Miscellaneous: Today, I fell off the top of my bunk bed in my sleep onto a running... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15

You deserved it 2

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Spicy

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 350

You deserved it 92

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 142

You deserved it 1 254

14/07/2016 00:56

Today, I fell off the top of my bunk bed in my sleep onto a running fan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 111

You deserved it 1 555

Late term

BO Central

Coherence dude, do you have it?

Overkill or fair?

By Pineapple does go on pizza - 24/08/2018 01:30

Today, I thought my boyfriend was kidding when he said he'd dump me if I actually ate pineapple on pizza. I ordered it. I ate it. I'm now single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 105

You deserved it 1 141

31/01/2009 14:43

Spicy

Today, I woke up with the worst hangover of my life. My best friend comes over and informs me that I had sex with my girlfriend's two best friends last night. Awesome! Then I realized her best friends are guys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 831

You deserved it 52 413

Uncomfortable

By Jules - 09/12/2020 08:02

Today, while many women have a wardrobe full of nothing-to-wear, my mom has a fridge full of nothing-to-eat and a living room full of nowhere-to-sit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 572

You deserved it 76

21/10/2010 10:57

Today, I was shaving my left armpit when I cut myself badly. I wondered whether or not it would be safe to shave my right armpit, then reasoned that it couldn’t possibly happen twice. It did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 165

You deserved it 27 887

Modern student life sucks

By Dan - 05/03/2021 19:02

Today, I've paid over £15k a year to have 1.5 years of my 3 year BSc online. All we can do is sit in a tiny room (genuinely worse than Nordic prisons) and watch "online lectures", i.e. paying enormous amounts of money for depression, boredom, loneliness, and information that can be gathered from Youtube or Wikipedia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 849

You deserved it 139

17/06/2017 19:00

Today, I went in for an interview with a firm where I'd done some interning before. After shaking hands with both the directors, I went to shake hands with one of the director's wives, who also works there. Turns out she was going for a hug and kiss on the cheek. I ended up kissing her on the lips. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 816

You deserved it 655

03/11/2009 03:41

Today, I went on a date, and within the first five minutes, he said, "Before we go any further and get anymore serious, you need to know a few things, I have kissed a guy drunk because it was a dare, and have a $400 silk rose Victoria's Secret blanket." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 250

You deserved it 5 820

12/05/2009 23:11

Today, I rode my bike to the store because I only had a few things to pick up. When I walked back out after five minutes, my bike was stolen. I had gone to the store to buy a new bike lock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 728

You deserved it 12 891

20/10/2010 16:14

Today, my boyfriend and I were lying in bed with a pedestal fan on facing us when my boyfriend sneezed. Where did he sneeze? Into the fan, which then sprayed it all over my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 228

You deserved it 3 952

16/08/2013 02:32

Today, I was at the gym when I noticed a girl I like working out on the elliptical. I went to go say hi, but chickened out and went to run on the treadmill in front of her instead. I was so nervous that I tripped and the machine threw me headfirst into her machine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 008

You deserved it 8 904

29/09/2010 06:24

Today, this guy I've been "seeing" for a year said he didn't want to share my birthday with me because he doesn't want us to get serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 541

You deserved it 3 911

03/09/2012 09:45

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend noticed that I looked upset and asked me what was wrong. I told her I was sexually frustrated. Her response? "What are you telling me for?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 657

You deserved it 5 687

16/11/2017 19:00

Today, my mother was transferred from the hospital to a long-term care facility. Nobody I talk to at the hospital knows what facility they sent her to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 644

You deserved it 204

03/02/2011 05:33

Today, I was sitting on the toilet with a really bad and noisy stomach upset. Then I hear a knock on the bathroom door. My boyfriend had decided to make a surprise visit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 687

You deserved it 3 144

15/11/2010 11:33

Today, I just found out that my ex girlfriend is gonna be my step mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81 243

You deserved it 4 609

13/12/2009 17:56

Today, my boyfriend and I were having a serious talk. He told me that I was a quick-tempered emotional train wreck. He then said, "You know how we talked about getting married? Now the only way I'd marry you was if hell froze over." He smiled, gave me a kiss, and went to bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 930

