Today, a dog came into my yard. I bent down to pet him, forgetting...

By mr_dinzaster

Today, a dog came into my yard. I bent down to pet him, forgetting I had a burger in my hand. The dog grabbed it and ran. FML

I agree, your life sucks

765

You deserved it

1738

Favorite

Our house, in the middle of our street

Season finale

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

By jgw

Today, I was certain that over the six years of struggling through my Ph.D., I had culminated in one truly original idea. Until I saw it published in another thesis, from 1953. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5649

You deserved it

662

Favorite

By hockey - United Kingdom

Today, I left my new iphone in a taxi I was sharing with a friend. Apparently when I got out she looked at it, told the driver some one had left it and gave it to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32830

You deserved it

5457

Favorite

By Craig - United States

Today, I was awarding medals to finalists in a school club. While putting one around someones neck, I ended up poking a girl in the eye. She tried to be a trooper by continuing to walk across stage but i guess her eyes got really watery because she missed the step and fell, breaking her ankle. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29187

You deserved it

7955

Favorite

By Anonymous - 19/1/2021 11:01 - Germany

Sing me to sleep

Today, there are two parts to my life: The 12 hours I spend in bed each night trying to fall asleep, with limited success, and the 12 hours I'm up and trying *not* to fall asleep, also with limited success. FML

I agree, your life sucks

845

You deserved it

Favorite

By mjperfetti84 - United States

Today, I helped an old man with his groceries, because he was struggling and he had a cane. After, I was nice enough to drive him home. He went to thank me by giving me a kiss on the cheek. Then he stuck his tongue out, and tried to French kiss me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40378

You deserved it

6148

Favorite

By gatewayev700 - United States - Reading

Today, my mom told me she'd canceled my spring break trip to Europe for my 16th birthday. Why? So I could get my wisdom teeth pulled 2 months early. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33991

You deserved it

5244

Favorite

By funny? - United States - Cupertino

Today, I had a big project due, but when I went to turn it in, I found out that I'd left it at home. The professor said I could turn it in tomorrow for half credit. When I got home I realized I'd put it in my other binder. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10339

You deserved it

3207

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I attended my extended family's Christmas dinner. All throughout, my grandmother kept complaining about how the food tasted like crap, and making sexual remarks such as how "the stuffings were far better in my day, if you know what I mean." FML

I agree, your life sucks

27024

You deserved it

2861

Favorite

By OhDear - United Kingdom

Today, I went on a date with a guy who seemed to be quite the gentleman. I was proven wrong when he told me to "shut it" during dinner, stiffed me on the bill, and then left me at the restaurant so he could get his own taxi home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33711

You deserved it

5067

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, at the job I've had for eight years, I finally got the raise I was supposed to get a year ago. One hour later I found out the store was closing and we were all out of a job in two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29378

You deserved it

2230

Favorite

By sarskii - United States

Today, my mother found out that I'm sexually active. She wants me to tell my father. I'm seventeen, and my father still has trouble grasping the fact that I carry a purse, because it means I'm "growing up." This should be fun. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36804

You deserved it

19473

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Carlisle

Today, I performed a piano piece at a school play. Everything went well until I got up and accidentally smashed my shin against one of the piano legs. Before I could bite my tongue, I'd already yelled "Fucking hell!" in front of about 50 second graders. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19674

You deserved it

5118

Favorite

By booboo300

Today, I was supposed to have sex with my ex after he’d been out of town for a week. After a lot of build up and sexting last night, I woke up sick and he hurt his leg. It’s like our bodies are telling us not to sleep together. FML

I agree, your life sucks

841

You deserved it

2214

Favorite

By Anonymous - 18/7/2020 20:01

Sore

Today, a few hours after me and my husband had sex, he mumbled "This is why I hate sex," as he left to grab some Tylenol. Apparently, he's so out of shape that basic sex made his muscles too sore to sleep. This is the first time in 2 weeks we've had sex. I'm always the one that has to ask for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2263

