Work: Today, my boss fired me for "fooling around" on my phone. I was... - FML

By are you kidding me???? - United States - Chaplin

Today, my boss fired me for "fooling around" on my phone. I was looking for supplies for a surprise party we are throwing him for his birthday, and I didn't want to do it on my work computer because he has access to our history. Also, this happened during my lunch break. FML

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Coherence dude, do you have it?

And today, on Dr Phil…

Rock, hard place

By gracelynn980765

Today, it was the third time in a row someone has lost a boner inside of me. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my mum and I decided to go on a hike. Beforehand we left my car at the end of the trail and took my mums car to the beginning. After 4 hours we arrived at my car. I had left my keys in mums car. It was a long walk back. FML

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By Oops - United Kingdom - Newcastle Upon Tyne

Today, I accidentally spilled red wine on my cat. She ran away and licked the wine off before I had a chance to clean her. My mother is deeply concerned our cat is dying. I'm trying to tell her to wait 24 hours before taking her to the vet's, simply because I think my cat is hung over. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I slipped and gashed my head bad enough that my head had to be shaved to be sewn up. Right after it had finished growing back from chemotherapy. FML

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By Sun_Kissed18 - United States - Hillsborough

Today, at my job at a frozen yogurt shop, an elderly woman gladly announced that I'd be seeing a lot of her due to the vaginal infection that she has. Thank you for that, ma'am. FML

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By Anonymous - Singapore

Today, my 9 year old nephew found his way onto my iTunes. I now have 401 songs titled "aidfj3P" by "ffjiel". FML

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By sliceddice - Denmark

Today, I was crying because my cat died. My boyfriend cupped my face in his hands, looked me straight into the eyes and said, "I love seeing you cry." FML

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By buggingout - United States

Today, it's the first day of my Hawaiian honeymoon. We found out that the pool is under construction and our room is infested with roaches. We are paying $375 a night for this. FML

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By goldie09 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I were fooling around in bed, when suddenly, he turned to me and started playing with my breasts as if they were turn tables and he was the DJ. FML

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By Screwed in Seattle - United States

Today, I woke up with a migrane, so I took one of my prescription migrane pills to get me through my day. The pill made me dizzy and nauseous, so I took a motion-sickness pill. That pill gave me a migrane. FML

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By inpain - United States

Today, I thought it would be funny to touch my girlfriend's back with my cold hands. She thought it would be funny to crush my left testicle with her knee as I was trying to fall asleep. FML

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By mimi - United States

Today, I shat a magnet. FML

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By Aimee Lutz

Cat Burglar!

Today, I found my lost cat. As I was hooking it up to a leash to get it in my car, a man approached and asked what I was doing. His kids alerted him that there was a woman stealing their cat from their front lawn. It was not my cat. FML

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By goingnowherefast - United States - Butler

Today, after three and a half years of working dead-end jobs with a bachelor's degree, I got a call from a potential employer in my degree field, who wanted to set up an interview. The problem: the interview is across the country, and I'm too broke to pay the travel expenses. FML

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By Jack - United States

Today, my family got together to read my grandpa's will. He gave all of his grandkids $400 each. Except me. It seems he thought I'd see the funny side in being bequeathed a blow-up sex doll. FML

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By newscorp employee - United States

Today, my coworker told me that the framed picture our boss put on her desk last week was not, as I originally thought, a picture of her father, but a picture of Rupert Murdoch. FML

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By Anon - United States

Today, I thought my mom and I could put aside our differences and open our Christmas presents. When she opened mine, she turned to my dad and said she didn't want the present, so I could give it to someone else. 'Tis the season. FML

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By JillianJuneBug - United States - Elmira

Today, I was listening to music on my phone. I activated Siri by mistake, which stopped the music. I told Siri to, "turn the damn music back on." She replied, "Now calling Afton." Afton is my ex. While trying to quickly end the call, my phone froze and the buttons stopped working. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, was my first day working for a real estate company. just as I sat in my car my pants ripped hugely from my crotch all the way to the top of my pants and three inches wide. I was wearing a thong and we were on our way to show him an open house. FML

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By tiredInMD - United States - Pasadena

Today, after retyping a 22-page report for work because the orginal had gone missing, i realized I had used a different laptop the first time. I now have 2 copies of the same report, both of which are late. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Aurora

