Kids: Today, I got my long hair cut in a short pixie cut. When my five... - FML

By Anonymous - 02/04/2009 16:14 - United Kingdom

Today, I got my long hair cut in a short pixie cut. When my five year old daughter saw me she laughed and proclaimed 'You look just like a man!'. That afternoon I got a concerned call from the school. My daughter has told everyone 'mummy has gone away, I now have two daddies!' FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 148

You deserved it 8 245

There's no helping some people

Another great day to be alive

Triage

By Sleepy - 19/03/2019 20:00

Today, at 2:30 a.m. I got locked out of my room. I knocked upstairs to get my landlady to give me the spare key. Instead, I woke up the dogs next door who wanted to kill me, so I hid for 5 hours in the enclosed trampoline with some outdoor blankets. They were covered in animal piss. It rained. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 988

You deserved it 656

By Anonymous - 07/02/2014 23:16 - United Kingdom

Today, wanting to break up with my boyfriend, I invited him to dinner with my parents. I was sure they'd hate him, which would give me the excuse I needed. They ended up loving him, and now they won't stop mentioning marriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 695

You deserved it 52 943

By Lamediseased - 29/09/2016 15:07 - Mexico - Mexico

Today, I got diagnosed with Lyme disease. My whole family thought it would be hilarious to call it, "Lame disease. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 477

You deserved it 757

It's a doggy dog world

By BrokeCollegeStudent - 30/06/2017 18:00

Today, I got a call from my mom-in-law saying I have to buy my own food. I took 3 weeks off on unpaid vacation and came out of state to watch my in-laws' house and dog sit while they go out of country. I'm not allowed to touch their food, even the spoiling stuff. My husband doesn't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 609

You deserved it 317

By Anonymous - 21/11/2015 13:47 - United States - Kenosha

Today, my deadbeat dad threatened to press charges against me for harassment if I ever contact him again. I've contacted him twice in the last two years, once to tell him he was going to be a grandfather, and once to send him a birthday card from my son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 633

You deserved it 1 809

By Anonymous - 16/06/2009 17:39 - United States

Spicy

Today, I let my on-again, off-again boyfriend spend the night. For months we had been fighting about his new flame. After he convinced me that they are no longer an item, we had the most mind-blowing sex then we fell asleep. I awoke to him moaning her name. Followed by pelvic thrusts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 976

You deserved it 54 198

By anonymous - 04/05/2009 05:40 - United States

Today, I went into work to set up a new store. There was a lot of lifting so I dressed casual. This happened to be the day the owner brought in his conservative family to check out the store. I was wearing a shirt that says "everyone poops" and has a donkey and elephant pooping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 325

You deserved it 60 280

By Anonymous - 23/05/2013 17:48 - Romania - Buzau

Spicy

Today, I heard my grandma sobbing in her room. After finally convincing her to tell me what was wrong, she confessed to watching a porn video last night. She thinks not being able to sleep afterwards is a sign that God is punishing her, and that she's damned our family to hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 478

You deserved it 3 415

By phone-less - 17/12/2015 02:47 - United States - East Peoria

Today, I was at an amusement park with friends. We wanted to get a picture of all four of us, so we asked a nice-looking man to take it for us on my brand-new iPhone 6s. He took something. Unfortunately, it wasn't a picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 166

You deserved it 7 495

By Anonymous - 13/08/2018 18:30

Today, I was in school when a guy grabbed my breast, so I swore at him and shoved him away. I got detention and he walked away unpunished. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 717

You deserved it 216

By Crazy Cat Guy - 09/01/2015 06:44 - United States - Fremont

Today, I was sitting at my computer, petting one of my cats, who was sitting on my lap. My other cat got jealous and tried to climb onto my lap as well. They ended up fighting. I was wearing shorts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 372

You deserved it 4 405

The magic of love

By robot lady - 23/09/2020 23:01

Today, I learned just how “old fashioned” my girlfriend is when we talked about marriage. She said it should be approached as a logically as possible and that I make an ideal partner, based on my ability to provide. And while she sees sex as uninteresting, it is a wifely duty she’s willing to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 295

You deserved it 183

By immovingout - 04/05/2013 17:46 - United States - Huntington Station

Today, I met my new roommate. She has a life-size cardboard cutout of Justin Bieber in her room, which I've seen her having actual conversations with twice already. I have to share a bedroom with this psycho. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 066

You deserved it 4 727

By save the koalas? uhh - 08/04/2013 14:08 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, our guest lecturer told us to imagine 25,000 dead koalas in our lecture theatre, and if that didn't make us emotional then we didn't care about them. She then went on a rant, during which she encouraged us to join the "koala army". FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 563

