Today, I got hypnotized at my school's variety show. Apparently,... - FML

By OhGeez - 8/6/2009 19:41 - Canada

Today, I got hypnotized at my school's variety show. Apparently, when asked to do something I enjoy doing, I began to violently hump the floor. FML

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Messed up

Alexa, play "The Lovecats" by The Cure

The past that suits you best

By dwhite032 - 6/6/2011 07:06 - United States

Today, I woke up to my Playstation 3 and my laptop missing and window open. My dad faked a robbery to see me freak out. FML

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By NeverEndingBathtime_ - 3/8/2017 20:00

Today, my 2 year old is being potty trained. He got the gist of it and actually did #1 and #2 in the potty and after our little celebratory dance, I went to get him a cookie (it took me 2 seconds). I come back to see him covered in shit and pee because he tried to go empty the potty himself. FML

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By thisbethed - 2/11/2015 22:26 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boss made up a rumor that I was quitting my job so I wouldn't get the promotion that was coming up. There goes that raise I've been wanting for six months. FML

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By Haley. - 26/3/2010 23:58 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were trying to have intercourse for the first time. One minute into it, he got nervous and farted. What's worse is that his fart scared him, and he asked "What was that?" FML

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By kayin - 10/12/2010 01:59 - United Kingdom

Today, I was giving a tour for parents who wanted to send their kids to our school. One of the parents had a kid on crutches with what appeared to be a broken leg, so I asked him how he broke it. He replied, "I was born like this." FML

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By yeahhhhhommmie - 18/9/2011 09:20 - United States

Today, I was at Wal-Mart walking around when I slipped on some water and twisted my ankle. As I was getting up, a man comes up to me and said "There's some water on the floor, watch out." FML

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By budadepressed - 18/7/2016 21:22 - United States - Burnsville

Today, due to a scheduling error, I spent an entire day and night in an airport, over 30 hours in total. Just as I arrived at the gate, I was informed that my flight had been delayed for another 2 hours. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/10/2016 23:50 - United States - Westerville

Today, the family computer kept overheating. My four-year-old son thought the solution was to pour a nice, cold cup of water on it. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/3/2009 19:10 - United States

Today, when I was at the gynecologist my dr told me that I was really tense and the exam would be impossible if I didnt relax. So I started thinking about my boyfriend to relax and my mind went back to our last sex session. I started getting wet. FML

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By Tree - 2/2/2018 19:00

So clever. Wow.

Today, my boyfriend found some noise-canceling headphones that he forgot he had. Once he adjusted them and put them on, he sat down and asked me to tell him about my day. FML

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By 420curse - 5/5/2015 18:20 - United States - San Mateo

Today, I found out the "sex noises" I heard from next door last night, which I'd angrily yelled at my neighbor for, were actually from him having an uncontrollable seizure. FML

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By bad_luck_chuck - 4/12/2017 15:00

Today, I got a Samsung Galaxy and opened the box to see a cracked screen. I showed the clerk and she said I must have dropped it. I hadn't moved since she handed me the box. FML

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By Grant Williams - 7/5/2019 17:37

Today, while mildly tipsy, I threw myself onto my bed at a weird angle and somehow managed to somersault off my bed and land in my clothes hamper. FML

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By yawning - 1/2/2011 20:14 - Australia

Today, I woke up at 3am to go to work. This will be my new routine from now on. FML

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By Haitwun - 14/12/2015 07:29 - United States - El Monte

Today, my girlfriend tells me she missed her period this month. I felt excited until she said, "I will let you know the results of the paternity test." I was not aware we needed a paternity test. FML

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By crazyattracts - 31/7/2016 05:53 - United States - Simi Valley

Today, my new girlfriend canceled my badly needed haircut appointment. She feels that having my female hairstylist wash and cut my hair involves "too much touching" and "counts as cheating." FML

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By Bo - 22/4/2009 13:50 - United Kingdom

Today, I was at a party. The girl I'm madly in love with referred to me as her 'Gay Friend.' She refused to kiss me in Spin-the-Bottle as 'She didn't want to do anything with anyone that night'. She then made out, and slept with, my 'best friend' whom she had never met before. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/9/2020 20:03 - Australia

FML every way you look at it

Today, I had an enjoyable Tinder date, but I wasn't feeling any physical attraction because of her short hair. I let her know, to which she replied, "I don't like it either but growing it after chemo is a slow process." FML

