Hey. Guess what? I'm a girl. Guess what else? I like video games, wings, hanging out and chilling. I hate shopping (unless for games or books), make up, but I will admit I'm a talker. My dad, who I am prrretty sure is a male, is also a talker. I know several, SEVERAL girls like me. Oh, and, this may come as a complete shocker, but I have to tell you something very important: Not all guys want girls. Not all girls want guys. I could point out a ton of other things completely backwards about your post, but I tire of repeating myself. Also, one of my best friends is a guy. We get along just peachy.

woah woah woah dude...chill.

Also I don't get your logic about how a girl is dragging a guy along if she continues to be the same person she was before the guy said anything. She's not flirting, she's not teasing, she's basically pretending nothing happened. Yes, I can easily see how being herself would still attract the guy, since that is who he fell for, but how...? So the next time a guy admits his feelings for me, and I denied him, I should turn into another person because otherwise I would be dragging him along? That makes no sense.

Does anyone ever say you act like a guy? Seriously? You know they do, and that also seems to be the point of your post. Sorry, my post was referring to girls who act like girls. The ones that guy are generally attracted to. Do you want a guy who is into working out, doing sports, being bold, masculine and confident? Yeah, guys want a girl who is feminine, like girly things, like girls do. Yes, not all girls like guys and not all guys like girls. But if you read my post, it's OBVIOUS that I am not directing my comments towards them.

Dame don't try to find logic in it, your head will explode.

No, you don't turn into another person, you cut them loose and instead of saying "Hey, let's be friends," you say, "Hey, maybe we shouldn't talk anymore." You are the same. He will like you for being the same. That's what caught his attention in the first place. You being a friend towards him. Him wanting more. He will always want more. Girls amazingly think that if they tell a guy "Let's be friends," they'll be in the clear when he admits that he still likes them years after. It's far more noble to cut him loose, hard and dry, so that he doesn't get hurt more in the future. It's not just logical. It's the nice thing to do. What would you prefer, honestly? A guy you absolutely adore telling you, "Okay, let's just be best friends and hang out with me and when I find a girl I like and I'll tell you all about her and you can help me pick out presents for her and stuff." It doesn't work, clear and simple. For those that think it does work, ask yourself that in 10-15 years when one of you is heartbroken.

Actually, if you'll see above, I have had love denied, but chose to stick around. It's called "getting over it." Also, I care, so I am not going to throw some fit and take off because I couldn't have what I wanted. Personally, I think it is more cruel to say "oh, we can't be friends anymore because of something you can't control." Also, most of the guys I talk to look for girls with whom they can share interests in, instead of your stereotypical ditz. In fact, uhm, isn't that what you USUALLY look for in a mate? Someone at least moderately alike to you? And no, it's not "acting like a girl" to be a shallow airhead who can only think about pink. It's not "acting like a guy" to be a idiotic athlete who can only think about his ****. People are diverse, just so you know.

