Health: Today, I finally went to the bathroom after being constipated...

By Me - 20/06/2011 16:14 - United States

Today, I finally went to the bathroom after being constipated for two days. The good news? I lost two pounds. The bad news? The toilet won't flush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 501

You deserved it 5 623

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 14/05/2012 03:14 - United States

Today, after 4 days of constipation, I finally pooped. Sadly, I was not on the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 781

You deserved it 3 069

By Poopie - 29/01/2011 06:06 - Canada

Today, after suffering from constipation for three days, I finally took a dump. Just as things reached the point of no return, my land line and doorbell all rang. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 214

You deserved it 3 200

By constipated - 03/06/2017 02:00

Today, I was fired from my job for being constipated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 328

You deserved it 441

Yoyo

By jetpack girl - 22/02/2023 22:00

Today, after months of grueling hard work, I'd finally gained five pounds. Too bad I lost it all and then some, due to one good stomach flu. FML

I agree, your life sucks 693

You deserved it 92

By missbutthole - 04/06/2011 13:07 - United States

Today, after being chronically constipated for the better part of a week, I finally have the urge to poop. Too bad I'm 30 minutes early to work and locked out of the building. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 701

You deserved it 3 883

Deal breaker

By frankie - 19/01/2009 01:01 - Canada

Today, I had a date with a girl. After movies and dinner, we came back to my place. I had to go to the washroom BADLY. I took a BIG #2 and when I went to flush the toilet to my horror it wouldn't flush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 903

You deserved it 3 543

Slid right out

By Tabby Rosas - 21/02/2021 21:30

Today, after 8 days of being on a medication that makes it hard to go to the bathroom and no luck taking laxatives and drinking coffee and apple juice, I finally got to go. Too bad I was at my desk at work when it happened. I washed out my pants in the bathroom and got to sit in wet pants for 4 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 105

You deserved it 84

By Anonymous - 01/06/2016 11:05 - Canada - Saint-laurent

Today, I've been chronically constipated so long that I was actually grateful for the sudden blast of diarrhea that ruined my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 503

You deserved it 855

The Gush

By Anonymous - 10/10/2019 22:01

Today, I had planned to do a twenty-minute colon cleanse enema for weight loss. Instead, I woke up in the middle of the night with uncontrollable diarrhea that’s still going strong. Eight hours and counting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 757

You deserved it 2 041

By firegirl - 05/07/2018 15:00

Today, I finally got over a long bout of constipation. I was scared to ask my mom for laxatives because I had the feeling she would tell all her friends, but on the 6th day of absolutely no bowel movements, I caved. I later overheard my mom telling all her friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 903

You deserved it 365

HippoCampus 7

Monday 20 June 2011 23:08

Tell your toilet to quit being so full of shit!

miserypoison 13

Monday 20 June 2011 23:07

0-1 Toilet wins.

Comments

emmiep1011 7

Monday 20 June 2011 23:14

hey you lost 2 pounds and are no longer constipated. just call a pulmber.

lekiat 0

Monday 20 June 2011 23:14

TMI!

IcySnake 0

Monday 20 June 2011 23:17

I weigh myself before and after I shit too!

xleanne_aLly 23

Monday 20 June 2011 23:31

same hahah

iluvhobos 5

Tuesday 21 June 2011 0:56

You're*

doglover339 4

Tuesday 21 June 2011 4:51

exactly!!! that's what I was thinking!!

IcySnake 0

Wednesday 22 June 2011 1:04

what do you mean you're?

whatsittuya 2

Wednesday 22 June 2011 21:39

lmao win

missy_n 0

Monday 20 June 2011 23:17

Fibre! Water! Laxative!

MrXerxes5 6

Monday 20 June 2011 23:20

Guess john was tired of his shit.

DCfan16 0

Monday 20 June 2011 23:35

lol

briidontgive_ 0

Monday 20 June 2011 23:21

Your supposed to drop and flush.

pieintheface 0

Monday 20 June 2011 23:23

Time for the plunger... Or the cup...

rattusrattus 18

Monday 20 June 2011 23:29

Big dose of bleach...

alex6946 10

Monday 20 June 2011 23:24

2 pounds!! :D

YacL 15

Monday 20 June 2011 23:27

Wouldn't that make toilet's luck neutral?

xixifwadi 0

Monday 20 June 2011 23:28

flush between dumps! congradulations on the new pant size though

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