Health: Today, in an effort to get active, I swam some laps at my school... - FML

By sadCowboysfan

Today, in an effort to get active, I swam some laps at my school pool. Afterwards, I noticed that someone had broken into the locker I was using. Thankfully nothing was stolen except for my shoes and socks. I had a full day of classes to go to, barefoot, in December and an hour bus ride home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9200

You deserved it

601

Tweet

Share

sadCowboysfan tells us more :

Hi all, OP here, I actually got kinda lucky since my bf, who was going to the gym later, brought the flip flops that he wears in the school shower and he gave me those. So I didn't have to go the whole day totally barefoot but it was still kinda cold. On the bright side, this experience forced me to get over my dislike of wearing sandals/flip flops in public so that's good. Anyway, thanks for the suggestions and funny comments!

Dangling modifier

Great boyfriend

Compassion

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend, and best friend, had baked a cake, and wouldnt tell anyone who it was for. When I asked he said I'd know soon. He met me after class to break up with me and offered me the cake to make me feel better. FML

I agree, your life sucks

70049

You deserved it

3562

Tweet

Share

By ahdeadcats - United States

Today, I got to go back into my house after it had been tented. Suddenly, a foul stench filled my house. My husband checked all around the house and finally checked under the house. There were more than 12 dead stray cats under our house, and guess who was in charge of pulling them out? FML

I agree, your life sucks

42100

You deserved it

3744

Tweet

Share

By wtf?! - 30/5/2020 05:00

Purple rain, purple rain

Today, out of boredom, I decided to dye my hair. I clumsily spilled some of the purple dye on my chest and shoulders. My insane mother is convinced the marks are hickeys I got from sneaking out and having sex with a boyfriend I don’t even have. She won’t listen, and I’m grounded for a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1621

You deserved it

249

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 14/4/2020 20:00

Big Brother

Today, I was accused of "spying too much" on what my coworkers are writing about Covid-19 on the news site I work for. I'm one of the supervisors. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1452

You deserved it

152

Tweet

Share

By ZombieGirl - United States - Tampa

Today, I signed the lease on my first apartment alone with my boyfriend. We've lived here a month before we got to sign. Today is also the day my neighbors decided to show how they're night owls: all I hear is banging on the walls and them loudly talking and yelling. This will be a long year. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22605

You deserved it

1790

Tweet

Share

By lateralligator

Elvis has left the building

Today, I realized I need to lose weight when I split my pants wide open while at my job directing a funeral, bowing to the casket in front of 200 silent devout attendees, during prayers. I picked that day to wear a red thong. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1498

You deserved it

536

Tweet

Share

By josh - United States

Today, I found out that I had my first born child. It's a boy. I found out on facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50601

You deserved it

15249

Tweet

Share

By ThatSped - Canada - Moncton

Today, during class, a girl had suggested how I, a 16 year-old guy, would be a high maintenance girlfriend. We sat and debated this, allowing for other people to listen in and agree with her, and eventually the entire class agreed with her. Even the teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18865

You deserved it

4868

Tweet

Share

By DocShadow - United States - New York

Today, my 4-year-old daughter stood up to a bully in the mall. I was the one who was getting bullied. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47549

You deserved it

8797

Tweet

Share

By "mala_19"

Today, once again, my boss posted a selfie with a Snapchat filter on the company's Facebook page. She doesn't see how it's unprofessional. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3154

You deserved it

240

Tweet

Share

By BarhydtBran - United States - San Francisco

Today, my drill sergeant was yelling at me and asking me questions. I got a question wrong, and he asked me if I am a "Shit Sandwich". I replied "Yes sir, with extra cheese." I'm running miles till the day I die. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27920

You deserved it

11283

Tweet

Share

By rejected - United States - Milpitas

Today, my girlfriend fell asleep while I was proposing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57659

You deserved it

7779

Tweet

Share

By Keith walk - United States

Today, my girlfriend's parents walked in on us having sex. Not only did her dad make me walk out to my truck with no clothes on, he is my baseball coach and I will be seeing him on Monday. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38159

You deserved it

22794

Tweet

Share

By slim_breezy - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I had to rush my son to the ER after he ate a poisonous plant. He said the plant looked like one in Skyrim and he thought he'd get super powers from eating it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15372

