Today, I flipped out when I saw a centipede. I screamed, very loudly and in a very high-pitched voice. My girlfriend came into the room, stomped on it, picked it up and threw it in the trashcan. I apologized to her for the scene and all she said was, "I'm used to it." FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I woke up to my boyfriend shrieking at the top of his lungs. I ran into the dining room where he was, to find him standing on the table screaming "Kill it!" while pointing at an unmoving spider the size of a Tic Tac on the wall. FML
Today, I washed my hands and reached for the towel but felt something sticky. It was a house centipede. It exploded. FML
Today, I was laying in bed when my sister came running in, scared. I took my bat and went into the kitchen where the suspicious noise was coming from. It was a rat, right in the middle of the floor. I jumped on the counter and shrieked, just as my girlfriend walked in, who then actually dealt with it. FML
Today, I woke up and saw a piece of black fuzz on my shirt. I tried to pick it off but it crawled into my hand and stabbed my skin with its sharp legs. I screamed like a little girl because I had a centipede on me. FML
Today, I faced down the Godzilla of all spiders. I smashed the goddamned holy shit out of it. Trying to impress my cute new roommate, I scooped up the remains and showed him. It was his pet tarantula. FML
Today, I was babysitting a six year old girl, when I saw a huge spider on the wall. I screamed and told her to stay back. Instead, she walked up to the spider, squished it, and told me to stop being such a baby. FML
Today, I saw a spider in my kitchen. Freaked, but trying to be humane, I held out a piece of paper so it would climb on, and I would then put it outside. However, it jumped out of nowhere and landed on my face. My reaction was to whack at where the spider was - my face. I stumbled around, disoriented; the spider got away. FML
Today, my daughter, who can pick up spiders and even snakes without flinching, screamed at the top of her lungs because she saw a mouse. Um, what? FML
Today, I had a panic attack when a huge spider ran over my hand. I screamed, wailed, and killed it with a shoe while shouting. Ten minutes later, police slammed on my door. My neighbor called them, saying it sounded like someone was being murdered. FML
Today, I was laying on the couch, reading, when I noticed a spindly leg poking round the corner of my book. Upon realising it was a spider, I calmly and rationally threw my book across the room, breaking the TV. FML
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Top comments
mike3775 39
Be glad you have a caring girlfriend
a_girl_i_know 0
I am embarrassed for your gf
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Comments (98)
avatar0810 15
I'd do the same thing I freaking hate bugs
jewels1877 0
Big man is afraid of puny centipede and his little friends.
MsSoulReaper 27
You should learn not to be such a scared little kid. k? Then this will never happen again.
ArthursLifeSucks 2
Texas Redheaded Stepchild?
autumn88_fml_fml 0
LOL OP
besosforme 26
Or, 6, one of those black and orange centipedes found in Hawaii. Have you seen those? Those suckers are mean! They can get up to 19 cm or roughly 7.5 inches and their sting hurts for days... Freaking out over THAT I could understand. My sister fell asleep on the couch and woke up to one crawling toward her hand, on the pillow. She jumped about 3 feet in the air, knocking over the table and we all came running. Ick. No thanks. Funny though, OP, that your girlfriend just takes your high-pitched screaming into stride. Maybe you should tone it down a little, mmm?
lex416 0
I agree but mainly I think they are gross
undeadhearts 0
wow dude
Jim717 1
you need to grow a pair and man up!
dansco 25
As many FML's here have said "grow a pair and man up", which is mostly said by little sisters... ;)