Work: Today, my boss fired me for "fooling around" on my phone. I was... - FML

By are you kidding me???? - United States - Chaplin

Today, my boss fired me for "fooling around" on my phone. I was looking for supplies for a surprise party we are throwing him for his birthday, and I didn't want to do it on my work computer because he has access to our history. Also, this happened during my lunch break. FML

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Leave me alone

The magic of love

Zeitgeist

By scared - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I finally went to the doctor's about my severe anxiety. I am so used to putting on a happy performance around people that she didn't believe anything was wrong with me. FML

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By sisterly love - United States - Santa Clara

Today, my sister admitted to selling pages of my diary to my old boyfriends. FML

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By Sodge - Australia

Today, I was impressing dinner guests by spinning my new baby in the air (something she loves), when she projectile vomited over the dinner table and the guests. My wife, who had spent three hours cooking was not impressed. Once of the guests was also a sympathy spewer. FML

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By JubileeBee - United States

Today, I found out that my seemingly innocent 80-something neighbor has been stalking every girl in the neighborhood, and considers me his girlfriend. FML

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By Dontsitsitandyoudie - Iceland - Reykjav?k

Today, I went to sit on a desk chair, which promptly rolled out from under me. This made me fall on my own foot, literally shattering two bones. I just bought a 9-month gym membership and can't use it because I wanted to sit down. FML

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By nalathelionqueen - United States - North Hills

Today, the summer camp I work at had its annual scavenger hunt, wherein the counselors hide and the kids look for us. It was my first year there, so some of my colleagues showed me the "best hiding spot." Two hours later, still undiscovered, I realized they just wanted to get rid of me. FML

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By cwhitney7 - United States - Waltham

Today, I decorated my boyfriend's house for Christmas as a surprise, just in time for him and his family to come home. Also just in time for him to tell me he's Jewish. FML

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By Zoey_M - Saudi Arabia - Riyadh

Today, my older brother told me that the only reason I like cats is because they control minds. I laughed. He was serious. FML

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By walnutbladder - United States

Today, I realized that every time I hear running water, I have less than a minute to find a toilet or I'll pee my pants. FML

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By texasrose921 - United States - Springfield

Today, as a student reporter for our college newspaper, I interviewed the president of my university. I was surprised to get an interview with him, and because of my nerves, as soon as I walked into his office I tripped over my own feet and fell face first into the ground. FML

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By Angel - United States - Charlotte

Today, the guy I'm dating took me to a dinner party at a couple's house. Halfway through dinner, I realized they were having the dinner party for the sole purpose of introducing him to their recently single daughter. FML

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By edhalen - United States

Today, I pulled over to help a girl with her car. I thought my limited mechanic skills would help look like a hero. She only needed her coolant cap unscrewed. With top down, shirt off, I was confident as I got out of my car. 10 minutes later I left because I couldn't unscrew the f***ing thing. FML

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By owie - Canada

Today, after breaking my leg, I'm unable to put any weight on it whatsoever. Our bedroom? Upstairs. Our only bathroom? Basement. My husband thought it would be a great idea to leave me alone and unable to walk to go babysit his nieces. I had to piss in a bucket. FML

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By hoogimo

Today, after buying my girlfriend a $700 bracelet for Christmas, I hinted that I wanted a pair of Oakleys. She told me I shouldn't get her anything and that I should expect even less. FML

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By theRoomie - United States

Today, my loser roommate got wasted. He comes to me before going to bed, tells me he loves me, tries to hug me, then explosively vomits all over my face, my hair, my clothes. Then spends the rest of the night retching. FML

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By IronMonkey - United States

Useless tools

Today, I work for a company that sells a leading brand of condoms. They give away free condoms to employees at the office. I haven't gotten laid since I began working here. FML

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By awkward - Finland

Today, my mom got me a job working for the man she's cheating on my dad with. My dad doesn't know that she's cheating, and my mom doesn't know that I know. It's just awkward. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. My mum walked in and told him to pull out and show her that he was wearing a condom, and not just saying he was. FML

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By Anonymous

Look-alikes

Today, the guy I really like told me that I look exactly like Kathy Bates. I'm only 30. FML

