Love: Today, I finally told my best friend whom I've secretly been... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27

You deserved it 3

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 90

You deserved it 6

Spicy

Spicy

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 460

You deserved it 122

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 189

You deserved it 1 609

07/03/2009 04:17

Today, I finally told my best friend whom I've secretly been in love with for two years that I was in love with her but at the last second chickened out and said I was joking. She replied with "Don't scare me like that. I thought I was going to have to find a new best friend for a second" FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 289

You deserved it 7 291

Triage

Get some rest

Assumptions

So hard

By JessicaandGhazi - 09/06/2020 08:04

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were laying in bed after having sex. I commented on him still having an erection after having an orgasm. He said it happens whenever he has a strong orgasm. Then he added, "And surprisingly, I was even thinking about you when it happened." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 907

You deserved it 239

22/01/2009 23:26

Today, my boss replied-to-all to a memo I sent, wherein he states that "Filipino" should be spelled with a double P. He spells his nationality with a double R. He's from Morocco. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 470

You deserved it 2 558

OK, well, goodbye

By Anonymous - 04/11/2020 14:02

Today I ordered an anchovy pizza without the mushroom. Instead, I got a mushroom pizza without the anchovy. Then, when I went to take it back, the store had closed. Permanently. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 035

You deserved it 183

15/09/2014 03:07

Today, I caught a customer using his fat to shoplift gum out of a store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 089

You deserved it 3 053

Put your foot down

By K.. - 28/02/2021 14:01

Today, my boyfriend and I moved into our own house. He proceeded to invite his parents to stay for the week. The same parents we've lived with for the past 5 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 282

You deserved it 132

11/12/2010 07:04

Today, I was at a house delivering pizza. As I walked away, I heard the mom mutter to her child, "That's why you go to college." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 752

You deserved it 6 188

17/01/2015 22:24

Today, I took my driving test. I was really nervous, but I thought I did pretty well in the end. That is until I parked the car and looked to the examiner. He was visibly shaken. He said I'd passed, quickly filled in the paperwork and left. On the downside, my car still smells of his shart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 532

You deserved it 3 701

05/05/2011 03:30

Today, I brought my girlfriend of four months home for dinner to meet my parents. The first thing my mom says to her? "Oh my God, you're real!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 434

You deserved it 4 891

25/04/2009 12:49

Today, I was shopping in an upscale store. As I was changing, I heard one of the snobby saleswomen say to mine "You shouldn't bother. She isn't going to buy anything." Determined to "show her", I purchased everything I'd tried on. It came to around $500. My credit card was declined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 825

You deserved it 80 460

She's lost control again

By Anonymous - 12/10/2020 20:01

Today, I had an unexpected sneezing fit and drove my car through 2 trees and a fence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 037

You deserved it 216

23/05/2011 19:33

Today, I had to go to the emergency room with vision problems. The nurse was helping my mom fill out the paperwork. When asked for her employer, my mom started trying to sell the nurse Aflac, and got into a serious 10 minute conversation about it, all while I'm going blind in my left eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 404

You deserved it 3 180

28/04/2014 21:27

Today, I finally worked up the guts to add the guy I like on Facebook. To make it less obvious, I added 15 other people as well. Everyone added me back, except him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 272

You deserved it 7 699

Quite the catch

By Anonymous - 29/06/2020 05:05

Spicy

Today, I found out my girlfriend of 3 years has been cheating on me with more guys than I can count on one hand. I'm not sure what's worse, realizing this only after she's moved in, realizing two of the guys were my close friends, or realizing I'd given up my dream career for this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 746

You deserved it 275

19/06/2018 19:00

Today, I found out that, after a year of separation, my ex-wife is pregnant and due in a few months. The divorce became official a few weeks ago and the father is my former best friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 353

You deserved it 291

06/08/2010 05:12

Today, I decided to watch a movie I hadn't seen before to bring my spirits up, as I've been feeling down lately. How did the movie end? Everybody died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 112

You deserved it 8 373

07/06/2014 05:15

Today, I was disciplined by my boss for "not smiling enough." I'm a dishwasher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 319

