Today, for about the fifth time, my neighbors parked blocking... - FML

By Anonymous - 2/4/2009 16:41 - Canada

Today, for about the fifth time, my neighbors parked blocking my driveway. After parking across the street I stuck a note on their windshield reading “Nice park job asshole“, only to find out that their nephew just passed away and everyone was gathering to go to the viewing. FML

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You can't win sometimes

All in the family

Not a cheating!

By Anonymous - 7/9/2013 23:47 - United States - Irvine

Today, my former high school bully became my manager. FML

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By Cheap - 27/12/2010 08:34 - United States

Today, I found out that my boyfriend wrote 50 dollars on my gift card just to look generous, it's really only worth five. I found this out after I tried to buy an arm full of clothes. FML

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By GnarCarBar - 12/9/2011 23:03 - United States

Today, I woke up to the feeling of someone tickling my back. I quickly realized I haven't been touched in so long that I was smiling to flies landing on me in my sleep. FML

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By just hangin - 17/1/2017 12:00

Today, as I was pulling wire for an addition to my bosses house, I was on a ladder drilling a hole when my coworker kicked the ladder out from under me and left me hanging from a rafter twenty feet in the air. To make matters worse, I had to pee. I'm now in my car with dead arms and wet pants. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/4/2015 17:42 - United States - Schaumburg

Today, I kept hearing a child creepily giggling in my living room. I couldn't sleep and got so scared that I started considering hiring an exorcist. Long story short: be careful if you have Bluetooth speakers, because your dickhead neighbor might hack them and start fucking with you. FML

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By fucked5waystofriday - 19/2/2016 19:51 - United States - Angola

Today, my boss told me to resign within the month, or he'll fire me and give me a bad reference. I talked to him about it again later on, this time with my phone recording everything, so I could take the proof to HR. I guess he knew, because he acted like he had no idea what I was talking about. FML

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By Sarah-D - 29/7/2016 05:31

Today, a policeman pulled me over and proceeded to flirt with me. After I had rejected him, he gave me a ticket for "not paying attention to the road". FML

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By SlickMcK - 5/6/2010 21:14 - United States

Today, my mother asked me if I'd heard of anal sex. Before I could fully process her question, she explained that it's dangerous because the tissues of the anus are finer and more susceptible to STDs. There were still forty minutes left in our car ride. FML

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By creeped out - 12/6/2012 18:28 - United States - Smithtown

Today, my identical twin sister's boyfriend walked over to me, and whispered in my ear, "I know what you look like naked." FML

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By insomnia - 22/12/2011 15:23 - United States

Today, I was at work handling the cash register. It wasn't working correctly, so I apologized to the woman I was waiting on for the delay and explained, "The cash register's being a little retarded today." Then I noticed her clearly "special" adult son standing behind her. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/3/2017 07:00 - United States - Westerville

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a blowjob. All of a sudden she stopped and said, "What's that thing at the back of your throat called?" FML

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By Anonymous - 26/12/2011 06:10 - United States

Today, my wife thinks I will agree to anything she says if she just pleasures me orally. I now found out, she is correct. FML

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By asianjoe - 11/7/2011 01:13 - United States

Today, at work, I told a lady checking out to sign her name after sliding her credit card. After she started signing her name, she threw the pen down in frustration saying that the pen was out of ink. We use electronic pin pads. FML

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By go fish - 8/7/2019 06:00

Today, my boyfriend gently pointed out that when we hug, it's our stomachs that touch first. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/8/2011 19:48 - United States

Today, a fight broke out between my 21 year old sister and our 6 year old brother. I tried to intervene, only to end up getting battered to shit in the process. According to my sister, he's going to hell for eating her candy. FML

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By QuestionMyLife - 1/10/2009 00:56 - United States

Today, I walked into my bedroom and realized I really needed to clean it. As I started to pick everything up off of the floor, I tripped over a shoe, slipped on a water bottle, pulled down my shoe rack and landed in my armoire. My room is now dirtier than it was when I started. FML

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By Pseudo - 21/6/2016 05:33 - France - Vitry-le-fran?ois

Today, I asked my little cousin if he had a girlfriend if he had a girlfriend. “Yes,“ he said. “Two, but I’m going to keep the one with the biggest boobs.“ He’s 7. FML

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By Kay Kay - 23/5/2020 05:00

