Miscellaneous: Today, I found out that our neighbors told almost everyone on...

By Imslow - 05/04/2011 16:40 - United States

Today, I found out that our neighbors told almost everyone on our street that I was mentally handicapped. All this time I wasn't sure why they would speak slowly and loudly at me. Now they won't believe me when I tell them I'm a 4.0 GPA student. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 502

You deserved it 3 570

Miscellaneous

Broken heart

Best teeth in the game

Dysfunctional

By anonymous - 11/10/2016 05:23 - United States - Baton Rouge

Today, I was taking my phone out of my pocket when it caught on the fabric and began to fall. I managed to catch it, but also smacked myself in the balls in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 523

You deserved it 2 184

By tgd4444 - 23/07/2011 10:29 - Malaysia

Today, I was arrested. The policeman threw me to the ground because I wouldn't answer his questions. This was after he told me I had the "right to remain silent". FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 328

You deserved it 8 455

By Anonymous - 28/10/2014 21:58 - United States

Today, my school put on a musical. I was one of the leads, and in the middle of my solo, I got a huge nosebleed. A little girl in the front row screamed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 767

You deserved it 2 723

Square eyes

By comedybreak - 30/10/2011 16:31 - United States

Today, my doctor told me that the reason I'm losing my eyesight is because I'm straining my eyes, and that the best thing for me to do is to limit my time in front of computers. I spent years in college to get my current job which involves sitting in front of computers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 178

You deserved it 2 738

By msmusiclover7 - 27/02/2010 15:58 - United States

Today, I found out that my dad recently created a Facebook account for himself. So I friended him. He refuses to accept my friend request. He did, however, accept my sister's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 552

You deserved it 3 564

By NotASportsGuy - 06/09/2015 12:46 - United States - Long Island City

Today, I started my new job. The first thing my coworkers asked me is what football team I like. When I told them I didn't really like sports, they immediately stopped talking to me and haven't since, even when I ask them work-related questions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 568

You deserved it 2 752

Crashtony Cartano here

By Anonymous - 05/11/2020 23:03

Today, my husband sped my car up to 80 in a 30, and almost crashed, which would have killed us both. What did I do to set him off? I played a song he didn't like. FML

I agree, your life sucks 946

You deserved it 126

By DocShadow - 03/12/2013 17:33 - United States - New York

Today, my 4-year-old daughter stood up to a bully in the mall. I was the one who was getting bullied. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 579

You deserved it 8 803

By Simon Cowell - 08/09/2018 20:30

Today, I realised my teeth are so stained that they look cleaner when I've not brushed them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 210

You deserved it 838

By Anonymous - 04/01/2011 09:01 - New Zealand

Today, I went down on my boyfriend while he was drunk, and he told me to get protection from his bedroom. I came back, he was passed out on the couch. His parents then came into the room after hearing noises. I was sitting there naked holding a condom while he was fast asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 974

You deserved it 10 281

By gnofin - 22/03/2016 21:23 - United States

Today, I was walking out of a grocery store. I hit the button on my key to open the trunk, and the trunk lid hit an old lady just under her chin and knocked her to the ground. As she laid there, she pointed a shaky, bony finger at me and yelled that she would sue me for everything I have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 466

You deserved it 2 995

Dr House

By Anonymous - 14/09/2019 16:00

Today, I was trying to ease off a caffeine headache. I ended up getting a Brain Freeze. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 131

You deserved it 306

By CHEERS, TUMBLTARD - 13/09/2013 21:31

Today, while chatting with a friend online, I told her that Kristen Stewart isn't going to star in the 50 Shades movie as she originally thought. She then spammed me with so many "NO"/"NO WAY" messages that my crappy laptop froze up, forcing me to reboot and lose a ton of unsaved essay notes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 735

You deserved it 12 498

By fuuuuuh - 20/07/2012 05:47 - United States - Santa Cruz

Today, my family of five and I decided to have homemade sushi. We did not prepare the fish correctly, and now we all have excruciating food poisoning. The worst part? We only have one bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 750