Also, if you really want to know what I am looking for in a guy, I'll tell you. This will be CONSIDERABLY long, so I will coitenly understand if it's buried. You're right, confidence is great. But, I must ask, how the hell is this a strictly-male quality? As for masculinity, not sure how you mean by that. You mean someone who isn't a whiny little bitch? Well, then of course, but as another sidenote there are plenty girls who aren't like that. Boldness is a trait also found in both genders. So is altheticism. I'd say there are enough female athletes that you can't say they're in the minority. But let me get to the point. Again, confidence, not being a whiny bitch, and being at least moderately bold, yes sure. Athletic and working out? No, not really. Yes being fit is great, but really muscles aren't everything. Not really all that sexy either. In fact, the more muscles, the more it seems like the guy is a self-absorbed ass. Not saying I want someone covered in flab, but your stereotypical "jock" is a no-thanks. I am not really into sports professionally. I suck at them, but I love to play flag football, soccer, badminton, tennis, and capture the flag. I can see romance in a man who'll play flag football with me, and, in trying to grab my flag, ends up tripping and falling on me. (That's actually happened once, except it was with my uncle and he knocked me over instead of falling on me... and I landed in dog shit. Not so fun anymore) I want a man who will challenge me intellectually, but not in a patronizing manner. Meaning, he will make me thoughtful, not irate ("I didn't think of it like that" instead of "YEAH? WELL **** YOU!") I want a man who understands. That's almost impossible, considering everyone is different so there's no way you can completely get your partner. I'm not just speaking of when I'm being emotionally tried, but just in general. A man who can understand anything that comes about, or is at least accepting. I want a FUNNY guy. My sense of humor is fairly wide, but unfortunately it also jumps right into offensive shit. I want a guy who'll laugh at dead baby jokes and crack off a few of his own, meanwhile also laughing at stupid puns. Hanging out is great. Really, I can't imagine something cooler than just sitting on a couch watching TV. That's a friendly activity mostly, but with couples it can be something more. It's the little inane things like that that are great. Hell, I'd love it if we ended fall asleep on the couch. But, as I pointed out, I am a talker, but there's a little problem: I tend to clamp up when I'm upset and pretend I'm not (not in a psychotic manner that includes passive aggression, but in a "I'm trying to forget that happened" manner). That goes with the understanding; I want a man who will recognize something is wrong and try to oust it out of me. But returning to talking, I also want a guy who won't ever tell me to shut up or at least be hateful to me because of my talking. I'd rather him say "Sweetie, not right now, please?" or "Do you ever stop talking? [laugh]" And I will tone it down. I'm not saying I always, always, always talk, nooo. In fact, I am quite shy. Once I warm up, though, and find something to talk about, I CAN keep going on and on, but remember: Can != will. ... Anyway, returning to point, if I get into one of my chatter modes and he's not in the mood, I'd be rather hurt or even pissed off if he alerted me in with a shitty tone. Backing up to hanging out; I like to make comments about things I watch. I want a guy either into that or very tolerant of it. I like to watch stupid things and make fun of how ungodly stupid they are. That friend I mentioned earlier? We watched that show "Ni-Hao Kai Lan" or whatever, and were almost wetting ourselves over how horribly bad it was. I want a guy who can appreciate that. And about hanging out some more: Like I said, I also like video games. I'd hate it if I had a man who liked them too, but was so condescending about my gender that he thought I couldn't or wouldn't play, and never invited me. I can't imagine a more fun night than doing a multiplayer on some game... especially something we just bought and have no clue about! That's endless giggles right there. I've actually never enjoyed myself more than I have while playing a game with someone. I'm also a bit of a romantic. I never have been before I felt what it was like to have feelings for someone... But, anyway, I don't want a guy COMPLETELY gushing over me, but something little like eating at a cafe or maybe a bit bigger, a restraunt, that's pretty great. Star or cloud gazing? Hell yeah. Singing songs? ... Er, well, that gets borderline obsessive, so it has to be very neatly timed. Walks in the park/on the beach are kind of boring... And this will sound totally selfish of me, but I want him to buy me things. NOT ALL THE TIME, oh god hell no, that IS obsessive, but I want him to pay attention to things I like then suddenly surprise me with them. Yes, I want it to be a bit of a guessing game. I would want to buy him things, too, of course, so I don't want any of those guys who are annoyingly modest. I want a guy who's willing to take the passenger side. No I don't want to dominate all the time, but I don't want to BE dominated either. It's kind of like above, the intellectually challenging thing. A man who will put me in my place, but isn't so bullheaded as to not realize when he is wrong too and is ready to trust my decisions. I don't want someone completely submissive. Tantalizing though that is, it would certainly get annoying to have a lap dog instead of a real man. Independence is also a great factor. Hate those peer-pressured idiots. Upon this factor, as I mentioned in another FML, I want a guy who can take care of himself. He has to be able to cook, he has to have /some/ knowledge of cleaning, he has to know how to fix things too. Don't want an obsessive cleaner or fixer, but if he loves to cook... that's really sexy. Oooo how I just love the idea of waking up and finding him making pancakes, eggs, and bacon for us. I'd just snuggle him up so much I'd be comparable to a cat in heat. I guess that just might be it. It's really not something I get into often, so I haven't given it too much elaborate thought. Now here's the kicker: The best friend I mentioned earlier that I fell for? A CHICK. All these qualities in men, I also want in women. She has them, or at least most of them. These qualities are not gender-strict. It's not so surprising or hard at all to find girls like her, and girls like me. No it's not surprising to find the polly pockets you mentioned either, but that doesn't mean they are the dominant ones. People are diverse. Nothing is really so surprising anymore, and stereotypes just don't work as a means to define the whole. Yes, I totally had to make a tl;dr for that. Hey, I said I was a talker.

Honestly, guys and girls CAN BE FRIENDS! I have lots of guy friends, and most of them don't have any feelings for me at all. We are friends because of mutual interests and enjoyment of each other's company. Currently, my best friend is one of my ex-boyfriends. We both managed to get over it to the point that we can be best friends, even though we did have a romantic/sexual relationship in the past. It's certainly possible, so all this ridiculous whining about how girls should completely cease all contact with any guy who likes them but they're not interested in is completely absurd. We don't owe reciprocal feelings to our friends, and they don't owe them to us. Most people can be mature and learn to enjoy what they have and not focus on infatuated ideas of romance. And to all those comments about how guys can't possibly understand girly things and vice versa, there are TONS of girls who love video games and sports, and tons of guys who love to shop. You just need to find people who are similar to you, no trait is the property of one gender only.

