Intimacy: Today, I found out that because of my high blood pressure I can't... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19

You deserved it 3

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Spicy

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 381

You deserved it 102

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 159

You deserved it 1 340

02/04/2009 23:12

Spicy

Today, I found out that because of my high blood pressure I can't have sex for one month. My wedding is next weekend and the following two weeks are my honey moon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 266 854

You deserved it 28 457

But there's panic on the streets of Carlisle

Age difference

Fire hydrant

12/04/2011 19:25

Today, while at an important meeting at work, I got to watch helplessly as a police officer gave me a parking meter ticket. Added to that my boss chewed me out for "never paying attention and staring out the window during meetings". FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 434

You deserved it 11 297

17/03/2016 02:48

Today, I came home to find that my dog had figured out how to open the fridge again. He'd helped himself to raw eggs and crab. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 763

You deserved it 1 667

27/11/2012 13:16

Today, my boss called me Dave. Now everyone actually thinks my name is Dave. It's Nathan. I've been working there for 2 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 197

You deserved it 2 326

Ring of fire

By Anonymous - 12/03/2021 23:01

Today, I learned the hard way that I'm allergic to a particular brand of tampon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 101

You deserved it 57

11/11/2009 12:47

Today, I asked my father for some help paying my college tuition. He told me he'd help me after I become more accredited than he is. My father has 2 PHDs. I'm studying to be an elementary school teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 004

You deserved it 3 927

04/08/2014 00:19

Today, my neighbour casually mentioned that he sold my car's GPS that I'd let him borrow. He figured I wouldn't be needing it anymore since I lost my license. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 331

You deserved it 5 516

07/05/2016 08:00

Today, my train departed over 10 minutes early. It was the last train of the day. I missed my transatlantic flight and along with it the vacation and concert I'd spent over a year saving for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 477

You deserved it 2 691

19/07/2011 22:57

Today, as a 1 year anniversary present, my boyfriend let me see and wear my engagement ring. He then made me give it back at the end of the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 087

You deserved it 5 830

27/07/2010 07:46

Today, I was walking towards a group of guys playing basketball, who stopped and stared at me while saying, "Daaaamn..." As I passed them, one of them said, "She looked hotter from a distance." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 178

You deserved it 5 133

22/08/2010 13:42

Today, after struggling with an eating disorder and hiding my symptoms for months, I got up the courage to tell my mom that I need help. Then she asked if an ice cream would make me feel better. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 593

You deserved it 5 810

25/09/2015 17:47

Today, I had to listen to my coworker complain about how working 19 hours a week leaves her with no time to go to the doctor and get her bronchitis treated. Meanwhile I work 40 hours a week, as well as doing 18 credit hours at school, and she refuses to cover her mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 644

You deserved it 1 737

18/08/2009 20:52

Today, I was at the laundromat doing my clothes when I noticed a cute guy next to me. I tried to be a ninja and sneak my sock into his basket so I could start a conversation with him. He saw me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 444

You deserved it 71 354

05/05/2019 16:00

Today, I was awakened by a small scary dark figure approaching me while making creepy noises. I screamed, kicked it away, and buried my face under my pillow. Later, after braving up, I turned on the lights. It was my sick 3-year-old niece, now dazed and coughing blood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 036

You deserved it 2 666

02/08/2009 06:10

Today, I hurt my arm in a scooter accident, when my dad came to pick me up instead of taking me to the hospital like a normal dad, he took me directly home where he spent a hour shaving and taking a shower so he would "look nice" when he went to the hospital while I clutched my arm in pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 724

You deserved it 4 124

07/02/2015 21:03

Today, it was my birthday. My boyfriend made me breakfast in bed, then we went out shopping, had a picnic, watched a good romcom, had a fancy dinner, and ended the day with great sex. And when the clock struck twelve, he dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 333

You deserved it 3 518

18/06/2009 16:11

Today, I went to the bank to make a withdrawal in order to celebrate my last day here in Italy with my friends. Apparently I'm overdrawn by 187 dollars so I'm eating nothing but leftover stale crackers to survive until I get free plane food on my way back home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 964

You deserved it 47 836

Child labor

By great parenting pal - 11/08/2020 02:01

Today, I was dining out with friends. I saw a mom instructing her young child to go to empty tables and take whatever cash had been left. I discreetly told the manager. He confronted the woman and pointed right at me. As she was being thrown out, she tossed a very heavy mug at my head. It hit me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 153

