Today, I fell off the top of my bunk bed in my sleep onto a running... - FML

By Anonymous - 14/7/2016 00:56 - Canada - Concord

Today, I fell off the top of my bunk bed in my sleep onto a running fan. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13075

You deserved it

1534

Tweet

Share

Rock, hard place

Healthy relationship

Toxic parents

By Anonymous - 19/10/2014 14:24 - Canada - Bridgewater

Today, I started my job selling perfume in a department store. I decided to be creative and sprayed a little perfume towards the first person who walked by. She had an allergic reaction, and an ambulance had to be called. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21651

You deserved it

43001

Tweet

Share

By notenoughsex - 19/3/2009 05:46 - Canada

Today, I saw a video in class about women aged 65+ and their sex lives. An elderly, blind woman was having sex at her senior's home. I don't know what's worse, watching an hour-long documentary on this, or the fact that these women are having way more sex than I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks

89430

You deserved it

10434

Tweet

Share

By Shiverice - 13/10/2012 11:22 - United States - Battle Creek

Today, I was babysitting four kids. I turned the TV on for them, and set the youngest on my lap. She started giggling and pointing at every single pimple I have, exclaiming "Boo-boo!" This went on for half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23594

You deserved it

3167

Tweet

Share

By xyz - 9/2/2009 18:24 - Ireland

Today, I told the man I'm sleeping with I thought my sister was prettier than me. His response: "not significantly." FML

I agree, your life sucks

17762

You deserved it

30619

Tweet

Share

By Trash - 21/1/2009 14:23 - France

Today, a girl was coming on to me throughout an entire concert, giving me drinks. At the end of the evening, she gave me her MSN address so that we could do other things together. Thanks to all the drinks I'd had, I forgot her address. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8364

You deserved it

28129

Tweet

Share

By NotAMorningPerson - 12/2/2011 04:02 - United States

Today, after informing my boss I needed stress leave from my 70 hour a week shifts, I got my new work assignment. Sixty hours a week starting at 2am. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29434

You deserved it

4032

Tweet

Share

By Noname - 9/3/2009 17:04 - Canada

Today, I was rubbing my dog's belly. He seemed to be enjoying it, his penis "came out". My boyfriend was walking by and said "at least you turn someone on." FML

I agree, your life sucks

82026

You deserved it

8633

Tweet

Share

By Username - 30/12/2010 11:30 - France

Today, I decided to have a midnight snack. I figured I knew my own house well enough to leave the lights off so my mom wouldn't wake up. Chuckling at the brilliance of my plan, I walked straight into a doorframe and bust up my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8961

You deserved it

30558

Tweet

Share

By TJ - 7/1/2010 16:50 - India

Today, my friend whacked me on the family jewels while I was washing my hands in the college bathroom. While I lay writhing in pain on the floor, a guy at the urinal turned around towards me to see what was wrong. He was still peeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38120

You deserved it

2976

Tweet

Share

By JessBaby - 4/5/2009 20:44 - United States

Today, I found out my grandmother passed away. When I told my boyfriend I began to cry. Instead of caring, he said "you're getting my bed wet," rolled over, and fell asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

81841

You deserved it

6472

Tweet

Share

By babysitter - 26/3/2009 03:45 - United States

Today, I babysat for two little girls, who wanted to play 'mermaids'. I smiled, and said that I would love to play with them. The older girl laughed, saying "You can't be a mermaid. Mermaids are pretty." FML

I agree, your life sucks

84293

You deserved it

5121

Tweet

Share

By pchemist - 22/2/2009 00:13 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. He said I was way too good at sex so I must have lied about not having much experience, and he "wouldn't be with someone who is hiding something." WTF? FML

I agree, your life sucks

89182

You deserved it

6950

Tweet

Share

By NotBuyingATractor - 2/9/2015 02:26 - United States - San Francisco

Today, a customer service guy called to fix a problem I've been having with my phone. When it transpired that he couldn't help, he transferred me to another representative. This other representative ended up being a John Deere dealer in Michigan. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21572

You deserved it

1515

Tweet

Share

By crier - 27/8/2013 18:34 - United States - Norfolk

Today, I realized the moans I make when masturbating sound like I'm crying. I realized this when my neighbor pounded on the door asking if I was okay. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50449

You deserved it

12386

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 11/7/2014 17:45 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I decided to bring down a very old fan from the attic. I plugged it in, and as soon as I turned it on, tiny spiders were blown all over my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50571

You deserved it

18255

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 24/9/2012 00:26 - United States - Daphne

Today, I went to Waffle House to talk to the manager about getting a job. My boyfriend now wants to beat up the manager for giving me his number so that I can call him whenever I'm done filling in the application. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21650

