Today, I got my long hair cut in a short pixie cut. When my five... - FML

By Anonymous - 2/4/2009 16:14 - United Kingdom

Today, I got my long hair cut in a short pixie cut. When my five year old daughter saw me she laughed and proclaimed 'You look just like a man!'. That afternoon I got a concerned call from the school. My daughter has told everyone 'mummy has gone away, I now have two daddies!' FML

I agree, your life sucks

73091

You deserved it

8228

Tweet

Share

The best cat

Alexa, play "Hey! Student" by The Fall

Nice neighborhood

By maggie2014 - 23/6/2013 23:48 - United States - Lufkin

Today, I fell asleep listening to my music and tanning at the beach. Not only did I wake up with a sunburn, but my iPhone had been stolen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37236

You deserved it

28707

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 24/2/2010 03:41 - United States

Today, I was chatting with a cute guy on Omegle. He seemed really friendly and interested after I had showed him a picture of me. When I mentioned that I play music, he seemed even more interested, so I gave him the link to my music Myspace. I waited patiently. He disconnected. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11525

You deserved it

25978

Tweet

Share

By xero_art - 26/6/2009 09:51 - United States

Today, it's my birthday and I received a signed vintage Beatles' album from my wife. Awesome right? It's the same album some jerk way over-bidded me for on eBay. That jerk was my wife, using my credit card. FML

I agree, your life sucks

62685

You deserved it

7706

Tweet

Share

By Soapy - 28/6/2009 07:23 - United States

Today, I spent 3 hours washing my hands to get the pony out of the soap bar. I'm 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13622

You deserved it

55262

Tweet

Share

By haha - 4/9/2011 00:04 - United States

Today, I was at the library, and had finally found the book I'd been looking for, when a man approaches me, says "The main character dies at the end", and walks away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36360

You deserved it

3414

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 24/6/2013 18:39 - Canada - Victoria

Today, my mom left for a bachelorette party. She forgot a gift, so she called me and made me go into her closet, pick out a sex toy from the "box of gag gifts", and bring it to her. Should I pick anal beads or a cock ring? FML

I agree, your life sucks

60683

You deserved it

4996

Tweet

Share

By tinypenis - 4/6/2013 12:15 - United States - Jamaica

Today, while sexting my girlfriend, I accidently sent a picture to her father instead of her. He sent back a link to a penis enlargement company's website. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33758

You deserved it

71608

Tweet

Share

By Katie - 9/3/2012 06:48 - United Kingdom

Today, while on trial for a desperately needed new job, I tripped crossing a road with my would-be manager. I twisted my ankle, and he had to carry me across the road and call a taxi for me to go home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25087

You deserved it

2838

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 20/7/2019 22:06

Today, I had someone place two separate to-go orders, so that he could use two of his "25% off" coupons. He couldn't understand why it wasn't 50% off his total bill, no matter how many times I plainly explained it to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1767

You deserved it

104

Tweet

Share

By LostSleep - 24/5/2016 21:54 - United Kingdom

Today, I was woken at 4 a.m. by the sounds of someone crashing down the stairs. I scrambled out, still half-asleep, to find out that nobody was in an agonized heap at the bottom. The walls are so thin in my house that I could hear the neighbour falling down HIS stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11633

You deserved it

767

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 23/12/2015 15:48 - India - Mumbai

Today, I threw a punch at my sensei like he told me to, except he failed to block it like he assured me he would. Now I'm banned from his classes and I'm pretty sure he's going to get the police involved. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25961

You deserved it

1816

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 14/2/2017 04:53 - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, my girlfriend left me. I have no clue what to do with the holiday we have booked or the ring I was going to propose to her with on Valentine's Day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8014

You deserved it

618

Tweet

Share

By ToddlersWife - 15/6/2014 11:10 - United Kingdom - Reading

Today, my husband and I got into an argument over him not brushing his teeth. It ended with him snapping his toothbrush in half. He's 52. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49143

You deserved it

6073

Tweet

Share

By Greg - 16/12/2018 13:30

Today, I arrived to apply for my much-needed dream job. Without warning, just as the elevator opened, a complete stranger kicked me square in the nads. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2452

You deserved it

146

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 16/7/2016 17:53 - United States - Draper

Today, at the store, I didn't hear the cashier when she asked if I had a loyalty card. She took one look at my naturally bitchy-looking face and muttered "It's my JOB to ask, jeez." FML

