By Charon - 09/10/2009 22:11 - United States
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I feel ya bro. i can't even get a date to homecoming. I feel like dying.
Sunkissed- I don't understand why the Op is upset. Sure he liked the girl, but did he tell her they weren't just friends. For all we know she could have gone over to dinner all the time and have liked the brother. That's what it sounds like, that she didn't have a date and her good friend Op was dateless and there to take her. I do that all the time (go on "dates" with friends, but we discuss it first, so no hard feelings--of both types). You're at fault Op for not specifying you liked her, its not prom.
That sucks.....Get her something expensive and for my love...be say wait...we are only friends...take it back and walk away.
The dreaded friend zone. I totally feel you. I hate the friend zone! Not much you can do about this relationship, its toast. Shes not a bitch, she is just being a woman. Women like @$$holes. Sorry girls but its true. The guys they like are exciting, and will break girls hearts and your the one who they come crying to wondering why all guys are such jerks! Take it from me, I have had two many years of experience to know that being "nice" only works on about 10% of women, and how many of that 10% are HUGE? Take it from me. Be a jerk. Don't ask her to homecoming, tell her she is going with you. Be cocky, be funny but whatever you do DON'T be a wimp! Never apologize, live your life for you, do what you want and women will eat it up. Don't abuse them, or use them but don't let them be brats either! I wish you better luck next time!
But you have to agree that there is a certain level of shyness where a guy is just a pussy. All guys need a sense of initiative and desire in everything they do, sure it may seem cocky, but we take it as pride and confidence. Does a girl not want to see their guy confident in himself and his abilities? Would you rather want us to define ourselves or rely on someone else? _______________________________ www.myspace.com/rapid99
Exactly! You just said you "like" nice guys, but are you attracted to them, do they stir passion in you or do they just make good friends? I feel sorry for the guy you asked, because when someone more exciting comes along your gone, and who will you turn to when this new more exciting guy breaks your heart?
Shut your face. Just because you fail at snagging women doesn't mean it has anything to do with how "nice" you are. It only means you fail at snagging women, or you let yourself get walked on. That's not being nice, that's being a pussyboy. You're right, nobody likes a wimp, but oh wait what's this OH RIGHT IT'S THE THESAURUS /NOT/ LISTING "WIMP" AS A SYNONYM FOR "NICE." You're not nice, you're just a whiny little pussyboy. Oh, and "nice" isn't a synonym for "boring" either. Plenty of nice, guys, people in general out there with a sense of adventure. If some man came up to me told me that he WAS taking me as opposed to asking, I would spit in his face and wish for him to be sodomized with a splintering broom. I am not some dog, not some child, I do not need and will not tolerate being told what to do by some random arrogant twit. My boy better fucking apologize or own up when he screws up. It shows he has some sense of responsibility, and remorse if it was really bad. You can't forgive someone if they don't want to be forgiven, which of course if you can't forgive them then you DUMP THEM. Whoops, logic fail there, 14... As for living his life for himself, you're right, that's good... that's NICE, in fact. Why, hello, Thesaurus, it seems you also don't list "independent" as a synonym for "jerk," what a pleasant surprise! http://www.fmylife.com/love/5735041 see post 131
You sound a little angry, bitter perhaps? Care to explain why? I was offering this guy some advice from someone who has a lot of experience, and who was once a wimpy "nice guy" but then I looked around and tried to figure out what was going on, why I was not doing well with women and then I changed. I am now pleased with my love life, I have meet a lot of nice girls, I have a lot of fun, and I was not complaining about anything. I would love to hear your story!
It's been a bad week :c Plus my period lasted longer than usual during this bad week and now that it's over I'm all about the "PMS" - POSTmenstrual syndrome... so yeah... that could explain it I suppose lol I've been tense all day anyway. This is good stress relief I guess? Maybe I should go play Unreal Tournament lol  My point was that you're confusing "nice" with total wimp and "jerk" with strong and independent. Edit limits...
Quite to the contrary, I am not huge, I have a hard time finding girls who weigh less than I do. I would appreciate you drop the name calling and have a real conversation. By what means am I conveying my accused sexism? I'm also not quite sure how you arrived at the misinformed opinion I am a female genital cleansing device? Please elaborate on your accusations. I'm always looking to improve.
Though I don't know how "worse" came about, the sexism I think comes from just assuming women only like assholes, and of course the comment "She's not being a bitch, she's just being a woman." Also, I must point out your smartass fail. You used the words "bitch" and "asshole," then got cocky about the meaning of "douchebag" in some crappy attempt to show off. Just so you know, a bitch is a female dog and technically the term is anus. What do female dogs and anuses have to do with anything? Are you a closet zoophiliac?
I totally agree with DameGrayWulf (except for the part about PMS. Though that can be annoying at times). Not all women like assholes. My boyfriend is the nicest guy you could ever meet and (shock horror) we were friends for about 3 years before we started dating! The friend zone isn't ALWAYS a bad place to be. From what I've seen, most women tend to like nice guys, there are a few that only like assholes, just as I'm sure there are some guys that only like sluts. Each gender has their flaws and you can't go generalising your misconceptions about women to every single woman in the world. Also, how was this girl to know the homecoming thing was a date and that she is now forbidden from talking to other members of the opposite sex? She may think he just invited her because they are already friends, or that she was a last resort or something.
