Animals: Today, I was awoken by a conversation my mom was having with... - FML

By stuckathome - 11/03/2010 05:30 - United States

Today, I was awoken by a conversation my mom was having with my dog upstairs. She was telling my dog that a ghost lives in our house. She was completely serious. The ghost even has a name and a backstory. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 878

You deserved it 2 709

This Charming Man

Litter

Mystery woman

By Anonymous - 09/01/2011 18:25 - United States

Today, it's been a full week since my last orthodontist appointment and I still can't eat anything besides Slimfast and pudding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 403

You deserved it 3 250

Bonjour!

By Joshua Sheldon - 19/09/2015 01:56 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, while working alone, I decided to just try some random impressions, and so I ended up doing a French accent when a customer walked in. To avoid embarrassment, I had to continue faking the accent as he struck up a long conversation with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 187

You deserved it 8 501

By Dom - 26/05/2012 21:35 - South Africa - Kwa-zulu

Today, my apartment has been echoing all day with the wails of my cat, Butters. He's yet again managed to trap himself in the umbrella stand. In the past, he has eventually gotten himself out, but this time I think I might have to use a hacksaw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 105

You deserved it 3 278

By Anonymous - 07/06/2012 17:42 - United States - Seattle

Today, while waiting for a bus, someone started smoking at the bus shelter, which is illegal in my city. I politely asked him to stop smoking, citing the city ordinance. He just cackled and said that if I'm so concerned about the state of my health, I should start by losing 90 pounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 566

You deserved it 39 041

Everyone's A Critic

By hushed - 30/08/2017 15:14 - Canada - Leduc

Today, I was hushed in a theatre during a play. I would normally appreciate a discreet silencing in the audience, but I was saying my lines. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 801

You deserved it 235

By googlefreak54321 - 25/07/2011 06:05 - United States

Today, I went out to go meet up with a guy. I walked all the way to his house just to see him. Then he made me hide behind a bush till his girlfriend left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 445

You deserved it 13 552

By jdsksoapy - 30/03/2009 20:16 - United States

Today, my parents punished me and made me wash my mouth out with soap for cursing. I'm almost 19. I said the word "hell". FML

I agree, your life sucks 210 730

You deserved it 34 929

Crowded House

By crowded - 20/05/2020 23:00

Today, my boyfriend asked me to go to his parents' house for the weekend. He didn’t tell me until after we’d arrived that all his siblings and their SO's would also be coming. His parents live in a 2 bedroom, one bath house. So far there are 16 people here and he’s refusing to drive me back home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 058

You deserved it 295

By chris - 14/06/2011 05:10 - United States

Today, I saw my bike locked outside a Starbucks down the street from my house. It was stolen about 10 days ago from my communal laundry room. There was even a cop parked across the street, but I have no proof to show that bike even belonged to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 811

You deserved it 3 857

By Magicfml - 05/02/2017 20:00 - United States - Toledo

Today, I learned that my boyfriend is a better pole dancer than I am, despite daily practice. This was his first time trying it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 238

You deserved it 1 001

By married an old man - 05/03/2013 17:57 - United States - Rancho Mirage

Spicy

Today, I decided to come onto my husband to switch things up. When I started kissing and trying to undress him, he pushed me off, saying "What're you doing? Jeopardy's about to start." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 937

You deserved it 6 692

By bubblensuds1 - 28/10/2009 04:22 - United States

Spicy

Today, someone left a used condom under the windshield wiper of my car. I didn't notice it until I was driving. And it was raining. It was even tied, so the contents couldn't leak out. I'm not planning artificial insemination anytime soon, but thanks for the thought. Man, I love college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 651

You deserved it 3 079

By dreamdude - 20/09/2009 13:21 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of a year broke up with me because I didn't fight some guy that started hitting her right in front of me... In a dream. She was totally serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 251

You deserved it 4 050

By Marty - 24/08/2011 17:14 - United States

Today, I've gotten the most calls of my life. Turns out the idiot who changed the sign on my local Pizza Hut put up the wrong phone number. My phone number. I've already received 16 calls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 510

You deserved it 2 584

By Anonymous - 31/07/2016 14:19

Today, I got punched in the face after I beat my stepbrother at Mario Kart. I didn't really get hurt, but he managed to break a finger. My stepmom blamed the whole thing on me, accusing me of being violent and a bad influence on her son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 896

