Intimacy: Today, I got hypnotized at my school's variety show. Apparently,... - FML

By OhGeez - Canada

Today, I got hypnotized at my school's variety show. Apparently, when asked to do something I enjoy doing, I began to violently hump the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

91793

You deserved it

22644

Tweet

Share

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

On a leash

Slasher

By kinkicali - United States - Maple Valley

Today, trying to be kinky while giving my boyfriend a blow job, I whipped him with my ponytail. He was thrilled, until I accidentally head-butted his dick. He curled up into a ball and wouldn't let me touch him again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16434

You deserved it

36338

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend kept trying to convince me to do anal with him. After denying him several times he told me "Why it feels good, trust me." I asked him how would he know. There was a long awkward silence when he then replied with "I'm not gay I swear." FML

I agree, your life sucks

37263

You deserved it

5033

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, I had to stand outside the changing room while two of my coworkers had noisy sex. I just needed my car keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1863

You deserved it

193

Tweet

Share

By Hypocrite

Today, after giving my husband a ton of crap about the speeding ticket he got last year, I got a speeding ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2306

You deserved it

7391

Tweet

Share

By CorpseBride - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, my boyfriend asked me to talk dirty in bed for him, and my brain went blank and I panicked. I couldn't think of what to say so I suddenly blurted out, "Do whatever you want with my body. Treat it like a corpse!" He laughed his head off and I died a little inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8816

You deserved it

2063

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 8/10/2020 23:02 - United States

OK, bye then

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years sprung the news that he had gotten a new job across the country and would be moving immediately. With his wife and children. First I'm hearing about them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1502

You deserved it

154

Tweet

Share

By Zzz - United States - Brighton

Today, I took a team meeting from home. More specifically, my bed. Because I make great decisions, I ended up falling asleep. At some point during my nap, my cat walked over my keyboard, turning on my webcam. I woke up to my video on and no one left in the meeting. Everyone saw. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4300

You deserved it

5612

Tweet

Share

By JustShootMe - 2/11/2020 07:57 - Australia - Gladstone

Teenagers, amirite?

Today, my daughter told me she would rather hang herself than hang out with me. All I did was remind her to go to bed at a reasonable time to get some sleep for an activity she likes doing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

977

You deserved it

96

Tweet

Share

By honutattoo - United States

Today, I finally came home from a semester of college, and all my parents and sister can talk about is how bad my acne has gotten. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30890

You deserved it

3059

Tweet

Share

By Wreet - United States

Today, I went shopping with this girl I like while my girlfriend was busy. We ended up going grocery shopping to make dinner together, and I ran into my girlfriend's parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7041

You deserved it

78351

Tweet

Share

By Thanks everyone - Australia - Gaythorne

Today, I brought my Japanese girlfriend home for dinner with my family for the first time. They all got drunk and made heaps of racist jokes right in front of us. My dad forgot her name and started calling her "Rice Ball" instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

62702

You deserved it

5029

Tweet

Share

By wrongcolorwrongcreed

Today, I went with my boyfriend of 10 months to rent a car, for which he needed his dad to sign for. To avoid introducing me, he banished me to the nearest airport terminal, and picked me up 45 minutes later, around 11:30 p.m. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1699

You deserved it

297

Tweet

Share

By CoalRose - United States - Santa Clara

Today, my nose ring became a fish hook. What did I catch? My dog's harness. She nearly ripped it out of my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13241

You deserved it

5210

Tweet

Share

By failure - United States - Hector

Today, in the middle of my online midterm, my computer decided to update and closed out of the test. It can't be retaken. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39855

You deserved it

3609

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I swapped a shift so I didn't have to work on new year's eve. An hour later I realized I didn't have anyone to spend it with. I swapped it back. I'll be ringing in the new year with my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25425

You deserved it

4404

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I ran into a guy that I had gone on a few dates with 3 months ago and slept with him a few times, but then never heard from him again. When he looked at me, I went over and gave him a hug and said "Hey, how are you, Chris?". He hugged me back and said "Hey there cutie, what's your name?". FML

I agree, your life sucks

47865

You deserved it

17991

Tweet

Share

By Mandy93 - Germany - Reipoltskirchen

Today, my mother has stooped to a new level of "hiding" Christmas gifts. She now just dumps them in the middle of the floor and says, "Don't look at them." If she even thinks I'm glancing in the direction of the pile, she will burst into a manic rage, and yell at me for "ruining the surprise." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32103

You deserved it

7675

Tweet

Share

By Pugsley - Australia

Today, for my birthday, I found out I'm too ugly even for a hooker to have sex with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2027

