nicosia

Today, I'm on a residential trip for 4 days with 72 children, 5 other staff and 72 sets of parents who want to be on the phone to me constantly. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4637

You deserved it

442

Tweet

Share

By chicagobulls102 - United States

Today, the really cute guy who asked for my number last night texted me. He wanted to know if he could get my friend's number, because he'd been too shy to ask her directly. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34666

You deserved it

2780

Tweet

Share

By leenibeani4 - United States

Today, at the eye doctor, they asked for my birth date for the files. My dad answered quickly, "May 28, 1994." It was embarrassing to have to correct him with "April 19, 1993." Who's May 28? Way to go dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30088

You deserved it

2457

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada - North Vancouver

Today, a dog attacked me. Its owner, instead of apologizing and helping me, said it was my own fault for making it think I was an attacker by running past them. We were on a jogging track. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29618

You deserved it

1961

Tweet

Share

By ken

Today, I took my girlfriend to a festival. The very first thing we saw when we got there was a guy being wheeled away by paramedics. She freaked out and demanded we leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2270

Phew, glad it wasn't me

294

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Waxing pubical

Today, I was waxing my legs and somehow dropped an enormous dollop of hot wax on my naked crotch. I refused to yank it off, but still had to cut it off with scissors. So now I have a huge patch of pubic hair way shorter than the rest of it. It looks a right mess FML

I agree, your life sucks

953

You deserved it

905

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Lotus_Eater | 0

#78092 - Friday 3 April 2009 0:33

You should cut your little girl's hair just like yours. :P

By littlemuffet | 0

#78138 - Friday 3 April 2009 0:39

Must be a Catholic school.

COMMENTS

By truslide | 0

#78072 - Friday 3 April 2009 0:29

1st

LOL kids these days

By pkmlove | 0

#78076 - Friday 3 April 2009 0:29

Hahaha that's hilarious sorry.

By d0rkaSAUR | 0

#78078 - Friday 3 April 2009 0:30

Sucks for you ]x

By PureGold | 0

#78079 - Friday 3 April 2009 0:30

Ooh, that's embarrassing xP. I can see how that would be a reason for the school to call home haha...

Reply

SpyroCool | 13

#5766845 - Sunday 24 November 2013 20:05

I don't.

Reply

liviathisbe | 17

#5963037 - Monday 2 June 2014 6:24

I totally agree but I think they meant more along the lines of, mom's missing, and someone else just took her place.

By Lotus_Eater | 0

#78092 - Friday 3 April 2009 0:33

You should cut your little girl's hair just like yours. :P

By Bryan_Z | 0

#78093 - Friday 3 April 2009 0:33

hahaha
is the new daddy hot? :p

By UnCensoredBitch | 0

#78113 - Friday 3 April 2009 0:36

Haha! Kids are so mean! I agree with #5!

Reply

randomgirl1234 | 20

#6090268 - Wednesday 15 October 2014 18:14

You don't have to make another comment to tell that you're agreeing with #5. There are other ways to do that

By omglolydi | 0

#78117 - Friday 3 April 2009 0:36

So... I'm guessing you look better with longer hair...

By hellohello1 | 0

#78122 - Friday 3 April 2009 0:36

honestly, children's gender constancy at that age is still developing, so she might really believe that cutting your hair short changed you from a woman to a man! sad that she had to announce it at school though, hahaha.

By truslide | 0

#78123 - Friday 3 April 2009 0:37

was the school more concerned that mummy has "gone away" or that your child has two dads?