Miscellaneous: Today, I told my best friend I was breaking up with my girlfriend... - FML

By anonymous - 30/01/2010 00:08 - France

Today, I told my best friend I was breaking up with my girlfriend of 3 years. He thought it would be funny to tell her I was going to propose to her that night. She showed up telling me how much she loves me and that when we get married how great it will be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 037

You deserved it 7 075

Dementia or hate? You decide

Mother of the year

Unionize

By propose_you_freakin_coward - 27/09/2013 12:51 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I was insulted and harassed by my sister and her boyfriend, all because I proposed yesterday. They were angry I might get married before they did. They have known each other since primary school; I met my fiancée earlier this year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 379

You deserved it 6 727

By babybambi - 29/12/2018 02:00

Today, I got food poisoning for the first time after cooking. Yesterday, I met my boyfriend's family for the first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 314

You deserved it 276

By peepee. - 30/09/2010 03:17 - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend I had to go to the bathroom. He said "Okay baby, go drop your load." He also used the same voice as when he talks to his cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 602

You deserved it 4 468

By auscop - 17/09/2009 10:57 - Australia

Today, I pulled someone over for speeding. He was only 10 over the speed limit so I gave him an $84 fine. It turns out he is a workplace Occupational Health and Safety officer and because I wasn't wearing my high visibilty vest while standing on the side of the road he gave me a $250 fine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 623

You deserved it 85 826

By DetergentFrog6 - 07/04/2014 20:54 - United States - Rahway

Today, while playing basketball, my friend thanked me for passing the ball to him. I was too embarrassed to tell him that that was me shooting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 806

You deserved it 5 031

By Andrew - 29/06/2009 10:31 - Canada

Today, there was a meeting at work. I had to give a presentation to my boss and the other attendants. My first subject was on how my 5 year old son got to my briefcase and replaced the contents of it with crayons and a stuffed teddy bear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 964

You deserved it 5 423

By Anonymous - 30/07/2013 06:52 - United States - Crystal Lake

Today, I was at a piano lesson playing a song I had worked very hard to make perfect. Halfway through, my teacher abruptly stops me and asks, "Did you notice that I rearranged the furniture?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 812

You deserved it 3 817

By okseñoryoucrazy - 02/02/2015 00:43 - United States - Tacoma

Today, I found out that my 2-year-old brother is afraid of his own penis. Whenever he doesn't have a diaper on, he screams, cries and yells, "Ew". FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 976

You deserved it 2 970

Sorry Pat

By Kronic - 02/07/2009 05:08 - United States

Today, I went shopping with my two sons and my wife. We got separated after a while, and I spotted my son in the video game section of the store. I snuck up behind him and playfully slapped him on the back of the head. The kid turned around and it wasn't my son. His mom was none to happy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 289

You deserved it 48 537

By firefliiez - 15/11/2009 18:46 - United States

Today, my ex decided he wanted to start calling me "Pup." I jokingly said "Please! Call me anything but that! Sausage face even! Just anything but that!" Later, we went bowling with a large group of friends. He put my name in the board as "Sausage Face." Everyone agreed it will be my new name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 158

You deserved it 42 757

By B.B - 07/10/2016 14:03 - United States - New York

Today, my husband brought me breakfast in bed. Don't get me wrong, I'm very thankful and love him even more for the thought. But the only problem with breakfast in bed is that you have to eat what they bring you, even if it's bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 852

You deserved it 1 933

By gp28 - 18/02/2010 20:08 - United States

Today, I woke up to hear my boyfriend drunkenly crashing around in the living room, after peeing in an ashtray because he thought it was a urinal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 856

You deserved it 3 990

By anaph0re - 01/02/2009 15:52 - France

Today, it was good fun getting this nice vampire make-up at my drama lesson. It would have been better if I hadn't forgotten my demake-up. Even better if I could have avoided those crazy glances in the bus home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 671

You deserved it 21 468

By Anonymous - 01/07/2019 04:14

Today, I realised I can tell which family member has just left the bathroom from the smell alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 602