You deserved it

321

Tweet

Share

By Jay703 - United States - Woodbridge

Today, while taking out a jar of mayonnaise, it slipped from my hand, landing on its lid, exploding, and covering both of my dogs from head to tail in it. Terrified, they fled, leaving a trail of globs of mayo. After cleaning both dogs and the house, they both threw up from eating too much mayonnaise. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14498

You deserved it

1275

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Kenosha

Today, I started a new job. The synopsis of my training was, "You're starting a job you're going to hate and you'll be fired for entertaining yourself while waiting for us to give you more work. But you're going to love being here." FML

I agree, your life sucks

14433

You deserved it

1893

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Drama Llama

Today, I took the kids I'm babysitting to the farm to feed the animals. They were a little scared of the llama, so I showed them how nice it was by feeding it a lot of bread. Then, as I was telling the farmer how I loved the llama and wanted to take it home, it spit grass and bread all over my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35151

You deserved it

10062

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada - Toronto

Today, after having been constipated for ages, I finally forced out a week's worth of build-up. The excruciating pain reduced me to tears, and my boyfriend refused to drive me to the hospital, because according to him, I must have had anal sex with someone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32690

You deserved it

3041

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, it's been a full week since my last orthodontist appointment and I still can't eat anything besides Slimfast and pudding. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25392

You deserved it

3248

Tweet

Share

By xRyu - United States - Denver

Today, I found out via a voicemail from my boss that my hours are being cut. He said, "They said I can't fire you, so you'll only be getting 20 hours a week. Starting today." Who'd they give my other 20 hours to? The one person that calls off sick almost daily and is never on time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35153

You deserved it

2830

Tweet

Share

By Andrew - United States

Today, I tried to get my wife to have sex with me, she told me she couldn't because she had her period. She's two months pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50227

You deserved it

11669

Tweet

Share

By blackntangirl - United States

Today, I woke up when the guy I had spent the night with slid out of bed. When he realized I was awake, he looked down at me, shook his head, and said "I've gotta lay off the beer..." FML

I agree, your life sucks

53250

You deserved it

13965

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I spent hours cooking a big dinner for my parents for the first time. I guess I made the steak too rare, because when my dad cut into it, he said "Christ! This thing's practically alive!" and said a skilled vet could probably bring the cow it was cut from back to life. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24046

You deserved it

3881

Tweet

Share

By UNmarried - United States

Today, I found some .pdf files on my wife's computer. They were forms that had been filled out except for the date and the "reason" section. They were divorce papers. When confronted about it she said, "Well, if you piss me off really bad, I want to write down why before I calm down." FML

I agree, your life sucks

41736

You deserved it

4143

Tweet

Share

By Emily - France

Today, I woke up to a good friend of mine leaving my bed. The very friend I've had a crush on for months, and knows exactly how I feel about him. Everything was great until he said, "Yeah, about last night... It's just that you were there, and I was weak. See ya." FML

I agree, your life sucks

41781

You deserved it

7220

Tweet

Share

By ooblie - United States

Today, after receiving a lovely massage from my boyfriend, I was lying topless in bed beside him. Just as I was thinking this would be the perfect opportunity for some intimacy, he looks at me and says, "my mom is SO awesome." FML

I agree, your life sucks

35797

You deserved it

3978

Tweet

Share

By unimpressed bride - United States - Traverse City

Today, it's been two weeks since I got married. It's also two weeks since my husband got cold feet about moving in together, because he thinks the sudden change would be too emotionally distressing for his cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26504

You deserved it

3017

Tweet

Share

By Volume_control - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were having it off in his den, I screamed at the height of my climax, and from the family room came the roaring laughter of my boyfriend's brothers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9796

You deserved it

31103

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada - Medicine Hat

Today, I had to very clearly explain to my mother, in public, why you cannot get cancer from eating too much ketchup. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22287

You deserved it

2416

Tweet

Share

By spasticock - Portugal - Barreiro

Today, I climbed the tree in my backyard so I could cut off some stray branches. I ended up getting stuck, and instead of immediately getting help, my wife started laughing and recording me. The video is now circulating on Facebook, and my new nickname is "Hawkeye." FML

I agree, your life sucks

21295

You deserved it

3643

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Spring

Today, my fiancé's mom was driving me to the store to pick up my wedding dress. A few minutes into the drive, she said the car's tank was nearly out of "Jews" and that she'd have to give it "a whole lotta gas", then chuckled to herself. She's well aware that I'm Jewish. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23620