You deserved it 30 771

By Anonymous - 31/03/2012 07:03 - United States - Puyallup

Today, on my way to my therapist, my father told me to lie to her and tell her that I'm happy so he doesn't have to drive me in anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 703

You deserved it 2 306

By reesemaster - 23/11/2010 00:18 - United States

Today, I went to use the public restroom. As I saw the toilet paper was out, I could see there was some hanging down from the other stall. As I went to grab it, I felt a hand grab mine and a voice ask seductively, "what were you reaching for?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 148

You deserved it 9 828

By Anonymous - 01/08/2013 07:36 - United States - Goodyear

Today, my girlfriend of 3 weeks gave me an ultimatum: marry her, or she kills herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 276

You deserved it 6 380

By smidge - 02/06/2009 06:05 - United States

Today, I got a call from an ad agency offering me a job. I was so excited, because I've been looking for work for a few months now and really wanted to work for them. An hour later, they called apologizing, because they'd made a mistake and offered the job to the wrong person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 488

You deserved it 2 620

By Anonymous - 14/05/2019 04:00

Today, I had to use anti-perspirant deodorant under my breasts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 559

You deserved it 295

By popcorn - 27/04/2011 18:33 - United States

Today, I was watching a movie online. There was a 15 minute ad. 13 minutes into watching an ad about birth control, I noticed that there was a "skip this ad" button in the corner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 764

You deserved it 53 190

By legwarmer - 31/12/2010 19:21 - United States

Today, while lying in bed with my fiancé, we were talking about how we'd rather die, if given a choice. I said, "I want to die in my sleep next to you." His response? "It'd be sexier if you were on top of me with your face between my legs." Cute, honey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 468

You deserved it 6 514

By LostFocus - 11/12/2009 11:11 - United States

Today, after five months of working overtime and doing my own repairs around the house, such as patching my own roof to save money, I walk into my home office. I find my $2500, week old, top of the line laptop won't turn on because it's drenched in water. Apparently there's a leak in the roof. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 993

You deserved it 25 467

By ouch - 15/06/2013 04:48 - United States - Wilmington

Today, I was on the toilet when my cat came in and jumped up on the sink. Apparently my lap looked like a comfier seat, so she jumped onto it. She misjudged the distance, but luckily caught herself by sliding to a stop, with her claws in my bare thighs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 462

You deserved it 4 862

When you gotta go, you gotta go

By Amanda Howard - 15/03/2020 09:00

Today, I came home after being stuck in traffic needing to pee really badly. When I went to the bathroom, my boyfriend was on the toilet. I couldn't hold it longer, so I went into the woods behind our house and found a bush. Relieving myself, my butt started to itch. I was sitting in poison ivy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 466

You deserved it 473

Teamwork works

By Anonymous - 16/02/2021 01:58 - Australia

Today, I had a huge amount of work to get through. Two colleagues offered to help, because one had nothing else to do, and the other couldn't work until I was done. My boss got really pissed at me for "making" them do my job and wasting their time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 908

You deserved it 72

By MR - 10/03/2010 18:37 - United Kingdom

Today, my mum decided to teach me a lesson about carelessly leaving my wallet about. She left it on the floor so our puppy could use it and its contents as a chew toy. I was almost impressed to discover that he can eat three £20 notes and still have room for debit cards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 978

You deserved it 9 089

Karma

By Anonymous - 18/08/2021 00:01 - United States

Today, my side chick decided to call my wife and inform her about the affair I was having, all because I slammed on the brakes in the car to avoid hitting a cat and made her spill her frozen yoghurt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 181

You deserved it 3 630

By InNeedOfFriends - 12/04/2013 00:00 - United States

Today, I got all dressed up, in high heels and a sparkly dress, to sit in the library for most of the night so that my roommate and his friends would believe that I have a social life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 378

You deserved it 19 718

By Brad - 07/09/2018 18:30

Today, I was on a 3-way call with my wife and the bank. The bank said we didn't qualify for school loans, which means I have to drop out. As soon as the bank hung up, my wife stayed on the line to tell me she wants a divorce and that she regrets our marriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 775

You deserved it 202

By its ok to cheat!? - 20/02/2013 21:52 - United States - Brisbane

Today, I got my results on a recent, important midterm. During the exam, I'd noticed my instructor had accidentally left an answers page in the test packet, so being honest, I didn't look at them. It turns out she did it on purpose to help us pass. I failed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 653

You deserved it 15 689

By booboo300 - 22/12/2018 02:00

Today, I picked up my gardisal 9 hpv update shot that my doctor prescribed and discovered that not only do I need three of them, they are $200 a piece. The guy I was dating that was the reason I needed the booster broke up with me on Friday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 050

You deserved it 267

Just a prank, bro!

