Today, I found out that, when mad at us, my son picks the tops off his shoulder-pimples and sprinkles them in our food. FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I walked into the dining room to find my mom popping pimples on my dad's back. FML
Today, I woke up to my five year old son picking off the scabs from his chicken pox and dropping them into my open mouth as I slept. FML
Today, I accused my son of faking being sick. He then blew chunks all over me. FML
Today, I was making egg salad for the week's lunches and told my son to come help. When we started peeling the eggs, he thought it was funny to roll them off the counter and ruin them. I shouted at him for being disrespectful and wasteful, and my wife screamed at me that, "He's just a little boy!" FML
Today, while at a restaurant, I watched in horror as my daughter picked a hair out of her food and continued eating it. FML
Today, I found out that my son thinks it's acceptable to use words like "on fleek" in high school level essays. FML
Today, I was wondering why my home smelled so weird, until I found out that my 4 year old son had been secretly scattering around food he didn't like to eat throughout the house. How did I find out? No one else in this family leaves half eaten spinach all over my underwear drawer. FML
Today, I was called by my son's school to pick him up. Apparently, he snorted baking soda, crushed aspirin, and flour because he thought it was coke. Where did I go wrong raising this twerp? FML
Today, I gave my kid some Pop Rocks. He shoveled a handful in his mouth, then screamed when they started popping and spat them all over the carpet. FML
Today, my 8-year-old son decided to make some rice for lunch. When we had it, I noticed a horrid gritty taste. It turns out, he puts dirt in the rice to make "Dirty Rice". FML
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Top comments
MorningGranite 3
Thats.....gross
ajmacrae 5
EEEEEEEEEWWWWWWW!!!! I just threw up in my lecture when I read that
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Comments (273)
bustub2 8
Those weren't bacon bits!!!!!
kimmy91 12
Since when do pimples resemble bacon bits??
FYLDeep 26
Doesn't that make you a bit of a cannibal? Shit, that's probably not making you feel any better.
shazza26 1
Interesting use of seasoning...
Xxak907xX 0
...ewwww........
Jasonf6 0
Stop feeding him. If he has pimples then he is old enough to learn a lesson. That or **** him up a little.
Androidz 0
Great advice Mr.Voorhees. Child abuse is certainly the answer.
blair_x 12
I've been physically and verbally abused as a kid, and I say with all honesty and every ounce of sympathy for other abused kids out there that if my kid did this, I would certainly beat him for it. Think of it this way - you bought the food, prepared the food, and gave it to him for free. And the little bastard decides to repay you by putting his disgusting pimple scabs/scars into your food? No. Just no. I normally don't condone/advocate child abuse, but this is just gross and inappropriate.
rubberduckie94 13
pull his fingernails out, then he will not be able to do this and as a bonus it will cause him pain.
finished 10
You need help
rubberduckie94 13
Nah, people on the site that do not know a joke when they see it need help.
kimmy91 12
WTF??
Jimboom 12
If you think thats bad then you don't want to know what he does to your cheese sauce.
cyrusyoman 5
or his mayonaise
robokid777 4
thats ****** up
ronski 41
Puts a new meaning on eating flakes. But it's still disgusting