You deserved it

2297

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, the mother of one of my students bitched me out about her son's poor grades. He lazes around all day, paying no attention and being a constant nuisance. But, she says it's not his fault, and demands that I give him better grades so he won't get "self-esteem" issues. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52073

You deserved it

3436

Tweet

Share

By WeightonmyShoulders - United States - Canandaigua

Today, I realized that I know, all too well, what it feels like to have my over-middle-age boss's boob on my shoulder. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19620

You deserved it

1739

Tweet

Share

By julie24 - France

Today, I was partying with friends. At around midnight, I sent a text message to my friend to reassure her, saying that of course I could handle my drink. That's the last thing I can remember about the evening. It's a total blank from that point onwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23168

You deserved it

45973

Tweet

Share

By mommysgirlapparently - United States

Today, my mom was on my Facebook and saw a chick leave a nasty comment on my status. My mom commented back something awful and really bitchy. My mom still fights my fights for me. I'm 20. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27663

You deserved it

8026

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were watching a movie where a girl proposed to a guy. He said "I would hate it if that happened to me, obviously I don't want to get married if I haven't proposed myself." I was planning on proposing later. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38135

You deserved it

8763

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By 4bbaf9d3caaa8f84 | 20

#284731 - Tuesday 9 June 2009 1:59

wow, that sucks. At least you didn't call out someone's name like your mom's, dog's, sister's etc...

By FrootLoops_ | 0

#284743 - Tuesday 9 June 2009 2:00

that must have been awkward afterwards :)

COMMENTS

By 4bbaf9d3caaa8f84 | 20

#284731 - Tuesday 9 June 2009 1:59

wow, that sucks. At least you didn't call out someone's name like your mom's, dog's, sister's etc...

Reply

RhymePrime | 7

#319252 - Friday 19 June 2009 2:56

#1 FML (anecdote) on the this site!

Reply

bizz8290 | 0

#356173 - Wednesday 1 July 2009 0:26

read # 185 i can tell you you will be lufaof12gdh (laughing your fucking ass off for 12 god damn hours)

rub your belly till it is shinny kind of laughing

Reply

Peter_File | 0

#904119 - Monday 1 March 2010 13:41

@bizz8290
that wasn't funny at all... you in 4th grade or something?

Reply

jasonsaied | 1

#917497 - Friday 5 March 2010 23:13

yea dude it wasn't funny. it was gay

Reply

xleanne_aLly | 23

#2875272 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 16:53

it wasn't funny at alllllll, just annoying.

By BaldOuting | 0

#284734 - Tuesday 9 June 2009 1:59

so those hypnotists really work?

By stompyogranma | 0

#284742 - Tuesday 9 June 2009 2:00

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

Reply

maloneybabe13 | 0

#988161 - Tuesday 4 May 2010 6:43

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

Reply

Herropreez17 | 0

#3424312 - Thursday 13 October 2011 1:24

Ummm it's not his fault? There isn't anything he can do about the fact hes a teenage boy and thinks about sex constantly. All teen guys are like that. Can't do anything about it.

Reply

bossness061 | 14

#6315245 - Tuesday 9 June 2015 12:36

You're one of those scumbags who just press YDI for every FML

Reply

withered | 30

#7629206 - Tuesday 1 May 2018 13:26

Most teenagers are like that. Boys and girls.

By FrootLoops_ | 0

#284743 - Tuesday 9 June 2009 2:00

that must have been awkward afterwards :)

By RedBlueGreenDot | 0

#284744 - Tuesday 9 June 2009 2:00

dude, that just says you like getting laid,
no problem witht hat

Reply

adriane209 | 0

#1388520 - Saturday 11 September 2010 19:50

lol, except for the fact that he was, "violently" humping the floor.

By Phantom13 | 3

#284748 - Tuesday 9 June 2009 2:01

I'm sorry....but this really cracked me up!

Seriously thought...that majorly sucks!

By ohhsnapp | 0

#284751 - Tuesday 9 June 2009 2:01

lol....wowwwww.
that sucks

By herpEs_fml | 0

#284755 - Tuesday 9 June 2009 2:02

wonder if this is a guy or a girl

Reply

PeaceLoveLaney | 12

#968815 - Friday 26 March 2010 22:42

it's a guy. hence the sign at the top of the page.

Reply

maddehsaurr | 0

#2559089 - Tuesday 24 May 2011 23:00

guy.

By BigLord | 0

#284759 - Tuesday 9 June 2009 2:02

Lol, it is embarassin g but it's not a true FML, everyone loves to hump the floor.

By Jakil_Spectre | 0

#284760 - Tuesday 9 June 2009 2:02

OMG thats freaking hilarious. That had to be embrassing when you came to. LMAO