By Anonymous - 25/10/2020 21:02 - United States - Kirkland

Today my brother disconnected my internet and made my task bar disappear. I spent 2 hours trying to fix it, when I figured out I just had to restart the computer. Now I'm a little behind on assignments. FML

I agree, your life sucks 653

You deserved it 275

By MyLegsHurt - 28/10/2015 22:18 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I felt flexible in my yoga class. I put my legs in the butterfly position and tried to press them down. Both my hips popped very painfully and I screamed in the middle of a quiet room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 662

You deserved it 3 814

By Anonymous - 02/07/2011 21:28 - United States

Today, I was having a driving lesson. I ended up driving so badly that my instructor asked me to stop the car. Not so he could explain my mistakes to me, but so he could get out and vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 239

You deserved it 18 124

By Anonymous - 29/10/2009 21:14 - United States

Today, I was driving to work. I saw a cute boy in the car next to me. To try and look cool, I pretended I was talking on my cell phone. I got pulled over and got a ticket for using my cell phone while driving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 228

You deserved it 70 514

By I'm so sorry... - 01/03/2017 16:00

Today, a coworker left a chocolate cake on the "free food" table in the office. I had a slice. She's just called to ask if she left her grandmother's birthday cake at work. She made it from scratch. Now I'm baking a new cake in the office kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 590

You deserved it 1 494

By letmedienow - 11/10/2011 17:43 - United States

Today, after being admitted to the emergency room for severe abdominal pain, my boyfriend shouted out in front of my parents, "At least she isn't pregnant!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 462

You deserved it 3 382

By pandabear93 - 04/09/2009 06:30 - United States

Today, I was talking to my mom about when I have kids. I told her I may want two or three. She immediately cut me off and told me to stick to one, and that any more than that will be a burden. I am the second born child of my family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 507

You deserved it 3 730

By sparky83000 - 29/10/2015 20:51 - Canada

Today, at work on a construction site, my coworker dropped a small piece of metal from 4 stories, and it struck another worker. We quickly began to climb down to see if the person was OK, and the same coworker dropped a metal pole, and crushed my hand, two minutes after the first accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 088

You deserved it 1 436

By nakedweddingday - 04/07/2013 02:40 - United States - Long Beach

Today, I came home from work to find white fabric and crystals all over the apartment floor. I followed the trail of destruction to my bedroom, where my roommate had left our closet door open. Apparently, her cats decided that my wedding gown was to be their newest conquest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 814

You deserved it 3 705

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Top comments

Tuesdays76 0

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Tuesday 5 April 2011 22:22

Break down their door and wreck their house! No one can blame you because they think your mentally Handicap.

Wheredidgrungego 12

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Tuesday 5 April 2011 22:21

Judgmental people. Ew.

animosiity 0

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Tuesday 5 April 2011 22:21

invent the next bomb they gotta beliwve u then!

CookieCrazy 8

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Wednesday 6 April 2011 0:15

of COURSE, we could TOTALLY use another one o' those, you dumbass.

TomFeltonFan 0

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Wednesday 6 April 2011 0:17

cookie bomb? in that case, no cookies for you, cause you rejected the idea >:0

Sprocket 5

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Wednesday 6 April 2011 0:34

Be like the US military and try to invent the infamous gay bomb. ...Then use it on them.

soketgo 0

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Wednesday 6 April 2011 13:42

I know you are 0.5 GPA in typing

SpilltMilk2 0

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Wednesday 6 April 2011 17:57

Seems like someone already invented the gay bomb. ^^^

CommonSenseKarma 17

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Thursday 7 April 2011 4:49

Says man who wears Hollister...

joe_says_so 0

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Thursday 7 April 2011 6:49

133 how can you have a grade point AVERAGE in just one class? you must have drepped out before your first report card.