Oh my darling. It is easy to find examples when we make them up. Just as I can make up someone who agrees with me completely, we can make examples of people who would do the complete opposite. We can do this for day and night and never come to an end. If your best girl friend is obese and reminds you of your mother, do you really want to be best friends with her? Why don't you go home and hang out with mom? Nice example, but one that doesn't make much sense. My point is, guys aren't always the one to blame. If I had my way with the guy, I would have told him that back in 6th grade. Let her go, it make no sense. If I knew her, I'd say the same thing as well. I'm not saying she's the only one to blame, but she MUST take at least SOME blame. It's the OP that blamed the guy initially, shouldn't she have at least SOME responsibility? I don't have respect for the guy. But I definitely know that MANY OH SO MANY GUYS get hurt all the time by girls who just don't do the right thing and don't tell guys the truth (whether this be the OP or not). Yes, I adore my girlfriend. No she is not a pet. In fact, I treat her like my princess. BUT only because she treats me like her prince. Is that not fair? I admire her for her feminine qualities and she adores me for my masculinity. Is that not fair? She is a female, I am a male. We both act it and we both adore each other. Do I put down the entire female population? No. So as a creative writing major, maybe you should learn to do some creative UNDERSTANDING. It's a two-way street sweetheart. Look, as a "creative writer" I am not going to add to every sentence "but some people are not like this and there are some that don't follow this guideline." I'm going to write to the vast majority. Rather than write to the vast minority. Isn't that what us "writers" do? Affect the most people through our charm. Finish up school and maybe we'll talk. It's simple really. Men are attracted to the opposite sex for what the opposite sex is. Women are attracted to men for what they are. This does NOT include GAYS or LESBIANS, otherwise I'd be writing a whole other post. Women are more likely to abuse men than men are to abuse women pre-relationship. Girls get more attention than guys, they know how to work the angles, and they do. It's not their fault. It is TRUE. How many guys never pay for drinks at bars? How many girls never pay for drinks at bars? Is the world going to change because of my posts? HELL NO. But if one woman can see the point and possibly take just a bit of responsibility, I'd say it was all worth it. And it's kinda cute that some people get so upset. Har har har.

Well if I was to let a guy buy anything for me, it'd only be on the grounds that I was sure he wasn't being sexist about it (meaning more unintentionally/unconciously patronizing than literally "GET TO THE KITCHEN" shit). And... it'd also be more because I want to save money than anything. Not taking advantage of his gender, just his niceness. It's bitchy, but I don't think anyone can say they wouldn't do it. However, I would never go to a bar or dinner or date NOT planning to pay at least for my half, that's even more bitchy. Especially if we're out to eat. Small stomach, it's difficult for me to eat my main dish plus the sides (I hate it that restraunts make it mandatory). So I usually feel bad when I don't but it was charged anyway, so I would probably fight to pay my half instead of letting him get it. Is this a bit of that responsibility you're speaking of? Also, really, I can't fault the chick, or anyone in her position, for just not feeling like he wants her to. She doesn't want to lose a friend, so why not expect him to return to his original platonic feelings? It sounds like expecting too much, perhaps, but for some reason I think that if he really cares he would get over it. It sounds off, but think about this: Which is worse, being completely cut off from someone who was so important to you that they became more to you in your heart, or being allowed to stay around them and swallowing that something more? Personally, I would rather hang about. They rock. I won't deny it hurts, but you have to give it up either way, so... And besides, hurt or not, resorting to physical violence because he can't have her? He really needs a reality check. ... Ah, I thought of something: Perhaps she DID try to push him away, but he said "No, no I'll be fine. Can we please stay friends?" (or something like that) and she trusted him to be mature about it. Is that really her fault?