You deserved it 869

By Anonymous - 04/10/2015 11:45 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, my wannabe psychologist of a brother accused me of lying about all the violence and emotional abuse my ex inflicted on me, all because I went into "too much detail" when describing it, which he says is something only liars do. Thanks for the support. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 532

You deserved it 1 623

By craphanded - 19/07/2011 17:45 - United Kingdom

Today, I saved a bird from being run over as it lay in the middle of the road. Thinking it had a broken wing or something, I started carrying it home, intending to take it to the vet later. It crapped in my hand and flew away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 713

You deserved it 9 178

Priorities

By AJM - 22/06/2021 18:01 - United States

Today, the father of my children told me he is having gastric bypass surgery, which is 10,000 dollars. He is 9K behind on child support. FML

I agree, your life sucks 809

You deserved it 154

By thatsucks - 30/12/2010 09:39

Today, I told my best friend that I liked him and have liked him for a long time. His response was "That's cool. So, when did you get a cat?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 057

You deserved it 4 619

By 21ShitCleaner - 21/04/2015 12:51 - United States - Poway

Today, my dad woke me up at 5am saying that there was dog shit on the carpet. I thought it was just a clever ruse to get me into the living room for a birthday surprise. It wasn't. There really was dog shit that I had to clean up, with no "Happy birthday"s even uttered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 992

You deserved it 2 861

By Lanthane - 31/03/2016 06:00 - France - Bordeaux

Today, after living for a while with my husband and our cat, I'm still not sure which of the two leaves the most hairs strewn around the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 307

You deserved it 1 828

By blabla - 28/10/2011 13:30 - Brazil

Today, I rushed home during a torrential downpour. When I got back, I went to take a pee and took off my wet socks while I had the chance. Once I finished, I stood up with used toilet paper in one hand and wet socks in the other. Guess which I tossed into the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 257

You deserved it 12 954

By Anonymous - 08/02/2013 22:38 - United Kingdom - Romford

Today, I told my parents that I was going to hang out with some friends. My dad guffawed and said, "Ooh, look at Mary, pretending she has a social life." Thanks, Dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 363

You deserved it 3 295

By Falling off the wagon - 09/11/2013 13:20 - United Kingdom - Brighton

Today, my uncle gave me a very expensive bottle of champagne at a celebratory family event. We were celebrating me spending 1 year sober. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 377

You deserved it 3 549

By imnotastranger - 09/05/2014 03:01

Today, I was teaching my 4 year old daughter how to use "stranger danger". Later that day, we went out and since I didn't buy her a ice cream, she kept screaming "STRANGER DANGER!" A total stranger tackled me until the cops arrived. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 555

You deserved it 6 912

By Anonymous - 12/04/2009 13:53 - United States

Today, for Easter, my brother and sister both got $200 gifts from my parents. I got a chocolate egg. I'm allergic to chocolate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 142 648

You deserved it 7 491

Jaywalking?

By Anonymous - 03/07/2021 16:01

Today, while walking on the sidewalk, I was hit by a daycare van. After going to the police to complain, I was given a ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 845

You deserved it 75

By squishylog - 12/08/2011 07:44 - United States

Today, my friend and I went for a late night walk along the beach. We decided to sit down on a log. It was a dead seal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 818

You deserved it 7 076

By snoozer - 23/03/2009 06:12 - United States

Today, I received two withdrawl grades in school for droping the classes due to a kidney infection that kept me in the hospital. I wrote a petition to the dean asking to remove the grades. He replied to send a doctor's note. I did this, and he said that I was faking and the note was forged. FML

I agree, your life sucks 114 996

You deserved it 4 672

By bootycall:( - 15/02/2017 13:00 - United States - Oxnard

Today, I went on what I thought was my fifth date with a guy. We finally got intimate and it was amazing. As soon as it was over, he said : "Sorry babe, I should get going. I have a date tomorrow and I'd hate to be tired for it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 824

You deserved it 1 217

By catlady5569 - 27/08/2009 08:13 - United States

Today, my sister came over for a visit. I was going to surprise her with the news that I had spontaneously gotten a cat. The first thing she told me when she came in was that she ran over my neighbor's cat. None of my neighbors have cats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 071