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By Anonymous - 30/3/2012 14:42 - United Kingdom

Today, I got on the train with my bike, leaning it up against the wall. After a while, it began to slide down the wall and wobble, so I dashed out to catch it. As I ran for it, I slipped and crashed into it, knocking it into an old man and busting the rear brake. FML

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By momoftheyearedition - 9/7/2015 03:13 - United States - Landenberg

Today, my 5-year-old won't stop princess-waving at people. This would be fine, but she looks exactly like she is giving the Nazi salute. I got dirty looks from nearly everyone at the supermarket. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/10/2010 23:32 - Antigua and Barbuda

Today, I passed a car, and heard a baby crying in the back seat. It was hot and no one was around. All the doors were locked so I broke it with a rock, cutting my arm and setting the alarm off. Only to find out that it was a realistic baby doll. I have to get 7 stitches and pay for the window. FML

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By kewlio45 - 1/7/2009 06:33 - United States

Today, the dentist sneezed in my mouth. FML

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By geeshock1987 - 15/4/2013 05:58 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I just remembered that I changed my Gmail display name to "Rice Ball" out of privacy-paranoia a while back. I've been using this same email to apply to several professional jobs. FML

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By ManInPain - 12/7/2011 16:46 - United States

Today, I was walking down the street to go to the movies, when I got punched in the back of the head. When I turned around, a stranger said, "HAHA! It's punch a random person day!" When I asked him why he chose me, he replied "You're ugly." FML

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By Anonymous - 18/3/2016 20:56 - United States

Today, I tried to get my boyfriend's attention by taking my bra off and tossing it at him. He only put it on as a hat and kept playing his video games. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/6/2012 13:11 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, my parents were awake while I was still in bed on my iPod touch. I decided to play The Smurfs Village. One of its minigames involves shaking the iPod, so I was breathing heavily. Later, my parents sat me down for a little "talk". FML

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By walkingdead_1029 - 6/5/2013 06:49 - United States - Peoria

Today, the girl that I've been madly in love with was demanding I tell her who I liked. I told her no, I should just keep it a secret, but she demanded I tell her. After I told her, the only response I got was, "You're right. You should have kept that a secret." FML

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By bamrd - 1/7/2016 01:20 - United States - Boulder

Today, my university is capable of sending me two diplomas in short succession due to a clerical error, but can't recognize that I've graduated and won't be taking classes with them in the fall. FML

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By 23yearoldtoddler - 18/5/2012 14:13 - United States

Today, I was jumped and savagely beaten to the ground by a group of six-year-olds wearing Disney princess masks. FML

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By dormeur - 18/1/2013 11:39 - France - Malakoff

Today, as usual, my cat was sleeping on my stomach. I couldn't fall asleep so I delicately picked him up and put him down next to me. He got up, hopped back onto me, gave me a slap and then went back to sleep on my stomach. I didn't dare move all night. FML

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By Arrkyna - 23/8/2015 17:42

Today, I decided to upgrade to Windows 10. I wanted to keep my old files on the current hard drive, I clicked on the keep old files option. Thanks to Windows, I lost everything. FML

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By outagrand - 1/8/2009 14:08 - Australia

Today, I gave my mother a pre-prepared deposit envelope with my fortnightly wage in it, in cash. I tell her exactly where the deposit box is and what to do. I'm now desperately calling the bank because my mother accidentely put my $1200 deposit in the little trash can for receipts under the ATM. FML

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By MexyBoy - 13/8/2009 05:23 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of 8 months and I broke up. We decided to give back everything we ever bought for each other. I gave her the stuff she bought me and when I asked for my stuff she said she'd sold it and spent the money on herself. FML

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By baddream - 25/4/2009 01:44 - United States

Today, at my grandmothers funeral I tried my hardest not to cry, only allowing tears to fall and not making any noise, to be respectful at her funeral. Afterwards, my mother tells my father that I didn't cry, which obviously meant that I didn't love my grandmother and had no soul. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/3/2014 13:04 - Israel

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. I was sad, but the only thing my mom could say was, "You should have waited until I got him to mow the lawn." FML

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By boobswerehere - 7/7/2016 07:15 - United States - Reno

Today, I went to visit my best friend at her house. I saw her five-year-old brother playing in the front yard, and as I walked up to the door he shouted, "Boobs are here! Boobs are here!" FML