You deserved it

3389

Tweet

Share

By paulinapo - 28/3/2013 13:52 - United States - Staten Island

Today, while in a public bathroom, I threw out my back. A stranger had to help me pull up my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38272

You deserved it

2840

Tweet

Share

By WeezysBaby - 28/3/2009 22:13 - Canada

Today, I was going through my old MSN conversations. I then realized that when I first got MSN, I didn't know that messages you sent after people went offline would be delivered to them when they signed in. I used to type 'I love you' to my crush after every time he went offline. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35536

You deserved it

91194

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 15/11/2016 09:20

Self-sabotage

Today, I was hanging out with a guy friend I hadn't seen for ages. The sexual tension was off the charts. We were making out and think were progressing, hands were roaming to both nether regions when I freaked out and blurted out, "But aren't we just friends?" We then sat and watched TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6798

You deserved it

12480

Tweet

Share

By thatsasquee - 21/5/2011 06:42 - Canada

Today, I called my mom and I got voicemail: "Hello, this is Joyce. I'm not here at the moment, so leave a message and I will call back as soon as possible. Except if it's Sophie. If it is, get the hell out of my life, biiitch." I'm Sophie. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45237

You deserved it

5751

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 15/8/2019 14:00

Today, I was scrolling through Instagram when I got a new follow suggestion. I checked her feed, and found out it was my ex-fiancé’s newest fiancée. And he'd proposed to her using an $185 ring I'd bought myself for my birthday last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1689

You deserved it

147

Tweet

Share

By impatient amy - 27/1/2009 14:23 - Ireland

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. I had bad stomach cramps so I asked if I could use the bathroom. After half an hour, I flushed the toilet, it backs up and floods the bathroom. To make things worse, when I opened the door, I slipped on the wet tiles. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26769

You deserved it

2797

Tweet

Share

By lilithfaye - 2/11/2012 16:35 - United States

Today, my newly ex-fiancé, the father of my 5-year-old child, moved out of state with no warning. I just spent my last $500 paying off his car, and the rent is due tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27517

You deserved it

6104

Tweet

Share

By DuhSteven - 6/6/2012 17:04 - Canada - Surrey

Today, I had my first ever shift at the zoo. My job is to explain the characteristics and habits of various animals to the visitors. A five-year-old outsmarted me while I was talking about lions. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11437

You deserved it

26457

Tweet

Share

By morg2000 - 17/2/2009 23:23 - Mexico

Today, I went out to dinner with my family. I was given a kids menu when the hostess sat us down. I'm 24. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45482

You deserved it

3152

Tweet

Share

By Numb - 11/4/2011 19:27 - United States

Today, I got my wisdom teeth pulled. My usually detached and unromantic boyfriend rushed right over after work with flowers and movies. A little while later, he admitted excitedly that he'd heard the numbing medication also works on gag reflexes and wanted to test the theory. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50287

You deserved it

7011

Tweet

Share

By jeesh - 31/1/2009 11:48 - United States

Today, my girlfriend caught me picking my nose and eating the booger. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7916

You deserved it

89040

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 29/8/2009 00:59 - United States

Today, I left for college. I spent hundreds of dollars on clothes, bedding and other things. After packing my entire closet and everything else I needed, I left only to have to head back home. My dad forgot to pay the first semesters tuition. He said "Oh well, you would have failed out anyway." FML

I agree, your life sucks

56611

You deserved it

3865

Tweet

Share

By teriyaki124 - 21/3/2009 09:13 - United States

Today, I came out to my mom. I had an epic speech planned, and when I tried to tell her, it all fell apart and I started crying and just said, "I'm gay." After a few seconds silence, my mom sighs and says, "Duh." FML

I agree, your life sucks

65398

You deserved it

17815

Tweet

Share

By Hello condoms and lube - 9/2/2016 21:53 - United Kingdom - Lewes

Today, I learnt what my boss meant when he said he would 'get his revenge on me' for winning a bet. I have to clean all the rooms that currently have a couple staying in it on February 15th. I don't want to work in a hotel anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19935

You deserved it

1653

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 13/9/2019 00:01 - Australia - Darwin

The Conversationalist

Today, I was so bad at maintaining a conversation that the only way for the other guy to put up with me was to drink. He was the designated driver. He would rather risk drinking and driving than being sober around me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1180

You deserved it

353

Tweet

Share

By not ashamed! - 5/9/2020 07:57 - United States

Double standards

Today, I was told how irresponsible, dangerous and shameful it is to date as a single mom. Apparently, my one and only focus should be my children. I’ve had one boyfriend in the past two years. Meanwhile, my ex-husband has a new flavor of the month around our kids whenever he sees fit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1542

You deserved it

147

Tweet

Share

By not even - 21/7/2016 11:20 - United States - Troy

Today, my pregnant wife suggested we have fun tonight since we haven't had sex in 3 months. She also said we'll be having waffles and sausage. I'm actually more excited about the food than the sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13557

