Today, I flipped out when I saw a centipede. I screamed, very loudly and in a very high-pitched voice. My girlfriend came into the room, stomped on it, picked it up and threw it in the trashcan. I apologized to her for the scene and all she said was, "I'm used to it." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up to my boyfriend shrieking at the top of his lungs. I ran into the dining room where he was, to find him standing on the table screaming "Kill it!" while pointing at an unmoving spider the size of a Tic Tac on the wall. FML
Today, I washed my hands and reached for the towel but felt something sticky. It was a house centipede. It exploded. FML
Today, I was laying in bed when my sister came running in, scared. I took my bat and went into the kitchen where the suspicious noise was coming from. It was a rat, right in the middle of the floor. I jumped on the counter and shrieked, just as my girlfriend walked in, who then actually dealt with it. FML
Today, I woke up and saw a piece of black fuzz on my shirt. I tried to pick it off but it crawled into my hand and stabbed my skin with its sharp legs. I screamed like a little girl because I had a centipede on me. FML
Today, I faced down the Godzilla of all spiders. I smashed the goddamned holy shit out of it. Trying to impress my cute new roommate, I scooped up the remains and showed him. It was his pet tarantula. FML
Today, I was babysitting a six year old girl, when I saw a huge spider on the wall. I screamed and told her to stay back. Instead, she walked up to the spider, squished it, and told me to stop being such a baby. FML
Today, I saw a spider in my kitchen. Freaked, but trying to be humane, I held out a piece of paper so it would climb on, and I would then put it outside. However, it jumped out of nowhere and landed on my face. My reaction was to whack at where the spider was - my face. I stumbled around, disoriented; the spider got away. FML
Today, my daughter, who can pick up spiders and even snakes without flinching, screamed at the top of her lungs because she saw a mouse. Um, what? FML
Today, I had a panic attack when a huge spider ran over my hand. I screamed, wailed, and killed it with a shoe while shouting. Ten minutes later, police slammed on my door. My neighbor called them, saying it sounded like someone was being murdered. FML
Today, I was laying on the couch, reading, when I noticed a spindly leg poking round the corner of my book. Upon realising it was a spider, I calmly and rationally threw my book across the room, breaking the TV. FML
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Top comments
mike3775 39
Be glad you have a caring girlfriend
a_girl_i_know 0
I am embarrassed for your gf
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Comments (98)
fthku 13
You wouldn't make it to "No Ma'am".
sgenfkshe 5
haha I've never seen a centipede before.. lolol
ideasrule 13
It's a CENTIPEDE. What did you expect it to do? Develop extraordinary intelligence, gain phenomenal strength, find a knife, and kill you? I'm not saying this simply because the OP is a man; I say the same thing to all the female OP's who complain about bugs here on FML.
fthku 13
You don't need a knife if you have deadly poison. But of course these things shouldn't be dangerous if it's the middle of the day and you see them right in front of you. Not like they can sting you through your shoe, or through a broom you'd use. Or bug spray.
jordanprodigy023 0
You're a bitch OP
RedPillSucks 33
Some centipedes are poisonous. It's like seeing a scorpion or something. It's ok to be frightened of them, but then you still should have just gotten a hold of yourself and dispatched it. That's what phonebooks are for.
smartman136 8
you really disgust me. your weakness really really does
RockstarRN 10
Lmao
Hidan_fml 0
I don't blame you. I ******* HATE BUGS! THEY ******* SCARE THE SHIT OUT OF ME!!
tizzwang 0
I've seen a centipede but it wasn't a bug : / (Human Centipede)
The_Unkown_Abyss 3
I'm sorry to say Op but um Pussy! Honestly your a guy and u own shoes brooms and phone books BE A MAN DO THE RIGHT THING!