Today, I found out that my beloved guinea pig has impaction. For the rest of his life it will be my duty to clean out his rectum manually every month, or every week/day if it gets worse. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was cleaning out my new guinea pig cage for the first time because one of them had babies last night. After using a spatula to shovel up the 3 inch layer of crap and placenta, I decided to hose it down. The hose came on so hard, it sprayed the dung and birth water all over my face. FML
Today, I learnt that my guinea pig can shoot poop across the room like a tiny brown torpedo. How did I find this out? It landed in my coffee. It wasn't until after I'd finished my coffee that I noticed it. FML
Today, my daughter's guinea pig got stuck behind the wardrobe, squeaking its head off. I tried pulling the wardrobe towards me to free him, but couldn't take the weight of it all, so it fell over, smashing the TV. The guinea pig is fine. FML
Today, my mum asked me how the guinea pig was doing. We don't have a guinea pig. Turns out she had volunteered me to look after the next door neighbor's guinea pig when they were away and 'forgot' to tell me. They have been gone two weeks. FML
Today, I had to follow a pony that had flatulent, severe diarrhoea for an hour in order to collect enough liquid for a sample. FML
Today, I realized that the only one willing to hang out with me this summer is my guinea pig. FML
Today, I woke up to a squeaking noise and the feeling of something furry on my cheek. I smiled, thinking it was my guinea pigs nosing me awake. Then I remembered that my guinea pigs were in their cage on the other side of the room, and opened my eyes to see the biggest rat ever staring right at me. FML
Today, my rabbit died. He died a painful death from ingesting too much carpet. I now have no rabbit and a patchy carpet. FML
Today, I dissected a baby pig. All I could think about was Wilber from Charlotte's Web. FML
Today, our rodent problem was taken care of. I discovered this when my cat projectile-vomited a soggy, death-scented wad of dark fur and tiny organs onto the couch. FML
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Top comments
Mysanitywins 10
You can't see the OP's name? Derp
ImaWiseGuy 5
I guess that's how you rectify a situation...literally...
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Comments (306)
ImmaCIAhole 2
well.... at least it's not your dad or something!
DaangItsBrooke 8
at least it's not dead !
Glidefedt 6
Kill iy, kill it with fire.
Crazy4Christ 0
why is this an FML? if u love Ur guinea pig then u shudnt mind. when I got mine he had to different kinds of skin mites. i had to go to the vet every week for 4 months for his shots! it cost me 3x as much as he did every visit. plus I wasn't supposed to touch him, I wanted him to be happy, so I got skin mites for my guinea pig. and I have to clean out his penis every week. quit complaining
cetlawizard 15
why so you have a name like that (which is blasphemy by the way) & use such foul, evil, of the devil language? just asking.
deerhunter86 0
it's a damn rat! just get rid of it. how sad is your life that you have a pet rodent? buy a snake next and recycle the old pet.
Shaameli_fml 3
... Are you serious ? Haha.
Crazy4Christ 0
they aren't rodents. he shunt get rid of it just because u r an insensitive jack ass
deerhunter86 0
easy Jesus fr
TheJoker9810 0
laxitives :D
jshfznbkr 3
ydi!!! who has those for animals???? u should have gotten a cat, dog or fish
tsweatt1212 0
that's when you find a new pet regardless of how attached you are
mikescotty 0
kill it
ShrukiantheMad 0
I bet you have to be really anal about cleaning it.... sphincter.