You deserved it 157

By thatoneguy - 05/09/2011 20:23 - United States

Today, a five year old that I am babysitting picked up a knife and said he would chop my nuts off if I didn't give him his ice cream before dinner. Only 5 more hours to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 376

You deserved it 3 454

By Anonymous - 09/12/2013 17:12 - United States - California

Today, I got a call from a girl I dated long ago, who cheated on me and got pregnant by another guy, or so we thought. Turns out it isn't his, and she is taking me to court for child support. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 821

You deserved it 7 928

By ceilingssuck - 17/02/2010 20:18 - New Zealand

Today, I noticed that my ceiling was sagging slightly. I got up on to a chair to look at it more closely, and I touched it. Turns out that my ceiling was full of water. It went everywhere, ruining my new iPod, phone, and all the things my daughter bought for university. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 773

You deserved it 4 892

By anon - 23/03/2015 02:24 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was playing with my 3-year-old nephew when he suddenly got up and ran to his mom to tell her I was "touching in bad spots". I was tickling his armpits. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 244

You deserved it 2 904

By what_the_hell - 20/06/2013 08:35 - Finland - Helsinki

Today, while bagging my groceries at a store, a lady came over to me, took a good look at the food I'd bought, picked out an item and put it in her bag. When I confronted her, she called security on me and told them I wanted to steal her stuff. I got thrown out and she walked away with a smirk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 742

You deserved it 3 576

By quickfingers100 - 01/06/2011 16:05 - United Kingdom

Today, I fell asleep in class. I'm the teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 619

You deserved it 47 992

By Snoodist - 06/05/2019 20:00

Today, as usual, I got home to find that my roommate had eaten all my groceries and left a mess behind for me to clean. To be fair, this time she did some cleaning - she "energy cleansed" my room with a sage wand, burning a huge hole in my mattress in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 980

You deserved it 138

By Awkward - 04/12/2013 22:29 - United States - Redmond

Today, my neighbor put up an electric fence to keep my five-year-old son out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 886

You deserved it 14 629

By shittyemployee - 28/07/2018 19:00

Today, I rushed to work after a night of drinking and partying, and put my hair up on my way in. People started worriedly asking what happened to my head, so I looked in the mirror. I had scratches and a welt on my forehead from hitting the wall during sex last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 816

You deserved it 3 092

By Megan - 17/06/2012 19:38 - United Kingdom - Neath

Today, I was forced to listen and politely nod with a smile on my face, as my boss droned on and on, explaining that everything in the universe is slowly getting bigger, aside from him, because he's never felt so short before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 517

You deserved it 2 302

Who are you?

By Boyufd - 19/06/2021 00:01

Today, it was my birthday. Also today, same as the past five years, my family forgot my mine and threw a party for my 5-year-old twin sisters who I share a birthday with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 960

You deserved it 74

Sex work is real work

By Anonymous - 25/03/2021 11:01

Spicy

Today, I decided to get back into exercising and healthy eating. Why? So I can hopefully look good enough to do porn and make some money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 723

You deserved it 452

By bobby - 14/03/2010 03:17 - Australia

Today, I found out my boyfriend thinks I'm too high maintenance because I have a chronic illness which requires frequent hospitalization. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 600

You deserved it 3 479

Betrayal!

By Anonymous - 23/05/2010 05:32 - Canada

Spicy

Today, my best friend of 10 years told me she had slept with a man who had a girlfriend. I told her that it wasn't that bad. She then informed me that it was my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 820

You deserved it 10 378

By Anonymoose - 08/09/2015 19:12 - United States - West Long Branch

Today, I found out I wasn't cool enough to be invited to a college party that happened last night. The one in charge of inviting people was my girlfriend of two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 187

You deserved it 2 090

By sabz21 - 27/01/2014 04:37 - United States - Naugatuck

Today, as a priest's helper in church, I was giving Communion. It took me three people to realize that every time I was giving them the Eucharist, I was saying, "May the force be with you". FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 077

