Today, I ended up talking to a homeless man and bought him a meal. In return, he hugged me and groped my ass. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, a homeless man asked me for some money to eat. He ate the five dollars I gave him. FML
Today, I was walking down the strip with a friend when we saw a homeless man with no arm. I felt bad, so I gave him some cash and I looked into his poor little eyes when he put out his arm for a hug. Without thinking, I hugged him. Right as I was thinking, "WTF am I doing?" he kissed my boob. FML
Today, I was sitting in the park eating a sandwich, when a homeless guy asked me for some spare change. I said I didn't have any. He offered an "erotic striptease" in exchange for my sandwich. I said no. He gave one anyway. I walked back to work on an empty stomach. FML
Today, I gave up my seat on the subway for an elderly man. He thanked me by grabbing my ass. FML
Today, trying to do a good deed, I gave a homeless guy a $10 bill. As I walked away, he yelled after me, "You fucking bitch!" FML
Today, I walked home from work when a woman asked me to come inside for a free meal. It was at a homeless shelter. FML
Today, I was outside, eating a sandwich, when I noticed a homeless man was standing in front of me. Upon making eye contact, he grabbed the rest of my sandwich and ran off. FML
Today, I walked out to the parking lot and caught a homeless man laying a fat steamer on the hood of my car. FML
Today, as I was walking towards my friends at the bus stop, a man came up to me and asked me out. This was the first time I'd be asked out in months. I accepted. When I reached my friends they looked at me then asked, "Why were you talking to that homeless guy?". FML
Today, I was walking on a main street downtown. Suddenly, I felt someone slap my butt. I turned around, expecting to be my girlfriend who was to meet me there and almost gave an old homeless man a kiss on the cheek. FML
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Top comments
Grauncho 27
Looks like he got dessert with that meal.
xtna 9
The ass grope. By definition the best way to thank someone.
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Comments (98)
JudgeComrade 17
Sounds like a win-win.
Sammy_Boy 10
Better that than mugging you.
amisenho 11
True, but it doesn't hurt as much as being told you're an asshole. I've had my share of that when I gave food or money to homeless people. At least the homeless guy I helped last time was better: Me: "Here ya go: a foot-long roast beef, a bag of chips, and a bottled water! Try to stay hydrated!" Him: *stares at me in confusion* Me: "Well, I hope you enjoy it!" Him: *stares at me in confusion* Me: "All right, then. Have a good day..." Him: *stares at me in confusion until I back up slowly and drive away in my car* Wait... Maybe that wasn't the kind of roast beef he was asking for. Oh, for Pete's sake.
S4N 5
lol!
AutumnReflection 7
So much for doing a good deed.
haphazardly 15
He was looking for a wallet.
HeisenburgLabs 15
No good deed goes unpunished.