You deserved it

2432

Tweet

Share

By wide awake - 31/7/2020 14:01

Noise

Today, I'm spending the night at my family’s house. I have to share a room with my two kids and their mother. The three of them snore like warthogs in a zoo. Desperate for sleep, I went to go sleep on the couch. The dog sleeping on the rug snores like an old truck. I’m never going to get any sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1283

You deserved it

178

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I called up Verizon Wireless to "complain" about my phone service. I really had nothing to complain about, I was just that lonely that I wanted someone to talk to. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18074

You deserved it

30736

Tweet

Share

By "1DisGR8" - Canada - Toronto

Today, I had the misfortune of getting my period during another exam. And yes, the male professor also noticed this time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3388

You deserved it

321

Tweet

Share

By XYZee - United States - Rockmart

Today, after quite a long work day, I got home to find my house had been broken into. Everything but my sleeping boyfriend was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27839

You deserved it

1991

Tweet

Share

By princess98

Revenge!

Today, I had to ask my boyfriend to take a shower, because he smelt awful and wanted to cuddle. After 45 minutes, he did so. I wanted to cuddle and fool around after he was done. I got rejected because he didn't want to get dirty. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2047

You deserved it

772

Tweet

Share

By IronFoot - Canada

Today, while on the roof of my friend's house, I took a shortcut down by jumping onto the roof of his nearby shed. Not only did I go right through it and hurt my arm, I've also received several calls from my friend's dad, demanding I pay for the damage. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7864

You deserved it

54343

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - United States

Today, a hot girl got into the elevator just as I took a bite out of my Three Musketeers bar. I instinctively smiled at her and chocolate drool poured out of my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29333

You deserved it

59578

Tweet

Share

By AloisTrancy

Corporate logic

Today, I was called into the office and suspended due to allegations made by a coworker of poor work performance. Yesterday, I received a certificate praising my work performance. I might be dismissed at any moment. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1676

You deserved it

75

Tweet

Share

By sadbride

Today, my mom told me she is serving lasagna and Italian cream cake at my bridal shower. I am severely lactose intolerant, which I have been telling her for years. She responded by telling me, and I quote, "The food is for the guests." FML

I agree, your life sucks

2894

You deserved it

250

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, while visiting my grandparents, I used one of their blankets to keep warm. Later, I saw their dog getting busy with said blanket. When my grandparents saw my look of horror, they explained that he has "sexual relations" with the blanket every night. Thanks for telling me, guys. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49572

You deserved it

4176

Tweet

Share

By aelia_oups - France - Taverny

Today, as I have been for 10 years, I'm allergic to fruit. After an argument with my mother, she yelled, "Here, have a banana and go kill yourself!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

52217

You deserved it

7512

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I was trying to get my girlfriend to speak Mandarin. After speaking her first words and taking a break, she posted on Facebook: "I speak ching chong! :D :D :D" FML

I agree, your life sucks

14477

You deserved it

2154

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 3/5/2020 23:00

Great boyfriend

Today, I'm 37 years-old and recently out of a job. As my boyfriend refuses to pay more than half the rent as long as I live here, I have no choice but to move back in with my mom, 8 hours away. My man is quite happy to pay the entire rent as soon as I'm gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2275

You deserved it

506

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I finally decided to tell my mother, a former Miss North Carolina winner, that I was several weeks pregnant. She immediately burst into tears and hugged me. She kept saying, "Thank god, thank god." At first I was relieved. Then she said, "I thought you were just getting fat." FML

I agree, your life sucks

52825

You deserved it

4758

Tweet

Share

By rydawg79 - United States

Today, I finished moving out of my apartment and decided to clean the fridge before I left. I pulled out a drawer that I never used and was shocked to find a moldy, rotten, decayed watermelon. I remembered that I had bought a watermelon the first week I moved into the apartment. Four years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11035

You deserved it

64656

Tweet

Share

By sickened - United Kingdom - Gateshead

Today, I had a garage sale, and had amongst my clothing a few sets of underwear. A old man came up and asked to buy all of them. I'm so poor, I couldn't say no to the pervert. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39757

You deserved it

8277

Tweet

Share

By EmbarrassedChild - United States

Today, I was at the store with my father. As we were leaving, he grabbed a baguette, put it by his crotch, and took a picture with his phone. I'm starting to feel like the parent here. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23288

You deserved it

1894

Tweet

Share

By fuundmental/// - Australia

Today, I was looking in my grandparents' drawers and cupboards to find a blanket, but instead found a stash of sex toys, and a male G-string with a horse on the front. The best bit? When you press the horse's nose, it neighs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43519

