Can anyone translate this to English?

"You have my full understanding, dearest OP. Reasoning behind this is that, during my intimacies with a fellow soul, I react towards the discovery of a variation from the norm with a assessment of the situation via a questioning of possible pertainment of a problem. Should things be of appropriate nature however, perhaps even in favor of the enjoyment of both of us, then I compliment my fellow partner, perhaps by remarking how energetic and lustful she has become, and whether a gentle muse has visited to increase her sexual fervor. If, however, the act seems to have no transgression past the borders of average activity, then I, most regrettably, merely accomodate myself to the situation without showing any sign of an interest in improvement. Conclusively, your parter, dearest OP, mayhaps has perceived the situation to be of the latter kind and interpreted as you acting out the role of The Sleeping Beauty, for whom the Prince mistakenly confused the order of actions to be undertaken, placing the intimacy before the all important kiss that relieves her from her eternal sleep." I think that's about as close as we're gonna get, though.

#59, we need more people like you. Can you be the FML Ambassador?

#59 well played sir

it's not the size of the boat it's the motion of the ocean. there wasn't much motion in that ocean