Today, I finally went to the bathroom after being constipated for two days. The good news? I lost two pounds. The bad news? The toilet won't flush. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after 4 days of constipation, I finally pooped. Sadly, I was not on the toilet. FML
Today, after a five day bout of severe chronic constipation, I decided to get some orange juice and increase my water intake. The good news is that I'm no longer constipated. The bad news is that I've got diarrhea now. FML
Today, after suffering from constipation for three days, I finally took a dump. Just as things reached the point of no return, my land line and doorbell all rang. FML
Today, I finally got over having constipation for two days straight. It came in the form of a normal-sized, rock-hard turd that made me scream "Ow!" when it came out. FML
Today, it's been a week that I've had bad constipation. Overeating on my 16th birthday last week got me sick; since then I've pooped only once, and it took a hard push to go it out. Today I had my second poop. Good news: I did go. Bad: it happened on the bus home from school. My pals actually cheered when I finished straining. FML
Today, I was fired from my job for being constipated. FML
Today, after months of grueling hard work, I'd finally gained five pounds. Too bad I lost it all and then some, due to one good stomach flu. FML
Today, after being chronically constipated for the better part of a week, I finally have the urge to poop. Too bad I'm 30 minutes early to work and locked out of the building. FML
Today, I had a date with a girl. After movies and dinner, we came back to my place. I had to go to the washroom BADLY. I took a BIG #2 and when I went to flush the toilet to my horror it wouldn't flush. FML
Today, after 8 days of being on a medication that makes it hard to go to the bathroom and no luck taking laxatives and drinking coffee and apple juice, I finally got to go. Too bad I was at my desk at work when it happened. I washed out my pants in the bathroom and got to sit in wet pants for 4 hours. FML
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Top comments
HippoCampus 7
Tell your toilet to quit being so full of shit!
miserypoison 13
0-1 Toilet wins.
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Comments (217)
flockz 20
ya but toilets can call in sick to work whenever they want because they always feel a little flushed.
kike66 0
oh my god rhats like two pounds of shit in the toilet... what did u expext
Captain_Obvious2_fml 6
i expected you to spell expect right... expectantly
ThorneCrossed 9
call a plumber, but don't tell him what's in the toliet
ImMeDealWithIt 3
hahaha LMAO!
BrittanyPernell6 0
wow, can we say cook it on the arse pumping?
meagaplexxx 0
FYL BRO!
InsertGirder 6
How many couric was it?
TheSkookum 3
Or perhaps, how many Bono's?
abbi96x 0
2 lbs worth of shit?! Woaaah!
ZAE06 0
man I hope u guys fight because I really haven't seen a hood fight in FML in a while
chalmers86 0
In the woods!
AbuelaGrande 0
Oh being constipated is the wrost. Once I was constipated for four days but I broke breeza or wind as you say it on the fifth day. the feeling was so over whelming and it feels so good. You has a weight lifted off of you shoulder.