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By Mrs. Teacher - United States - Suwanee

Today, I collected my students' notes in class to check them. One girl, who is always drawing weird anime crap in her sketchbook, turned in just one piece of paper that read, "FUCK YOUR CLASS." FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my boss asked me to talk to the HR manager to see if I was happy about my pay, which made me think I was going to get a raise. Turns out they paid me nearly twice as much as they should have for the last 2 years and I owe them over €5000. FML

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By imblue42 - United States

Today, I walked into the dining room to find my mom popping pimples on my dad's back. FML

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By MissAggravared - United States - Meridian

Today, I met my sister's fiancé. I would have been happier for her if he hadn't been mine a month ago when I introduced them. FML

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By jennybrev - United States

Today, I awoke to find a water pipe burst. I frantically ran down to the basement to turn off the water to the house. What I didn't expect when I reached the bottom of the stairs was to have to start dodging the falling, wet ceiling tiles. FML

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By Anonymous - Ghana - Accra

Today, I'm on holiday in Ghana. After having worn an anklet I bought here for the past two weeks, I was told that it's used by the local prostitutes to advertise their trade. FML

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By KobraKommander - France

Today, I rear-ended a car while I was texting about the accident ahead which was causing all the traffic. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Baltimore

Today, after applying for a job at a tanning salon, I was told they don't hire "naturally tan" people. I'm black. FML

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By asadwa

Today, my mother told me she forgot what a verb is. I'm homeschooled, and she's my teacher. FML

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By apparantlyStupid - Canada - Okotoks

Today, I confronted my daughter about the various drug-associated items I found in her room. She then confronted me about going in her room and invading her privacy, to the point where I forgot the main issue and apologised to her. I just got outsmarted by a teenage pothead. FML

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By Chipper

Today, my girlfriend and I were laying in bed. She rolled over and began rubbing my chest. She then said, "Wow babe those are a solid B-cup." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Albuquerque

Today, I worked up the courage to give a guy my number. I wrote it down on a piece of paper, tore it in half and gave it to him. Later, I noticed I'd given him the wrong, blank half. FML

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By Mightaswelltutordogs - United States - Gainesville

Today, I had to find simple words to explain to the idiot I was tutoring that "1/4" is not of a greater value than "1/3" just because the denominator is bigger. FML

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By damgoose - United States

Today, while I was working in the liquor store, I was trying to impress my hot boss by lifting three cases of Grey goose. Turns out I can't, and I'll be working for the next two months of the rest of my summer paying it all back. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I was puked on for the third time in three years at our annual choir concert. What makes it so significant? The fact that the same guy pukes on me every year from stage fright. We're arranged alphabetically, and he's always in the row RIGHT above me. FML

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By Anonymous Pillock - United Kingdom

Today, I came across a street musician. He looked extremely well-fed already, but his music was pretty good, so I gave him some spare change. As soon as I turned away, he started screaming at me for being "cheap", and chased me half a block before running out of breath. FML

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By Anonymous - Switzerland - Wildberg

Today, my boyfriend ended our relationship. He called me from his mobile phone, claimed to be a trauma surgeon, and told me with a bad German accent that my "boyfriend" had been in a fatal car crash earlier in the day. What the hell is wrong with this idiot? FML

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By lynn_27

Hammertime

Today, my boyfriend stopped in the middle of sex to tell me he couldn't take it anymore because my legs were too hairy. I shaved yesterday. FML

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By fuckmyparents

Today, the school I applied to work for told me they were not going to schedule an interview. Why? Because they think my papers and name are fake. My name is Seymour Skinner. I’m not joking. FML

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By happybirthday - United States

Who? Where?

Today, my husband bought me a beautiful pair of earrings for my birthday, to match the necklace he'd spent months searching for online the previous year. What necklace? He gave me a watch he found at Walmart last year. I wonder who the lucky girl with the necklace is. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Cedar Rapids

Today, I finally worked up the courage to tell my boyfriend that I wanted to go separate ways. Before I could say anything, he proposed. FML

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Top comments

By yankfan89 | 27

#4712225 - Friday 20 July 2012 12:03

Talk to HR he can't fire you for making personal calls during your lunch break. FYL OP.