Can't win, part 15

Today, while my parents were grocery shopping, I cleaned the kitchen, swept floors, did laundry, and cleaned bathrooms, only to finish right before they got home. After dinner, my dad bitched and complained that I didn't take out the trash and he had no room to throw away his paper plate. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/12/2013 21:50 - United States - Wexford

Today, I thought it was a good idea to flush the stink bug I found in my kitchen. Later I went in the bathroom to take a crap, and next thing I know, I feel a stink bug on my privates. I guess it didn't flush after all. FML

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By GeeThanksMom - 25/2/2018 15:00

Today, I’m having knee surgery. I can’t drive for the next week because of the heavy duty pain killers, so my mom told me I'll have to walk to and from school. It’s only a couple of miles. FML

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By mylifereallyISeffed - 22/7/2009 10:43 - Australia

Today, I came home to find my dad crying. Turns out my parents are getting divorced because my mom had an affair. With a teacher at my school. A female teacher. And the school isn't going to fire her because she's a good teacher. Every day at school I'm going to have to see her. FML

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By SerenityJ - 27/9/2013 20:00 - United States - Mountain View

Today, while sitting in a crowded waiting room at the doctor's office, my 5-year-old daughter pointed at my 6-year-old son's crotch and boomed, "MOM, WHY DOES ANDY HAVE A FINGER DOWN THERE?" to which he yelled, "IT'S CALLED A COCK!" FML

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By Anonymous - 28/12/2016 05:58

Today, while out with my family, I happened to run into "the one who got away." She smilingly introduced herself to my wife, who definitely noticed that she and our daughter share the same name. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/7/2009 07:35

Today, I gave my boyfriend a spontaneous blowjob while we were watching TV. After he finished, I tried to pull a sexy move I'd seen in a porno by zipping his pants back up with my teeth. His foreskin got caught in the zipper and we spent the next few hours in the emergency room. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/4/2009 00:43 - United States

Today, I was hanging out with my boyfriend when we started messing around. Things were getting really hot when he gets a call from his best friend whose grandfather had just died. As they were talking and I heard her crying, he unzips his pants and mouths, "She won't know." FML

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By Sergie - 4/6/2010 09:28 - Ireland

Today, I was getting ready for my first day at work. Right before leaving the house I decided to brush my teeth thoroughly one more time to have a fresh breath. While cleaning my tongue I went too far which made me throw up. I was 20 min late for my work. Good start. FML

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By Emmy - 2/10/2011 06:36 - United States

Today, while I was on the up escalator, a small woman in front of me farted directly into my face. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/9/2009 02:27 - United States

Today, I realized my job is so boring that I spend most of my time trying to take a dump than actually working. FML

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By Help. - 29/9/2011 17:36 - United Kingdom

Today, my violent housemate qualified for a gun license. She picks up her bolt-action rifle on Wednesday. FML

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By Tony - 17/4/2012 00:57 - United States

Today, my fiancée informed me she'd invited her ex-husband to our wedding at her parents' request. FML

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By ManInPain - 12/7/2011 16:46 - United States

Today, I was walking down the street to go to the movies, when I got punched in the back of the head. When I turned around, a stranger said, "HAHA! It's punch a random person day!" When I asked him why he chose me, he replied "You're ugly." FML

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By Mc2013 - 12/10/2014 17:38 - United States

Today, my morning sickness got so bad that, while at the grocery store, I had to throw up in my purse. FML

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By ticketed - 2/7/2017 00:00

Hammertime

Today, like every other day, I didn't stop at the stop sign right before my house because it's pointless and there's never any cops patrolling my neighborhood. Boy, was I wrong this time. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/2/2013 00:26 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I met my new class. There are two Kevin Smiths. Neither will agree to a nickname, they have the same hair color, and their middle names both start with J. They have told me to call them Kevin 1 and Kevin 2. They both want to be Kevin 1. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/7/2017 01:00 - United Kingdom - Halstead

Today, I was on a date with my boyfriend when he suddenly got down on one knee and proposed. A waiter tripped over him and spilled our food all over him. FML

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By no - 17/11/2014 02:26 - United States

Today, I got in trouble for shooting my paintball gun at a piece of wood, so my dad told me to go wash it. While I was washing it, he shot me several times in the back, yelling, "That's payback for being born." FML

