Intimacy: Today, I got hypnotized at my school's variety show. Apparently,... - FML

By OhGeez - 08/06/2009 19:41 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I got hypnotized at my school's variety show. Apparently, when asked to do something I enjoy doing, I began to violently hump the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 91 823

You deserved it 22 657

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Leave us alone

Good kid

By Anonymous - 08/02/2011 16:27 - United States

Today, I was attacked by clowns at work. I don't work at the circus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 915

You deserved it 3 732

Harsh

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 16:59

Today, while talking to the girl I have a crush on, I bragged how people tell me I have a voice for radio. She responded, "And the face for it too." FML

I agree, your life sucks 499

You deserved it 711

By Anonymous - 31/07/2009 17:01 - United States

Today, I was sitting on the train and some crazy man started talking to me. I ignored him, and he tapped on my shoulder. He started blabbing and I just pointed to my ears and mouthed "I'm deaf." He stopped talking. A minute later my phone rang and I answered it without thinking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 054

You deserved it 75 437

By familyofpsychos - 26/10/2012 04:38 - United States - Elkhorn

Today, I found a notebook my 12-year-old sister had been doodling in. Turns out the "doodles" were poems full of obscenities and descriptions of how she wanted to hurt herself. When I showed it to my mom, she accused me of writing the notebook myself to frame my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 357

You deserved it 2 333

By lonely girl - 11/03/2013 04:17 - United States

Today, I went with my dad to Starbucks. There is this really cute guy who works there and he kept looking over at me, so I went over to say hi. He ended up asking if my dad was single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 881

You deserved it 4 356

Losing more than I'll ever have

By Into the darkness - 30/03/2021 21:30

Today, my girlfriend left me. When she moved out, she even took the light bulbs with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 908

You deserved it 90

The Blob

By Anonymous - 16/11/2020 17:02 - Germany

Today, I cracked an egg which turned out to have an extremely thin shell, so at first contact with the bowl, it came apart in my hand and the contents glooped right through my fingers, all the way down the kitchen cabinet, into a half-open drawer, as well as onto the floor and underneath the cabinet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 775

You deserved it 257

By superb12345 - 12/05/2016 02:50 - United States - Cascade

Today, my parents posted nasty comments about each other on Facebook. I think they might secretly be 12 year-olds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 340

You deserved it 911

By Anonymous - 04/09/2012 04:03 - United States

Today, I went to my favorite bar after work for a drink. On my way to the porch out back, I didn't realize the sliding glass door was shut, and walked straight into it. I was stone cold sober, but the bartender refused to believe me, and cut me off before my first beer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 416

You deserved it 4 421

Waste

By Annie - 31/08/2011 03:17 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Two minutes in, he goes, "Wow, this is strenuous" and stopped. I waited three years for this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 644

You deserved it 5 244

Alexa, play "Gigantic" by Pixies

By Anonymous - 04/03/2020 14:01 - United Kingdom

Today, my brother was officially diagnosed with gigantism. According to the specialist doctor, he'll probably be 8 feet tall, if not taller. Hearing this, my brother looked at me and said, "Remember when you used to pick on me for being smaller than you? Karma's a bitch, ain't it?" I’m so screwed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 610

You deserved it 2 075

By Hm - 20/03/2015 00:54 - United States - Rio Rancho

Today, I was sitting in the airport, watching the baggage handlers load the plane I was about to get on. They were being really rough with it, one bag came open and all the clothes spilled out onto the tarmac. The clothes looked familiar. They were mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 884

You deserved it 2 290

By Shibs - 13/10/2015 16:55 - Australia - Hurstville

Today, I was riding my bike along a road and a deer jumped out from the tree line, knocking me to the ground and breaking my arm. Someone pulled over to see if I was alright, running over my bike in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 276

You deserved it 1 759

By blondetergent - 20/06/2011 08:12 - Singapore

Today, I told my girlfriend that I'm a vegan. She replied, "So, you're allergic to meat?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 852

You deserved it 15 248

By wellfuck - 15/07/2016 23:04 - United States - Clarksville

Today, I got a call from a job I had applied for. Everything went great until I realized I had applied to the wrong location, across town. I'm so broke, I went to the interview anyway. It will cost me more to pay for the gas to drive there to work, than what I will actually make. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 980

You deserved it 2 219

Getting no pussy love

By Anonymous - 03/08/2020 05:02

Today, since getting the new kitten that only I wanted, it has scratched me and peed on my socks, my side of the bed and my laptop. It loves my husband though, who was against getting a cat at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 232

You deserved it 368

By Flooded - 07/01/2010 18:38 - United States

Today, I was looking forward to coming home to a freshly-cooked meal. Coming home to a cowering dog, two inches of water on the floor, and being handed a mop is just as good, I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 965

