Today, I found the best cure for constipation is having my brother scare the literal shit out of me, in Walmart. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my older brother thought it would be hilarious to sneak up and scare me in the grocery aisle at the store. I screamed and jumped, knocking half the shelf's contents all over the floor. We're now banned from the only grocery store in town. FML
Today, I shat myself in the middle of Walmart. It dripped out the bottom of my pants till i made it to the restroom, which was on the other side of the store. FML
Today, I had a panic attack because I was constipated. FML
Today, I finally got over a long bout of constipation. I was scared to ask my mom for laxatives because I had the feeling she would tell all her friends, but on the 6th day of absolutely no bowel movements, I caved. I later overheard my mom telling all her friends. FML
Today, I had diarrhea in a Walmart bathroom for 15 minutes. Apparently, so did the guy in the stall next to me. He attempted to make small talk to pass the time. FML
Today, I finally got over having constipation for two days straight. It came in the form of a normal-sized, rock-hard turd that made me scream "Ow!" when it came out. FML
Today, my constant constipation has become a running joke in my family; I heard my mom tell my dad that if he wants to keep his Christmas presents safe, he should ask me to eat them. FML
Today, I had to take a laxative for the first time. Instead of working gently overnight like it promised, I woke up at 3 a.m. to an unrelenting river of shit that made my legs numb on the toilet. FML
Today, my brother thought jumping out and punching me in the stomach would cure my hiccups. Yeah. Didn't work. FML
Today, I was at Walmart when my stomach began to hurt. I quickly waddled to the restroom in pain. As soon as I got in the stall, a huge crap exploded out of me. The child in the stall next to me started crying. When her mom asked what was wrong, she said that I'd "killed her nose." FML
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Top comments
Jf770 10
Have fun with that.
Razzle_Dazzle_5 11
That must of hurt. I'm guessing it would be like a boulder going through a straw.
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Comments (105)
BryanThaMan 14
Gotta love the stuff that happens at Wal-Mart
mattscott 5
Only at Walmart.
DiscoDave 5
Where else but Walmart
hilary56 0
That's hot ;)
Crystal55621 19
.....No it's not.... And don't ask how I would know. O.O
yellowpoop123 1
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA.
froggeh 4
you are now an official walmartian
perdix 31
Well, that approach is both organic* and hole-istic. *If you're into Cleveland Steamers, blumpkins, Dirty Sanchezes and the like, that should read "orgasmic."
worldclassrager 41
Whatever works...
ouchie1013 0
I don't know if I should pick 'you totally deserved it' or ' I agree, your life sucks' it's more of 'that's fricking hilarious!!!!!'