You deserved it 4 819

Good deed, but still…

By poor guy - 13/03/2020 05:16

Today, I was at Goodwill and I saw my bike, which was stolen from me a couple of weeks ago. It was a gift that my mom gave me for my birthday. The bike was being sold for 65 dollars. I had to buy it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 822

You deserved it 130

19/03/2009 19:10

Spicy

Today, when I was at the gynecologist my dr told me that I was really tense and the exam would be impossible if I didnt relax. So I started thinking about my boyfriend to relax and my mind went back to our last sex session. I started getting wet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 219

You deserved it 69 876

Entitled

By RachelD - 17/07/2021 18:01

Today, I can’t make it to my friend’s birthday party because my dog died this morning. I called my friend to inform her and she screamed at me because a "dumb animal" is more important than her best friend. Oh, and she asked me if that also means she won’t be getting a present. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 331

You deserved it 113

03/08/2009 17:53

Today, I was pulled over for speeding. After a few minutes of conversing, he told me he didn't need to give me a ticket. He then asked for a date. I politely declined. After staring at me for a very long moment, he said "I think I'm going to have to give you that ticket after all." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 645

You deserved it 26 990

12/08/2018 06:00

Today, I got home from a long day of work and saw a pile of dog puke on the kitchen floor. I went to get paper towels and found a pile of dog shit. With my foot. Both of my kids were home all day and left the piles for me to clean because "that's gross". FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 872

You deserved it 440

31/03/2009 07:04

Today, my dad and I were at the grocery store buying toilet paper. As we walk out I see these two attractive guys that I know. My dad gets that I think they're cute, so he shouts "Hey babe, how's your stomach feeling now? Will this be enough for you?" They walk away laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 651

You deserved it 4 971

Ruining the moment

By Anali - 28/05/2021 04:01

Today, I saw the girl my ex cheated on me with had her baby. I wrote a comment on her photo about how the baby was a product of her affair with my ex. She disabled her comments and I kept getting DM’s about how I should, "stop being so negative." Apparently infidelity is not frowned upon these days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 559

You deserved it 1 553

06/09/2015 12:50

Today, my ex-fiancée's new boyfriend phoned me to ask what her ring size is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 775

You deserved it 1 806

Birthday Boy

By Anonymous - 18/10/2019 02:00

Today, it's my 16th birthday. It's also it is the day my parents scheduled my wisdom teeth to be pulled out. Happy birthday to me, then. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 486

You deserved it 150

10/09/2012 00:45

Today, uncertain of having a job next month or being able to pay rent, I'm filling out tens of online surveys a day for gift cards to McDonald's, to buy hamburgers that I can freeze so I will have food for the coming months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 740

You deserved it 2 909

Dating is hell

By Anonymous - 13/07/2014 18:34

Today, I had my third date with a lovely guy. After I got home, I figured I'd try to see if I could find his Facebook profile. I did. His pictures were nice; lovely wedding photos for sure, and his newborn baby is adorable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 385

You deserved it 5 186

29/07/2019 06:00

Today, for the third time, I’ve had to clean a puddle of pee from the bathroom floor. I live alone, and I’m a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 397

You deserved it 530

02/06/2019 04:00

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend came over. We'd planned on losing out virginities today. What we didn't plan on was having my 9-year-old brother and his friends making a video of "What teens do when no one is home." They taped the whole thing, including the five minutes it took us to get the condom on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 757

You deserved it 856

24/02/2011 06:20

Today, I was looking at an old post between my ex and I on Facebook. Everything I was reading was adorable. Just as I was reminiscing about the great relationship we had, I look to the right of the screen to see the girl he cheated on me with in "People you may know". Thanks Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 443

You deserved it 8 178

29/09/2015 02:48

Today, I was on the train next to an elderly woman. When I told her it was my stop, she turned her knees towards the aisle, and I, thinking that she was letting me go by, began to edge past. She screamed, "DON'T PUSH ME!" and the whole train turned to look. I was thus the asshole pushing the old lady. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 956

You deserved it 1 677

You just don't understand art

By Anonymous - 07/03/2020 23:16

Today, I walked in on my roommate with his pants down at his ankles, taking a picture of his poop. This would've been less disgusting if we'd been in the bathroom, not the kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 662