(nothing like bedtime, eh?) Also, I feel I must point out as a sidenote, Rubix, that it's not exactly considered "manly" to watch Japanese cartoons. And now to you, grdaddy, I have to say I was rather offended by your comment that men only seek "girls who act like girls" (and implying vice-versa). Are you saying people are only desirable if they adhere to stereotypes? I'd like to see you try to tell the black people they'll only get dates if they speak in ebonics lol You know, it's people like you, or imply what you just did, that make teen Depression and suicide rates go up, because they don't adhere to a "norm" and so are outcasted or feel like they must be. You know, it's rather surprising how many people come out of the woodwork when given the chance. Meaning, bubbly pinks may LOOK like the only girls there are, but in reality there's a whole other society you're not even seeing. And, besides, that stereotype you're implying? Very high school of you. Not trying to be condescending, but it is very immaturely devised. If I were to say "get out into the real world and take a look" THEN I would be condescending. I will not say that, though, as assuredly you'd come back with "I'm in college" or something. But, even in my little community college, in this little lab I'm typing in right now... Sure, I can see girls like you describe, guys like you describe, but mostly I see people quite different from your stereotypes. If you took a look beyond what you are seeking as a partner, you'd be surprised how many people quite unlike what you think. You also might find a friend who - gasp - is a girl for whom you have no romantic interest in.

Dragon ball Z is pretty manly! Lol. I agree with most of what you say Dame. I won't agree with anime isn't manly cause my friend would freak. He thinks he is the man's man. =) He isn't but he thinks he is. I HATE pink. Most of the people i know are not stereotypical girls. I can also tell you that the majority of them are either dating or have a guy pursuing them. While it might not be the jock and they might not be cinder-*******-ella, but they have found love for all their interests in sports, acting, dirt biking... it goes on. Here is my problem, you talk about the MAJORITY and how when you were younger this happened to you (the problem getting the girl) and that is the first mistake. You have a system that allows for no growth. High school is a narrow view. If you were as popular as you seem to think you were then you most likely adhered to stereotypes. You hung with stereotypical cheerleaders and jocks. You did not get a real look, or understanding (besides making fun of I suppose) the life of other people. I used to be be chubby when I was younger and admit I was depressing to be around. But I also hung out with a lot of people who changed me for the better, who showed me how diverse and beautiful love is when you are looking deeper than what she is like doing with her like life and omg look at my pecks. I found out that despite being unattractive to your sort I was able to get to know people's personalities. I also had my heart broken by guys who would not give ME a chance. I don't have that problem now because I have learned to grow the **** up and get over it. If a guy doesn't like me and then tells me because of my feelings I now am being excommunicated from his life, that would be the thing that broke my heart. Real men, real friends, learn that friendship is about getting through hard spots in your life. You have not learned this. And the Op's friend did not learn this.

Oh goodness, what has this become. DameGreyWulf: To be completely honest, I don't care if you were offended by my comments, so stating such is sort of ridiculous considering I do not intend to apologize for the way I think nor do I intend to attempt to make amends. Look, you want to talk about stereotypes? Look at your comment right before you directed to me. [quote="DameGreyWulf"]"(nothing like bedtime, eh?) Also, I feel I must point out as a sidenote, Rubix, that it's not exactly considered "manly" to watch Japanese cartoons."[/quote] (And I know those don't work, I just want to make it clear. You want to say I offended you and that I stereotype? What in the **** do you think that you just did before addressing me? So before you get on your high horse, take a look at the way you think to begin with. LOOK. I am not addressing the minority. I am not addressing the select few. I am addressing the majority and the general populace. IF MEN DID NOT FIND WOMEN WITH FEMININE QUALITIES ATTRACTIVE (and vise-versa), we would not be here. PERIOD. It is NATURE's WAY to continuing population growth. Look at animals and how they choose their mates? How are we ANY different?" Men find women attractive due to there female qualities. Women find men attractive due to there MALE qualities. This is NOT true if people are GAY, LESBIAN, or OUT OF THE ORDINARY. THE MAJORITY of men like feminine women. The MAJORITY of women like masculine men. I'm not talking about your secret cousin Shawn who is a closet GAY. I'm talking about the majority. And no, I don't care about anyone's education level. I don't care who you are or where you come from. If you have an argument, as long as you present it clearly, it is fine by me. You know why men and women can't be close friends? Because if a man gets close enough to a woman, he WILL start to like her. WHY WOULDN'T HE? She's so amazing, she's smart, and understanding. WHAT MAN wouldn't want a woman like that. I'm not saying only women are to blame. But women cannot always offset the fault onto men. Just like women who are always "WHY ARE ALL GUYS JERKS?" NO. WHY do women always go for the jerks? WOMEN must take at least some of the blame. In the OP's case. I'd say that she led him on. She had enough power to cut off a friendship. Ask yourself. Would you want to keep a best friend that thinks about your life together when you're not around. Thinks about you SEXUALLY? Or in any other way? Should your BEST FRIEND think about you in ways you don't think about him/her? **** NO.