You deserved it 6 692

11/05/2012 21:41

Today, I was heading to the bathroom when I clearly saw a little boy walking into my bedroom. My wife and I live alone, and I screamed at the top of my lungs, thinking he was a ghost. Turns out my wife collected him from school for a friend, and I just didn't hear them arrive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 657

You deserved it 6 776

28/02/2012 19:38

Today, I got my score back for the monologue I performed. I got points taken off for "seeming nervous." My character was supposed to be nervous. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 244

You deserved it 2 658

22/09/2015 00:24

Today, I was with my girlfriend at lunch when a group of guys came over. They started calling her a whore and a bunch of other shit, so I cussed them out. Turns out she was not only cheating on me, but all the other guys too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 826

You deserved it 2 221

11/06/2019 00:01

Today, my son proudly announced to me that he has been learning to cut out shapes at school, and that he'd cut out some ovals and wanted to show me. He showed me the pictures of Washington, Lincoln, Jefferson and Jackson and their corresponding bills. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 795

You deserved it 247

20/10/2018 11:30

Today, I emailed my boss to let her know I was uncomfortable working over what my university’s 28-hour policy allows. She demanded I work 40 hours this week. In any other job, I'd be fine, but if I work over 28 hours, the university will fire me. If I refuse to work 28 hours, my boss will fire me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 568

You deserved it 221

16/06/2009 04:38

Today, I reached into my fridge to grab a strawberry soda. I noticed the can had started to leak from the top so I slurped up the spilt red liquid on the top of the can. I realized it wasn't soda, but blood from a defrosting steak on the shelf above it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 634

You deserved it 23 373

01/05/2016 04:56

Today, my boss sent me a message about a project, via WhatsApp. It's my day off, so I figured it could wait till I was able to give a flying fuck. Literally a minute later, he was spamming me, demanding to know why I'd left him as read and reminding me that he has firing powers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 761

You deserved it 1 503

22/10/2014 20:24

Today, I discovered that if you heckle a mime, it's possible that the mime will actually kick your ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 439

You deserved it 40 064

29/05/2016 21:36

Today, my boyfriend accused me of cheating on him, all because I shaved my legs on a Wednesday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 070

You deserved it 1 260

Am I the asshole?

By Yanil - 20/06/2021 16:02

Today, I ran into my ex-girlfriend from 4 years ago. Turns out she hasn’t found love again since I broke it off with her for her best friend. She’s not the bubbly, cheery girl I met before. I can’t help but feel like an asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 295

You deserved it 2 159

12/04/2016 17:53

Today, I found my shower loofa near the bathroom trash. My husband has a habit of throwing things out of the shower if they are in his way, so I thought nothing of it and took at bath with it. When he came home from work, he said he had thrown it away because he used it to clean the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 051

You deserved it 3 039

19/12/2014 23:14

Spicy

Today, after six long, hard years of involuntary celibacy, I was finally about to get laid. Except it was just a dream, and in it my mom stormed in just as things got heated, called me a useless cunt, and told me to go do my chores. I guess my brain forgot I moved out years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 951

You deserved it 4 603

11/09/2014 03:57

Today, at work, a midget came in to buy beer. Not only was he almost as tall as me, he got offended when I had to card him and explain that the manager told me to card everyone, and that it wasn't because he was short. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 326

You deserved it 3 257

Weird assumption

By Thanks Mom - 20/05/2021 08:01

Today, I asked my helicopter parent mother if I could go over to a friend's house. She said no because her parents weren't there, and if she accused me of assaulting her, I'd have no defense. We're both 16, I'm gay and she's a lesbian. My mom is well aware of these facts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 970

You deserved it 124

22/09/2009 04:27

Today, my boyfriend asked me to marry him by handing me a ring and telling me, "Okay we're engaged now." I should have seen it coming when we started dating, I went to his house one night and as I was leaving he said, "Okay you're my girlfriend now." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 233

You deserved it 17 108

Nature trail

By Anonymous - 17/07/2021 20:00

Today, I went crashing through shrubbery looking for the hiking trail that goes so nicely along the lakeside. On second thought, the trail looked very slightly different on the map. Turns out it’s not a trail at all – I'd been trying to hike the county line. FML