You deserved it 3 508

By Alex - 11/06/2019 14:30

Today, I was working at my job at a bank. A couple was waiting in the lobby, and not being busy, I asked what they needed. They told me that they were applying for a loan, so I asked if it was for something exciting. It was to pay for their 12-year-old son's burial expenses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 354

You deserved it 349

By minty - 14/03/2015 03:52 - United States

Today, after days of being too sick to leave my house, I went to get some medicine. While picking out cough drops, an old man leaned over and said, "You smell quite delicious today". I haven't showered and the only "perfume" I'm wearing is VapoRub. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 531

You deserved it 2 951

Adding insult to injury

By lol - 23/07/2021 05:59

Today, my boss fired me. Then later on Facebook, his public status was, "Finally fired the sumo wrestler!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 975

You deserved it 79

By Anonymous - 10/07/2012 16:43 - Canada

Today, while I was walking home alone, a homeless man approached me and took me by the hand. Apparently, he's been watching me for weeks and has fallen madly in love with me. He told me not to worry, though; he's not a rapist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 196

You deserved it 2 444

By lostmystuff - 07/07/2013 06:35 - United States - Livermore

Today, I was moving to my new apartment. I left some furniture outside as I drove to dump the first load at my new place. When I got back, everything was gone. Apparently, today is the day the donation truck was coming around to take everything we don't need. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 624

You deserved it 25 089

By Anonymous - 05/08/2011 07:04 - United States

Spicy

Today, my mother and aunt got into an argument about who had gotten groped more times in public. I don't know what's more disturbing, that my own mother would brag about getting groped, or that she won the argument, at 34 times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 741

You deserved it 2 704

By Anonymous - 07/03/2018 09:00 - United States - Stamford

Today, my boss entrusted me with his car to run an errand, as I usually take the bus. I managed to get there and back safely before someone slammed into me while I was re-entering the lot, causing major damage. It was his wife, who thought I was a car thief. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 776

You deserved it 272

Monday Morning Blues

By Anonymous - 01/07/2019 14:00

Today, after a rough night, my husband's alarms started going off at 5 a.m. All 4 of them. Old town road, the Skyrim theme, that lady yelling, "I got shit to do today" and bagpipes. I'm awake. He's not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 909

You deserved it 134

By DrunkenShopper - 03/09/2012 05:24 - United States - Kirkland

Today, I woke up to a bunch of email notifications confirming all the drunken purchases I made last night on Amazon. Most of them can't be cancelled. This is the fourth time in a month. An "ironic" wolf-howling-at-the-moon t-shirt anyone? FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 111

You deserved it 36 387

By s0728 - 01/09/2014 21:37 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I work at a bakery. As I was putting out some cakes with fruit on top of them, a customer asked me how we get the little hairs to stay on the raspberries, and if we glue them on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 502

You deserved it 3 291

By Anonymous - 06/10/2018 13:30

Today, I got my very first paycheck of $129 for over 40 hours of work. I got paid roughly $3.00 an hour. Alaska minimum is $9.50 per hour, and my HR office is refusing to answer my calls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 006

You deserved it 160

By Lola987 - 18/03/2019 00:00

Today, on my birthday, I tried to be a good girlfriend by making sure my boyfriend of 3 years alarms were set for work on his phone. Noticed he’s back to talking to his ex as the messenger bubble had her face in it.. He was asking for boob pictures...FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 628

You deserved it 280

By shrimp41 - 14/05/2009 19:47 - United States

Today, I realized that the only human being I have talked to in the last three days is the guy at the drive thru. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 821

You deserved it 16 204

By Anonymous - 17/10/2013 22:57 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I came across some bubble wrap. Turned out it was a special type of bubble wrap that cannot be popped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 716

You deserved it 4 900

Issues

By Badkitty14 - 09/08/2012 20:16 - Canada - Mississauga

Spicy

Today, in the middle of sex, my boyfriend asked me what he should get his mother for her birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 553

You deserved it 3 705

Not gonna happen

By how bout no! - 09/10/2020 17:01 - United States - Hesperia

Today, my boyfriend of 5 years said that he wants to marry and spend his life with me. But first he wants to go be wild and single for a few years before settling down. Not only does he not see a problem with this, he expects me to wait and be faithful to him while he “gets it out of his system”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 617

You deserved it 107

By unlucky22 - 22/10/2017 19:00

Today, I turned twenty two. Three days ago I was fired. Two days ago I failed a midterm. Yesterday my boyfriend and I broke up. Happy birthday to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 563

You deserved it 376

By sacked - 22/02/2010 19:51 - United States

Today, I was woken by my alarm. I got really tangled up in my blankets, and struggled frantically to untangle myself so I could turn off the alarm. I not only kneed myself in the face, but I accidentally punched myself in the nuts too. Hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 305