You deserved it

2705

Tweet

Share

By N - 7/5/2012 09:51 - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, I asked my dad why there were no photos of me on the wall. He replied, "Every time you disappoint us we burn one." FML

I agree, your life sucks

34665

You deserved it

5314

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 4/1/2011 03:35 - United States

Today, I had a job interview. The interviewer asked me to give 5 adjectives describing myself. I listed 7. The last one being "listener." FML

I agree, your life sucks

8060

You deserved it

37223

Tweet

Share

By Lolly - 12/9/2018 23:30

Today, I have a UTI that spread to my kidneys, a yeast infection, and a herpes outbreak. Oh, and my period came this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3148

You deserved it

785

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 9/12/2009 00:23 - United States

Today, while sleeping over at my guy friend's house, I woke up mid-air after falling off his abnormally high loft bed. Luckily, there was a table and 3 shot glasses to break my fall. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27526

You deserved it

3843

Tweet

Share

By ihatelife - 14/5/2011 23:17 - Canada

Today, I was trying to listen to a phone message I'd received. I was excited because I'd been waiting for the coaches to call me back for tryouts for a week now. Trying to figure out how to listen to it, I ended up deleting it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17202

You deserved it

28373

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 16/10/2012 01:19 - United States - Evansville

Today, my parents gave me a sock and card for my eighteenth birthday. The card said, "Now that Dobby is free, get out." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32563

You deserved it

3852

Tweet

Share

By ChocoMilkManG - 3/7/2009 01:37 - United States

Today, I found some Nesquick Chocolate Milk mix in my pantry which sounded good. While making a glass, I got angry because not all of the mix would disolve. Frustrated, I downed the drink. When I finished I looked in the glass and realized the mix that wouldn't disolve was actually tiny ants. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47160

You deserved it

17918

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By soodytheboi | 23

#6649990 - Thursday 14 July 2016 19:02

"Today, I was spinning around, doing my job, when all of a sudden the guy who sleeps on the top bunk fell onto me. FML"
-The Fan

Seriously though, I hope you're okay cuz that seems like it would hurt.

By ThunderLightTSV | 31

#6649975 - Thursday 14 July 2016 18:50

Wow, uh, ouch. Hopefully your face or...Other parts of you aren't broken or otherwise butchered after that. FYL.

COMMENTS

By ThunderLightTSV | 31

#6649975 - Thursday 14 July 2016 18:50

Wow, uh, ouch. Hopefully your face or...Other parts of you aren't broken or otherwise butchered after that. FYL.

By heartlessn0b0dy | 13

#6649976 - Thursday 14 July 2016 18:52

Talk about bad luck

Reply

Tripartita | 44

#6650036 - Thursday 14 July 2016 19:47

Alright, I guess I'll kick things off. Once, I thought I found a four leaf clover, but it was really just a three leafed clover and forced perspective. Then a black cat crossed my path.

Anyone else?

Reply

chuka81 | 27

#6650046 - Thursday 14 July 2016 19:56

Once, I broke a mirror on Friday the 13th, while walking under a ladder.

Reply

whysobeachy | 37

#6650275 - Friday 15 July 2016 4:54

I once wrote "666" on a piece of paper, and Satan appeared and killed me.

Reply

ImmortalYu | 11

#6650978 - Saturday 16 July 2016 7:16

how are u even alive

Reply

FutureUSM | 16

#6651027 - Saturday 16 July 2016 8:56

Perception is reality

By Tripartita | 44

#6649977 - Thursday 14 July 2016 18:52

Well, that's what you get for sharing a room with Wile E. Coyote.

By soodytheboi | 23

#6649990 - Thursday 14 July 2016 19:02

"Today, I was spinning around, doing my job, when all of a sudden the guy who sleeps on the top bunk fell onto me. FML"
-The Fan

Seriously though, I hope you're okay cuz that seems like it would hurt.

By Justy101 | 23

#6649991 - Thursday 14 July 2016 19:04

Next on, reasons why bunk beds are evil.

Reply

MrValeska | 8

#6650820 - Saturday 16 July 2016 2:00

Why did people thumbs down lol

By Bearsmomma | 30

#6649996 - Thursday 14 July 2016 19:09

Ouch, sorry OP. What in the world were you dreaming? Do you not have side railings up there?

By Nilorak | 24

#6650000 - Thursday 14 July 2016 19:19

Sounds like a fantastic way to start your day!

By Mowmee | 14

#6650008 - Thursday 14 July 2016 19:24

That sucks! Hopefully nothing hurt or if it did it gets better!

By orangejubejube | 20

#6650026 - Thursday 14 July 2016 19:39

Did you catch it?

By Gormack | 3

#6650032 - Thursday 14 July 2016 19:45

Was the fan running from you?