You deserved it 14 237

By notsoskinny - 18/04/2009 16:13 - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend that I gained a few pounds and thought I looked fat. He replied that I looked the same and that I shouldn't worry because he likes fat girls. I never thought I was fat before this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 872

You deserved it 18 587

By oh, shit...... - 02/02/2016 20:27 - Denmark - Bagsv?rd

Today, I was at the gym. At the end of my workout, I realised I lost the bundle of keys I had in my pocket that contained the key to my locker with all my stuff. I panic and start looking for them. After an hour of desperate searching, I find them thrown in the bottom of the public toilet. Thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 335

You deserved it 1 962

By sonwhy - 25/02/2014 00:51 - United States - Brookfield

Today, I found out that my son set up a telescope in the attic not so he could study astronomy like he told me, but so he could spy on the girl across the street. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 596

You deserved it 7 231

By Peta2nNoMore - 04/07/2009 10:42 - United Kingdom

Today, I came home and found a few of my faux fur coats completely butchered. On my way to interrogate my boys, the only ones home, I found our husky dog, who was recently shaved for an operation, covered in the fur that once belonged to my coat. My boys said 'he was cold'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 503

You deserved it 10 371

By Simon Cowell - 08/09/2018 20:30

Today, I realised my teeth are so stained that they look cleaner when I've not brushed them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 206

You deserved it 838

By xRyu - 09/10/2014 00:30 - United States - Denver

Today, I found out via a voicemail from my boss that my hours are being cut. He said, "They said I can't fire you, so you'll only be getting 20 hours a week. Starting today." Who'd they give my other 20 hours to? The one person that calls off sick almost daily and is never on time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 166

You deserved it 2 833

By Anonymous - 29/12/2010 05:20 - United States

Today, I realized that I'll have to explain to my child that mommy and daddy met on World of Warcraft. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 156

You deserved it 53 688

By Talented73 - 25/04/2017 20:00

Today, while brushing my teeth, I applied the toothpaste to my toothbrush when a few bristles got caught on the lip of the tube and flung a glob of toothpaste into my eye. My eye is now bloodshot, but at least it's minty fresh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 071

You deserved it 365

By life_suxxx - 17/12/2009 06:09 - United States

Today, I come home to find that my dog has taken a dump on my bed. I quickly put on my house shoes to avoid possibly stepping on any other of his turds. I felt something squish all over my right foot. He also took a dump in my house shoe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 472

You deserved it 4 870

Dream baby dream

By CJ. - 05/05/2021 14:01 - Canada - Montr?al

Today, I had to babysit a 9 year-old girl. I hadn't slept for almost 40 hours and fell half-asleep while sitting on her couch for two minutes. She asked me something, but I thought it was a dream and answered with, "Your mom's a hoe." When I woke up, I realized I'd said it out loud instead of in my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 359

You deserved it 1 211

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Saturday 30 January 2010 9:58

Your friend is such a d*ck! Poor girl. As if getting your heart broken isn't bad enough. :(

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Saturday 30 January 2010 10:10

f her life

Comments

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Saturday 30 January 2010 9:10

That sucks....

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Saturday 30 January 2010 17:22

it sucks for him, but it's also an fml for her.... after 3 years she thinks it's finally time and gets all excited, only to find out that he really wanted to end things, not take it to the next level.

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Saturday 30 January 2010 17:35

when's the wedding you pussy?

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Saturday 30 January 2010 17:40

But it's totally awesome for the best friend, I want to buy that man a beer and laugh about this whole situation with him. It was a brilliantly-guy thing to do. xD

paramorefan125 0

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Saturday 30 January 2010 20:19

hell yeah!! dude ima girl nd I agree wit yuh!!

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Saturday 6 February 2010 9:47

yeah the joke is kinda mean to both of them (especially her) but it's still kinda funny

Toimu 0

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Wednesday 10 February 2010 6:12

LOL Didn't happen to me and that is why it is funny!

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Tuesday 26 April 2011 3:46

That's why the girl you're breaking up with should be the first to know rather than your friend. But that was pretty hilarious, that's something I'd do lmao.