You deserved it 23 923

By fuck my goddamn life - 15/02/2014 20:51 - United States

Today, I'm stuck in a hotel with my psychotic mom, all because she swore there were "demonic" noises coming from our oven. Yeah, our oven is totally possessed, you idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 470

You deserved it 4 819

By Anonymous - 28/09/2012 21:22 - Canada

Spicy

Today, in the middle of sex, my boyfriend sighed, said "I can't do this any more" and pulled out. After repeatedly asking him what was wrong, he basically told me that I suck in bed. Apparently, the way I "just lie there" makes him feel like a necrophile. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 964

You deserved it 50 501

Fucked around, found out

By anonymouss - 26/08/2021 16:01

Spicy

Today, I had to yell at both my adult children; my daughter for having an OnlyFans page and my son for finding the page, blackmailing her for money for two months, then telling me about it when she refused to keep paying. I'm not a proud parent right now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 228

You deserved it 278

By Bibi - 23/09/2018 12:00

Today, I went to my little brother's high school to speak to his counselor about his grades. On my way to the office, the office manager threatened to write me up for ditching class and told me that high school is not like middle school, 9th grade will be different. I graduated 5 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 496

You deserved it 222

By shayes9 - 22/07/2009 22:15 - United States

Today, the boss returned from vacation. While he was gone we thought it would be a great idea to fill the water cooler with margaritas. Even after rinsing it we still have lime flavored water. Needless to say we got a company memo about appropriate office behavior. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 756

You deserved it 53 233

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Top comments

4bbaf9d3caaa8f84 20

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Tuesday 9 June 2009 1:59

wow, that sucks. At least you didn't call out someone's name like your mom's, dog's, sister's etc...

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Tuesday 9 June 2009 2:00

that must have been awkward afterwards :)

Comments

4bbaf9d3caaa8f84 20

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Tuesday 9 June 2009 1:59

wow, that sucks. At least you didn't call out someone's name like your mom's, dog's, sister's etc...

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Friday 19 June 2009 2:56

#1 FML (anecdote) on the this site!

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Wednesday 1 July 2009 0:26

read # 185 i can tell you you will be lufaof12gdh (laughing your fucking ass off for 12 god damn hours) rub your belly till it is shinny kind of laughing

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Monday 1 March 2010 13:41

@bizz8290 that wasn't funny at all... you in 4th grade or something?

jasonsaied 1

Friday 5 March 2010 23:13

yea dude it wasn't funny. it was gay

xleanne_aLly 23

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 16:53

it wasn't funny at alllllll, just annoying.

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Tuesday 9 June 2009 1:59

so those hypnotists really work?

stompyogranma 0

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Tuesday 9 June 2009 2:00

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

maloneybabe13 0

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Tuesday 4 May 2010 6:43

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

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Thursday 13 October 2011 1:24

Ummm it's not his fault? There isn't anything he can do about the fact hes a teenage boy and thinks about sex constantly. All teen guys are like that. Can't do anything about it.

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Tuesday 9 June 2015 12:36

You're one of those scumbags who just press YDI for every FML

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Tuesday 1 May 2018 13:26

Most teenagers are like that. Boys and girls.

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Tuesday 9 June 2009 2:00

that must have been awkward afterwards :)

RedBlueGreenDot 0

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Tuesday 9 June 2009 2:00

dude, that just says you like getting laid, no problem witht hat

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Saturday 11 September 2010 19:50

lol, except for the fact that he was, "violently" humping the floor.

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Tuesday 9 June 2009 2:01

I'm sorry....but this really cracked me up! Seriously thought...that majorly sucks!

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Tuesday 9 June 2009 2:01

lol....wowwwww. that sucks

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Tuesday 9 June 2009 2:02

wonder if this is a guy or a girl

PeaceLoveLaney 12

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Friday 26 March 2010 22:42

it's a guy. hence the sign at the top of the page.

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Tuesday 24 May 2011 23:00

guy.

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Tuesday 9 June 2009 2:02

Lol, it is embarassin g but it's not a true FML, everyone loves to hump the floor.

Jakil_Spectre 0

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Tuesday 9 June 2009 2:02

OMG thats freaking hilarious. That had to be embrassing when you came to. LMAO

Nearly

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15

You deserved it 5

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32

You deserved it 6

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my daughter finally learned that you can’t sleep your way to success, after she tried and failed to seduce her married boss, was sacked, and blacklisted as a potential lawsuit throughout every company specialising in her chosen career field. FML

I agree, your life sucks 445

You deserved it 129

Today, I was diagnosed with a meat allergy. You can imagine the jokes my boyfriend has been thinking up since we found out I can’t "handle his meat" in my mouth anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 760

You deserved it 110