You deserved it

238

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I dropped the collection basket during Christmas Mass at my Catholic church. Money and checks fell all over the floor and everyone was staring at me. I was too stunned to even pick it up. There were about 1,500 people from our town there and my family won't stop bringing it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8526

You deserved it

1512

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada - Montr?al

Today, I was rubbing my dog's belly. My wife came in and thought I was jerking him off. She wouldn't believe my explanation. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14562

You deserved it

1105

Favorite

By mini matthylde - France - Nantes

Today, I'm 4ft9 "tall" and I always have trouble reaching things that are high up. It's my birthday, and I got three footstools as gifts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25109

You deserved it

2982

Favorite

By rock'n roller

Today, my bandmate and I decided to propose to our girlfriends, who are also in the band, at the same time in the middle of a concert. His girlfriend said yes. Mine ran off the stage crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55570

You deserved it

6437

Favorite

By manoloonfire - 21/12/2020 15:04 - Dominican Republic - Santo Domingo

Thanks, dad

Today, I'm a MD who graduated with honors. I can't work right now because I'm preparing myself for the medical residence exam. I want to be a cardiovascular surgeon. My dad is ashamed of me and treats me like shit, because I don't work and I'm 26 years-old, living with my parents while I'm studying. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1126

You deserved it

Favorite

By shart - Canada - Calgary

Today, I had an accident at work. Not the kind involving worker's compensation. The kind involving desperately scrubbing my office chair with paper towels, before going home to change my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18462

You deserved it

2260

Favorite

By iTried - United States - Houston

Today, I found out my best friend was cheating on her boyfriend. After confronting her boyfriend and showing him proof, he responded with denial and didn't believe me. Now my whole circle of friends not only think I'm trying to start a rumor, but that I'm a home wrecker. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22472

You deserved it

8745

Favorite

By NotASportsGuy - United States - Long Island City

Today, I started my new job. The first thing my coworkers asked me is what football team I like. When I told them I didn't really like sports, they immediately stopped talking to me and haven't since, even when I ask them work-related questions. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24546

You deserved it

2748

Favorite

By ripfluffy - United States

Today, I learned to check inside the oven before you preheat it. Sometimes children hide their pet rabbit in there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

74484

You deserved it

9987

Favorite

By sharibaby - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, it's my wedding day. I have a cold sore that makes me look like The Joker. Make-up won't cover it and the emergency medicine my doctor gave me only irritates it more. My future husband asks, "Why so serious?" and laughs whenever he sees me. Fantastic. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46780

You deserved it

4024

Favorite

By Anonymous - 21/7/2020 17:01

Bad timing

Today, my daughter locked herself in the bathroom having a tantrum after her boyfriend dumped her. So, out of sheer desperation, I had to sit in the kitchen sink for a pee, which is when my husband walked in with his mother and sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1929

You deserved it

364

Favorite

By itchyitch - United States - Monterey Park

Cheapskate suds

Today, it turns out the beautiful, "organic" artisanal soap my boyfriend gave me actually came from the 99 cents store. He just wrapped it in some cellophane and gave it to me. I’m currently itching to death from the godawful rash and hives it gave me. I may need to go to the ER. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1799

You deserved it

214

Favorite

By hahahehehohohoo - United States

Today, my boyfriend handcuffed me to the bed, naked. Someone pulled the fire alarm, and my boyfriend couldn't find the key. So he left me, and the Resident Advisor found me. The fireman had to cut the chain. FML

I agree, your life sucks

323078

You deserved it

58388

Favorite

By blushingbride - United States - Alpharetta

Today, my husband decided to pick his nose out before he would kiss me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37286

You deserved it

4422

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Hobart

Today, while mowing the lawn, I was attacked by an underground hornet nest. I now have many stings, two scared dogs, and a mower still running outside. The hornets are swarming it and some are sitting on the lever, as if to turn it off. It's like they know. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27991

You deserved it

1877

Favorite

By RoastedbyNature

Basted High School

Today, my high school decided to practice graduation outside for 4 hours instead of inside, as well as serve lunch outside. Now everybody, including myself, is going to be sunburnt in their graduation pictures, because we were told practice was inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4411

