Stolen valor

By Anonymous - 09/04/2020 08:00

Today, I was on Facebook when I saw a picture a popular girl I don't talk to had posted of her fake ID. She had used my full name and identical signature. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 748

You deserved it 105

The smell detective is on the case

The runs

Problematic language

By fatass - 20/04/2015 17:01 - United States - Kearney

Today, I received several pairs of panties in the mail that I'd ordered online. When I opened the box, I was shocked because every pair was basically huge granny-panties. I was sure none would fit properly, but I tried them on to be sure. They fit perfectly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 449

You deserved it 7 857

By policeopenup - 11/07/2009 19:38 - United States

Today, my girlfriend threw me on the couch as I walked in the door. I butt dialed my mom in the process. My girlfriend took off my pants and we got to business. After about 30 seconds of hearing what was going on, my mom thought something was wrong and called the cops to my apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 252

You deserved it 8 693

By um - 08/02/2011 00:54

Today, I told my new boss to wish his daughter a happy birthday on my behalf, as I overheard him saying it was today. Turns out she committed suicide three years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 454

You deserved it 7 971

By Anonymous - 23/03/2016 14:36 - United States - Arlington

Today, my acne reached a new low. Literally. I'm now getting bright red pimples on my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 726

You deserved it 2 831

By stillsick - 02/03/2011 00:11 - Canada

Today, surprisingly, my roommate made a nice meal. Within an hour, I started throwing up. When I confronted her, she confessed that she'd used long expired ingredients, including meat, because she didn't want the garbage men to think she's "the type that wastes food." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 255

You deserved it 3 224

I CAN HEAR YOU

By Anonymous - 21/11/2020 14:02 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, as usual, my flatmate is so loud when talking face to face that my ears and head rattle. I can't say anything because how dare I suggest there's anything wrong with my roommate's hearing. Yet nobody else talks this loud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 764

You deserved it 102

Look at that

By That escalated quickly - 24/06/2015 19:45 - United States - Ocean City

Today, while driving to Nashville, I saw a bunch of wild turkeys huddled together on the side of the road. I was excited to point them out to my boyfriend, until I realized that the "wild turkeys" were in fact vultures, and that they were eating a dead deer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 421

You deserved it 4 248

By AudreyUs - 10/12/2008 19:31 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I had the house to ourselves. We started getting a little frisky when we discovered we out of condoms. After a quick run to the store, we found ourselves locked out of the house. Now we have condoms, but no way to use them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 373

You deserved it 18 314

By Anonymous - 12/05/2017 00:00

Today, my mother told my boyfriend a cute story about me when I was little. The one where my cousin and I were caught pooping in a urinal in the church basement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 380

You deserved it 482

By Anonymous - 16/02/2012 03:59 - United States

Today, feeling out of shape, I went for a jog. I got mugged. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 209

You deserved it 2 889

Dat ass

By brandonborgie - 10/08/2021 04:01 - Australia

Today, my boss slapped me on the ass and said, "Good work, princess." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 139

You deserved it 108

By laughing-stock - 02/09/2013 21:40 - United Kingdom - Swindon

Today, I was telling my brother about how my new colleagues and I don't share a sense of humour. He replied, "What, you mean they don't pretend to laugh at your jokes like everybody else?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 883

You deserved it 5 978

Childfree

By Anonymous - 01/09/2020 04:57 - Germany

Today, I explained to my boyfriend that I want to get my tubes tied, because I don’t want kids and can’t stand the fear of getting pregnant by accident, despite contraception, which has happened before. He summarized: “So, the main point is to preserve your fertility, right?” Wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 530

You deserved it 255

By Anonymous - 31/01/2017 20:00 - United States - Jackson

Today, a woman came into my life and took all I had left in the world. The woman was my hair stylist. She took my hair and the last of my money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 762

You deserved it 1 702

By Muscle - 06/03/2009 21:07 - Canada

Today, I flew home early from a two month trip to Europe to surprise my boyfriend on his birthday. When I got to his house with a home baked cake from scratch and a quilt with slik-screened pictures from my trip, his roommate answered the door and said "Oh sorry, he's out with his girlfriend." FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 943