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By Anonymous - 22/5/2019 16:00

Today, on the bus, water kept dripping on my head so I stood up to move. As I got up, the bus turned round a corner and I fell over into a man's lap. When I tried to get up, I slipped down between his legs and the next seat. FML

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By MiceMiles - 10/12/2015 12:34 - United States - Seattle

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend that miles are the same distance for everything. He thought that human miles were different than mouse miles, because they're smaller. He's 34. FML

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By HoHoSnow - 9/12/2009 03:03 - United States

Today, I got stuck in the snow in the middle of street. As I was just beginning to get myself unstuck, the snow plow came by and buried the front end of my car. FML

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By red - 27/9/2012 11:37 - United States - Portland

Today, my ex dropped by to pick up a piece of art he'd left when I threw him out a month ago. While here, he visited the restroom. Tonight, my shampoo smelled like urine. And he called at 11pm to say he'd ''rubbed one out'' on my new boyfriend's toothbrush. FML

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Top comments

By adelaide_evening | 0

#78067 - Friday 3 April 2009 0:28

That really sucks. However, they really still shouldn't have blocked your drive way. They should've been the one to park in the street or something. Alas, a politer note would probably have conveyed that better.

By may_cause_fail | 0

#78081 - Friday 3 April 2009 0:30

That is an immature way to respond.
However, that is annoying and illegal on their part. A nicer note might have been a better solution, but I understand how frustrating that can be.

Comments

By pkmlove | 0

#78066 - Friday 3 April 2009 0:28

oh wow that sucks...

#1! :)

Reply

wooters | 1

#1008764 - Thursday 27 May 2010 3:24

this isn't a YDI no matter what anyone says cause,#1 he didn't know the kid passed away. #2 cause the guy shouldn't of parked blocking his drive way no matter the circumstances he couldve went a bit farther down the road without dying.

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max_wilder | 9

#2239000 - Friday 25 March 2011 11:28

yah fuck them if they parked like asshole leave that note they still deserve it even if there was a death in the family. Last time I checked sadness does not impair you from parking, your fine I would have done the same thing.

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kyliebear | 15

#2934882 - Wednesday 20 July 2011 3:46

Yeah, but OP said that this was the fifth time that the neighbors parked blocking his/her driveway. They wanted to see it five times? This is no way an FML.

By adelaide_evening | 0

#78067 - Friday 3 April 2009 0:28

That really sucks. However, they really still shouldn't have blocked your drive way. They should've been the one to park in the street or something. Alas, a politer note would probably have conveyed that better.

Reply

TiNyBuBbLeZ | 0

#2307348 - Thursday 7 April 2011 6:15

polite note my ass

By truslide | 0

#78080 - Friday 3 April 2009 0:30

oh well. they blocked your property. death isn't an excuse

By may_cause_fail | 0

#78081 - Friday 3 April 2009 0:30

That is an immature way to respond.
However, that is annoying and illegal on their part. A nicer note might have been a better solution, but I understand how frustrating that can be.

By Zerenade | 0

#78088 - Friday 3 April 2009 0:32

Eek, that's definitely awkward.

Even so, they should at least tell you or warn you before blocking in your driveway.

Still very inconsiderate.

By TRAX_fml | 0

#78089 - Friday 3 April 2009 0:32

You didnt know, i mightve not resorted to being a dick but would have pissed me off nontheless, i would have spoken up but at least you did

By lynx_fml | 0

#78094 - Friday 3 April 2009 0:33

I find it kind of odd that you noticed it was the fifth time. You left your house and came back five times?

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HomelessDonut | 9

#6063505 - Saturday 13 September 2014 2:45

He means it happened four other times. This is the fifth time. Read

By anteatereater | 0

#78096 - Friday 3 April 2009 0:33

no excuses for crappy parking. im sure there's easily free parking farther down the street if they werent such lazy assholes

By downeyjr | 0

#78099 - Friday 3 April 2009 0:34

Given their luck, they should probably be the ones writing the FML..

By michellefleeger | 0

#78100 - Friday 3 April 2009 0:34

You should've keyed their car or slash their tires. If it's the fifth time it happened, they would deserve it, even if their nephew just died.

Reply

GMS1 | 7

#1380940 - Friday 10 September 2010 8:31

agreed. who cares that he died. no excuse for crappy parking.!