Today, I found out that, when mad at us, my son picks the tops off his shoulder-pimples and sprinkles them in our food. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I walked into the dining room to find my mom popping pimples on my dad's back. FML
Today, I woke up to my five year old son picking off the scabs from his chicken pox and dropping them into my open mouth as I slept. FML
Today, I accused my son of faking being sick. He then blew chunks all over me. FML
Today, I was making egg salad for the week's lunches and told my son to come help. When we started peeling the eggs, he thought it was funny to roll them off the counter and ruin them. I shouted at him for being disrespectful and wasteful, and my wife screamed at me that, "He's just a little boy!" FML
Today, while at a restaurant, I watched in horror as my daughter picked a hair out of her food and continued eating it. FML
Today, I found out that my son thinks it's acceptable to use words like "on fleek" in high school level essays. FML
Today, I was wondering why my home smelled so weird, until I found out that my 4 year old son had been secretly scattering around food he didn't like to eat throughout the house. How did I find out? No one else in this family leaves half eaten spinach all over my underwear drawer. FML
Today, I was called by my son's school to pick him up. Apparently, he snorted baking soda, crushed aspirin, and flour because he thought it was coke. Where did I go wrong raising this twerp? FML
Today, I gave my kid some Pop Rocks. He shoveled a handful in his mouth, then screamed when they started popping and spat them all over the carpet. FML
Today, my 8-year-old son decided to make some rice for lunch. When we had it, I noticed a horrid gritty taste. It turns out, he puts dirt in the rice to make "Dirty Rice". FML
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Top comments
MorningGranite 3
Thats.....gross
ajmacrae 5
EEEEEEEEEWWWWWWW!!!! I just threw up in my lecture when I read that
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Comments (273)
keshaforever1 14
YDI for not teaching your own child manners :I
tinysocks 11
That may be the single grossest thing i have ever read.
hwitt17 0
Bone-appetite
DQEight 8
I just threw up a little in my mouth.
maddie2015 0
I think I just puked in my mouth.
Parazad 16
How did you find out?
MeMareeh 0
Lock his ass out of the kitchen. When he complains about being hungry tell him to feed on his nasty shoulders.
bubo_fml 11
"Son, from now on, you're the official family taste tester!"
ZDK5498 6
take away any social resource! like computer access and his phone! home school that little asshole! empty out his room and most of all never let it by the food EVER again. you could get sick by getting his oily poors and bacteria in your system. I hate you kid and I dont even know him! discipline that little rat!
veritoswty6 14
Gross..! That's beyond disgusting. Teach him manners the good way or the other.. Yuck!