Today, I told my daughter that she won't be going to her homecoming dance as punishment for her terrible grades. She's been crying and singing "If I Die Young" in her room for hours. At this point, I don't know if I need to call a therapist or a vocal coach. FML

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By Anonymous - Estonia

Today, I stole a bite of my boyfriend's hamburger. He threw a fit, saying I took too big a bite and I had to replace it with a new, more expensive one. Afterwards, he said how lucky I was he didn't break up with me then and there. FML

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By Miss<Younger>Beyoncé - Namibia - Windhoek

Today, I was boxing up all my brother's old stuff to take to the attic. I came across a box, and without checking what was inside, I took it up, just to have it fall on my head, to then find out it was filled with dead baby hamsters. FML

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By Anonymous - Ireland

Today, my 4-year-old daughter couldn't sleep, crying that her teddy bear wants to eat her. My husband thought it would be funny to put the bear right in front of her face while she slept. She's now terrified to sleep anywhere but in our bed. FML

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By fark - Ireland

Today, I slipped on a wet floor at the supermarket and busted my nose. It wouldn't be as embarrassing if I hadn't missed the "CAUTION: WET FLOOR" sign that I'd put there myself just 30 minutes earlier. FML

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By Cob - United States

Today, I tried helping an old lady with her groceries. When I asked if she needed help she smiled. When I took one of her bags she yelled. I didn't know she was deaf. FML

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By Mash-brakketz

Goodbye, 7 years of sobriety...

Today a gasoline canister leaked in our work garage and filled my office with fumes. It got me high and nauseous even though I went out for air constantly. I had a meltdown and was sent home. I'm still high. FML

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By same - United States - Palo Alto

Today, my boyfriend decided to gift me soap, a razor, and deodorant for my birthday. FML

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By me - United States

Today, I apologized to my boyfriend for thinking he was cheating on me right before another girl posted pictures of them together on her myspace. FML

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By ouch - United States

Today, I had to rush to school to avoid being late. Unfortunately, I forgot to put a bra on beforehand, and as soon as I got to gym class, the first thing my teacher said was: "Okay folks, let's get outside, we're running the mile." FML

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By lilyann - 24/12/2020 08:01 - United States - San Jose

Who knows?

Today, the entire back room of Walmart smelled like cat piss. No one else complained, as they all claimed they couldn’t smell a thing under their masks. I, on the other hand, have a headache and nausea from the overpowering scent despite my mask. FML

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By fianceeless - United States

Today, my extremely superstitious girlfriend called me and said she couldn't make it to the date I had planned tonight. Her reason? "I sense something horrible is going to happen." I was planning to propose. FML

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By Paul Rushing - 19/3/2020 15:00

Panic buying? What panic buying?

Today, at the supermarket where I work, we had at least 40 people waiting outside for us to open our doors at 7:00 a.m. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Lane Cove

Today, I was walking down the stairs with my guitar in hand, singing "I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing" to my wife. I sang, "I don't wanna close my eyes, I don't wanna fall". Before I could say "asleep", I fell down the stairs. My wife almost pissed her pants laughing. My bum hurts. FML

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By evomadrid24 - United States

Today, I had to be an observer for a drug test at work. Me and two others got to watch 130 guys take a piss, and then leave work two hours later than everyone else. FML

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By LetsMakeLove - United States

Today, I went to the game with my boss and some people he does business with on his tab. I got so drunk that I blacked out, threw up all over the table, and passed out in the bathroom. I woke up alone with my body reeking of vomit, and no phone. FML

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By hadtocleanthemess - Canada

Today, my dog got his head stuck in a container, panicked, and shat himself all over the living room. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/10/2020 20:01 - United States - San Mateo

Compassionate dad, huh?

Today, I was having an emotional breakdown. I'm unhappy a lot and don't know why. It's very confusing. My dad yelled at me, telling me, "You have no right to be sad!" I'm even more confused now. Help. FML

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By bubblegummm13 - Canada

Today, I got an email from my University informing me that I was invited to an exclusive dinner for 25 people. As I continued to read through the email, I discovered that I wasn't lucky or special, but that the dinner was for financially unstable students. They think I'm a charity case. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/7/2020 05:01

Vicious and unprovoked

Today, while I was playing football with a friend, my sister wanted to join in. She was messing around with the ball at the start, then suddenly she kicked the ball through my legs, pulled my shorts down and kneed me in the nuts. FML

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Top comments

By yankfan89 | 27

#4712225 - Friday 20 July 2012 12:03

Talk to HR he can't fire you for making personal calls during your lunch break. FYL OP.