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By liz1234 - 23/3/2009 00:11 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. His mom called to him from the next room telling him dinner would be ready soon, he needed to move his car, etc. They had a 5 minute conversation...while he was still inside me. FML

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By seriously - 24/5/2013 07:04 - United States

Today, my mom accused my cat of being a "manipulator", and said that we should get rid of him. FML

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By Rawrssa - 13/3/2011 05:52 - United States

Today, I came down with painful sores in my mouth, just after having gotten over a cold. Apparently I'm allergic to the cough drops I've been eating for the past week to make myself feel better. FML

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By derve - 7/11/2012 23:48 - United States

Today, as my girlfriend and I were finishing up a romantic dinner, she gazed into my eyes for a moment and said, "You know, sometimes you look like a character from Sesame Street." FML

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Top comments

By 4bbaf9d3caaa8f84 | 20

#284731 - Tuesday 9 June 2009 1:59

wow, that sucks. At least you didn't call out someone's name like your mom's, dog's, sister's etc...

By FrootLoops_ | 0

#284743 - Tuesday 9 June 2009 2:00

that must have been awkward afterwards :)

COMMENTS

By 4bbaf9d3caaa8f84 | 20

#284731 - Tuesday 9 June 2009 1:59

wow, that sucks. At least you didn't call out someone's name like your mom's, dog's, sister's etc...

Reply

RhymePrime | 6

#319252 - Friday 19 June 2009 2:56

#1 FML (anecdote) on the this site!

Reply

bizz8290 | 0

#356173 - Wednesday 1 July 2009 0:26

read # 185 i can tell you you will be lufaof12gdh (laughing your fucking ass off for 12 god damn hours)

rub your belly till it is shinny kind of laughing

Reply

Peter_File | 0

#904119 - Monday 1 March 2010 13:41

@bizz8290
that wasn't funny at all... you in 4th grade or something?

Reply

jasonsaied | 1

#917497 - Friday 5 March 2010 23:13

yea dude it wasn't funny. it was gay

Reply

xleanne_aLly | 23

#2875272 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 16:53

it wasn't funny at alllllll, just annoying.

By BaldOuting | 0

#284734 - Tuesday 9 June 2009 1:59

so those hypnotists really work?

By stompyogranma | 0

#284742 - Tuesday 9 June 2009 2:00

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

maloneybabe13 | 0

#988161 - Tuesday 4 May 2010 6:43

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

Herropreez17 | 0

#3424312 - Thursday 13 October 2011 1:24

Ummm it's not his fault? There isn't anything he can do about the fact hes a teenage boy and thinks about sex constantly. All teen guys are like that. Can't do anything about it.

Reply

bossness061 | 14

#6315245 - Tuesday 9 June 2015 12:36

You're one of those scumbags who just press YDI for every FML

Reply

withered | 30

#7629206 - Tuesday 1 May 2018 13:26

Most teenagers are like that. Boys and girls.

By FrootLoops_ | 0

#284743 - Tuesday 9 June 2009 2:00

that must have been awkward afterwards :)

By RedBlueGreenDot | 0

#284744 - Tuesday 9 June 2009 2:00

dude, that just says you like getting laid,
no problem witht hat

Reply

adriane209 | 0

#1388520 - Saturday 11 September 2010 19:50

lol, except for the fact that he was, "violently" humping the floor.

By Phantom13 | 3

#284748 - Tuesday 9 June 2009 2:01

I'm sorry....but this really cracked me up!

Seriously thought...that majorly sucks!

By ohhsnapp | 0

#284751 - Tuesday 9 June 2009 2:01

lol....wowwwww.
that sucks

By herpEs_fml | 0

#284755 - Tuesday 9 June 2009 2:02

wonder if this is a guy or a girl

Reply

PeaceLoveLaney | 12

#968815 - Friday 26 March 2010 22:42

it's a guy. hence the sign at the top of the page.

Reply

maddehsaurr | 0

#2559089 - Tuesday 24 May 2011 23:00

guy.

By BigLord | 0

#284759 - Tuesday 9 June 2009 2:02

Lol, it is embarassin g but it's not a true FML, everyone loves to hump the floor.

By Jakil_Spectre | 0

#284760 - Tuesday 9 June 2009 2:02

OMG thats freaking hilarious. That had to be embrassing when you came to. LMAO