You deserved it 102

03/12/2010 11:42

Today, I was stuck behind an elderly man on a one-way street into my university campus. There was no traffic in front of him and we were both going under the speed limit, so I honked my horn at him to speed up. He ended up double-parking in the last two spots. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 334

You deserved it 13 303

06/05/2011 18:09

Spicy

Today, I locked myself in the bathroom and started spanking the ferret. I started to get really into it when my dad started pounding on the door and yelled, "Son, that's great staying power, but can you finish up already?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 647

You deserved it 51 931

05/12/2011 05:23

Spicy

Today, my parents bought purity rings for my twin brother and me for our birthday, and had them blessed by our priest. Neither of us are virgins. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 064

You deserved it 12 400

08/11/2008 07:51

Today, everyone thought that I was the one who farted in the lift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 355

You deserved it 5 213

07/11/2012 23:48

Today, as my girlfriend and I were finishing up a romantic dinner, she gazed into my eyes for a moment and said, "You know, sometimes you look like a character from Sesame Street." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 149

You deserved it 2 157

10/12/2009 05:41

Today, I really wanted something to drink. I looked in the fridge, and found some of my grandma's soy milk. I decide to take a swig, and instead of tasting soy, I tasted rotten chicken. Turns out my grandma knew I drink her soy milk and decided to swap it with expired chicken broth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 657

You deserved it 42 445

17/11/2009 04:01

Today, I was looking at the annoucements in the newspaper and find out that my boyfriend of the past 6 years is supposed to be married in 2 days to what I thought was his ex-girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 341

You deserved it 3 371

23/10/2017 19:00

Today, I was doing a job interview on Skype when my roommate decided to reboot the wireless router because "the internet was too slow". The interviewer didn't bother calling again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 181

You deserved it 353

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Top comments

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Saturday 7 March 2009 12:53

wat if she said that because she liked u too? like she would have to find a new best friend because u guys will be lovers...

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Saturday 7 March 2009 12:25

Sounds like my life man. I actually told my current closest female friend like 2 weeks ago. It hasn't gone well.

Comments

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Saturday 7 March 2009 12:23

Oh... feel sorry bro... Keep tryin'

rickybobby12343 0

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Sunday 17 July 2011 7:31

it's not a bro it's a sis

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Friday 9 September 2011 6:06

Dipshit.

danceforever51 4

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Sunday 22 January 2012 23:48

That's awkward

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Friday 16 August 2013 7:53

Pay attention

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Saturday 12 September 2015 0:29

How do you know?

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Saturday 7 March 2009 12:25

Sounds like my life man. I actually told my current closest female friend like 2 weeks ago. It hasn't gone well.

Blood_Rose_Intox 3

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Thursday 8 September 2011 6:49

OP isn't a man.

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Saturday 7 March 2009 12:28

Oh, ouch. At least you got some closure.

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Monday 29 October 2012 20:35

because she is getting a GF and needs a best friend duh

Rollercoaster_fml 0

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Saturday 7 March 2009 12:46

Go find another girl... you can't expect her to change her mind...

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Saturday 7 March 2009 12:48

You should have learnt . . . Friendzones are no-gos! Still; FYL. Better luck next time.

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Saturday 7 March 2009 12:53

wat if she said that because she liked u too? like she would have to find a new best friend because u guys will be lovers...

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Wednesday 30 November 2011 13:15

That's what I thought

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Saturday 7 March 2009 12:53

Seen as you clearly said, i'm joking, are you sure she wasn't joking around as well. You know a witty sarcastic response? Surely adding i'm joking opens up the door for jokes like that to be returned.

christinaaa_fml 0

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Saturday 7 March 2009 13:38

that sucks i had a similar issue with my best guy friend...we don't talk anymore :l and i've known him since pre-K :( FYL and FML

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Thursday 30 June 2011 21:16

The OP is female.

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Thursday 5 June 2014 12:28

#98 what the hell has that got to do with anything?

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Saturday 7 March 2009 14:08

awwww.

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Saturday 7 March 2009 14:42

Yep did that same thing last week to my closest friend we have known each other for 6.5 years.. now we are not friends from last week..