By nikkimizu | 12

#4712227 - Friday 20 July 2012 12:03

Can he even do that? .__.

COMMENTS

By yankfan89 | 27

#4712225 - Friday 20 July 2012 12:03

Talk to HR he can't fire you for making personal calls during your lunch break. FYL OP.

Reply

blaackandprouud | 20

#4712299 - Friday 20 July 2012 12:52

Well shit. If I were OP I would definitely file a complaint or something.

Reply

tehcyberman | 9

#4712386 - Friday 20 July 2012 13:43

This guy doesn't deserve a party.

Reply

thatKidzmOm | 10

#4712573 - Friday 20 July 2012 14:43

At that point, I would have yelled at him about the party, made him feel like a total jackass, and ruined it for him. What a jerk!

Reply

nictransitglory | 4

#4712674 - Friday 20 July 2012 15:33

Where the hell do you work, auschwitz?! This kind of shit doesn't happen in real life for these reasons. Also, for those who say you can be fired with or w/o any reason isn't entirely true UNLESS it is a matter of downsizing or the position being eliminated. Reason being that a reason must be given to the state when going for unemployment, at which point it would be investigated if your boss told them "was looking on their phone during lunch". Know your rights and get this taken are of, or stop making shit up for Internet sites.

Reply

julygirl18 | 8

#4718590 - Sunday 22 July 2012 5:11

Looks like the party canceled due to an asshole boss move.

Reply

HelloGuys | 4

#4718799 - Sunday 22 July 2012 7:44

Take him to court

By nikkimizu | 12

#4712227 - Friday 20 July 2012 12:03

Can he even do that? .__.

Reply

UberNova | 18

#4712268 - Friday 20 July 2012 12:28

No, no he can't.

Reply

BogJuan | 5

#4714880 - Saturday 21 July 2012 4:32

Nope... can't fire you for something personal done on lunch break.

By DarkDaedalus009 | 8

#4712228 - Friday 20 July 2012 12:03

That is so stupid

Reply

onlychildFTW | 33

#4713422 - Friday 20 July 2012 20:14

The boss can't fire OP for being on their phone while on lunch break. I think that boss is stupid.

By zandalee | 19

#4712230 - Friday 20 July 2012 12:04

Simple. Tell him the truth. He would have to have a heart of stone to still fire you!

By zandalee | 19

#4712234 - Friday 20 July 2012 12:05

Not to mention it was in your lunch hour...
Wait...
You sure he wasn't looking for an excuse to fire you?

By bitchpleasemike | 7

#4712237 - Friday 20 July 2012 12:07

make him feel bad at the surprise party then

By cheekyterier | 13

#4712245 - Friday 20 July 2012 12:13

That sucks, op. Maybe you should tell him what you were planning and he'd feel guilty, but don't go back to your job. You dont want an ass like that

Reply

capper44 | 18

#4712336 - Friday 20 July 2012 13:20

#10 Don't know y!!..... But i do totally agree with your point of view lol

Reply

nahbean13 | 3

#4713640 - Friday 20 July 2012 21:22

In this economy, he might want that job back anyway.

Reply

emilydotawesome | 1

#4718736 - Sunday 22 July 2012 6:46

I feel like it would be totally epic for you to just show up at the surprise party, hand him a printout of your internet history from planning the party, and say, "Happy Birthday, asshole" then dramatically walk out.
You probably don't want to work someone like that anyway. Sorry, OP.

By vaughant | 5

#4712247 - Friday 20 July 2012 12:14

Aww dang that sucks I'm sorry:(

By dude1122332 | 9

#4712249 - Friday 20 July 2012 12:14

It's Friday all over again!

Reply

Enslaved | 36

#4712467 - Friday 20 July 2012 14:16

I think that some just don't understand your reference. I did. I love that movie.(:

Reply

dude1122332 | 9

#4713144 - Friday 20 July 2012 18:13

Thank you cat.(:

By Thisismypchere | 8

#4712254 - Friday 20 July 2012 12:20

Dick move :/