Today, I found the best cure for constipation is having my brother scare the literal shit out of me, in Walmart. FML
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Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my older brother thought it would be hilarious to sneak up and scare me in the grocery aisle at the store. I screamed and jumped, knocking half the shelf's contents all over the floor. We're now banned from the only grocery store in town. FML
Today, I shat myself in the middle of Walmart. It dripped out the bottom of my pants till i made it to the restroom, which was on the other side of the store. FML
Today, I had a panic attack because I was constipated. FML
Today, I finally got over a long bout of constipation. I was scared to ask my mom for laxatives because I had the feeling she would tell all her friends, but on the 6th day of absolutely no bowel movements, I caved. I later overheard my mom telling all her friends. FML
Today, I had diarrhea in a Walmart bathroom for 15 minutes. Apparently, so did the guy in the stall next to me. He attempted to make small talk to pass the time. FML
Today, I finally got over having constipation for two days straight. It came in the form of a normal-sized, rock-hard turd that made me scream "Ow!" when it came out. FML
Today, my constant constipation has become a running joke in my family; I heard my mom tell my dad that if he wants to keep his Christmas presents safe, he should ask me to eat them. FML
Today, I had to take a laxative for the first time. Instead of working gently overnight like it promised, I woke up at 3 a.m. to an unrelenting river of shit that made my legs numb on the toilet. FML
Today, my brother thought jumping out and punching me in the stomach would cure my hiccups. Yeah. Didn't work. FML
Today, I was at Walmart when my stomach began to hurt. I quickly waddled to the restroom in pain. As soon as I got in the stall, a huge crap exploded out of me. The child in the stall next to me started crying. When her mom asked what was wrong, she said that I'd "killed her nose." FML
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Top comments
Jf770 10
Have fun with that.
Razzle_Dazzle_5 11
That must of hurt. I'm guessing it would be like a boulder going through a straw.
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Comments (105)
hateevryone 15
That'll do it
Whatever0084 2
You are going to be in one of those "Walmart people" emails arent you, shit pants and all?
mhopper 13
So you shit on the floor? I feel sorry for the person who has to clean it up!!!
pbonham 22
That's a stinky situation :|
Ugi 27
And I thought that the _best_ cure for constipation was licking prune-juice from the curvaceous bodies of a harem of nubile maidens. My mistake.
crazyk2468 6
I didint think is was very funny
rubberduckie94 13
U know if it happened to anyone else you would be laughing your ass off. The million dollar question is what the hell did your brother do that scared you so badly?
rubberduckie94 13
*you, y'all
yaya1213 6
^^ luv ur pic
Snazzy_Snaz 17
Most embarrassing moment of your life right there. FYL u shoulda kicked him in the balls
Reality_bites 14
@ 30 having constipation for long periods can be quite dangerous and toxic for the body. Generally if the body cant expel the waste through the rear end for an extended period of time, the body can make the individual throw it up. And thats very bad, cause then surgery can be required to clean the intestines etc out.
rubberduckie94 13
A bowel Impaction can kill you if not treated. I am amazed at the people that don't know that. I am also amazed at the people who don't realize you can still be pooping regularly, just not enough, and be constipated.
thewickedwitch 6
eh, you were at Walmart lol! Nothing out of the ordinary there.