I agree, your life sucks 541

You deserved it 492

Connection

By Anonymous - 22/08/2015 05:49

Today, my coworker called me a liar when I said I've been to New York. This is the same psycho who honestly expects me to believe that she and Brad Pitt have a "thing" and that he secretly communicates with her through interviews on TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 816

You deserved it 1 786

The struggle is real

By WiredUp - 21/08/2020 13:05

Today, my step-kids proudly announced that their mum lets them drink coffee at her house. They both have ADD and I've been struggling for months to get them to eat right. Hello futility. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 301

You deserved it 153

12/04/2009 10:47

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend of 5 years getting intimate with my best friend. When they saw me they immediately stopped and said nothing. After about 5 seconds of silence my boyfriend yells "April fools!" April Fools was 12 days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 137 864

You deserved it 7 944

The Based Family

By Amaaaaaaaaaanda - 17/02/2021 00:30

Today, my temporarily unemployed husband had a brain wave. I'm five months pregnant and we have a 4-year-old. He thinks we should start a family vlog on YouTube, so we can get rich. I hate those awful family vlogs with a passion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 795

You deserved it 93

09/04/2012 03:29

Today, my boyfriend was complaining about how we never see the movies he wants to see. So I took him to the movies, and he picked which one. Then he fell asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 618

You deserved it 2 729

21/06/2009 12:05

Spicy

Today, I realized how much I hate my apartment. Not only can I hear my creepy upstairs neighbor having sex with random hookers every few night, I can also hear him everytime he takes a shit. I honestly don't know which is worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 215

You deserved it 3 251

12/07/2017 21:31

Today, my apartment was flooded due to a broken pipe, which caused a huge family of cockroaches to disperse. Did you know they can fly? FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 862

You deserved it 321

17/01/2013 20:50

Today, the lead singer of the band I recently joined blatantly admitted to a fan that the only reason he let me in was because I'm "so fuckin' ugly" that I make the rest of them look "ten times better" in comparison. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 222

You deserved it 3 006

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Thursday 14 July 2016 19:02

"Today, I was spinning around, doing my job, when all of a sudden the guy who sleeps on the top bunk fell onto me. FML" -The Fan Seriously though, I hope you're okay cuz that seems like it would hurt.

ThunderLightTSV 31

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Thursday 14 July 2016 18:50

Wow, uh, ouch. Hopefully your face or...Other parts of you aren't broken or otherwise butchered after that. FYL.

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ThunderLightTSV 31

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Thursday 14 July 2016 18:50

Wow, uh, ouch. Hopefully your face or...Other parts of you aren't broken or otherwise butchered after that. FYL.

heartlessn0b0dy 13

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Thursday 14 July 2016 18:52

Talk about bad luck

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Thursday 14 July 2016 19:47

Alright, I guess I'll kick things off. Once, I thought I found a four leaf clover, but it was really just a three leafed clover and forced perspective. Then a black cat crossed my path. Anyone else?

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Thursday 14 July 2016 19:56

Once, I broke a mirror on Friday the 13th, while walking under a ladder.

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Friday 15 July 2016 4:54

I once wrote "666" on a piece of paper, and Satan appeared and killed me.

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Saturday 16 July 2016 7:16

how are u even alive

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Saturday 16 July 2016 8:56

Perception is reality

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Thursday 14 July 2016 18:52

Well, that's what you get for sharing a room with Wile E. Coyote.

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Thursday 14 July 2016 19:02

"Today, I was spinning around, doing my job, when all of a sudden the guy who sleeps on the top bunk fell onto me. FML" -The Fan Seriously though, I hope you're okay cuz that seems like it would hurt.

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Thursday 14 July 2016 19:04

Next on, reasons why bunk beds are evil.

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Saturday 16 July 2016 2:00

Why did people thumbs down lol

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Thursday 14 July 2016 19:09

Ouch, sorry OP. What in the world were you dreaming? Do you not have side railings up there?

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Thursday 14 July 2016 19:19

Sounds like a fantastic way to start your day!

Mowmee 14

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Thursday 14 July 2016 19:24

That sucks! Hopefully nothing hurt or if it did it gets better!

orangejubejube 20

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Thursday 14 July 2016 19:39

Did you catch it?

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Thursday 14 July 2016 19:45

Was the fan running from you?