You deserved it 202

01/05/2015 19:26

Today, after a 2 month relationship, I realized two things: A) Dating a known psycho because "crazy chicks are great in bed" is a dumb idea, and B) What crazy chicks are actually great at is beating the crap out of you and driving you to alcoholism. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 014

You deserved it 32 868

14/05/2015 02:55

Today, my friends told me they will be unable to attend my birthday party on Friday because they'll be watching the Vampire Diaries finale. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 504

You deserved it 3 464

Sneaky

By TheHarvardian - 25/10/2012 06:59

Today, I got fired from a job that I've had for four days for being too "secretive." Apparently, I was leaning over my notebook so that my boss couldn't stand behind me and read what I was writing. The email literally said I was "being too sneaky". They were work notes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 059

You deserved it 1 882

06/04/2009 17:15

Today, I was going on a dinner date with a girl I had just met. After I picked her up I asked her if she would like to get lobster. She looked at me and asked if those were the red ones. Confused I nodded. She replied, "Sorry, I don't eat red meat." I laughed. She was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 058

You deserved it 5 972

29/06/2014 17:08

Today, after nearly three weeks of hard work, I finally completed my best drawing yet, a self-portrait. I was incredibly excited to take it to class tomorrow. That is, until I came home from a walk later on, only to find my brother had drawn a stick figure on it, wanking into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 469

You deserved it 4 320

28/07/2018 19:00

Today, I rushed to work after a night of drinking and partying, and put my hair up on my way in. People started worriedly asking what happened to my head, so I looked in the mirror. I had scratches and a welt on my forehead from hitting the wall during sex last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 816

You deserved it 3 090

29/09/2015 17:06

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. He did it over Snapchat because he said he didn't want to hear me sad over the phone and wanted to save data. Three years down the drain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 253

You deserved it 2 175

20/07/2010 04:53

Spicy

Today, I moved into my new apartment and met my new roommate. Immediately after shaking hands he suggested that we make a "masturbation schedule" to avoid any awkward situations. Way to avoid an awkward situation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 751

You deserved it 4 172

01/09/2011 05:29

Spicy

Today, my grandmother refused to wear clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 342

You deserved it 2 704

01/01/2014 13:26

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend told me that sometimes my nipples taste like onions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 318

You deserved it 10 540

06/03/2012 13:56

Today, I texted my boyfriend, and he pretended he was a Burger King employee who found a lost phone, just so that he wouldn't have to talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 231

You deserved it 4 693

13/03/2009 03:42

Today, I woke up to find my car broken into. After being upset for not hearing my car alarm go off I realized it had in the middle of the night. I had woken up and cursed the idiot who set off their alarm and put a pillow over my head, falling back to sleep shortly after. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 754

You deserved it 54 126

Unloveable

By Anonymous - 16/01/2021 23:01

Today, I was paired up with a girl in my class for a project. She started crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 889

You deserved it 73

19/08/2015 05:49

Today, my mom kissed me goodbye before I went to a big job interview. I got weird looks on the way there, but I figured it was just because I look like a massive douche in formal wear. Turns out my mom had smeared lipstick all over my chin. The person who finally let me know was my interviewer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 898

You deserved it 2 718

29/08/2018 14:30

Today, I found out that my sister has been stealing money from me. My parents won't do anything because there's "no evidence it was her". She's the only one in this house that spends regularly and has opportunities to take it while no one's around. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 580

You deserved it 198

20/05/2018 01:30

Today, I sneezed without knowing I had a nosebleed. Despite turning my head, a fine blood spray shot out all over my fiancée’s white dress as we were standing at the altar. She refused to say “I do” because she was so mad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 976

You deserved it 540

05/05/2011 04:44

Today, at work, I was supposed to have an easy two-hour shift, after which I was planning on attending a party that had been arranged to celebrate my graduation. Nearly six hours later, I am just getting home after being super busy and shorthanded at work for hours. I missed my own party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 215

You deserved it 3 419

03/01/2010 12:00

Today, I handed my friend a $50. I paid her to take care of my farm on Farmville, feed my fish on Fishville, and flip my burgers on Cafe World, while I went on vacation for a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 474

You deserved it 67 509

17/01/2017 22:00

Today, I'm so bad at parking that I saw the guy next to me openly cringe as I pulled into a spot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 346

You deserved it 1 882

10/08/2010 21:34

Today, I was shopping at a store from which I had previously bought a shirt. The clerk accused me of trying to steal my own shirt and called security. They examined it and argued with me for so long I was late to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 064