You deserved it 3 940

The joys of pregnancy

By Anonymous - 26/11/2021 15:59 - United States - Wausau

Today, while 9 months pregnant, i was sleeping soundly for once, cuddling with my cat, having a nice dream… until I woke up choking on acid reflux, peed the bed, peed on the carpet and all over myself trying to get to the bathroom. This is not the first time this has happened. At least I didn't puke this time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 031

You deserved it 141

By parental failure - 03/03/2013 17:03 - Canada - Langley

Today, I went to my daughter's room with clean laundry. I found her lying on her bed with a hand down her pants, totally zoned out and staring blankly at the Justin Bieber poster on her wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 938

You deserved it 7 476

By need sleep - 25/02/2015 16:53 - United States - Severna Park

Today, it's been three days since I started working 12-hour night shifts. My neighbors have now decided to renovate their house. They're focusing on the rooms sharing my wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 270

You deserved it 2 326

By Anonymous - 18/01/2011 06:16 - United States

Today, I brought my boyfriend of 2 weeks home to meet my mom and she started talking about how she really wants a lot of grand-kids. He called 2 hours later and broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 850

You deserved it 6 972

By whydoidothis - 03/10/2014 11:29 - United Kingdom

Today, my colleague and I played yet another wonderful game of 'Tapeworm or Toilet Paper?' in the homeless shelter's toilets we were asked to clean. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 477

You deserved it 3 969

By Sad bitch - 18/06/2018 19:00

Today, I realized why my lavender products were no longer helping me calm down. I use lavender so much when I'm anxious that I've associated the smell with anxiety. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 452

You deserved it 677

By Anonymous - 27/11/2012 21:04 - Sweden - ?rsta

Today, I was watching a video from the 80s on sexual dysfunctions, and I noticed that one of the boys in the film looked strangely like my dad when he was younger. After a little investigation, I now know that in his youth, my dad had a crippling masturbation problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 430

You deserved it 4 142

Mixed results

By Anonymous - 11/01/2021 17:00

Today, I realized that in the 3 and half month relationship with a wonderful guy I truly like, so far I've masturbated more than the whole year I was single before I met him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 835

You deserved it 239

By Mamaofdrama - 06/04/2019 18:00

Today, I was working on potty training my daughter. She opened the fridge while I wasn't looking and peed all over the lower shelf. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 889

You deserved it 311

By hunterjumper1212 - 24/05/2012 07:41 - United States - San Rafael

Today, I finally told my roommate, who doesn't pay rent, to go get a job. He left, came back, and immediately went to my refrigerator to eat. I asked him about his job and what his pay is. Apparently, putting together a bike for a kid is a job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 226

You deserved it 2 856

By nV1ous - 17/09/2009 18:41 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I went to a bar during Irishfest. When I returned to my girlfriend she was crying and told me that this guy pushed her. I confronted the guy and poured my beer on him who just happened to be the chief of police. He was trying to make room for a guy in a wheelchair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 090

You deserved it 56 843

By brutality - 15/06/2009 05:38 - Canada

Today, I saw a few old co-workers at the bar. They recognized me and started calling me by the nickname they had for me that I was unaware of. It appears I was known as "butch megan" by the entire office for 2 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 867

You deserved it 4 098

By James - 16/01/2012 04:17 - Australia

Today, my front house window was smashed. A note was left, saying 'I want my cat back'. I have no idea what they are talking about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 440

You deserved it 2 280

Push through the pain barrier

By Renee Simard - 18/09/2021 23:00

Today, despite being unable to stand for more than a few minutes at a time or walk farther than a few hundred feet, the doctor told me to begin doing 30 minutes of non-stop exercise everyday. He literally said, “Don’t stop for 30 minutes everyday.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 695

