Today, I found out that, when mad at us, my son picks the tops off his shoulder-pimples and sprinkles them in our food. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I walked into the dining room to find my mom popping pimples on my dad's back. FML
Today, I woke up to my five year old son picking off the scabs from his chicken pox and dropping them into my open mouth as I slept. FML
Today, I accused my son of faking being sick. He then blew chunks all over me. FML
Today, I was making egg salad for the week's lunches and told my son to come help. When we started peeling the eggs, he thought it was funny to roll them off the counter and ruin them. I shouted at him for being disrespectful and wasteful, and my wife screamed at me that, "He's just a little boy!" FML
Today, while at a restaurant, I watched in horror as my daughter picked a hair out of her food and continued eating it. FML
Today, I found out that my son thinks it's acceptable to use words like "on fleek" in high school level essays. FML
Today, I was wondering why my home smelled so weird, until I found out that my 4 year old son had been secretly scattering around food he didn't like to eat throughout the house. How did I find out? No one else in this family leaves half eaten spinach all over my underwear drawer. FML
Today, I was called by my son's school to pick him up. Apparently, he snorted baking soda, crushed aspirin, and flour because he thought it was coke. Where did I go wrong raising this twerp? FML
Today, I gave my kid some Pop Rocks. He shoveled a handful in his mouth, then screamed when they started popping and spat them all over the carpet. FML
Today, my 8-year-old son decided to make some rice for lunch. When we had it, I noticed a horrid gritty taste. It turns out, he puts dirt in the rice to make "Dirty Rice". FML
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Top comments
MorningGranite 3
Thats.....gross
ajmacrae 5
EEEEEEEEEWWWWWWW!!!! I just threw up in my lecture when I read that
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Comments (273)
Savra_fml 17
Next time he takes a bite out of a gherkin, look at him, wink and say "you don't even want to know where that has been"
JillianBall 18
That's horrible and just gross!
mea_iloveskiing 26
Change the plates :)
EvilLilCupcake 10
That wasn't pepperonis on your pizza... But in all seriousness, this is beyond disgusting!
thiscrazything 1
Time to teach the kid a serious lesson. That is really disgusting.
Daydreemdie 0
O.o Durp?!?
Daydreemdie 0
Um.. What's wrong with this comment?
IdfkMyUsernamexC 5
Everything.
Pentium_4 27
get drunk, then you won't care lol
Sudnifisent 5
Wow! What great advice! Then OP can get him back by being an embarrassment for a parent! ...no
Pentium_4 27
i was shooting for a record amount of negative thumbs
bobbycorwen 5
Negative thumbs up? That doesn't make sense.
ewputthataway 0
My curiosity frequently makes me click buried closet. This idiotic comment taught me my lesson.
Pentium_4 27
it's hilarious how serious people take these FML's and their comments lol
ewputthataway 0
*comments -.-
YourBuddyElmo 5
It's amazing how "joke" dumb comments tell you a lot about the poster...
beautious19 8
Troll. That's what you are.
tweetbaby14 18
107, the only reason you claimed to post that for the negative votes is because you saw people voting it down any way.... You tried to be funny, no one found you to be funny, you claimed that was supposed to be a lame comment, and now I'm making a list. Don't say this was also something you were hoping for because that, my friend, would make you a dirty liar or a psychic.
nissanman_fml 16
Pentium 4, huh? I bet my old Pentium 4 can destroy yours. Let the CPU wars begin!
DanielleTheOne 3
That is completely demented. I would lock him in his room during meals and feed him outside. That is seriously dirty!
unicornunit 0
awesome
luvliidee21 5
It's definately time to teach him a lesson! maybe a drop kick will do :-)