By nikkimizu | 12

#4712227 - Friday 20 July 2012 12:03

Can he even do that? .__.

COMMENTS

By yankfan89 | 27

#4712225 - Friday 20 July 2012 12:03

Talk to HR he can't fire you for making personal calls during your lunch break. FYL OP.

Reply

blaackandprouud | 20

#4712299 - Friday 20 July 2012 12:52

Well shit. If I were OP I would definitely file a complaint or something.

Reply

tehcyberman | 9

#4712386 - Friday 20 July 2012 13:43

This guy doesn't deserve a party.

Reply

thatKidzmOm | 10

#4712573 - Friday 20 July 2012 14:43

At that point, I would have yelled at him about the party, made him feel like a total jackass, and ruined it for him. What a jerk!

Reply

nictransitglory | 4

#4712674 - Friday 20 July 2012 15:33

Where the hell do you work, auschwitz?! This kind of shit doesn't happen in real life for these reasons. Also, for those who say you can be fired with or w/o any reason isn't entirely true UNLESS it is a matter of downsizing or the position being eliminated. Reason being that a reason must be given to the state when going for unemployment, at which point it would be investigated if your boss told them "was looking on their phone during lunch". Know your rights and get this taken are of, or stop making shit up for Internet sites.

Reply

julygirl18 | 8

#4718590 - Sunday 22 July 2012 5:11

Looks like the party canceled due to an asshole boss move.

Reply

HelloGuys | 4

#4718799 - Sunday 22 July 2012 7:44

Take him to court

By nikkimizu | 12

#4712227 - Friday 20 July 2012 12:03

Can he even do that? .__.

Reply

UberNova | 18

#4712268 - Friday 20 July 2012 12:28

No, no he can't.

Reply

BogJuan | 5

#4714880 - Saturday 21 July 2012 4:32

Nope... can't fire you for something personal done on lunch break.

By DarkDaedalus009 | 8

#4712228 - Friday 20 July 2012 12:03

That is so stupid

Reply

onlychildFTW | 33

#4713422 - Friday 20 July 2012 20:14

The boss can't fire OP for being on their phone while on lunch break. I think that boss is stupid.

By zandalee | 19

#4712230 - Friday 20 July 2012 12:04

Simple. Tell him the truth. He would have to have a heart of stone to still fire you!

By zandalee | 19

#4712234 - Friday 20 July 2012 12:05

Not to mention it was in your lunch hour...
Wait...
You sure he wasn't looking for an excuse to fire you?

By bitchpleasemike | 7

#4712237 - Friday 20 July 2012 12:07

make him feel bad at the surprise party then

By cheekyterier | 13

#4712245 - Friday 20 July 2012 12:13

That sucks, op. Maybe you should tell him what you were planning and he'd feel guilty, but don't go back to your job. You dont want an ass like that

Reply

capper44 | 18

#4712336 - Friday 20 July 2012 13:20

#10 Don't know y!!..... But i do totally agree with your point of view lol

Reply

nahbean13 | 3

#4713640 - Friday 20 July 2012 21:22

In this economy, he might want that job back anyway.

Reply

emilydotawesome | 1

#4718736 - Sunday 22 July 2012 6:46

I feel like it would be totally epic for you to just show up at the surprise party, hand him a printout of your internet history from planning the party, and say, "Happy Birthday, asshole" then dramatically walk out.
You probably don't want to work someone like that anyway. Sorry, OP.

By vaughant | 5

#4712247 - Friday 20 July 2012 12:14

Aww dang that sucks I'm sorry:(

By dude1122332 | 9

#4712249 - Friday 20 July 2012 12:14

It's Friday all over again!

Reply

Enslaved | 36

#4712467 - Friday 20 July 2012 14:16

I think that some just don't understand your reference. I did. I love that movie.(:

Reply

dude1122332 | 9

#4713144 - Friday 20 July 2012 18:13

Thank you cat.(:

By Thisismypchere | 8

#4712254 - Friday 20 July 2012 12:20

Dick move :/