(Oh of course I can't completely blame it, just that it could explain my grouchiness. I mean all that I say, regardless of tone.) You know, there's a point I forgot to bring up. Friend zone doesn't necessarily mean blue balls for eternity. Show you're a great friend and you could definitely spark interest, at the very least curiosity in how you'd fare as a partner. Now, friend zone could mean afraid to get into a relationship, or even admitting feelings, for fear of RUINING a friendship... but that just shows how valuable you are to them, yes? At least I think so... Aren't you technically "friends" while in a relationship anyway? You should be. I mean.. think about it... friends are people you identify with, that you feel comfortable around, and feel safe in telling secrets. The same should be for your partner, except on a more significant level. And on that thought, it's smarter to start as friends so that you're familiar with each other anyway.... I still think it was rude of her to flirt with his brother though, personally.
Friend zone does relate to a sense of awkwardness though. For one dating a best friend can potentially be boring, as you already know what to expect and know everything about. Isn't dating a sense of discovery? Perhaps I'm biased but someone in a friend zone is in there for a good reason, at least in my opinion it's because they don't have potential. What do you think on that? ___________________________ www.myspace.com/rapid99
It's always appreciated for the guy to take the initiative on at least some things in a relationship, but that's not about being a nice guy or not. And the friend zone is a GOOD thing for many girls, because you know the boy well and have already built a firm trust with them. Hell, my boyfriend and I were friends before we fell in love, and he was so shy that I passively forced him to tell me he liked me - which I thought was adorable. Not everyone likes "manly" men, and especially not cocky assholes. It's about finding the person that suits /you/.
There are always new things to discover about people, yes even those you've known for a long time. And there's a difference between platonic and romantic; as in, you know how they are in a friend sense, but you have no idea how they are in a serious relationship sense. When you elevate the relationship, several doors open for potential things to do together, to talk about, etc... You dive deeper into them, to put it flowery. And of course, if you're truly interested in them, it's hard to be bored. Even their simple company is good. Cliche as hell, but yeah... Of course it's going to be a bit awkward if you develop feelings for a friend, regardless of if you're in their zone or if they were in yours, but aren't those feelings awkward in general to have? lol
I know that I can't speak for all nice guys in the world, so I'll speak for myself: I get real tired and pissed off when I'm seen as "a weakling, a pushover & a mama's boy" whenever I demonstrate being a gentleman. That's how my parents raised me and that's how I'll raise my son (if I ever have one). Also, I'm frustrated with people saying that all women want "jerks, guys with bad attitudes, etc." Not all women like that and though I'm single now, I hope one day to meet a woman who appreciates me for me. Nice guys aren't dead... we just get pushed to the side by women who don't know what they truly want in a man.
I think having feelings for a friend would only be awkward if they didn't return them. And there are always new things to learn about people - do you honestly think you know every little thing about your friends? As I'm sure you would know, being in a relationship with someone feels very different to being friends with them. That's still true even if you started out as friends before dating. My boyfriend and I were very close friends before we started dating; there was no awkwardness, and we're enjoying getting to know each other on a new level. "Isn't dating a sense of discovery?" If your only reason for dating someone is because you don't know them, I find that a little sad. I love the fact that I already knew my boyfriend before we started dating. If you're going on a date with someone you've known for years, it's much more fun; you're more relaxed around each other, you know each others' likes and dislikes, and moving on to sex with someone that you've trusted for years is a piece of cake.
@Proto: Don't forget, it's always the bad news that is known the first and most. This misconception is merely typical negative propoganda, the kind you see shown by the media all the time. Example: There is one bitch in a group of ten gals, the rest are nice. Who do you think's activities get the most attention? The bitch's. And of course, as per typical of paranoid human nature, people apply the bitch's behaviour to the rest of the girls of the group. It's not just the nice guys that are "pushed aside."
Perhaps I'm stuck in the idea that "dating" is getting to know someone better. After all if the first one doesn't work out then it doesn't continue. Just the same as if a girl says "I went on a date with someone that I found out I can't stand" or what not, to me it just entitles discovery. You discover your feelings for someone, or you discover that you would like to get to know them better or not call them back. As I said I don't date good friends for the pure reason of awkwardness and the potential of changing your view of them in a bad way. They can be the best as friends but the worst as a committed relationship. I will say however that I do agree in many ways to Dame's response, however in my opinion it's platonic for a reason. _______________________________ www.myspace.com/rapid99
Well, personally, I won't ask to date someone I don't at least feel an inkling of feelings for, or agree to date them for that matter. The latter just results in a cruel conclusion for the other person, because they asked because they DID feel for me. I can't force myself to like someone, so I'm not going to try to. If I don't like them, I'm not going to let them even hold my hand, at least if I did I certainly wouldn't be comfortable with it.
The first guy I fell in love with was "popular" (this was ninth grade mind you--and NO it does not undermine my feelings for him or my intentions to have a good relationship) and rather cocky. I took this for confidence. He was sure of himself and what he wanted. He decided he wanted to date me. I was so overwhelmed by what I viewed as the right type of guy, the Mr. Darcy looks, the Batman darkness, the cockiness. I thought he was confident, well adjusted and "shy." You know hiding who he was under his handsome mask. I was wrong. He forced me into situations where I was uncomfortable. He was an asshole and if his mother hadn't walked in I wouldn't be a virgin right now. He persuaded/forced me too far. I don't like assholes. They make me feel unsafe. But being shy does not mean they are weak, they just are looking for someone to boost their confidence. And I prefer having boyfriends that do not show off all their great qualities, I want to be selfish and have them all for myself. I don't want the world to know how perfect my guy is until I know he is mine. Its kind of like not advertizing your goldmine before it is legally yours.
Yikes... And to think, he probably did that to some other poor gal... God I hate people like that. Such little concern for their supposed significant other... If you really care, you have patience, and you don't force who you love into what they're not ready for, be it sex or just a higher relationship in general. It's disgusting how some people are so selfish in that manner and call it "love."