Today, I flipped out when I saw a centipede. I screamed, very loudly and in a very high-pitched voice. My girlfriend came into the room, stomped on it, picked it up and threw it in the trashcan. I apologized to her for the scene and all she said was, "I'm used to it." FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I woke up to my boyfriend shrieking at the top of his lungs. I ran into the dining room where he was, to find him standing on the table screaming "Kill it!" while pointing at an unmoving spider the size of a Tic Tac on the wall. FML
Today, I washed my hands and reached for the towel but felt something sticky. It was a house centipede. It exploded. FML
Today, I was laying in bed when my sister came running in, scared. I took my bat and went into the kitchen where the suspicious noise was coming from. It was a rat, right in the middle of the floor. I jumped on the counter and shrieked, just as my girlfriend walked in, who then actually dealt with it. FML
Today, I woke up and saw a piece of black fuzz on my shirt. I tried to pick it off but it crawled into my hand and stabbed my skin with its sharp legs. I screamed like a little girl because I had a centipede on me. FML
Today, I faced down the Godzilla of all spiders. I smashed the goddamned holy shit out of it. Trying to impress my cute new roommate, I scooped up the remains and showed him. It was his pet tarantula. FML
Today, I was babysitting a six year old girl, when I saw a huge spider on the wall. I screamed and told her to stay back. Instead, she walked up to the spider, squished it, and told me to stop being such a baby. FML
Today, I saw a spider in my kitchen. Freaked, but trying to be humane, I held out a piece of paper so it would climb on, and I would then put it outside. However, it jumped out of nowhere and landed on my face. My reaction was to whack at where the spider was - my face. I stumbled around, disoriented; the spider got away. FML
Today, my daughter, who can pick up spiders and even snakes without flinching, screamed at the top of her lungs because she saw a mouse. Um, what? FML
Today, I had a panic attack when a huge spider ran over my hand. I screamed, wailed, and killed it with a shoe while shouting. Ten minutes later, police slammed on my door. My neighbor called them, saying it sounded like someone was being murdered. FML
Today, I was laying on the couch, reading, when I noticed a spindly leg poking round the corner of my book. Upon realising it was a spider, I calmly and rationally threw my book across the room, breaking the TV. FML
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Top comments
mike3775 39
Be glad you have a caring girlfriend
a_girl_i_know 0
I am embarrassed for your gf
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Comments (98)
nault32 0
I am the exact same way with spiders lol
FFYL334 0
did she squash it beneath her toes?
sanchogrim 18
cough! cough! *Justin beiber haircut ...cough! omg I need some medicine
lolol_BKYCHO 3
Centipedes, I understand. Especially the Dominican kind. But I do think spiders are cool.
supahnazi 0
im deadly afraid of spidies
Flipflops4ever 0
North American centipedes r wimpy, now tropical or South American centipedes...now those r scary, they can be nearly a foot long, jet black in color so u can't see them in the dark, & really creepy.
dannyboydx 0
the only centipedes that reach a length of a foot are burgundy in color with yellow legs that fade into a white color. the only jet black centipedes are scolopendra subspinipes species, and only some of them are jet black. your information is false.
ubetrwatchBN 5
64 - I've heard that is an f'ed up movie...I'm gonna go rent it now. lol
gkflower 0
considering your login name,this fml doesnt surprise me :P
Dez31396 0
haha
AntoshaChekhonte 6
If you ever meet Dr. Josef Heiter, you should probably scream and run away. I would. Although centipedes in general freak me out. I'm not scared of them. They just really freak me out.