I was using the stereotype ironically, and to point out she may not have been helping the cause. Note the quotations, please. That is not how I think. Oh, and... A "majority" is 51% to 49%. You can not exclude a minority. The "minorities" you are speaking of peak well beyond a half of a percent like you seem to want to imply. If it was 60/40, does that 40 somehow not count anymore? In the 1940s/50s, people who were homosexual or had homosexual interests made about 40% of the (US) population. Homosexuality has existed for years, too. ANIMALS practice homosexuality! However obviously I am NOT just speaking of homosexuals... as you would have seen if you had taken the time to read my post. If you are talking about "generally" you need to take into account ALL ACCOUNTS, not just what you pick and choose. We've been procreating as a species because women and children were treated as property and so didn't have a say in who they were paired with. Only in recent times has a selection process mattered, and back in the beginning of that the "ideal" woman was as thick as a block and only knew how to cook and clean, and do minimum labor. The "ideal" man didn't have to have intelligence, didn't even have to be nice (remember, spousal abuse was okee dokee), he just had to have a nice job and not be completely out of shape. Not much of an improvement. Stereotypes would have kept us at that point. Stereotypes keep other countries at that point. However, we have moved forward and allowed for people to be themselves, and quite often those people are not what YOU describe. There is no such thing as a "norm" anymore. There is no such thing as "gender-exclusive" traits in personality. There can be physical gender exclusives, obviously, but personality wise everyone can feel different. As I said in a previous post: "It's not so surprising or hard at all to find girls like her, and girls like me. No it's not surprising to find the polly pockets you mentioned either, but that doesn't mean they are the dominant ones. People are diverse. Nothing is really so surprising anymore, and stereotypes just don't work as a means to define the whole." You are not unlike those people who like to pretend rape, violence, underage drinking/sex/smoking, naughty/BDSM conventions, etc doesn't exist. Since it is not the "majority" it is not worth considering, except for the fact it isn't just a small, select group of people. It's millions and millions. On another note, you're acting like it's always been about shopping and sports... er, no. The femme/masculine qualities you are speaking of are actually PHYSICAL appearance, not mentality. In a NATURAL way we select the men with the larger scrotal sack, because of increased semen production, and we select women with the larger breasts, because of increased milk production (just as a topical example). Physical traits are the natural selection. We, as a species, are unnatural in that we also consider mental aspects such as personality, emotions, beliefs, etc. Such traits have nothing to do with "nature's course" since they have nothing to do with reproductional ability. An extremely bitchy woman will produce a child just like an extremely docile one would. A complete asshole will ejaculate just like a total goofball would. As mentioned, up until recently, for humans, mating has been a business, just like it was for animals but with a few changes (mating for land, money, power/position, etc...). This is how we "survived" as a species, by limiting our choices to what can be advantaged from. If you were poor and/or there were no disadvantages to be had, THEN you could afford to actually choose a mate by your own personal preferences. Also thanks for completely ignoring the rest of my post about this "minority" you're speaking of. Never once have I seen domination by the "girly" girls and "manly" men. Never once has anyone I know seen this. It's been about an equal distribution, because we know how to look beyond and actually SEE. Basically... you "can't see the forest for the trees." You're only identifying what you want to identify rather than identifying everything as a whole. And, actually, I have had a few friends (six in total) who were sexually/romantically interested in me. I don't give a shit, and I told them so. I told them also that I don't feel the same way. They all took/backed off on their own, save one who started harassing me about it. I had to cut him. They can't help their feelings, and I've no reason to be offended or creeped out by that (unless they GET creepy or offensive about it, like aforementioned male). And NOTICE they all took it upon THEMSELVES to do something. It is not MY responsibility, not the responsibility of the object of your affection, to constantly smack your hand and say "No, just friends." YOU are responsible for YOU. That is 1st grade knowledge. Most people assume you know this. Most people assume you're going to be mature enough to get over it or learn how to handle it properly. Most people assume you care enough about the object of your affection that you wouldn't put your selfish desires above him/her. As people, we are more than our hormones. Sure, you make a good point; if someone earned the title of "best" obviously there's a lot of greatness to them that one could become attracted to. But again, they are not responsible for you. If they do not return your feelings, such is life. No need to throw a hissy fit about it. Yes, in this instance, it is the guy's fault for not being mature enough to handle himself. If you truly love someone, you don't pull shit moves like this. I'm sure, if they are best friends, that she's mentioned this guy she "really likes" to him. He should have known to give it up already, and especially so if it's been 3 years and she has not returned his feelings, no matter if they were still friends.