You deserved it 2 981

Trauma

By SkipLegDay - 03/08/2016 08:48

Today, my untrained legs have been traumatised by the sudden regime of squats, mountain climbers and lunges I have been putting them through. I literally just have to trust-fall back onto the toilet and hope for the best, because my legs don't have the strength to support the gradual descent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 343

You deserved it 3 268

18/12/2012 07:48

Today, I saw a man in an army uniform. As a bit of a patriot, I went up to thank him for his service. After about 10 minutes of me going on and on, he started laughing. He wasn't a soldier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 535

You deserved it 29 815

20/08/2012 13:25

Today, a stranger came up to me with a flirty smile, greeted me by my name, and asked if I remembered him. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't remember, so I asked him to tell me. He promptly left with a disappointed look. He was the most gorgeous person I've ever seen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 731

You deserved it 7 642

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Top comments

Leviathan_fml 0

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Friday 3 April 2009 10:03

ouch. have sex anyway.

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Friday 3 April 2009 9:57

YOUR LIFE DOES SUCK.... BUT NOT FOR LONG

Comments

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Friday 3 April 2009 9:57

Harsh......

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Tuesday 25 August 2009 4:13

postpone your honeymoon.

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Friday 29 January 2010 11:10

yeah, about as bad as me finding out my wife was having her period on our wedding night. no sex for 4 days. Belated FML.

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Thursday 11 March 2010 7:06

Eat sum cherios :)

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Tuesday 23 March 2010 4:47

haha

Zamax 0

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Monday 10 May 2010 5:30

Forget cheerios, go on a Rocky training montage through Philly!

karatekidcatblue 0

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Friday 14 May 2010 3:08

Screw doctors....Go and get u some!

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Monday 16 August 2010 1:00

agreed with 144. try and reschedule. and if u can't, plan a romantic getaway later.

blondebarbie1124 4

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Sunday 5 August 2012 20:40

Maybe your doctor has a thing for you. I can see it now.. "If I can't have him, I'll ruin that bitch's honeymoon!"

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Friday 3 April 2009 9:57

YOUR LIFE DOES SUCK.... BUT NOT FOR LONG

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Friday 3 April 2009 9:58

>_< boy does that suck. FYL. Just... make sure your wife-to-be stays away from men with rippling muscles and nude beaches...

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Monday 1 September 2014 16:53

Sounds like Along Came Polly

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Friday 3 April 2009 10:02

Ouch! Oh man that a killer. But hey theres the whole "rest of your life" thing so dont worry about it :D

Leviathan_fml 0

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Friday 3 April 2009 10:03

ouch. have sex anyway.

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Wednesday 11 January 2012 0:48

He is sooo right!! Just have sex!!!!!

countryrose92 23

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Thursday 12 March 2015 4:35

I'm sure it's just a suggestion anyways, not actual "doctors orders" ;)

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Friday 3 April 2009 10:05

That's where the best man should "come in..."

rositaborracha18 0

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Friday 7 August 2009 1:12

win!

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Friday 18 February 2011 2:13

haha.

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Friday 3 April 2009 10:06

How you found out? :))) Thats one of the dumbest things I ever heard. Even if your doctor gave you that advice. Being sexual inactive for month dont solve anything.

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Friday 20 May 2011 10:59

umm if he has high blood pressure and has sex before the medication balances it he could pass out or have a stroke.

Jimboom 11

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Friday 3 April 2009 10:11

What? I never heard such bullshit advice. Sex has been said to even lower blood pressure. This is a good excuse to make your woman/man do all the work though. ;-) And the high blood pressure is probably do the to fact that your wedding is next weekend. I would go get a second or even 3rd opinion and just enjoy your wedding/honeymoon. I'm sure your blood pressure will decrease dramatically just being on honeymoon.

GirlX 0

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Friday 3 April 2009 10:18

Yeah, that really does suck... I had something similar happen myself. It makes you think about how poorly timed illnesses can be. :/ But I agree w/ #8... get a second opinion!

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Friday 3 April 2009 10:31

#7 - the doctor probably told him to lay off the sex because he could risk getting a heart attack from his high blood pressure. It could be a safety precaution to prevent him from increasing his already high blood pressure and damaging the heart in the long run. And within a month, (if not hereditary) a person can lower their bp even a little bit by adjusting their diet and watching what they eat. But it takes time, your bp doesn't just magically drop. To OP: sucks though. I wonder if you can still have sex and maybe just get the wife-to-be to do all the work? It'll reduce the effort on your part and you get to lay back and just enjoy it ;]