Today, I found out that my daughter has a hit list. There are over thirty names on there. My name is on it as well. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, while picking names for our unborn daughter, my mom decided to help by providing a list of names she absolutely won’t accept because they’re all women she hates for insane reasons. It has over 300 common names on it. Every time we pick another name, boom, there it is on her damn list. FML
Today, I found out my parents have a list of everything I have ever Googled. FML
Today, I found out I was named after the woman my dad used to stalk when he was in high school. FML
Today, I found out I have a daughter. How did I find out? She added me on Facebook. FML
Today, I found out my daughter has a higher paid job in the same company I work in. I also found out she is dating my boss. FML
Today, I found out I was named after the woman my dad was having an affair on my mom with. FML
Today, I realized my daughter has been in longer relationships than I have. FML
Today, it was my daughter's birthday. I didn't know I had a daughter. FML
Today, my four-year-old daughter called me by her mom's new boyfriend's name. Three different times. FML
Today, I discovered that my wife named our kids after her former lovers. We have two sons and a daughter. FML
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Top comments
oj101 33
Maybe it's time to rehabilitate your relationship with your daughter? That's pretty disturbing, and wouldn't have had come thoughtlessly to her.
Dramori 29
Give birth to her.
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Comments (135)
metalwolf 17
If her role model is Stewie from family guy, then you might have some issues.
Ks22 4
Invest in locks for the doors and therapy.
Inheritance 10
I'm sure all doors come with locks. Unless that's just my house?
Ks22 4
Not on the inside sweetie.
Inheritance 10
All my doors in and out of my house have locks. Soo..
Ks22 4
So...... My house has green walls with beige carpet and blinds on the windows. Is your house like that? Not all houses or doors are the same or have you actually never seen a door without a lock?
Draxanoth 15
Sounds like she needs tender loving, medication, heavy medication.
Enslaved 38
Mr. & Mrs. Smith made it look so easy to do.
Kallian_fml 21
Ah, reminds me of a young me. :)
TheDrifter 24
If you start seeing pamphlets on safe gun handling and target training courses be afraid.
Warden1986 16
If you see a bald man, with a black suit and a red tie.... Run
Warden1986 16
Sorry bold.
crimsonlover4 31
Well some would say he IS bold in some ways but you were right the first time: bald.
Warden1986 16
Sorry about that my eyes were playing treats on me, my iPhone screen is so small. Plus my contacts were dr..... Yea no excuse I made a mistake.
jollyton 10
Holy Crap! She needs help! Maybe you also need to step up your game as a parent
cocosaure 8
Take her to a psych fast.
Krajjan 9
Overreaction leading to increased introversion and better hiding techniques. Brilliant.
mikeofthunder 13
Stop giving her so much chores?