You deserved it 169

By Anonymous - 25/04/2016 05:38 - United Kingdom - Telford

Today, while trying to open the packaging to my new headphones, I got startled by my cat suddenly meowing and cut through the headphone wire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 898

You deserved it 3 227

By why me?? - 07/08/2013 04:21 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I was leaving my friends' apartment in my mom's car and I backed into a fire hydrant. I lied and told my mom it was a hit and run. So she called the apartment complex. They had me on video hitting the fire hydrant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 047

You deserved it 59 515

By Noname - 13/03/2009 20:54 - United States

Today, at the dinner table my parents were talking to my younger sister about her new boyfriend and how they should be taking it slow. My sister then pointed out that that's not what I do. My dad said, "Believe me I know- your sister's easier to get into than community college." FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 785

You deserved it 30 036

By Anonymous - 05/09/2009 07:22 - United States

Today, while I was at the beach I decided to go into the ocean even though the waves looked rough. While I was in the water, I got caught by the riptide and needed to be saved. The reason I was at the beach? I'm a lifeguard. Now all my co-workers won't stop laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 049

You deserved it 18 028

By bonedregardless - 15/09/2009 23:39 - United States

Today, at my cashier job, I got written up for accepting obviously photocopied coupons. Last week, I got written up for "inadequate customer service" because I refused to accept the same bogus coupons from the same customer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 558

You deserved it 2 418

By cheap - 18/06/2014 13:42 - France - Toulouse

Today, I celebrated my 22nd birthday. On my cake stood last year's "21" candle, to which had been added a single candle. Clearly, times are tough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 956

You deserved it 6 752

By Anonymous - 18/06/2009 07:24 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me telling me I have problems communicating and that I didn't understand her. When I asked her why she didn't talk to me about this before she said "I didn't want to talk about it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 161

You deserved it 3 567

By natty - 16/03/2009 16:02 - United States

Today, I went to a party and the cops came to bust the party. I jumped out the window of a second story house in order to avoid getting arrested. I broke my leg in three places and got a concussion. The cops let everyone go with a warning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 248

You deserved it 203 093

By jessiluvxx - 25/09/2016 21:08 - United States - Kearny

Today, I was called to be told I'm fired for not showing up for my shift. I guess she didn't check her voice message to see that I gave birth last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 133

You deserved it 755

By daydreamer - 29/07/2012 05:12 - United States - Wilton

Today, I began to daydream about going on a diet and losing some weight. As I did so, I unknowingly reached for a giant bag of chips and ate the whole thing. Now, I have stopped daydreaming and am sitting alone and depressed. And I'm all out of chips. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 133

You deserved it 29 203

By Anonymous - 09/11/2014 18:49 - United States - Springfield

Today, as I was waiting in line at the check out, some guy came up behind me, plucked a hair out of my head, and ran off with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 343

You deserved it 2 970

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Top comments

GamerChickxoxo 16

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Thursday 9 April 2020 9:50

1- identity theft - could be some major fines and potentially a lawsuit 2 how fucking stupid is she to post her fake id online

MorganHex 26

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Thursday 9 April 2020 14:56

Girl you better get screen shots, and proof ASAP. That could cause serious trouble for you if she gets in trouble. Report her to the cops ASAP!

Comments

RichardPencil 30

Send a private message

Thursday 9 April 2020 8:27

She wants to be you! You're popular with the popular girl! Wow!

GamerChickxoxo 16

Send a private message

Thursday 9 April 2020 9:50

1- identity theft - could be some major fines and potentially a lawsuit 2 how fucking stupid is she to post her fake id online

MorganHex 26

Send a private message

Thursday 9 April 2020 14:56

Girl you better get screen shots, and proof ASAP. That could cause serious trouble for you if she gets in trouble. Report her to the cops ASAP!

theangrybeaver 8

Send a private message

Thursday 9 April 2020 17:25

Wow, a good lesson here. Popularity does not mean good character, or even intelligence in this case. Teach her some lessons too! She can not just walk all over you. What she is doing is a crime. And her outright bragging about it is insulting!