Wheredidgrungego 12

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Tuesday 5 April 2011 22:21

Judgmental people. Ew.

OMG_N3RD 0

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Wednesday 6 April 2011 1:14

I agree!

darseidia 0

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Wednesday 6 April 2011 8:40

very judgemental

A7X_LoVeee 10

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Tuesday 5 April 2011 22:22

Haha WTF? But you shouldn't care what they think. If they truly believe you're a retard then they're idiots.

Tuesdays76 0

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Tuesday 5 April 2011 22:24

Ya, and as your a 4.0 student, your probably smarter than they are anyways.

AWESOME3SOME 0

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Wednesday 6 April 2011 2:09

52- Greatest comment ever posted... I Lol'd for minutes and minutes..

CraZyJaVieR 0

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Wednesday 6 April 2011 4:03

best background on ur pic prof

Tuesdays76 0

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Tuesday 5 April 2011 22:22

Break down their door and wreck their house! No one can blame you because they think your mentally Handicap.

AWESOME3SOME 0

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Wednesday 6 April 2011 2:13

You're an idiot If you think a mentally challenged individual wouldn't think to do that. Because quite frankly If you make a mentally challenged person mad enough they will do more then break down your door and wreck your house.. Matter fact I think you need to watch what you post, unless you like having your butt hole savaged by a huge retardo helmet..

Suchagoonnn 4

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Wednesday 6 April 2011 3:19

yeah hes gonna watch what he posts because some random threatened him over the internet.

iBanana 17

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Wednesday 6 April 2011 3:24

#76 is a flaming ignorant asshole. Don't threaten him and try to make yourself feel better about your life. Unless your a Special Ed teacher, stfu.

AWESOME3SOME 0

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Wednesday 6 April 2011 5:40

88- You don't know who I am behind a lousy profile picture and computer screen so stop trolling up the wrong bark and jump off my nuts unless you like being on them.

AWESOME3SOME 0

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Wednesday 6 April 2011 5:44

88- and secondly, It's FML half the shit I post are lies so stop being a cock hero on FML. you will soon learn I'm a ignorant douche bag on FML and in reality I'm a southern gentlemen but you never would've guessed.

drewgreenan 0

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Wednesday 6 April 2011 12:01

haha loser who actually replies when people on Fml insult them lol you a loser. get a life!

Pebbles1290 8

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Saturday 23 April 2011 16:45

Horrible attempt at a troll joke.

TonierShadow 19

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Thursday 3 March 2016 16:59

Reminds me of that one Family Guy episode where Peter takes an IQ test and finds out he is mentally retarded. So he uses it to his advantage and barges into everyone's stall in the women's restroom and blames it on him being retarded.

ChampionKO 6

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Tuesday 5 April 2011 22:22

Just say no matter what they do, you will always be smarter than them. :)

BreezyHani 3

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Tuesday 5 April 2011 22:24

go along with it!

MushyLuvsU 0

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Tuesday 5 April 2011 22:25

I don't believe you either...

MushyLuvsU 0

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Tuesday 5 April 2011 22:25

I don't believe you either...

anonymous595 0

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Wednesday 6 April 2011 8:40

bitch

MushyLuvsU 0

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Wednesday 6 April 2011 23:05

124: -stares-

MushyLuvsU 0

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Thursday 7 April 2011 17:56

143: Haha I guess it worked....

kittycatman2 3

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Tuesday 5 April 2011 22:25

Use it to your advantage. Ask for donations to your toothpaste cap top screwing employer.

Doortje 29

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Tuesday 5 April 2011 22:33

What about his ass-wiper? Poor fella :(

lmaoatall 6

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Tuesday 5 April 2011 22:27

man, why are you complaining. here's another classic moment to take advantage of a situation. so many things you can do and get away with it. you can go to the bathroom outside, walk into their homes and take what you want from their fridg. parade around naked... possibilities are endless. if you really have a 4.0 you should have figured this out on your own.