I agree, your life sucks

11596

You deserved it

1975

Tweet

Share

By i guess - 3/5/2014 00:03 - United States - Hamilton

Today, my boss told our production department that we're not allowed to be happy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42508

You deserved it

3562

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 13/11/2008 08:42 - France

Today, my boss said to me: 'You know, our competitors are also hiring!' FML

I agree, your life sucks

31203

You deserved it

3020

Tweet

Share

By devinchi - 11/11/2011 08:42 - United States

Today, my buddy told me he was going to get an HIV test at the health department. Without thinking, I told him to "think positive". FML

I agree, your life sucks

33187

You deserved it

8161

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 26/8/2015 08:04 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I had my daughter babysit her 2-year-old brother while I went out with my husband. I told her not to let him out of her sight. She certainly did as I said; when I tuned into our internet-enabled baby monitor, I heard her and some guy having sex in the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26454

You deserved it

2880

Tweet

Share

By honeybee2487 - 30/8/2011 17:35 - United States

Today, at work, I heard a weird sound coming from the ceiling. As I looked up to see what it was, a huge splash of water hit me in the face. I called mall maintenance to let them know. They told me they already knew about the leak... from the sewage line. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31792

You deserved it

2279

Tweet

Share

By GD - 21/2/2009 22:11 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. I cried and told him that I loved him. He gave me a quarter and told me to call someone who cared. I threw the quarter in his face and ran. I waited for the bus, but when I got on, I realized I was 25 cents short of the fare. I walked home in the rain. FML

I agree, your life sucks

297813

You deserved it

67130

Tweet

Share

By telefucked - 31/7/2010 07:35 - United States

Today, my parents switched phone companies, which changed the phone number. Two days ago, I dropped off over 15 job applications with my 'old' number on all of them. There is a waiting period before I can reapply anywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32475

You deserved it

4163

Tweet

Share

By - 9/1/2020 20:00

Winner

Today, my parents met my fiancée's parents for the first time in a large family gathering two weeks before our formal wedding. Both sets of parents were telling funny stories about our pasts. My dad's story won. He told how I spent a week in jail earlier this year. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1961

You deserved it

928

Tweet

Share

By Mike - 15/12/2010 11:57

Today, while giving a brief presentation at work, I blanked out on what I was going to say. I tried to make a joke and tell them I'd had a brain fart, but all I managed to say was "I farted". Well, at least they all laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33899

You deserved it

8651

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 24/6/2019 00:17

Today, after I got pregnant 22 years ago and my husband became way too overprotective to the point where he became a right pain in the ass, I’m now accidentally pregnant again. It turns out my now 22-year-old son is almost as bad as his dad was. Now I’ve got two of the sods to deal with. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1452

You deserved it

498

Tweet

Share

By ripfluffy - 28/9/2009 07:15 - United States

Today, I learned to check inside the oven before you preheat it. Sometimes children hide their pet rabbit in there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

74430

You deserved it

9976

Tweet

Share

By evenpoorer - 16/3/2010 05:19 - United States

Today, I was excited to start my new job. It was only when I was leaving after a long 8 hour day did I realize all of the personal documents I had I brought in for paperwork had been stolen. I am now down a passport, social security card, and wallet. Great first day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27856

You deserved it

3539

Tweet

Share

By dumped - 10/3/2010 12:12 - United States

Today, my boyfriend dumped me because apparently I don't appreciate how he's different from other guys. I only told him that showering once a month was not normal. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35239

You deserved it

4570

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 8/2/2013 21:20 - United States - Woodbridge

Today, I was taking a stroll in our yard, when my mother decided it would be hilarious to run me down with her Segway. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28069

You deserved it

3647

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 23/3/2009 19:06 - United States

Today, I fell asleep in class. As a joke, my professor used an airhorn to wake me up. I got so freaked out that I punched the girl next to me in the face. She got knocked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

93221

You deserved it

34757

Tweet

Share

By anotherfmladdict - 26/9/2013 07:06 - United States - Muscatine

Today, my 15-year-old daughter said she wanted to become a "baby name expert". I chortled, until I looked it up. They actually exist. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38893

You deserved it

5243

Tweet

Share

By Devin - 21/6/2019 22:17

Today, my dog chewed through his leash, so I had to take him inside to prevent him from running off. I went to bed. I woke up to torn-up blinds, half-ate sandals, and a very, very anxious cat due to my dog running after her and trying to sniff her butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1329