You deserved it

381

Favorite

By unloved - United Kingdom

Today, my wife changed her name back to her maiden name. Why? So people would stop asking questions about us. We have been married for 15 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32946

You deserved it

2736

Favorite

By Invisible - United States

Today, I was marked absent from my math class because nobody in my class noticed I was there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56618

You deserved it

5716

Favorite

By Anon - United Kingdom

Today, I arranged the food on my plate in a smiley face to try and make myself feel better. I'm a 38 year old man. It worked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34761

You deserved it

6071

Favorite

By crazymuch - Canada

Today, I talked to my boss about the fact that I have been diagnosed as bipolar and I am having a really hard time with it. He told me to look on the bright side, now that I'm crazy I will never have to do Jury Duty. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30019

You deserved it

4020

Favorite

By Megan - Canada

Today, my mum came home from a business trip. My four-year-old brother, who I'd been watching, told her I was "sexing" my boyfriend a lot after I put him to bed. After lots of arguing, she banned me from seeing him and took my car away. Only much later did I realize my brother meant "texting". FML

I agree, your life sucks

84711

You deserved it

5452

Favorite

By Ellen - Norway

Today, I was browsing a website where you can talk to strangers anonymously, when I met a guy I really hit it off with. After talking for two hours, we decided to keep in touch, just in time for me to hit the "Next Person" button by mistake. There's no way to undo it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14416

You deserved it

30156

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I farted at a crowded concert, and people started commenting on said fart. I specifically went out of my way to eat certain foods all day so that it wouldn't happen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18211

You deserved it

2750

Favorite

By thatwas10yearsago - United States - Reston

Today, I found out why the girl I like won't give me the time of day. Apparently, I called her ugly and pushed her into a puddle when we were in kindergarten. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20412

You deserved it

30869

Favorite

By Kate - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were out to eat. The waiter came and asked what we wanted. My boyfriend said he wanted a cheeseburger and I told the waiter I'd have the same. My boyfriend looked at me and said, "Are you sure you don't want a salad?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

65575

You deserved it

8221

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out how acidic some of the chemicals I work with are. After a chemical shower, minor burns, and having to throw away my clothes due to a biohazard, I had the pleasure of running across the parking lot to my car, wearing only a lab coat around my waist. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18346

You deserved it

2304

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Jackey | 29

#7807584 - Thursday 30 May 2019 22:18

You made a pup very happy. Go You!

By ojosRojos | 28

#7807596 - Thursday 30 May 2019 22:57

This isn’t an FML. The dog gods sent you an angel and your burger was your repayment.

COMMENTS

By Jackey | 29

#7807584 - Thursday 30 May 2019 22:18

You made a pup very happy. Go You!

By ojosRojos | 28

#7807596 - Thursday 30 May 2019 22:57

This isn’t an FML. The dog gods sent you an angel and your burger was your repayment.

By WeirdUS | 29

#7807602 - Thursday 30 May 2019 23:17

How much of the burger was left that your forgot? Also was not aware that dog hair would be a condiment on any food.

alycion | 38

#7807744 - Friday 31 May 2019 11:25

You have never been around a husky. Fur is an ingredient in everything when they blow coat.

By mymegangirl | 7

#7807611 - Thursday 30 May 2019 23:53

wow. that sucks

mr_dinzaster | 16

#7808300 - Sunday 2 June 2019 4:19

Right lol

By bluhbluhbluh | 14

#7807628 - Friday 31 May 2019 1:28

smart dog!

By mr_dinzaster | 16

#7807665 - Friday 31 May 2019 7:10

Quick update the dog came back and he loves my dogs and I have him actual dog food lol... and some chips too 😅😅

By Aspirax | 13

#7808125 - Saturday 1 June 2019 13:47

Touching animals while you're eating is completely unsanitary.

mr_dinzaster | 16

#7808301 - Sunday 2 June 2019 4:21

I feel you bruh