You deserved it 3 493

By Cherie - 31/08/2009 21:18 - United States

Today, I was in an unfamiliar building on campus and I needed to use the bathroom before class started. I walked in and saw a man at the sink. I said "Oh my god I'm sorry! I thought this was the women's washroom." It was. The very butch looking woman gave me a look of death. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 682

You deserved it 10 405

By Anonymous - 19/10/2009 23:51 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend and I got into a huge fight. She kicked me out of the apartment and told me to never come back. Devastated, I waited outside of the apartment door for hours hoping she'd reconsider. I ended up falling asleep. I woke up to her foot stomping on me, screaming "I meant it!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 607

You deserved it 8 726

By NeverLookingAgain - 30/12/2015 04:16 - United States

Today, I faced my fears. I've always had a weird fear of looking out of windows at night, afraid a face would suddenly appear. When I heard a strange noise outside, I looked out the window. Sure enough, the face of a man suddenly appeared. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 358

You deserved it 2 012

Toxic people

By Armando de Carvalho - 10/10/2020 07:57

Today, I moved back with my mom, sister and niece after 10 years on my own. My niece is 11, we talked about life and she agrees my mom and my sister are toxic and that I should move out. She'll do it as soon as she's 18. I'm 29. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 049

You deserved it 160

By babyfatt - 16/12/2009 08:23 - Australia

Today, I handed my resume in to a cafe that was hiring. I returned home and noticed a voicemail, it was one from the boss for a trial. I eagerly returned the call, showing my enthusiasm. Without thinking, I ended with "ok love you. *GASP* ah, BYE" and quickly hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 550

You deserved it 27 132

When pranks go wrong

By Anonymous - 12/10/2020 08:01

Spicy

Today, as punishment for a prank, my girlfriend has banned all forms of sex, kissing or touching for the foreseeable future. She’s also started stripping as soon as she gets home and walking around in just her thong, or sometimes even completely naked, just to make my suffering worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 631

You deserved it 2 194

By dumbo - 30/07/2009 14:43 - United States

Today, my friends had ditched me for a party I hadn't been invited to so I was sitting home alone. The only other thing in my house was the mosquito I nicknamed Fred. I liked to watch Fred fly around and try to suck my blood. 20 minutes later, I found Fred's dead body. I was actually sad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 809

You deserved it 18 880

By Anonymous - 10/04/2011 05:07 - United States

Spicy

Today, I promised my boyfriend a blow job every time he does the dishes. Every dish in the house has been washed three times already. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 390

You deserved it 72 203

By Anonymous - 15/05/2015 20:58 - United States - Evanston

Today, at work, I was about to close a big sale, when a coworker rushed over and said there was a call for me in the office. He heavily implied my mom had died, and I rushed out. After I figured out there was no call and that my mom was fine, he'd already stolen my sale and the commission. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 982

You deserved it 2 377

By Anonymous - 04/06/2015 12:26 - United States - San Bruno

Spicy

Today, I told my boyfriend I was horny and was waiting for him at my place. 30 minutes later, he still hadn't arrived, so I called him and asked if he was coming. He replied "Already did, right into a kleenex." and hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 380

You deserved it 4 381

Eventful day

By Anonymous - 30/07/2021 23:01 - Bahrain - Manama

Today, my boyfriend and I got into a fight after the gym. Then, a cheesecake I'd baked for a client cracked all the way through. Then, my oven broke as I was trying to make a new one, so I left to bake it at a friend's house, at which point I locked my keys and all of my supplies inside my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 973

You deserved it 108

By gabe8 - 15/06/2009 05:42 - Mexico

Today, after buying the plane ticket to Glendale, CA to visit 17 year old Courtney who I met on a dating website, she called me for the first time to say that she was actually 19 year old Seth from Atlanta, GA. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 382

You deserved it 96 093

By StupidApple - 25/05/2011 00:02

Today, I found out that whenever I send my son to his room, he goes on his iPod and buys the most expensive apps he can find. So far I've been charged $600. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 814

You deserved it 53 158

By Bailey - 05/04/2011 04:04 - Canada

Today, my four year old daughter came up to me with her finger in her ear. She then let me know that her earwax tasted better than the dinner I made. In front of my whole family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 369

You deserved it 6 691

By itchyyet - 03/01/2016 05:52 - Australia - Hawker

Today, a friend who visited me a week ago with "allergy rashes" told me that it's actually scabies, and she hopes I didn't catch it from her. It takes 2-6 weeks for the symptoms to show and I can't use the medication for it anyway because I'm pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 679