You deserved it 4 349

Delayed

By inheritance - 05/05/2015 14:44 - Denmark - Lyngby

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She said, "Sure, but not yet." As we've been together for five years, I was a bit confused, but she cleared that up with, "Not until your dad has died, I don't want him to ruin my wedding with a bad toast." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 080

You deserved it 3 407

By Anonymous - 08/02/2015 19:16

Today, while shopping with my 6-year-old daughter, she said, "Mommy, remember you wanna get duck tape!" A middle-aged guy nearby scoffed and told her: "DUCT, not DUCK. Dumb cunt." I ended up having to drive my bawling daughter home with no shopping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 317

You deserved it 3 674

By GhillieSuitsnBiscuits - 10/04/2016 20:53 - United States - Portland

Today, I had a lady come up to me in a store just to tell me how bad my acne was and what remedies I should use. I got so embarrassed, all I could say was, "OK" and, "Thank you" until she left me alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 488

You deserved it 1 440

By Lulu - 17/09/2009 02:23 - United States

Today, I was washing some clothes in the laundry room at my apartment complex. I went back an hour later, passed my neighbor on the way in, and moved my clothes to the dryer. I just brought them back from the dryer, and all my underwear are missing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 527

You deserved it 3 317

By anonymous - 15/10/2010 08:05 - Canada

Today, my parents told me I was adopted. I can understand parents waiting for a child to be old enough to understand, but I'm 33 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 302

You deserved it 2 627

By Anonymous - 17/07/2009 18:25 - United States

Spicy

Today, to get back at me for breaking up with him, my ex-boyfriend thought it would be really funny to post semi nude pictures of me on Craigslist. To top it off, he decided to give all 200+ people who responded to my ad my home phone number. I'm getting non-stop calls from horny freaks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 605

You deserved it 20 490

By Karaoke Queen - 20/11/2018 12:00

Today, I went to a work event and was having my picture taken with a coworker. Since we had done karaoke together, someone said we should pose like we were singing. I held my hand up like I was holding a mic and opened my mouth. It looked like I was performing a sex act. My boss glared at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 641

You deserved it 675

Taking stock

By Anonymous - 21/02/2021 22:01 - United States - Baton Rouge

Today, back in 2018, I had money and a six pack; in 2019 I couldn’t walk and had to have a back surgery; in 2020 I lost over $650,000 and gained over 40 pounds. Now, in 2021 I'm surviving and stress-eating trying not to lose everything I worked for. Fuck, I miss being a kid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 847

You deserved it 246

Don't be a dingdong

By Steve - 03/04/2021 21:59 - United Kingdom

Today, my daughter's boyfriend came to the house to pick her up. As a responsible father, I had an evil plan to torture the boy who dares date my girl, but my wife preempted my plan so during his short visit, she stood behind me the whole time with her taser down my buttcrack in case I acted up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 407

You deserved it 2 487

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Thursday 11 March 2010 12:22

Name: Billy thr Ghost Backstory: rapes little dogs that dont eat all their vegetables.

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Thursday 11 March 2010 12:13

How is this an FML? Sure, you're mom might be crazy, but at least it sounds like she's a fun kind of crazy. And hey, how do you know there's no ghost?

Comments

London_IceQueen 0

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Thursday 11 March 2010 12:12

first

jayjaysmokerson 0

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Thursday 11 March 2010 12:20

that's not so bad, sounds kind of fun! always wanted one. a ghost not a crazy mom...

Intellectualist 0

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Thursday 11 March 2010 12:22

die troll. *stabs*

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Thursday 11 March 2010 12:26

So what.....

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Thursday 11 March 2010 12:57

#13 thank u excatually what I was thinking. my mom is alittle crazy

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Thursday 11 March 2010 13:24

so did the dog crapped hisself under?

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Thursday 11 March 2010 13:30

ghosts give me the creeps. I'd run for the hills.

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Thursday 11 March 2010 13:32

35- why do they give you the creeps? if there is such thing as ghosts, that ensures us that there's an after life

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Thursday 11 March 2010 13:56

Which would tell us dead people are watching you masturbate.