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Saturday 30 January 2010 9:13

marry her дпрпгпагирллтааполжзхзшрпп

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Saturday 30 January 2010 12:54

dprpgpagirlltaapolzhzhzshrpp.....what?

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Wednesday 3 February 2010 10:43

String of Яussiал, ahem, Russian characters >_>

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Saturday 30 January 2010 9:15

did u bang her? cuz if you did your are sooooo fucked. (wedding bells)

lostfaithinpppl 19

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Saturday 30 January 2010 18:34

I would hope that after 3 years he took it for a test drive :D

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Saturday 30 January 2010 21:56

3 years u bet your ass they had to be bangin

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Sunday 31 January 2010 10:40

Yay three years!

Zills 0

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Saturday 30 January 2010 9:20

you suck why would you tell your mate anyways.

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Saturday 30 January 2010 9:34

...because people usually want to get feedback on a big decision from someone they trust - like a best friend. Anyways FYL OP, your girlfriend should have waited until you proposed to say anything about marriage and your new life together...except that wasn't going to happen. Ouch.

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Saturday 30 January 2010 13:50

well idk some people just get caught up with young love, as teenagers do, and say all kinds of stuff, like we see here

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Saturday 30 January 2010 16:50

Yes, she should have, but being a former girl, I have to say that I understand. I had to learn to see what was there, not what I wanted to see, and it's still at age 55 something I have to remind myself to do! Unfortunate, and I am really sorry for all the pain and betrayal that this FML shows so clearly.

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Saturday 30 January 2010 17:56

I know what you were trying to say... but "...being a former girl..." tends to provide a different message than "I'm a woman now."

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Saturday 30 January 2010 18:09

wt the fuck u mean when u say "being a former girl"? that mean ur a trannie or some shit?

RKftw 0

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Saturday 30 January 2010 18:21

because he is your mate. ya know... buddies for life??

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Saturday 30 January 2010 18:29

still hot

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Saturday 6 February 2010 8:24

what the fuck "being a former girl"

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Sunday 23 January 2011 3:10

umm she obviously ment 'when i was a girl'. like, ya know, shes talkin bout wen she was a girl! god giv the woman a break

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Saturday 30 January 2010 9:34

while mean, that's a pretty origional practical joke, I've never hears if this before and now I will try it out on a friend,

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Saturday 30 January 2010 10:36

Hey great, you found a new way to be an asshole. You must be such a joy to be around.

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Saturday 30 January 2010 11:34

i would have kicked my friends ass oh yeah fyl for having a douche for a friend

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Saturday 30 January 2010 9:35

I gotta admit, that was pretty damn funny. Now I want to know how you handled it.

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Saturday 30 January 2010 9:48

dude you can't get mad at him for that. lol that's genius

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Saturday 30 January 2010 17:07

That's fucking cruel. OP's friend deserves to get his ass kicked.

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Tuesday 2 February 2010 12:48

I think its crueler for the girlfriend, honestly.

bubblesdafrog 0

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Saturday 30 January 2010 9:50

She mustve been so happy when she realized she thought wrong!

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Saturday 30 January 2010 9:58

Your friend is such a d*ck! Poor girl. As if getting your heart broken isn't bad enough. :(

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Saturday 30 January 2010 16:28

I agree! Your bestfriend is an ass. If you were together for 3 years, she probably thought that things were going well. Why on earth your friend thought doing something like this would be funny, I don't know. I will say, she will probably hate you more for having a friend who's such a jerk. You are the company you keep. Unless your girl is a total bitch or diva, she didn't deserve this happening to her.

vanillathirteen 0

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Saturday 30 January 2010 22:16

yeah his friend is awful! for three years though you spent with this chick. you wasted her time!

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Saturday 30 January 2010 10:02

that's fucked up. ya I'd also like to know how you handled it.

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41

You deserved it 4

Spicy

Spicy

Today, at the age of 25, I learned that it is not normal to have absolutely zero sexual desire. All this time, I thought you had to have sex first before developing a sex drive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73

You deserved it 12

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 090

You deserved it 143