You deserved it

649

Tweet

Share

By jmac - 11/3/2012 03:06 - United States

Today, I dropped a knife while cooking. Luckily it missed my foot, but only because it hit my knee. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26281

You deserved it

4275

Tweet

Share

By twistedelegance - 19/7/2019 04:00

Today, I failed my driving test, and didn't get my great new job that a buddy helped me get. He got fired, and they won't hire me because he recommended me, regardless of how qualified for the job and how great the interview went. He called to tell me an hour before my driving test. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1624

You deserved it

134

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 15/4/2015 14:32 - United Kingdom - Kettering

Today, my roommate wants to kick me out because I can't afford to pay my share of the rent this month. I couldn't afford to, because I had to pay for repairs to my car after my roommate got drunk, stole my keys, and crashed it into a street light. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40116

You deserved it

3005

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 7/4/2018 15:00

Today, my girlfriend did the whole "break up with your boyfriend and kick him out of the house" thing from the movies. Except it's my house. She kept my stuff. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4185

You deserved it

594

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 10/1/2015 20:00 - United States - Burlington

Today, my girlfriend was making lunch and asked me to pass her the peanut butter. I'll never know why, but as I handed it to her I said the first thing that came to mind: "I really want a dog." She looked at me in horror, then told me to get out of her house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28980

You deserved it

5122

Tweet

Share

By Sarah - 24/7/2011 00:01 - Canada

Today, I was directing traffic at work during one of the hottest days of the year. Not only do I have to stand in the heat and exhaust fumes for minimum wage, I also had to endure people asking me "Aren't you hot?" as they drove past me in their air conditioned cars. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34213

You deserved it

3616

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 15/9/2018 06:00

W.T.F.

Today, while getting dressed, I discovered that when my brother and his friends got drunk last night one of them wanked into a pair of my panties and put them back in my wardrobe. The crusty mess pressed right into my groin. I had to clean dry spunk out of my pubic hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5792

You deserved it

557

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 22/6/2009 13:32 - Singapore

Today, my 9 year old nephew found his way onto my iTunes. I now have 401 songs titled "aidfj3P" by "ffjiel". FML

I agree, your life sucks

60984

You deserved it

7128

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Lotus_Eater | 0

#78092 - Friday 3 April 2009 0:33

You should cut your little girl's hair just like yours. :P

By littlemuffet | 0

#78138 - Friday 3 April 2009 0:39

Must be a Catholic school.

Comments

By truslide | 0

#78072 - Friday 3 April 2009 0:29

1st

LOL kids these days

By pkmlove | 0

#78076 - Friday 3 April 2009 0:29

Hahaha that's hilarious sorry.

By d0rkaSAUR | 0

#78078 - Friday 3 April 2009 0:30

Sucks for you ]x

By PureGold | 0

#78079 - Friday 3 April 2009 0:30

Ooh, that's embarrassing xP. I can see how that would be a reason for the school to call home haha...

Reply

SpyroCool | 13

#5766845 - Sunday 24 November 2013 20:05

I don't.

Reply

liviathisbe | 17

#5963037 - Monday 2 June 2014 6:24

I totally agree but I think they meant more along the lines of, mom's missing, and someone else just took her place.

By Lotus_Eater | 0

#78092 - Friday 3 April 2009 0:33

You should cut your little girl's hair just like yours. :P

By Bryan_Z | 0

#78093 - Friday 3 April 2009 0:33

hahaha
is the new daddy hot? :p

By UnCensoredBitch | 0

#78113 - Friday 3 April 2009 0:36

Haha! Kids are so mean! I agree with #5!

Reply

randomgirl1234 | 20

#6090268 - Wednesday 15 October 2014 18:14

You don't have to make another comment to tell that you're agreeing with #5. There are other ways to do that

By omglolydi | 0

#78117 - Friday 3 April 2009 0:36

So... I'm guessing you look better with longer hair...

By hellohello1 | 0

#78122 - Friday 3 April 2009 0:36

honestly, children's gender constancy at that age is still developing, so she might really believe that cutting your hair short changed you from a woman to a man! sad that she had to announce it at school though, hahaha.

By truslide | 0

#78123 - Friday 3 April 2009 0:37

was the school more concerned that mummy has "gone away" or that your child has two dads?