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Thursday 11 March 2010 14:59

I lol'd

ashlieghhmarie21 0

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Thursday 11 March 2010 17:14

ghOst are only scary because they can "demonds" instead of "spirits" which yes; can be quite scary because they can torment you and make you feel insane. some people can hear them, some see them, some feel them others can't.. everything depends on the person.

tehamericanboy94 0

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Thursday 11 March 2010 17:40

A ghost would be awesome to talk to.. for about five mins..

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Thursday 11 March 2010 17:43

so the person is afraid of ghost

iazy9 14

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Thursday 11 March 2010 18:21

dont worry only ghost that YOU killed can hurt u thats it the only thing they can do

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Thursday 11 March 2010 20:05

PAPER. SNOW. A GHOST.

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Thursday 11 March 2010 22:48

aw fuck! who you gonna call?

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Thursday 11 March 2010 23:22

@11 by the looks of your pic you just called your wrist a troll

mashnikandporter 0

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Thursday 11 March 2010 23:30

go to hell. what kind of person anonomously makes fun of a person on the Internet? nice going dickwad. and espescially one who may hurt themselves. way to encourage suicide. bastard.

TiffanyBlews27 0

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Friday 12 March 2010 0:30

Ghostbusters!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was hoping someone would ask that!! ; )

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Friday 12 March 2010 1:58

fuck yeah 83! i was waitin for someone to answer lmao your awesome :P

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Friday 12 March 2010 4:19

lol 45

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Friday 12 March 2010 6:15

74 is awesome for the friends reference lmao hahahahahhahahaha

la_grammarnazi 0

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Friday 12 March 2010 17:02

@26: Can you not spell or are you just too lazy to try?

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Monday 15 March 2010 21:50

THANK you, 65 :)

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Thursday 11 March 2010 12:13

How is this an FML? Sure, you're mom might be crazy, but at least it sounds like she's a fun kind of crazy. And hey, how do you know there's no ghost?

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Thursday 11 March 2010 12:18

I think you're on the wrong website.

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Thursday 11 March 2010 12:33

Another poorly disguised MLIA.

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Thursday 11 March 2010 12:19

I always talk shit to animals. makes life what is is.

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Friday 12 March 2010 6:30

Fuck Yeah! I told my cat to fuck off the other day.

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Thursday 11 March 2010 12:20

8th! Score. Well, look on the bright side! Crazy mother = a virtually unlimited amount of funny stories.

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Thursday 11 March 2010 13:06

Yep - "The upside of dementia? Each day's an adventure" lol

purplehaze980 0

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Thursday 11 March 2010 12:21

she was probably just messing around

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Thursday 24 May 2012 2:20

"completely serious"

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Thursday 11 March 2010 12:22

Name: Billy thr Ghost Backstory: rapes little dogs that dont eat all their vegetables.

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Thursday 11 March 2010 14:59

not only little dogs... but bitches who tried to talk their little dogs into eating vegetables

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Thursday 11 March 2010 12:25

Let's hope it's casper the friendly ghost otherwise you sir, are FUCKED.

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Wednesday 5 September 2012 4:04

first!

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Thursday 11 March 2010 12:27

Sounds kinda cute to me. Who knows? Maybe the dog translates for your mom and the ghost! Tee hee!

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Thursday 11 March 2010 12:30

well ur mom is offically crazy

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Thursday 11 March 2010 13:48

Could be either Alzheimer, or a Delirium. Or crack. Depends on the length of your mom's condition though. Tell her to see her GP. Good luck.

aeliz 0

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Friday 12 March 2010 2:20

I vote crack.

Nearly

Today, I realized that I wore ripped jeand AND ripped boxers to work. Both ripped at the same place, in between the legs. The result was my looking down and seeing my dick halfway out of my trousers. I can't get up from my seat the rest of the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8

You deserved it 17

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34

You deserved it 18

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I'm on day 11 of having COVID. My husband said to me, "I hope you get better soon so we can finally have sex again." Thanks for being concerned about MY health and wellbeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 672

You deserved it 147

Today, I realized why my boyfriend drove me to his “favorite” hospital about one agonizing hour away while I was in labor. His friend who's a nurse worked there. Or should I say, his side chick. He made out with her in the room while I was “sleeping” after giving birth to our first child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 407

You deserved it 101