You deserved it

9925

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, my new anxiety medicine fully entered my system. It makes me shit my brains out. I can either fart and risk shitting my pants every time or I can be too anxious to even enter a public place. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2132

You deserved it

201

Tweet

Share

By asuramaru

Knowledge is power

Today, at 19 years-old, I found out that kiwi birds aren’t actually extinct. FML

I agree, your life sucks

536

You deserved it

1168

Tweet

Share

By love_to_live - United States - Waupun

Today, while in the store with my kids, they wanted to buy tampons because I am "getting cranky, and it should be that time of the month." FML

I agree, your life sucks

12766

You deserved it

22437

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Chevy Chase

Today, I just landed in Washington, DC. Unfortunately, I also took off from Washington DC an hour ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2516

You deserved it

169

Tweet

Share

By Sal - United States

Today, I found out I have to give my father-in-law back the football tickets he gave me for my birthday. Why? His girlfriend decided she wanted to go. He didn't get me a different gift. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29256

You deserved it

2474

Tweet

Share

By snickerdoodles - France

Today, I was sparring with a guy in my Tae Kwon Do class. He had a hard-on the entire time we were sparring. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32300

You deserved it

3955

Tweet

Share

By Jack.mercado - United States

Today, being the new driver I am, I was trying to keep my speed at posted because I know that cops will target me. I ended up getting pulled over for my too-low speed and given a ticket because I was holding up a line of cars. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16539

You deserved it

12168

Tweet

Share

By muffinmen1022 - United States

Today, I went to Macy's to go shopping, I was wearing a shirt and tie and dressed nicely. Customers came up to me with questions, but I just ignored them. Minutes later, thinking I was an employee, the manager came and yelled at me, and threatened to fire me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46317

You deserved it

11792

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Tripartita | 44

#6720065 - Thursday 8 December 2016 6:59

Why would somebody steal just shoes and socks? Unless… their shoes and socks were stolen… by somebody whose shoes and socks were stolen… by somebody whose shoes and socks were stolen… (etc.)

I'm proud of you for breaking the vicious cycle, OP!

By RichardPencil | 29

#6720053 - Thursday 8 December 2016 6:15

Couldn't your school lend you two trash bags and two rubber bands?

COMMENTS

By RichardPencil | 29

#6720053 - Thursday 8 December 2016 6:15

Couldn't your school lend you two trash bags and two rubber bands?

By caseyface1123 | 15

#6720056 - Thursday 8 December 2016 6:22

I'm sure that wasn't your only option

By ThongWarrior | 17

#6720059 - Thursday 8 December 2016 6:26

Always go to your supervisor and they will help you.

Reply

Bearsmomma | 30

#6720418 - Friday 9 December 2016 4:59

You need more coffee?

By aggoden_bed | 9

#6720063 - Thursday 8 December 2016 6:44

Is it that difficult to borrow an extra pair of shoes in a school? Somebody might have an extra pair of shoes in their locker.

By Tripartita | 44

#6720065 - Thursday 8 December 2016 6:59

Why would somebody steal just shoes and socks? Unless… their shoes and socks were stolen… by somebody whose shoes and socks were stolen… by somebody whose shoes and socks were stolen… (etc.)

I'm proud of you for breaking the vicious cycle, OP!

By brenton490 | 19

#6720066 - Thursday 8 December 2016 7:03

Do people just not have a sole anymore?

By kangx1 | 28

#6720068 - Thursday 8 December 2016 7:10

Whoever did that clearly has no sole!

Edit: Damn you #6

By Planking_potato | 24

#6720069 - Thursday 8 December 2016 7:24

No matter what season it is its bad. Summer burnt feet or winter cold feet. Poor op fyl

By sturschaedel | 27

#6720070 - Thursday 8 December 2016 7:32

Go to the nearest store. They should at least have cheap socks and slippers. It's better than nothing.

Reply

Tripartita | 44

#6720086 - Thursday 8 December 2016 10:02

But first, hop in your time machine and go back to when this was actually happening. Might as well bring yourself shoes while you're at it.

By CoconutCharlotte | 0

#6720093 - Thursday 8 December 2016 11:37

You could have just said to someone "hey some fucks stole my shoes, and i'm about to lose my toes with this cold, could you help me", and you can easily turn that into a rap, a sad one