You deserved it 1 494

By Debbie3247 - 07/07/2017 08:30 - United States - Rockaway Park

Today, I taught a high school class on public speaking. When I explained how important it was for a presentation to be polished and professional, one kid asked, "Is it professional for your skirt to be tucked into your underwear? I didn't know they made My Little Pony panties for adults." FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 219

You deserved it 2 142

Tumbleweed

By Anonymous - 14/08/2021 06:00 - Germany

Today, my mom was proud for making a positive change in her life. The change in question? She now throws away the smelly hair she combs out of the dog, instead of keeping it for unspecified later use. FML

I agree, your life sucks 720

You deserved it 43

By really though? - 03/08/2014 22:02 - United States - Dover

Today, I was taking an order for a patron at the casino. The policy is to "pay first." After explaining this to him, he still refused to pay. After years of being polite, I finally cracked and said, "You are making this really f-ing difficult". This particular patron was our CEO's son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 733

You deserved it 14 131

By crazyattracts - 31/07/2016 05:53 - United States - Simi Valley

Today, my new girlfriend canceled my badly needed haircut appointment. She feels that having my female hairstylist wash and cut my hair involves "too much touching" and "counts as cheating." FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 695

You deserved it 1 977

By hell! - 02/12/2008 08:27 - France

Spicy

Today, I discovered that my 15 year old girl had hidden a disgusting porn film in the "future career" folder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 045

You deserved it 6 932

By gotitEVERYWHERE - 08/03/2010 22:40 - United States

Today, after puking all over the bathroom and my legs, I called my husband for sympathy. The first thing he says is "Did you cry?" and when I answered no, instead of wishing me better he quickly exclaimed "WHO'S MY BIG GIRL!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 101

You deserved it 6 840

By jazzterchic - 29/12/2016 15:03 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I found out that my boyfriend's mom doesn't believe you can get food poisoning from food that is cooked. She gave us food that had sat out all day/night and then got angry when I said we could get sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 533

You deserved it 377

By Anonymous - 04/04/2018 01:30

Today, while visiting my son at university, I noticed a funky smell in his room. He admitted to not changing his bedsheets since he moved in 2.5 years ago. I’ve raised an animal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 337

You deserved it 671

Alexa, play "Ironic" by Alanis Morrissette

By irony, huh? - 20/10/2019 14:00

Today, I got mugged. For an actual mug. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 299

You deserved it 88

By klutz - 10/08/2009 14:34 - United States

Today, me and my friend were following this hot lifeguard around a waterpark. In the wave pool, I decided to be cute and "accidentally" bump into him during the waves to start a conversation. As I prepared to do this, a large wave pushed me off my feet and I fell face-first into his butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 813

You deserved it 56 655

By Anonymous - 23/08/2013 23:30 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend dumped me for "cheating" on him by using a vibrator. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 387

You deserved it 17 172

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

Send a private message

Friday 3 April 2009 0:33

You should cut your little girl's hair just like yours. :P

Send a private message

Friday 3 April 2009 0:39

Must be a Catholic school.

Comments

Send a private message

Friday 3 April 2009 0:29

1st LOL kids these days

Send a private message

Friday 3 April 2009 0:29

Hahaha that's hilarious sorry.

Send a private message

Friday 3 April 2009 0:30

Sucks for you ]x

Send a private message

Friday 3 April 2009 0:30

Ooh, that's embarrassing xP. I can see how that would be a reason for the school to call home haha...

Send a private message

Sunday 24 November 2013 20:05

I don't.

Send a private message

Monday 2 June 2014 6:24

I totally agree but I think they meant more along the lines of, mom's missing, and someone else just took her place.

Send a private message

Friday 3 April 2009 0:33

You should cut your little girl's hair just like yours. :P

Send a private message

Friday 3 April 2009 0:33

hahaha is the new daddy hot? :p

UnCensoredBitch 0

Send a private message

Friday 3 April 2009 0:36

Haha! Kids are so mean! I agree with #5!

randomgirl1234 20

Send a private message

Wednesday 15 October 2014 18:14

You don't have to make another comment to tell that you're agreeing with #5. There are other ways to do that

Send a private message

Friday 3 April 2009 0:36

So... I'm guessing you look better with longer hair...

Send a private message

Friday 3 April 2009 0:36

honestly, children's gender constancy at that age is still developing, so she might really believe that cutting your hair short changed you from a woman to a man! sad that she had to announce it at school though, hahaha.

Send a private message

Friday 3 April 2009 0:37

was the school more concerned that mummy has "gone away" or that your child has two dads?

Nearly

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11

You deserved it 3

Today, I found out my mother listens to my therapy sessions. She’s the reason I need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10

You deserved it 1

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 524

You deserved it 71

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 165

You deserved it 283